When at work he occasionally forgets that he is undercover. More and more frequently the closer he gets to Chanyeol. 

He caught himself several times nearly saying things out loud. Things that only D.O would know of. He already messed up more than a few times and it's getting dangerous. 

Sometimes during the weekends he almost feels jealous. Jealous of D.O for getting to recieve all these flirty messages from him. 

Jealous of Kyungsoo for getting all these genguine conversations about different subjects through texts and calls. Which is absurd, really. 

Kyungsoo is jealous of... himself.

It nearly drives him crazy by the end of october when Chanyeol decided to invite Kyungsoo and not even try to invite D.O to the company's halloween party he already considered not attending.

"Kyungsoo, pal, buddy, friend, brother, you need to calm your ."

Baekhyun commands him quite harshly, with that knowing voice of his, sitting on his couch in the living room while Kyungsoo walks restlessly from side to side near the kitchen.

"I seriously, really, trully, can't do this anymore Baekhyun. I'm going insane here!" 

Kyungsoo smacks his palms over his face and begins rubbing all over, agitated, leaving the area with a messy hair and tilted glasses.

"I'm trying to one up against my own damn self and it's making me lose my mind. God.. I deserve to go to hell."

Kyungsoo's eyes were glued to the ground, devastated, but he heard Baekhyun's feet moving across the floor until two arms wrapped him into an embrace that can't be describe as anything other than Baekhyun.

"It must be terrible.. I know.. But please. You have to calm down, you're really worrying me."

Kyungsoo allowed his head to soothe on top of Baekhyun's shoulder and he let out a long held breath slide out of the depths of his chest. 

He doesn't know how many times he thought the same thing from the moment he met Baekhyun for the first time, but he trully would be dead without him.

"What does it even mean.. Why would he invite me and not D.O..? I mean-- it's still me but-- ugh..."

"I understand you're stressed out of your guts, but you're honestly so lucky. Kyungsoo, you are Chanyeol's friend. Friend! Actual friend! He knows you, he cares for you." 

Baekhyun began, his solid stable comforting hug started shifting into a weird ramble of limbs that aren't sure if to let go or not from his excitement.

"Plus, think about it logically, he knows D.O wants to keep her identity hidden.. So it makes more sense he'll invite the closest thing to her replacemen--"

There was a pause of silence for merely a moment. But Baekhyun's words that he clearly came to regret the moment they exit his mouth already echoed in Kyungsoo's mind.

It isn't wrong. Kyungsoo really is just in a twisted way, D.O's replacement to Chanyeol. Probably.

"Hey, it's not what I meant okay? Don't make this face.."

Baekhyun protested with a saddened yet nervous pout and cupped Kyungsoo's face with his palms, trying to stretch the corners of his mouth into a smile with his thumbs.

"It's really not like you to be this way.. Fake smiles are ugly. You knew the risk of agreeing to connect with him.. Just take advantage of it while you are still able to. When will you ever have a chance to hang out with Chanyeol like this?"

"It's just so wrong to lie this way.."

"I know, I know. But you're doing well so far. He doesn't have an idea about this. You have to pull through my friend."

Kyungsoo knows that Baekhyun means no harm, but right now there was a degree of hope in him that wanted Baekhyun to force him to confess about it all. 

Like Baekhyun always manages to make him do whatever he wants in one way or another. 

He wants to trust Baekhyun's advice, really, but how can he trust it when he doesn't even have faith in himself?

The weekend is here, and so comes the awaited halloween party. 

Kyungsoo has no idea what to expect. He's the last person on earth to be seen spending any sort of spare time in anything that resembles a party. 

After the long prep talk with Baekhyun he learned that there would definitely be alcohol, pumpkins too, maybe? 

In the initial invitation to the party that was mailed to the entire working force of the company there were no mentions of costumes or anything alike, but Baekhyun forced him to get something to wear. Anything.

He settled with a pair of cheap red horns hairband, and silly glasses with the print of swirly eyes on the lenses. Outfit? All black of course. It'll do. He plans to show up only for the sake of not disappointing Chanyeol.

The party itself was to take place in the company's building, inside one of the dancing studios that are located on the lower floors than the ones Kyungsoo got to explore. 

If Baekhyun hadn't been busy visiting his family in Wonmi-gu, there's a high chance Kyungsoo would have gone to his apartment and camped there for the entire duration of the so called holiday. 

