Shoot Me - DAY6

Tuesday~

Jennie POV~

Understanding the extent of pain you’ve caused to your loved ones and regretting while enduring the pain yourself, that’s karma. Well-deserved karma. Learning that your loved one continues to suffer in pain due to your insolence, the balance is off course, or is it? Your loved one still suffers, but now you do too. Why do you suffer with the knowledge? Nobody knows except for fate.

She suffers because of me. She suffers of me. She’s meant to seek refuge in me. Instead she tried to escape from me. She fled from the pain. She tried to. She’s tried for 16 years to get away from a town almost filled with s, and when she does…

She still has me.

“Of me? I… W-What?”

Nightmares of me… What had I done?

A quick turn in her neck and I was met with a sharp glare. Her eyes glimmered a light warning tone, testing me to speak against her. It felt belittling, as a Princess and her mate. I felt belittled by a kind that was supposedly inferior to me, it was practically shameful.

♡ Your eyes getting cold ♡

She closed her eyes, her clenched fists relaxing as she inhaled a deep breath. Her ears perked slightly, interested in a nearby sound. Once she calmed down, she opened her deep brown eyes, glancing over the water once again as she spoke.

“You didn’t just curse me or-or just hurt me, you ruined me. I may have had a crap life before, a dad who hits me every night till I bruise blue and black out, two bullies at school that went as far as locking me in a dumpster filled with blood bags and cafeteria scraps, but I was still sane. I… You’re my mate, Jennie. When you join the mess, it got 100 times worse. You may insult me once, or twice a day, but I go to sleep with notes of degradation in my head.”

While she spoke, she stepped upon a rock that bordered the water stream. A voice in my mind was repeating to pull her down, but I held back. Those rocks were uneven, easy to slip on and twist an ankle or worse, fall into the stream.

 “You may watch Sehun and Chanyeol hurt me, but when you’re telling them to, you’re wishing to hurt me yourself. But you didn’t do it yourself, because why? You didn’t want to get your hands dirty? Did you even know that Sehun and Chanyeol had never even physically hurt me until you started telling them to? That was the first time. The only time before that they’d done something physical was the dumpster thing. So what is it Jennie? Do you just like seeing me get hurt? Is that it? Or do you just want to make sure everyone is having fun making my life a whole lot worse than it was before? Because it sure as hell seemed liked you did. Well if that’s the case, why don’t you just ing sell me off as a and-” “NO!”

♡ Heavy atmosphere ♡

With no control over myself, I pulled her off the rock and had her face me. Her words brought back the memory of what I read in that book. It was a defence mechanism of the sorts. Before I could redeem myself, I had been cut off.

“WAKE UP EVERYBODY! THIS IS A WAKE UP CALL, YOU ALL HAVE 15 MINUTES TO GET READY AND TO BE IN THE DINING HALL OR ELSE YOU WILL HAVE NO BREAKFAST!”

♡ I stand still, sitting still ♡

We froze at the loud speaker announcement, startled by the interruption before a soft sigh left ___’s lips.

“Just leave me alone Jennie. Please.”

I watched the way her eyes watered. Her lip slightly trembled while her nose was a little pink from the cold air.

The way she begged.

She was no longer the tempered werewolf from before. She no longer had snarky comments to retort with. She no longer had any sort of aggravation to let go. Behind it all, she was still the submissive wolf.

Vulnerable once again.

I did this.

I could only nod, watching her turn as she pulled on the sleeves of her oversized hoodie nervously. She shivered halfway up, causing her to rub her ears with her hands as if they’d just been tickled.

♡ To catch my breath ♡

Cute.

No One POV ~

2 hours later ~

And so the two schools had started their first activities of their whole week camp. Split into groups, some were sent to rock climb, to canoe, and even survival techniques. For all we know though, mischief was present in the hiking group. Pairs were sent out, each with backpacks and a map to find the safest route to the peak of the mountain.

