Enjoy!

---

 

 

Realize the Challenge

 

A couple of days have passed since Kibum and Jinki have met at the cafe. Weirdly enough, Jinki hasn't asked Kibum questions about anything they've talked about.

 

But maybe Jinki was just keeping what he collected and knew to himself.

 

Jinki has always been like that; he always liked to figure things out for himself, it gave him a challenge almost. Though in this situation, he really could've just asked Taemin himself about everything.

And he would, first, he just needed to figure things out himself, in case he was jumping into conclusions. He couldn't just base his findings on Kibum. He needed to see it for himself.

 

Jinki knew that getting the answers from the start would've just made a messier situation compared to now.

Though the situation right now was fluctuant, he knew that somehow in the future it will work itself out. How does he know this? Well, he knew that he wouldn't let go of the younger at all. The boy held a very special part in his life.

 

Everything right now was still in a great state, if you ask him. Plus, getting the answers he wanted one by one helped organize his mind a lot more; helped him choose what question he should focus on next and how to get the answer to it.

 

***

 

Kibum was in his office dealing with calls and emails when he thought about the two best friends. He couldn't get rid of them from his thoughts.

 

The designer knew he ed up to say the least. Even without him openly saying that Taemin still loved Jinki, Jinki figured it out because of his actions.

 

The designer didn't regret it though.

 

He knew Jinki was smart enough to find out, it was now or later. It was better that it happened now rather than a couple months forward when Jinki would've already hopped onto his future plans with Luna.

 

Now, that would've been real messy.

 

Although Kibum knew a lot more than Jinki now, he still couldn't figure out why Taemin hid it from all of them. Sure, it made sense to hide it from Jinki; Taemin had good reasons as to why, but why couldn't anyone else know?

 

Kibum shook his head, trying to get rid of those thoughts. He already had so much to think about because of the two. He needed to focus on one thought at a time.

 

"You coming here and asking me about the photo confirmed it for me."

 

He knew. Jinki knew. So why hadn't he brought it up to Taemin? What was going on in Jinki's head?

 

Kibum got up from his desk to walk over to the huge window, allowing him to look over at the city. He came pretty early to work so the sun was still rising. He twirled the pen he was holding and just gazed out in front of him, hoping it would help him think outside the box; because he knew that with Jinki, you always needed to.

 

With one more gaze out to the city, he walked back to his desk and lazily spun himself in his chair as he laid his head back to gaze at the ceiling above him.

 

That's when it hit the designer.

 

Jinki was there when he had that talk with Taemin in his room. Of course the older would be curious, so it was no wonder that Jinki agreed to meet up with him at a cafe only he and Taemin went to. And now that Jinki had the photo, it made sense that he would be looking for answers.

 

Usually, it would take a couple of hours for a reply from the older, but when he asked for Jinki to come meet up, the older replied right away, he came; he almost rushed.

 

As if he was waiting for something.

 

Jinki was waiting...

 

It only meant Jinki pieced the puzzle quickly and was only waiting for the next step.

 

Kibum now had a confused expression on his face. He adjusted himself in his seat and focused his eyes on nothing, tapping his fingers on files that he should be doing instead. Now it was Kibum's turn to try and figure out the puzzle Jinki now created.

 

Hyung got his answer the second my message got delivered to him.

 

So where is Jinki's mind at now?

 

"You coming here and asking me about the photo confirmed it for me."

 

What did that mean then?

 

If it was anyone else, it would've been plain and simple to the situation; it confirmed Taemin still having feelings for Jinki. But it wasn't that plain and simple when it came to the older, no. 

 

Jinki always liked to be one or two steps ahead of everyone.

 

Kibum's head was beginning to hurt. Every single thing led to so many more questions.

 

Has Jinki not ever in his entire life, think about whether Taemin could've had feelings for him at one point?

 

It was no secret that Jinki knew about Taemin's uality and vice versa. And considering the amount of time the two spent together, one would definitely develop some feelings for the other.

 

The designer turned around to look at the group photo the five had behind him. His eyes switching back and forth between the youngest and oldest.

 

He rushed…

 

Jinki was known to be calm and collected. Everyone who met the man knew this.

 

Kibum gasped, hands over his mouth. He looked at the older man with wide eyes as he held his breath from shock.

 

"You coming here and asking me about the photo confirmed it for me."

 

Those words kept repeating in his head.

 

"Oh my god…"

 

***

 

Jinki was lying in his bed, sun seeping into his room through the gaps in his curtains. He's been awake for a few minutes now. During mornings like these, he would try to cuddle into his sheets to try and get some more sleep, but surprisingly, he wasn't yearning for that. He felt good.