Technically, he still can. He has Baekhyun's key. But what's the point being in his messy place if not to scowl at him for the very fact that it's messy. 

Plus, again, he's far more terrified of making Chanyeol sad than his own mental safety.

Standing in front of a mirror, Kyungsoo gave himself one last glance. Looking festive enough, according to his standards at least. Maybe there's time for a short stress call with Baekhyun. 

Just as he began pulling his personal cellphone out of the pocket, his other secondary cellphone buzzed.

[ The Park dude: I'm under your place, hop along! -Winking emoji- ]

-- [ Sent: Coming. ]

When Kyungsoo entered the car and settled in the seat by the driver he gave Chanyeol a glance. Dressed in a pretty subtle outfit that looks like some sort of a cowboy attempt. 

It wasn't long before it revealed to be the truth. When they arrived to the building Chanyeol stuck a fake curled mustache above his lips and fixed a big black western hat on his tightly gelled hair.

Chanyeol's experimental 'YEEHAW' shout when they entered the studio was basically ignored by everyone except that one manager who rolled his eyes and shook his head. 

How can he judge Chanyeol's outfit when the man himself wears a weird chicken bodysuit?

Baekhyun was right, it seems, because as Chanyeol pulled Kyungsoo through the crowd and towards the temporary installed bar at the corner of the large studio everyone were dressed up in one way or another.

The music was playing loudly, and from his standing spot by the wall a few steps away from the bar he watched the workers mingle with each other. Laughing, complimenting each other's costumes with obvious friendly sarcasm. 

Many girls wearing revealing outfits he'd rather erase from his mind.. Or maybe he should examine them for a while more, that one secretary with the nurse outfit starts to spark some weird roleplaying fantasy inspiration in his D.O's side of the brain. 

Chanyeol at some point managed to disappear in the dancing crowd. But even through the constantly flickering lights Kyungsoo could easily spot him. A mountain's peak surrounded by the human mass that dances around him. 

He can't tell if the giant is dancing or not, but it seems he's having fun at least chatting with a random makeup artist wearing a long white dress and thick black boots.

This is boring. 

Kyungsoo has practically become one with the wall he's leaning against, sipping on a constantly refilled glass of some sort of low precentage alcoholic fruity juice that the bartender in charge seemed to choose for him when he first arrived with Chanyeol. 

Being in a place like this makes it easy to lose the concept of time and space. It's his first party ever, but it really is just how he imagined it to be. Not as exciting as movies, but not as boring as a reading club. 

Though the latter option is tempting right now.

From time to time an occasional worker would come to his spot near the bar and start some small talk. Every time it happened Kyungsoo felt a tiny sense of accomplishment. 

Ah, so he's not entirely devoid of social abilities. Or maybe the fact they all leave after a short span of time means just the opposite. Not that it matters.

Kyungsoo knows a while had passed, because from his position he was able to see how much more drunk people are becoming, and couples of workers slowly tipping out of the studio to find a more.. private, location to 'mingle' more thoroughly. 

That would make a great au in a future fic actually. Maybe he should add it to the list of notes he keeps his ideas on. 

His head was spinning, but only very lightly, so while sliding his hand into the pocket he placed the glass down on the bar and took back to his previous spot drinkless. 

The phone he managed to salvage from the depths of his black pocket was his private one. D.O's phone. The phone that holds the list. Phew. A few taps here and there and the idea was written and saved in a secure drafts archive.

"I think there's something wrong with my eyes.."

Chanyeol's voice startles Kyungsoo and after a tiny jump he shoves the phone down his pocket and rotates his head to the giant leaning against the wall next to him and staring down right at him.

Huh? The way Chanyeol said it sounds extremely suspicious, is there a possbility he actually recognized that the phone that was just in Kyungsoo's hand isn't the one Chanyeol's used to seeing? 

Kyungsoo felt his heart pressing against the insides of his ribcage.

"What happened?"

"I can't take them off of you."

Now Kyungsoo's heart fell down right to the very bottom of his feet. 

What does Chanyeol think he's saying with that smug smile of his and alcohol glazed eyes? 

Kyungsoo composed quickly and brought out his inner D.O's savage for a proper attack in return.

"I think mine are having some trouble too, I can't see you succeeding with such a cheesy pick up line."