The pairs were:

Kai and ___

Sehun and Baekhyun

Rosé and Jisoo

Jennie and Chanyeol

Who knew who would reach the peak first? All that was known was that these pairs would create a bond that would later benefit in the future or a rift that would create disarray so disturbing that one may leave. No one would know yet.

Kai knew that he was going to stay behind ___ to make sure if she fell backwards, he would always speed up to catch her.

___ knew that Kai was holding a heavy bag, and so that’s why he was slower than her. But it made no sense as to why the bag was so heavy since he was a vampire.

Sehun knew that if he didn’t get on Baekhyun’s good side, he would have no chance with his mate Kai.

Baekhyun knew that Sehun was friends with his mate and wasn’t sure whether to trust him or not.

Rosé knew that she definitely loved the way Jisoo’s eyebrows crinkled when reading the map.

Jisoo knew that she definitely loved the way Rosé sang to her in a soft raspy voice.

Jennie knew that she was ready to punch Chanyeol in the face since no one was around except for the two of them and that she could make his worst nightmares haunt him in seconds with a small touch from her fingers.

And last but not least…

Chanyeol knew that he was going to use his one-on-one hiking time with Jennie to rant about how ___ is in fact alive and doing well and for once is happy.

Of course Chanyeol was unaware of Jennie being ___’s mate. So he spoke blatantly, unaware of the burning fury in Jennie’s eyes.

Let’s delve more into this, shall we?

Jennie POV ~

“Chanyeol, don’t you have a GoPro or something?” I turned back to the tall imbecile, rolling my eyes as he gave me a eating grin for no reason. “Yeah I do Jennie. But it’s low on charge. It’ll only take a few minutes for it to turn off.” I scowled at him before telling him off, cut off halfway though.

“Why didn’t you charge it overnight? We’re in a camp for god’s sake Chan-”

“Okay look Jennie. You didn’t stay awake all night knowing that your mate is a ing submissive protector. So shut the hell up and let me worry about it later!” I scoffed, noticing his red eyes and the purple eye bags that hung underneath.

I didn’t stay up all night knowing that my mate is a ing submissive protector. No no no. I was up all night hoping that ___ and Rosé would get the hell away from each other. It’s not like I need the sleep the sleep anyways.

“Shut up Chanyeol! There’s nothing wrong with submissives, never have and never will be! You literally bullied the out of ___ just so that people would validate you.” I watched him take the Go-Pro out of his bag, messing around with it and hearing a beep before he swung it around to catch some of the scenery. “You’re one to talk like that.” We continued to walk, the map safe in my hands as I thought over what he said.

He was right. I did terrible things to ___. But I want to fix it, and will do anything to fix my mate bond with her.

‘Beep’

“You’re right, I’ll take that. I always thought that submissives were the stupidest creatures ever, most disgusting to live and should’ve been wiped off the Earth. Whatever pride they held onto before was gone after what they’d done. Why do you think I did all that stuff to ___ at school with you guys? She was just a gullible wolf that didn’t know how to fight back, practically asking for the pain, and I would laugh at it.”

“You’re a ing sadist Jennie.” I turned back to him briefly, disgusted at the amusement laced in his voice. “Then what are you Chanyeol? You threw her in a ing dumpster! If anything, you’re the that should be thrown away!” I could tell my eyes would’ve turned red at least once in that whole time, I was beyond livid right now.

‘Beep’

“So what?! You’re fine with submissives now?! Are you going to throw yourself to your knees and beg for ___ forgiveness?!” If I’m being completely and undoubtedly honest, it’s not a terrible idea.

“Are you crazy?! Don’t look at her in pity, look at yourself in pity for actually thinking of it! ing caring about her, are we going to forget about how her kind threw themselves at anybody because they were enough to anyone they saw?! ___ may not be like that for now, but wait in 2 years when she’s begging to be filled up by my-”

“ off!”

‘Thwack’

I turned around and socked him in the jaw. He fell down and rolled down the hill a little before his back hit the trunk of an old eucalyptus tree. He should’ve seen it coming from the way I kept glaring at him.

