Jeonghan threaded lifelessly from among the plenitude of people, his thumb unconsciously scratching the rough edges of a coin whilst his other arm was wrapped around a paper bag full of instant food he was able to scrape from his draining allowance. His messenger bag hung heavily on his back and he's been thinking he wouldn't be this tired if Seungcheol was around.

He sighed again.

What was he thinking when he left? It has been Seungkwan's prodding and Junhui's advises that urged him to leave. Now it has been two full weeks and he just really misses the man.

But then again, why wasn't Seungcheol contacting him? Even if he deliberately left, he should be the one consoling him, right? They really are going their own ways now.

Another sigh.

"You know you could stop sighing and just go back to your apartment, right?" The voice made Jeonghan jump a little, pulling him back to reality that he's on call and his mind only left wandering for a little while.

He adjusted his earphones and swerved to the right when a lady zoomed past him, almost knocking him over. "Joshua," he sighed for the nth damn time and was immediately cut off by the caller.

"Stop sighing if you don't want me to fly from L.A. to Seoul just to whack your head with a book, Jeonghan."

"Okay geez, keep your cool. I was just thinking."

"You've been thinking for the past thirty minutes." Jeonghan could see Joshua rolling his eyes from a million miles away, probably infront of his TV or his books while eating his favorite chips as Jeonghan jabbed the keys to Jihoon and Seungkwan's apartment.

"What do I do, Shua?" Jeonghan was halfway to crying, flinging himself to the kitchen the moment he opened the flat to rest his limbs and put down all his supplies. He's been living with Jihoon and Seungkwan with the promise that he'll pay them later if they keep this fact from Seungcheol to which Jihoon was a bit hesitant because who can lie to that big oaf?

"," Joshua hissed.

This made Jeonghan gasp audibly, "What did L.A. do to you?"

"You never listen to me!" The guy whined, supplied with a small laugh, assuring Jeonghan that he meant no offense with what he said earlier. "I spent the last thirty minutes saying that you should go talk to him. I know Seungcheol. He can never get mad at you."

Jeonghan bit his lip as he found ground by slipping on the kitchen stool to sit, mauling over memories and past sins. Maybe he saved a million lives in his past life for him to deserve someone like Joshua, who has always been around even if he already ed him over too many times.

It wasn't during the breakup that Joshua found out about Jeonghan and Seungcheol's relationship. It was three months after, when he had to cut short a semester just so he can talk it out with Seungcheol.

It wasn't also that pretty. Jeonghan could still remember the disappointed look on everyone's faces as well as Seungcheol's busted lip when the whole gang erupted into a fight.

"I'm sorry," Jeonghan was crying now. He leaned down the counter as his shoulders shook so badly. "I just.. I just really love him."

"I know." Joshua's voice was placating and soothing at the same time, as if patting Jeonghan's back through the international and expensive call. He knew the apology wasn't just about the current issue but rooted back from years ago. "You look ugly when you cry. Don't do that."

Jeonghan's sobs turned even louder and the other laughed. "D-Do you think Seungcheol is already seeing someone right now?"

"Well, he has a bad history of cheating so maybe, yes."

Joshua expected a playful bite back from Jeonghan, because that's what he always do. He never lets anyone kick him but the blond only settled with a small, "I don't deserve him anyway."

"He's just a man, Jeonghan. Maybe he just needed the rest. He'll find his way back to you."

"Sure, keep my hopes up. I don't even know he's allergic to peanuts and he almost died that one time Mingyu fed him brownies because his fatass can't resist, that ing idiot."

It was Joshua's turn to sigh this time, "Choi Seungcheol, what a jerk."

Jeonghan laughed, hastily wiping down his tears and snot when he heard Seungkwan shouting from the hallway as if he owns the whole building. He didn't like showing them how vulnerable he has been these days. "You should have warned me about falling in love with him."

The line went silent for quite some time and Jeonghan had thought if he touched a sensitive topic. He was about to take it back when Joshua's silent voice came through. "He has always been inlove with you, you know. Even when we were still together, I saw how he looked at you. It was different and he doesn't even look at me that way. I have always known. And yet, I didn't bother because I was so into him. I wasn't even able to warn myself, Jeonghan."

The blond remained silent, probably too stunned when Joshua placed his heart out front and this served as a sign for the latter to continue, finally finding his chance on solace and closure between the two. "What I'm just trying to say is he wouldn't just give up this easily, not without a fight, if you didn't give him a reason to. I know Seungcheol. He always puts everyone's needs first even if it means hell to him which is why I gave him up to you because I know, he had been selfish only that time. At least, he did something for himself."

"Are we really ending everything this way?"

"I don't know, Jeonghan. Everything's up to the both of you right now."

Just then Seungkwan burst to the kitchen and picked a protein bar from Jeonghan's groceries, gracing everything his way by knocking over some irrelevant items on the counter with his pompoms.

"What's with your cheerleader props?"

"Today's Seungcheol's last soccer match, duh. Will you come?" Seungkwan wiggled suggestive brows.

Maybe Jeonghan has been a bit too selfish about everything.

*

It was the constant buzzing at 7 pm that jolted Jeonghan awake and he would have ignored it if not only for the fact that the whole apartment shook every time the buzz resounded which means that someone outside the door has been pres