Chanyeol's eyes widened and he clicked his fingers with an impressed sort of laughter before raising his arm higher against the wall and leaning slightly closer to Kyungsoo's personal space.

"Do you happen to have a map?"

"Hmm?"

"Because every path I take leads me to you."

Kyungsoo's eyes squint lightly behind the spiral glasses that thanks to the power of science, he can see through even with the print. 

Chanyeol's making him nervous. Nervous and confused. What is this all about..?

"No map here, better search someplace else or get lost."

Chanyeol seems to be impressed yet again, and after tilting his head and sharpening his glossy eyes down on Kyungsoo he leaned even further down.

"If you were a McDonald's burger..."

"Yeah?"

"You'd be McGorgeous."

Seriously, what the hell is he thinking? What's his motive? There's no way he actually means to use any sort of pick up line on Kyungsoo himself, right? 

Regardless of Kyungsoo's harsh logical process of thoughts, his heart chose to cling to the hope something is really happening, and suddenly he kind of regrets not holding anything in his hands, because they are hanging awkwardly by the sides of his body. 

Frozen from how impossibly close Chanyeol's face is to his own right now.

"Thanks, Ronald, but I'm not into clowns."

Chanyeol's eyes squint at Kyungsoo now. He looks sharply at him and exhales out of his nose before clicking his tongue and massaging the bridge of his nose with his fingers. 

Is he.. angry? Frustrated? What is going on? 

Kyungsoo is now bothered from the sudden seriousness, and from how crooked Chanyeol's fake mustache is stuck above his lips.

"Damnit Kyungsoo, none of these would work.."

"What are you talking about?"

"On D.O. Damn. Since you two are so much alike I thought I'd try them on you.. But it seems I'll just be bullied by her again if I even attempt them on her."

Chanyeol lets out a helpless sigh and rubs his eyes, a small drunk smile slowly forming on his lips.

Ah.

So that's what it was. 

There aren't any words that can describe just how much his chest is aching right now.

"Chanyeol.. Uhm. Your mustache is messed up." 

Kyungsoo's brain switched to auto pilot, and after his fingers gently pulled the mustache into its proper position, accidentally brushing one of his finger tips over Chanyeol's lips, he slid his hand into the phones' pocket and stepped backwards, averting his eyes towards the exit.

"I'll uh.. be going now. Thank you for inviting me. Don't drink and drive." 

And he's out. 

Out of the place, and out of his mind.

--

Kyungsoo walked home. His right hand holding his personal phone in a tight grip, debating whether he should call Baekhyun or not, while his left hand is clenched into a shaky fist. Alcohol drifting through his blood stream and he knows his steps probably aren't so stable. 

He must look crazy, with his swirly glasses and cheap red horns wobbling through the streets.

Once the door was locked behind him he felt an awful lot lonely. 

Being alone never really bothered him before. He's a very self sufficient person that can keep himself occupied without any attention requirements. 

But right now.. Right now he really wanted to get on his laptop and delete D.O's existence from the face of the earth. 
Was it the alcohol taking over him? Or his own repressed anger? It doesn't even matter.

Diving into his familiar couch corner was somewhat relieving. The comfort of routines and habits is something Kyungsoo always cherished and tried to stick to. 

Under a pile of who knows how many blankets, he planned to shut his brain off and sleep for as long as he physically can. But his secondary phone's buzz won over his curiousity.

It was a message from Chanyeol. Tapping on the screen that made Kyungsoo feel like he's going blind due to the brightness; revealed it was a picture. 

A slightly blurry selfie of Chanyeol. His face is too close to the camera and most of what can be viewed is Chanyeol's weird face angle from above.

Kyungsoo raised an eyebrow and planned to rest it aside, but another buzz startled his exhausted body. It's another selfie, more blurry, and of some part of Chanyeol's neck. 

Kyungsoo can tell the fake mustache is crooked again and just for a moment he thinks he wants to go back to fix it. Not worth it at this point.

With a sigh he felt how the buzzing continues in his palm, picture followed by another, and another, and he understands these are being sent unintentionally. 

So bothersome. 

It's almost like Chanyeol is haunting him for real. Not only in his own guilt tripped mind that spun out of control after the incident at the party. 

He grumps his expression for nobody to see and puts the cell on busy mode. No buzzing can be felt in his palm anymore even though the pictures keep steaming in. 

After finally placing both of the cells on the coffee table Kyungsoo pulled off the glasses and horns and set himself on the busy mode of deep sleep.