 

He had an arm over his eyes as he focused on his breathing. The other arm at his side, fingers tapping on the messy sheets to a melody stuck in his head.

 

On a desk to his right, a photo everyone seemed to be concerned after, laid peacefully.

 

Jinki turned his head toward it, still not taking his arm off his face. He laid there thinking, a thing that's been happening quite frequently now. Taking a deep breath in, he sat up and frowned at the photo.

 

Why did he rip it?

 

This question kept running through his head. It was the reason why he hadn't gotten proper sleep and why he was always so absent-minded lately.

 

He knows he could just ask Taemin about it. He's got the idea that the boy already knew he had the photo; but he also knows that because the boy hasn't brought it up in the last couple times they've talked in the week, Taemin probably wanted him to forget about it.

 

Jinki wouldn't though. It wouldn't be him if he did. And he knows Taemin knows this too.

 

He wants to know the exact reason why the boy ripped it, when he did it, and how it all started.

 

He didn't just want the answers, he needed them and he'll make sure to get them.

 

There was no way Taemin would break their friendship off because of this. Taemin cherished all the friends he had and knowing that he was his best friend, it only meant the boy cherished him a bit more than the others.

 

There were always stories of the closest of friends or best friends falling for each other. Everyone knew about these stories because it's cliche to say the least. And because it was cliche, people always tend to turn a blind eye — He turned a blind eye.

 

It happens all the time to everyone. Most often enough, people don't want such a cliche story to happen but secretly yearn for it.

 

No matter how predictable the story, people wanted it. It was less challenging. Not everyone wanted a challenge when it came to love. But that's where most people are wrong.

 

When you love something or someone, you'd do anything to get it; you'd do anything no matter how hard it is to get or understand. You wouldn't work less for it because if you did, it wouldn't feel rewarding; it wouldn't feel like love. The more challenging it is, the more sentimental it would be.

 

Taemin however, didn't put up a fight.

 

Did that mean he didn't want to love him? 

 

With this thought in mind, Jinki decided to call the younger.

 

The phone rang a little longer than usual, letting the dentist know that the younger was still asleep. He waited and when he heard a groan from the other end, he smiled.

 

J: Hey sleepy head

T: Hyung, why so early?

J: What do you mean?

 

Jinki turned his head to look at his clock behind him and chuckled.

 

J: It's only 7 in the morning

 

Jinki should've felt bad but he didn't.

 

T: I get that you're maybe excited about something to call and interrupt my sleep but couldn't you wait a tad bit longer?

 

The younger whined but Jinki didn't miss the sass the younger threw at him. The dentist just laughed to himself. He didn't realize that it was that early in the day.

 

T: Hello?

 

Jinki lied back down into his bed and nuzzled his head into his sheets, a tad bit embarrassed that he wasn't himself.

 

I really need to get myself straightened out.

 

T: Hyung? You still there?

 

Jinki only chuckled. Taemin sounded adorable. His voice was still raspy from sleep.

 

J: Yeah, I'm still here

T: It's too early for this, call me later

J: Wait.

 

When Taemin didn't answer, Jinki smiled to himself. He finally got up from his bed and walked toward his desk. He stared at the photo laying there in the sunlight before grabbing it and turning it around to read the words behind it.

 

“Out of anyone in the world, why did I love you?”

 

Jinki smiled bitterly at this.

 

Did Taemin regret loving him? Did he regret falling for him at all? If he were in Taemin's shoes, he would've regretted falling for someone like him.

 

J: Tell you what, you get up from your bed right now and come here to hang out with me and have breakfast

T: Uhm… excuse you, but you're the one bothering me

 

Jinki chuckled.

 

J: Or…

T: Okay, there's an "or" I like that

 

Jinki can almost see the boy lazily nodding his head as he said that and he smiled at the thought of it.

 

J: Or I can go head to your place right now as you get ready because you probably stink

T: Hey!

 

Ignoring the younger, Jinki continued.

 

J: We'll have breakfast there and spend the day together?

T: Hey! We are not going to be ignoring the fact that you called me smelly

J: Stinky, I called you stinky

T: Stinky!

 

The older laughed as he heard the younger huff.

 

J: Well pooptaem is your nickname, is it not?

T: You're probably not even ready yourself!

J: I'm not, I'm still waiting on your answer

 

They both liked this. The both of them just playing around and teasing each other.