“You ing !”

He’ll be fine though.

“I wasn’t the one ing about, you egotistical .”

___ POV~

With my non-existent map skills, I started to lead Kai and I up the hill on a slight angle to make a shortcut.

It was cold when I woke up though it warmed up after breakfast. Rosé noticed I was out of bed and did tell her I went outside but not about Jennie.

I don’t know what to say Jennie this morning. She seemed genuine, crying for me to come back. I had an urge to say sorry over and over again. I longed to say sorry for leaving, for making her cry, for existing as a whole. Heck, I would apologise for no reason as long as she was happy. That’s all I need, for her to be happy.

Pup how could you say that?! After all we’ve been through, you’re still willing to think all that?!

I can’t help it Rae… Jennie makes me this way.

Hehe that rhymed…

Please pup… don’t make the same mistakes again.

I won’t Rae... I think I know what I'm doing this time.

I can’t tell if I should’ve said that stuff to Jennie. I had to release my frustration somehow, but she did stop me at one point. Maybe I overestimated my control of the situation… But her hands were warm.

“May I ask you something ___?” His serious tone caused me to turn back, feigning shock on my face as I brought a hand to my mouth. “The vampire prince? Asking me a question? Ask away your majesty.” Pretending to bow, I heard him chuckle and look away with a small blush on his pale cheeks. I wonder what that’s about.

“Why were you crying this morning?” I froze when he asked, swallowing the lump in my throat as it became difficult to breathe. How did he know? My eyes weren’t too red and I shrugged off the puffiness as a result from last night.

“I…” I started to walk again but at a slightly faster pace. “I don’t know what you mean Kai.” All jokes had been flown aside as I focused on the map in front of me. “You’re not that good at hiding things ___. I saw you and Jennie by the river.”

I ignored him and kept walking.

“Tell me… please! Let me try to help.”

I stamped my foot down and turned, the desperation in his voice paining me. “Nothing can help me Kai! I’ve got a mate that claims she doesn’t hate my kind anymore when she used to hate me, for what reason?! I don’t even know! And it doesn’t help that the whole grade is here as they loved bullying me! Everything’s just coming back when I want it to stay how it was when I ran away!”

A tear fell down my cheek as Kai’s eyes watered at my small rant. It was nothing compared to the mouthful I gave to Jennie but Kai didn’t deserve it.

Finally.

Shush Rae.

“___, I-” “I’m sorry Kai… I guess I should explain things better.” I started to walk again, noticing him now by my side as I kept my head straight.

“The minute I was born, nobody liked me. I started to think that perhaps I shouldn’t be alive since everybody said I should die. My mum died at my birth so my dad blames me, which makes sense if I’m completely honest. My dad hated me the minute he knew I was a submissive, so I never really grew up with a happy family or anything. When I went to school, I thought I would be able to have friends to make me happy. I mean… school seemed fun, a place to learn things and all… but it was also where I learnt that I had no place in that town.”

I gave a small glance to Kai, he seemed neutral. There was no expression on his face.

“Over time I went to high school. I learnt how to take the pressure of Chanyeol’s and… Sehun’s-” I could feel Kai inhale a sharp breath and cursed myself for being stupid. That’s his mate for god’s sake. “I’m sorry Kai, I didn’t mean to-” “It’s okay ___, keep talking.”

“Basically… Chanyeol would just make me fall but I would just land backwards on my bag, not that bad. Sehun would have his ways of making me feel sad with what he says. It was all on repeat, I was used to it. And then Jennie came.” My lips trembled at the mention of her name; memories of the pain stabbed me in the heart as a tear fell down my cheek.

 “She made them do, so much worse. I sometimes I couldn’t walk, but I went through it.”

His hand on my shoulder tugged me back. I’d almost stumbled back on some foliage but caught myself. Kai was visibly upset now, eyebrows furrowed and clenched jaw.