Kyungsoo hasn't set a foot off the couch for the entire weekend. Aside from dragging himself to the toilet twice a day. Not even the high quality leftovers he had from Baekhyun's last visit to his place could make him move at this point. 

He was stuck in a loop. In the conflict, the war he has inside him.

Kyungsoo vs. D.O. 

Whenever a message from Chanyeol arrives on either of his phones he feels giddy but upset at the same time. This kind of envy over his own damn self can't be healthy. Not to his body and definitely not to his mind.

On sunday evening Kyungsoo decided to follow up on Baekhyun's advice on his last breakdown. 
He should feel lucky and thankful, not like his world is about to collapse at any moment, even if it really can happen. 

When he finally unmuted his cellphones he was a little overwhelmed by the amount of attention Chanyeol has showered him with.

Checking his secondary phone, Kyungsoo's phone first, he scrolled through the endless flow of messages from the party night. 

Being sent these pictures by Chanyeol himself in such an accidental manner makes him feel even more like a stalker than he already knew he was. It was like watching a stop motion movie with one frame per few seconds each time. 

Most of them were just a long string of blurry shoes walking around pictures. At the end of it all the texts have finally returned.

[ The Park dude: Oh my god... Kyungsoo... I'm so sorry. I didn't even realize my phone sent you all of these. ]

[ The Park dude: I don't remember much, but I think I was looking for you, because I could recall telling some people the evil sheriff of the west kidnapped you. ]

[ The Park dude: I hope you're alright. I'm sorry I didn't take good care of you out there.. ]

[ The Park dude: Kyungsoo? Please update me. My hangover finally ended so I can come and help. ]

Kyungsoo feels a little bit guilty for muting his phone for the whole duration of the weekend. For two whole days he was unreachable. 

Not very mature of him. He just left everyone out there in the cold after vanishing. But Kyungsoo isn't one to dig even further into guilt right now.
He leaves the phone aside and takes his original cellphone into hands. D.O's phone.

[ it's really him: I wish I could see you one day. ]

[ it's really him: Do you know if Kyungsoo is alright? I think I might have lost him in the company's halloween party. I invited him there with me but got too drunk.. ]

[ it's really him: If anything happened to him I will seriously cry. ]

[ it's really him: A lot. ]

Why... Why is Chanyeol like this. Why is Kyungsoo playing him so wrong like this. 

Still camped at the corner of his couch Kyungsoo tried his best to hold back the gathering tears. He succeeded, but instead of crying on the outside, it felt like his sobs were internal. 

There's so much that is not okay with what he's doing and Chanyeol is the last person to deserve any of this. 

He left the conversations on read and called Baekhyun instead. Just to hear his voice. To ask how his family's doing. To know about his dog's new aqcuired trick. Baekhyun's voice was like medicine for his brain, almost as good as Chanyeol's music works, and although he hasn't said a word about anything that happened, he could tell Baekhyun knows already.

--

Chanyeol arrived to the building a little later than normal, and slammed the door open to enter their music studio. Everybody's faces turned to him, his chest was heaving up and down with heavy breathes. 

Once his eyes spotted Kyungsoo's location next to the monitor, the giant almost leaped at his direction, cradling his entire upper body in a strong embrace.

"Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo.. I was so worried.. Thank god you're okay." 

The giant mumbled between his huffs and only pulled back after Kyungsoo tapped his back gently. 

During that work day the two of them seemed to behave like always, but the dark circles under Chanyeol's eyes made Kyungsoo's heart sting with regret. 

How much more guilt and remorse can he even contain?

The days are passing by in a blink of an eye. Everything continues as normal. They work, talk and hang out together. At least from Kyungsoo's eyes everything is per usual. 

He wants to believe it is. But he noticed how Chanyeol sometimes acts awkwardly around him. 
How their exchange of messages and off work meetups has decreased. 
How the texts to D.O became more frequent and more daring than they used to be. 

It bothers him. It repeatedly hits the back of his mind in every waking hour of his day. But what can he possibly do about it? 

Baekhyun has been pretty helpful and Kyungsoo sometimes wonders how on earth he even deserves to have such a magical person as a friend. 

According to their conversations, Baekhyun's promotion in the job had also given him extra perks. He works a few less hours per week yet gets paid almost a third more than his previous position. The cases he deals with are a lot more complex and challenging, which keeps him engaged and interested. 

