Sometimes things that we hope for never go the way we expected, or how we planned. Life is messy and mysterious like that. There will always be something that you won't be able to comprehend no matter what you do to wrap your head around the idea. Just like when you try to catch water with your bare hands. Everything just slipped through the cracks of your fingers. 

That's how it goes with feelings too. No matter how much you think you have hidden it well. No matter how you think you have them under control. No matter what, your inner desire will find a way to be displayed like dishes on a silver platter on the table with fancy decoration. Visible for everyone to see, to judge, giving their unwanted opinion on why your feelings are wrong and shouldn't exist in the first place. Just like they have rights to.

When in reality, they don't. 

That's what Sunggyu has been thinking all journey to Woohyun's house. How he can feel his inner feeling recoiling back, trying to push whatever attempt his own heart might tell him, brushing all the feelings he has been having as Woohyun's. He knows it isn't true in the slightest. He has been pushing all of it as Woohyun's.

Since the first time he has been feeling Woohyun's feelings, Sunggyu has been denying every possible affection he might have for Woohyun. Because it's not right. He likes women, right? He has always liked women all his life. And that's what he's been taught growing up. But again, Sunggyu thinks that it doesn't matter. Other people's opinions never matter. 

What matters most is his own, of how he thought of Woohyun all this time.

Sunggyu would say he sees Woohyun the same way he sees any other breathing human.

But then again, his heart hasn't been thumping the same since their impromptu kiss. 

Sunggyu looks down, looking at Woohyun. It seems like crying his heart out is doing good to him, but also making him immensely tired. Woohyun treats his chest like his personal pillow, peacefully sleeping on Sunggyu's torso. And Sunggyu couldn't push him away, he has accepted that he's feeble with Woohyun. It's a relief Woohyun is sleeping because Sunggyu can't stop staring now that he's looking at Woohyun's serene profile. Woohyun sleeps in a position where both of his hands are clutching on Sunggyu's shirt, and half of his face is hidden. His long lashes have dried out, but his eyes are still really puffy, thanks to all the crying. (He cries like a baby.) (And apparently sleeping like one too.)

Small chuckle escapes Sunggyu's mouth. He remembers that the last time they're in this kind of position was when they were on the way to Jeonju, Sunggyu's hometown, on the train. And now they're back with almost exact pose, only that instead of going to Sunggyu's house, it's Woohyun's, and it happens on a bus. The absurdity of the realization that hits Sunggyu almost makes him snort. Almost. 

But instead, he leans down, and without any reason to justify his action, he leaves a tingling soft kiss on Woohyun's hair covered forehead, and decides that he likes this better rather than dwelling in the thought of whether it's Woohyun's or his feelings again. (To hell with that.) 

Because Sunggyu has an utmost desire to do so and that's that. He just did the hell out of it. That's the only logical reason he can think of—that he likes kissing Woohyun's hair, and that it is soft. As soft as Woohyun's lips. And Sunggyu likes kissing those too. 

Sunggyu likes kissing Woohyun. 

He wants to kiss Woohyun again.

Woohyun wakes up the next few minutes feeling more rested than he has been the entire week. The pillow he's been resting on may have been the main reason why. It is so soft, yet firm, and it smells nice. Like Sunggyu...

Like Sunggyu?

Woohyun abruptly jerks away from the pillow a.k.a. Sunggyu's chest he has been sleeping on before. His face colours red from the neck above. Woohyun squeaks a sorry but Sunggyu doesn't even look like he's fazed by all of it. The way Woohyun jerks away, and panics away from him, it’s almost comical. But he still is looking at him with the soft look Woohyun has never seen him do before.

Woohyun tilts his head sideways, suddenly confused with Sunggyu's lack of reaction. What's wrong with him? The thought swims through Woohyun's mind before a particular memory flashes back into his head. We talked about my past, then Sunggyu cried, then he pushed me to the mirror, and oh god..... we kissed! 

If it was impossible for humans to get any redder, Woohyun certainly is pushing the record further as he turns scarlet red right then and there on the seat. 

Woohyun touches his lips promptly as he realizes what they had done in the past. His eyes widened to its capacity. Meanwhile Sunggyu's still looking the same, if not, calmer, than he usually is. Although by the smile he adorns, he seems to know what Woohyun is thinking. And without saying anything, Sunggyu leans forward, acting like he's about to kiss Woohyun again.

Woohyun lets out another squeak. "Wait!" He pushes his other hand on Sunggyu's chest to avoid him from advancing forward. "What are you doing?" 

Another smile. "About to kiss you." Sunggyu spouts (oh so) casually like they have done this countless times before and grips Woohyun's hand that's on his chest as to take it off and once again inching forward.

"Wait what?" Woohyun scrambles his words out, panicking seeing Sunggyu's forward action when he's nothing but indifferent before. He strengthens his hold on Sunggyu's chest to keep the space between them intact. "What has gotten to you? I'm a man!" He slightly shouts the last word. Luckily for them Sunggyu has casted nothing to see here when Woohyun has been out cold, to keep away any unwanted attention from them. And it works perfectly, no one has given any attention whatsoever to them, no matter how loud they might be. 

"I'm aware of that." 

"You're a man." Woohyun says, pressing his note a bit, to show the urgency in his words that Sunggyu decides to overlook.

"I’m aware of that too." 

"You can't kiss me." Woohyun mumbles defensively, his ears coloured red.

"You like it." Sunggyu says matter-of-factly.

Woohyun gnaws on his lower lip, he does. 

Still…

"But you still can't."

Sunggyu tilts his head, his mouth quirks into an amusing smile. The kind that says, I know you don’t mean that. “You don’t even deny that.”

Woohyun pouts. He hates that Sunggyu is right. 

“Shut up.” He mumbles weakly and closes his eyes like he refuses to see what's in front of him. There’s something pressing into his gut, something akin to happiness. Is he allowed to feel like this?

Sunggyu tightens his hold around Woohyun's wrist, around his pulse that has been pulsing erratically and pulls it to his lips and kisses it softly. 

He opens his eyes to look into Sunggyu’s eyes again, the pressing he feels in his gut is now getting bigger, and he feels his whole body getting warmer. It feels like he’s getting a heart attack, but then realizes it doesn’t hurt. In fact, he never felt like this before. It