“But why? Why would you do that to yourself? You… I know you ___, you could’ve said no!” You don’t know me Kai, I’m so sorry for deceiving you but… you really don’t know me.

♡ The way we talk to each other ♡

“I…” A sob ripped through my throat as I held my head down, feeling shame in what I was about to say. “I couldn’t Kai… I just couldn’t…! She… she hurt me yet kept me safe from my dad! I… She did something to me Kai! She made me crazy about her when she hurt me and… and… I had to stay! I just had to!”

A wave of realisation coursed over me as I know now why I was like this. But it shocked me, because I hated her. I did. I was so sure of it. I hated Jennie Kim for leaving me with no whole heart.

♡ Gets harsh and harsh ♡

“___!” I flinched at his loud voice, my shoulders rising as I looked up at him slowly with my tear-stricken face. “No… ___ you can’t have! Don’t tell me you actually…” Shaking my head no, I wiped the tears from my face and took a deep breath.

“Let’s go Kai… we need to get to finish this thing and then I want to eat.”

I continued walking, not caring if he followed since I held the map.

I hated Jennie, I'm sure of it. I told her this morning that I hated her. I did feel that pinch in my chest though. Not a reminder of my hostility, it was as if I’d been dreaming such a line to leave my mouth and I required a form of reality check. It happened every time I told myself what she did to me, accepting it as a justification for my despise towards her.

Then that means I don’t hate her.

♡ Yeah shoot me ♡

I was obsessed with the idea of hating her, but could never reach such a goal when I was still obsessed with her.

Why was I obsessed with her? Why did I tell Kai I had to stay? What is wrong with me?

I mean, I left later rather than never. I had multiple chances to leave, yet never took them until that day. I must have a reason to staying; nobody wants to stay with a person who hurts them.

♡ Your bullet bullet bullet ♡

Let’s think about this into depth.
Victims stay with their abuser because they’re promised they won’t be harmed again, guilt, blackmail, belief of change, belief of cause of change, the list goes on.

Jennie never promised she wouldn’t hurt me again, she would make sure I knew as well. I had no guilt over what would happen if I leave, not until now. I wasn’t blackmailed. I didn’t think Jennie would change at all, heavy doubt with her changing for me though that actually happened but later on.

Victims also stay because they love their abuser too much to leave.

♡ I’ll take as many as you want ♡

But… I don’t like Jennie.

No way.

Never have I found Jennie charming in a way where I’ve admired her from afar and- Okay that’s a lie, I’ve done that many times. I’ve watched her from afar painfully multiple times, knowing it was the closest I would ever get. I found her charming when she marched into the bathroom the day I came home with a belted back. Though she didn’t care much of me then, she still demanded that I don’t go back to where my dad lived. I found her charming last night when she got upset over Rosé and I sleeping in one bed, the aura of jealousy radiating off her as she confronted us about it.

♡ If this is what you wanted, just shoot me ♡

She’s charming, charismatic, magnetising.

I can’t get enough of her…. And I can’t believe it.

I like Jennie Princess Jennie Kim with whatever is left of my heart.

♡ Aim to me

Bang Bang

It’s easier easier easier for me

It’s getting old for me

If this is gonna make you feel better

Just shoot me

Shoot me ♡
 

Um... hi? I'm much better now, thank you for all the messages of concerns and encouragement to fight my depression, they actually did help a lot on a rather cold day. It's been getting colder day after day in Australia, but it's okay for me since i stock up on hoodies now. Uh... we still have Discord if you guys want to bother with that, we do talk a lot at least once every few days and it's pretty great. Uh... what else? Oh yeah, Blackpink came out with Du-Ddu Du-Ddu and it sounds really nice, i love the whole album a heck lot. I noticed how Jennie does change have changing eye-colours and will try to incorporate that into the story, it even looks like she has fangs but thats just her teeth. I will incorporate all the songs at some point as well. If anybody had questions about anything.... ask away :)

Until next time sweeties~