But the best thing is that hours he doesn't spend at work are like sacred times. He has so much more free time now that he really has become a regular resident in Kyungsoo's apartment.

It makes everything easier to deal with. 

Kyungsoo has been pushed into the very edge of social life overnight and had no time to adjust whatsoever. 

Turning from a burrito of blankets that never leaves the apartment into the butterfly Baekhyun always asked about. 

It was a one hundred and eighty degrees turn from everything Kyungsoo knew and was able to handle.

With the sudden change came new results. 

The first one was how much more sociable and down to earth D.O's recent fanfictions have become. 

The fans were surprised at first, when the tone of the stories had shifted into something more realistic, but they love it none the less. 

After the one time soft fic attempt that blew up Kyungsoo's life, he returned to his safe and known erted roots.

The second shift in his life was Chanyeol. There's not much to explain. 

Chanyeol has been Kyungsoo's source of life itself for the last five years and being around him, being known by him, being his friend was beyond anything Kyungsoo could have imagined. 

Chanyeol in his life was a blessing and curse. He really wished there was a different way than to become two different entities. Battling against himself leaves him exhausted every day.

The third and last biggest shift was how he had to deal with the new feeling added to his array of emotions. 

Loneliness. 

Kyungsoo has been alone most of his life. Independent both functionally and socially. He had no interest and no need for any sort of human contact. 

It's true that Baekhyun was an exception, a highly appreciated one, but still. Kyungsoo being alone was his sanctuary.

And now.. Now when he's alone there are only ruins of the palace he had built over the years. Like something s inside and tipped over his tower of safety. 

He knows that it is his own fault for allowing himself to depend on Chanyeol emotionally like he had. Kyungsoo was overwhelmed and completely wiped by recieving all of the affection Chanyeol was more than willing to share. 

Now spending a single day without talking to him, or even exchanging a simple text feels like forever.

Now even when they are right next to each other Kyungsoo feels lonely. 

After the halloween party something in the way Chanyeol acted towards Kyungsoo had changed, and it was pretty obvious the change was negative. 

Shifting from Kyungsoo being the favourite to D.O taking the whole entire slot. 

Should Kyungsoo feel content about this? One way or another, he IS getting Chanyeol's attention.. Even if Chanyeol doesn't know it. So why isn't this enough to satisfy the empty hole loneliness has caved inside him?

[ it's really him: You know? I really want to meet you. ]

--[ Sent: You know it's impossible, handsome, if anybody knows who I am you'll be over. ]

[ it's really him: Honestly, I don't really care that much D.O. I have so many questions to ask you and so many things I want to know. ]

--[ Sent: You're willing to risk so much? Why? ]

[ it's really him: There's something that's really important to me, and you're the only one that can do it. ]

[ it's really him: I know it sounds lame and dramatic.. But I can only do this in person. ]

[ it's really him: I need you. D.O. You're the only one. ]

--[ Sent: I don't know... ]

--

"Kyungsoo, I want to meet D.O. You have to convince her."

Chanyeol's seriousness and determination actually surprised Kyungsoo. His shoulders became tense and his typing speed on the studio's keyboard slowed down.

"I know what you'll say, 'But she wants to keep her identity a secret!' yeah, I get that, but please. I'm desparate."

Kyungsoo can't bring himself to say anything. Chanyeol really means this. He really wants to meet D.O and Kyungsoo knows exactly for what reason. 

His fingers cease above the keyboard and in their place the sound of Kyungsoo's pulse rising fills his ears. 

It will break his heart. Chanyeol would be devastated. Chanyeol would hate him, and fire him, and block him out of his life forever, and Kyungsoo will not be able to continue being D.O ever again because his own heart would be broken.. If it isn't already in the process.

"You're thinking too loudly, just try to tell her.. Maybe just invite her to your place and I'll be there too. She won't be able to just run away, right? It's bad to trick people and all.. But sometimes it's necessary, you know?"

Oh how much does Kyungsoo know it.

Chanyeol stepped closer to Kyungsoo and placed his big hand on his shoulder. It's clear that he is still somewhat awkward around him, for a reason Kyungsoo can only assume is related to his growing relationship with D.O, but it doesn't hurt any less.

"Please Kyungsoo, I need her."

"Fine, I'll see what I can do. Stop being so dramatic.. It's not my choice anyway."

