Saetbyul was diagnosed with leukemia four years ago and was treated. Just when she was on the brink of full recovery, the condition relapsed. The procedure went wrong during her last chemotherapy and her heartbeat stopped momentarily. N went berserk, causing a scene in the hospital but he wasn’t an idol back then.

 

“Even if I’m not a good talker, please understand me
I will tell you all of the truth that I’ve been keeping”

 

The promotion for Voodoo Doll finally came to an end. N decided to take his day off to visit Saetbyul at the hospital. But still, holding the identity as a celebrity, he had to lay low. He bought a bouquet of flower and a basket of fruits with his manager’s help and took a cab to the hospital. 

“Annyeong, Saetbyul-a!” he popped up through the door. He wanted to pay a surprise visit after so long. It felt like forever that they last met each other. Was it four years ago?

“Omo!” 

His sudden appearance startled her. “Why are you here? Are you alone?” she peered out the door from the corner of her bed frantically. It would be chaotic if the public found out.

“No. I bought a whole lot of them.” N sniggered.

Saetbyul pelted a pillow across the air to his direction and he effortlessly dodged it with his elbow. “Yah! You’ll dislocate the cannula in your hand.” Apparently, she was on a drip to replenish the nutrients that were used up during chemotherapy.

He dropped the flowers and basket on the overbed table then bent down to pick up the pillow and patted the dust off the pillow. He arranged it skilfully by her head like those housekeeper who works in a hotel by puffing it with both his hands so that it is comfortable to lie on.

“Did you watch our performance?” he asked, picking out fruits from the basket to be washed but was turned a blind eye. “Saetbyul-a?” he looked up.

Saetbyul pursed her lips, in the verge of tears. Why do you have to come now? After so long…

N panicked. He’d imagined a happy reunion after four years but was treated differently. “Wae? Why are you crying? What happened?” he scooted over and sat beside her on the bed, inviting her to his embrace.

The tears she had been holding in flushed out like the last time when N delivered his winning speech. She felt her pulsating heart every nanosecond and breathing was suffocating. Her grip on his arms became stronger, insinuating him that he needed to get the doctor. But the alarm on the cardiac monitor beeped just then and the nurses hurried in.

“Sir, I’m so sorry but you have to wait outside.” said one of the nurses.

 

”I wanna be with you, always from a step behind you
Don’t forget there’s a person who will protect you”


 

N reluctantly left the ward. What was that? He mulled over the situation he experienced a little while ago. What happened when he was away? Why was he so oblivious? He was determined that he didn’t want to miss every little detail of her life anymore.

He wasn’t there to sign the papers for family concession of the therapy. He wasn’t there when she was going through chemotherapy. He wasn’t there when she was crying in pain. He wasn’t there when he needed him.

Time slowed to an agonizing crawl, he wondered what was going on in there until the long awaited click on the door was heard.

“Sir, you may go in now.”

“Thank you.” He thanked half-heartedly and paced in.

 

“Saying I love you with words might not be enough but
Still I will confess to you today”

 

“Saetbyul-a? Are you sleeping?” he leaned closer step by step but was not given any respond. He sighed and intertwined his right fingers with hers. “I’m sorry.”

He began raving about how well he was doing ever since Voodoo Doll became successful. How the other celebrities greeted them, how they received never ending gifts from the fans and how it felt to be recognised.

Never did he know, she was listening to it for the entire time. After the shot, she felt dizzy and decided to take nap but couldn’t. That was when the nurses left and N came in. She faked her sleep as she was still feeling the effect of the shot and probably lying down with his eyes close was the better option to ameliorate it.

She pondered about many things as he continued raving.

For two years, she never felt distanced towards N. The calls and messages they sent to each other were warm and real. Without fail, no matter how occupied he was with the schedules, texting Saetbyul was part of the routine because they had been doing so since their orphan day. They depended on each other and were the source of living for each other.

 

“Do you remember the day we first met?” N sounded serious and got into the topic. “'Your pretty lips smiled at me.”

Yeah, right. You tugged on my pony tail. It hurt but you made fun of it.

“We were five then. I tugged on your pony tail and you cried.” He paused. “There was a bug on it. It was stuck, I had to pull it.”

/gasp I didn’t know that…

“But you reported to the teacher and I was punished.” He continued.

I’m sorry. Why didn’t you tell me the truth?

“I didn’t want to tell the truth cause I don’t want you to be punished for giving false information.”

But why?

“The tears in your eyes were so bright. I could see my reflection clearly through it. I thought we were meant for each other.”

Meant for each other? Really? She asked in her mind sarcastically.

“After I met you, I found something to do.”

What? Dancing your signature dance?

“It is to make you smile all day, every single day.”

What?

“Do you remember the day we auditioned for Jellyfish Entertainment?”

Yeah. I fainted back then and that’s where I am now.

”After that day, I was determined that I never want to lose you from my embrace, that I will go till the end with you and for you. There might be times when I’m really busy but in my head, there are only thoughts of you. When you tell me to cheer up, when your eyes are looking at me, those things make me exist right now. Thank you so much for waiting for me till the end, for looking at me without shaking. All I want to say is, lean on me, believe in my love. Let’s be together for always, forever. Stay by my side, I’ll comfort you. I love you.”

I’m sorry. A silent pale silver tear rolled down her cheeks.

 

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