Kyungsoo gave in with a heavy sigh and glared up at Chanyeol with half hearted hostility. The giant simply grinned down at him and patted the held shoulder a few times before letting go.

"I knew I can trust you. Let me know what she says!"

Rolling his eyes Kyungsoo turned around on the spinning chair back to the screen he's working on. Chanyeol is preparing for another comeback, and Kyungsoo, well, D.O, will be the main director for the music video production of the title song. All the ideas need to be discussed and finalized in a meeting they'll be holding in a few days. 

How can Chanyeol even think about anything other than his comeback at a stressful time like this? .. His jealousy of D.O is surfacing again.

The next morning when Kyungsoo only set a foot in the office Chanyeol jumped in front of him with hopeful eyes and anticipation. If he was a dog his ears would be perked and his tail would be wagging wildly behind him. It's so cute and Kyungsoo needs to distract himself and fix his glasses in place to avoid smiling.

"So? What'd she say?"

There, a smile killer.

"She said no."

Chanyeol has now transformed from a dog into a deflating balloon, his shoulders loosening downwards and his smile slowly fading away into disappointment.

"I tried, okay? Stop with this face, you look like you just realized your refrigerator is empty."

Kyungsoo spits with a bit too much anger and Chanyeol is actually startled when taking a step back to allow him enterance into the office. 

.. Kyungsoo is seriously losing it. He's just so agitated from the whole situation and the last thing he wants to do is harm Chanyeol in any way. 

Biting almost painfully on his lower lip, Kyungsoo turns back to apologize, but Chanyeol's already seated in his station, deep in music tracks and folders.

This same exact event happens every morning now. Every time Kyungsoo enters the office Chanyeol is already there with his puppy eyes and undying faith that D.O will change her mind. 

It's getting on Kyungsoo's nerves for so many reasons. 

The first one being his jealousy over how much attention Chanyeol pays D.O rather than to Kyungsoo himself. 

The second being how hard it is for Kyungsoo to not just kiss Chanyeol whenever his eyes sparkle like that. 

The third is.. well.. The fact that it is physically, realistically, an impossible request to fulfill. And it frustrates Kyungsoo that he's the one in charge of this trainwreck.

D.O doesn't exist. There is no secret cousin that writes ty fanfics and wants to keep her identity a secret. Chanyeol will never be able to meet the magical girl he thinks is replying to his needy texts everyday. 

He tried to hint that the giant should just give up and move on, but to no avail.

"Listen, if it's such a big deal I could dress up and be D.O for you."

Baekhyun shrugs between his munches and Kyungsoo doesn't feel like he wants to take another bite of his pizza anymore just from the thought of Baekhyun doing something like this. 
He bets Baekhyun feels like he's making a royal sacrifice for him. By looking at his expression it might be so.

"You're an idiot. Unfortunately for us though, Chanyeol isn't as stupid as you and he'll know the person in front of him is not a girl. Probably."

Baekhyun pretends to be hurt, pressing a palm to his chest and fake gasping at Kyungsoo's direction. 

The recovery is quick though, because a moment later he shoves another piece into his mouth.

"Hmm.. There's this really nice gal at my work. I'm pretty sure she is also a fan of Chanyeol. Maybe we could ask her to act?"

Kyungsoo sighs and lumps backwards on the couch, letting his arms dangle on the sides of his body.

"Won't work. D.O isn't nice to Chanyeol. God.. It makes me feel like I'm crazy everytime I have to talk about myself in third person..." 

He reaches out for a napkin, and after wiping off the grease, he smacks his palm onto his own face.

"Pfft."

"Stop laughing, I'm having a crisis here."

"Fine, fine. You can either confess to everything or just keep declining and watching the light in his eyes die a little everytime."

"Wow, thanks."

Against Kyungsoo's better judgement of the situation, he decided to go all the way with his act, and started thinking of a plan to make it 'happen'.

He would have told Baekhyun what he chose to do, but he doesn't feel like being judged or laughed at.

"Chanyeol."

Kyungsoo's voice shook a little when he approached the giant of his dreams, and after gulping and gaining his attention away from the screen, rubbed the back of his head nervously.

"She said yes."

A stab to his heart in the form of Chanyeol's fiery spirit lighting up would have been alright if it wasn't for the fact he's going to do something that might turn this fire off for good.

--

Right. So tonight, this friday night, Chanyeol will be coming to Kyungsoo's apartment to meet D.O. 

Kyungsoo spent the entire evening putting the place in order yesterday. Generally, he's a very clean person. The only reason it took so long was because his limbs simply wouldn't follow his brain's commands. 

His mind is occupied with so many possibilities, so much Chanyeol, that he ended up nearly throwing a perfectly usable new pack of tissues to the garbage. Instead of taking an hour like he thought, the cleaning process lasted almost four. 

The place wasn't necessarily dirty in any way, but unlike Chanyeol's ease to bring Kyungsoo over to his untidied apartment, Kyungsoo's meticulous cleaniness is too strong.

Baekhyun suggested buying a few snacks for the event, just to fill up the silence in case things turn awkward again. 

Like they always do ever since the halloween party. 

The weather is now cold and unforgiving. Autumn is slowly transforming into winter, and dealing with the cold temeprature is hard enough even without the merciless winds. 

Unfortunately for Kyungsoo, since the tension between Chanyeol and him has grown to tear them further apart, he no longer recieves any rides. Not to work, not back home, not anywhere.

Chanyeol was particularly cheerful today at work. 

He always has a positive vibe emitting outwards, but today he really seemed to be glowing. Even joking around with Kyungsoo, which he hadn't done in a while. 

Kyungsoo's stomach was turning all day. Seeing Chanyeol this happy induces pole opposite feelings inside him. 

Chanyeol, the man he is in love with. The man he admires, the man he'd literally die for, the man that in all technicality gave him his life.. His smile sprouts flowers in Kyungsoo's soul, but under the standing circumstances these flowers are getting stomped on and thrown away.

If the connection between them wouldn't have been as damaged as it is right now, Kyungsoo would have invited Chanyeol to come over right after work. His place is clean and he would want more than anything to make Chanyeol feel at home and enjoy his stay. That will have to wait.. Either for another opportunity, or to be written about in a fanfiction.

Work ended fast and well. Kyungsoo spent the few alone hours in his place watching some random shows about houses on television and texting Baekhyun. The nausea growing at the bottom of his stomach with every minute passing. 

He has no idea how his plan will end. And whichever result.. He'll have to accept it and suffer and consequences. 

Kyungsoo is the evil mastermind behind this whole web of lies. Baekhyun is a mere supportive accomplice. 

His fingers are itching to call Chanyeol and cancel the whole thing. He is willing to just push through it all for the sake of staying by Chanyeol's side.. Working with him.. But he knows that by now he had let this build up too high to ignore.

A knock on the door. Kyungsoo raised his head from the focus on the television right away. Shutting it off quickly and stepping up to the door. His heart begins showing signs of hyperactivity in his chest. 

His hand slowly reached to the lock, and although something in him tells him he should pretend like he isn't even home at all, he knows it's not a plausible course of action. A deep gulp and a heavy breath help his hand stabilize and the lock is now released.

In front of his door stands a grinning Chanyeol, looking nothing out of the ordinary except the ethereal energy surrounding him and spilling all over the place. 

Kyungsoo is dazzled.

"Good evening Kyungsoo!" 

He calls out happily and forces his long legs into the apartment with humble curiousity. 

Kyungsoo is so hypnotized from the way his jawline appears when he scans the area that he realizes only after a while that he's being given a small bag.

"Hey Chanyeol. Make yourself at home."

"That'd be easy, you place is fantastic!"

Kyungsoo gulps nervously and stares down at the bag in his hands. 
Macaroons? 
After giving a short glance to the symbol printed on the side of the bag he sighs out.

"Chanyeol, you really didn't have to bring these.."

"I know, I wanted to."

"So cheesy. Such an expensive brand too."

"Kyungsoo, there's no cheese in macaroons."

This is the grin that makes Kyungsoo's stomach turn yet again. A smirk of satisfaction and pleasure that is impossible to ignore. Kyungsoo thought by now he'd have more durability against Chanyeol's perfection but he clearly has been a fool to think so.

Chanyeol took his absurdly large shoes off at the enterance and settled on the couch next to Kyungsoo, pulling a leg up and holding it to himself by the ankle. 

He really meant it when he said it'll be easy for him to feel at home. Kyungsoo sits in his usual corner, and it eases on his stress just a little bit. Just enough to prepare for the upcoming awkward conversations they'll be having over the snacks Kyungsoo prepared beforehand. 

Maybe the macaroons too, but Kyungsoo's positive these are saved for the Very Important Person of the night; D.O.

An hour passes.

"So that was the first actual accident I took part of.. I mean, it sounds worse than it was, I was just a kid tryna ride my bicycle without the third help wheel and--"

Another hour.

"I never understood why does it matter if someone takes a bite of the kitkat or breaks it to the sticks first. It tastes the same both ways. So long as it gets down to my belly.."

The refill of snacks is running dangerously low on the table, and all fears of Kyungsoo having to deal with awkward silence dissolved.

It was a little odd, how Chanyeol simply wouldn't stop talking. Maybe it was the excitement of waiting for D.O, or maybe he's just trying to fill in the gaps that were left between Kyungsoo and him. 

Either way, Kyungsoo was relieved, while dying on the inside from what's to come.

"So, is she coming soon?"

Chanyeol finally asked before shoving a pretzel into his mouth and staring at Kyungsoo.

"Uh.. I don't know."

"Should I text her or something?"

He began pulling his phone out of the pocket of his jacket, long fingers tugging to the very edge of the device that Kyungsoo always thought looked too small for his hands. 
With a sense of panic Kyungsoo quickly shook his head and hands at Chanyeol.

"No no no, I'll do it."

Chanyeol shrugged and continued chewing on his pretzel, letting his phone fall back into the pocket and shifting his position on the couch.

Kyungsoo turned around and slightly away from Chanyeol. Looking at the unlocked screen of his secondary device. He would have texted Baekhyun something random to pretend.. But he doesn't even have Baekhyun's number. Not his own number either. 

He tapped something into the empty notes app on this device and then closed it and hid it away, hoping Chanyeol didn't suspect him enough to actually watch his screen.

Another hour comes to an end.

"She said she's coming, right? I mean, I've got the whole weekend free, so I don't mind waiting. Kinda feel bad for you though. It's getting a little late."

Kyungsoo really wants to just tell him to stop caring. Stop caring so much about him. About D.O. About anything really. Because the more he cares the more painful the outcome will be. 

But who is he kidding? 

Whatever ending this night will have, in both possible endings Kyungsoo could think of, is going to be the end.

It's been four hours and D.O hasn't come. Obviously. 

Kyungsoo knows D.O won't come. Kyungsoo also knows Chanyeol is getting tired of the wait. Tired in general, and his patience is running thin. 

The excitement that surrounded him earlier is now dimmed and downing, and the flow of the conversation they managed to have for so long is dying out into silence.

He hopes it'll be over soon. He can see it in his mind, Chanyeol standing up and greeting him goodbye with a smile that's made of pure sadness. And the next monday he'd be quiet and composed, and they wouldn't talk at all anymore about anything that's unrelated to work.

To his surprise though, things don't play out that way.

Out of the blue Chanyeol suddenly slaps his own cheeks gently and turns to Kyungsoo with a smile as cheerful as he had at the very beginning, just a little more tired.

"Say, do you maybe have a gaming console here? We don't know how long it'll take, so might as well have some fun, right?" 

Kyungsoo wants him to stop. Chanyeol needs to stop, or be stopped, or just.. Ugh. His heart is breaking piece by piece from knowing the truth behind the painful waste of time. 

With the most neutral expression he can master, Kyungsoo nodded and stood up towards the little cabinet under the big television screen. Carefully he pulled out an old yet strangely clean looking Playstaion two console and two joysticks. All wires connected and in perfect condition. 
He almost feels hurt when Chanyeol audibly gasps.

"Wow, dude, this is literally a collectors item. Such a good state too!"

"Yeah well, I still like it."

Chanyeol's entire body is now leaning at the edge of his seat. Gigantic hands holding onto the little plastic joystick and clicking out the tiny buttons with precision that can only be aqcuired through years of practice. 

They're playing the old legendary Crash of the Titans together. Constantly messing up, and laughing everytime. Shouting at each other to follow the leads towards two different directions on the restricted map. Falling and failing, high fiving whenever they manage to pass an obstacle. 

Baekhyun would have been so jealous right now. 

Kyungsoo never allows him to play on the playstation in fear of him destroying it. Yet Chanyeol recieved full access on his first visit. 

He can already see him saying 'Pfft, priorities.' with a mock hurt expression the next time he comes over.