 

T: You head over here, you're the one who called me

J: Okay sleepy head, what do you want for breakfast?

T: Anything, I don't care, just feed me and let me sleep for a couple more minutes. You got your own keys to my place apparently

 

Jinki could picture the boy rolling his eyes.

 

J: Your brother gave them to me

 

He replied nonchalantly.

 

T: And why is that?

J: He said something about how someone needed to babysit his younger brother

T: Okay bye!

 

Taemin hung up and Jinki only laughed. He loved teasing the younger boy.

 

He threw his phone onto the bed and looked at the photograph in his hand. He did so for a couple minutes, trying to make up his mind.

 

He later nodded to himself.

 

Okay.

 

***

 

Jinki came through Taemin's door quietly, afraid of being loud in case the boy did eventually fall back to sleep.

 

He soon relaxed hearing music being played from the bathroom, the boy always loved music playing as he showered.

 

Jinki took this time to get the table ready for the both of them. By the time he was done, Taemin came in drying his hair with a towel. He walked over to the table surprised to see what Jinki had prepared.

 

"You like it?"

"Yeah…" The younger replied, he slowly took the towel off his head and turned to look at the older. Jinki gestured for him to take a seat and once the boy was, he followed after.

 

"How—"

"I went over and found out you were a regular there so I went and got your usual."

"Thank you."

 

Taemin replied slowly, which in turn caused the atmosphere to feel a bit unusual.

 

They both ignored the feeling and began to eat.

 

"You didn't tell me you still went there."

"It's a great place," Taemin chuckled, "you know that yourself."

"That I do, the last time I've been there was three or four years ago. Donghyuck grew up so well."

"Oh! Yes," Taemin smiled, "the boy has a crush too!" He added excitedly.

"Oh really?" Jinki replied in a surprised manner.

"Who?" He asked, thinking it was one of the people he talked with at the cafe.

"Remember that boy he always used to drag around and annoy back then?"

"Yeah?"

"His name is Mark. They're inseparable now and they're best friends!"

"Oh really?"

"Yeah! They're just like us." Taemin continued to explain excitedly while holding his fork a little too tightly.

"Just like us." Jinki eyed the boy in front of him.

"Yeah! Just…" Taemin's grip on his fork loosened up as he slowly down at his plate.

 

"Yeah… Just like us." Taemin finished.

 

Silence.

 

And it stayed like that for a few seconds.

 

"Look Minnie—"

"You have it, don't you?" Taemin interrupted before Jinki could finish his sentence. The younger couldn't look at the man in front of him, he didn't dare to do so. Instead, he looked at his fingers playing with the utensil he was holding.

 

Jinki replied with a hum.

 

"Right now?" Taemin let out with his voice quivering a tad bit which made him scold himself internally.

 

Jinki nodded and silently pulled his wallet from his pocket, all the while looking at the boy in front of him. He waited for Taemin to look back at him, hoping to get consent to take the photo out. When Taemin did, Jinki pulled it out and looked at it for a few seconds before sliding it to the center of the table, making sure that the side of where the writing was on was facing up.

 

Taemin closed both his eyes for a second, hoping to get his thoughts clear as fast as he can.

 

Before he could do that though, Jinki spoke first and it only messed with his head more.

 

"You still love me right?" Jinki asked slowly just to try and test out the waters.

 

There was only a sigh in response to that.

 

No one dared to speak. All you could hear was the refrigerator humming in the background and Jinki only kept silent to let the boy have his time.

 

"You already know the answer to that so why are you still asking." It wasn't a question, it was more like a statement for the older.

"No, I don't know the answer, that's why I'm asking you right now."

"No…" Taemin smiled, letting go of his fork after observing it, just to waste a couple seconds. He let out another sigh as he tapped his fingers onto the table, tilting his head as he looked at Jinki, "you know the answer, you just want to hear it from me directly."

 

Taemin heavily stood up from the table and walked to the sink, later letting out a bitter chuckle.

 

"Why do you want to hear it anyway?" He turned around, leaning against the counter as he looked at his friend.

"You asking that question let's me know that you already know the answer." The boy crossed his arms and let out a tiny smirk. "Does that answer your question? Or do you still want to hear it from me?"

 

Taemin stared hard at Jinki, trying to figure out what the man in front of him was thinking. "You're dense hyung, but not that dense." He tsked.

 

The younger threw in a sarcastic laugh before continuing, not letting Jinki answer. He wanted to say what he had to say first, otherwise, his head would just end up being in a tight mess.

 

"You going to Full Sun after three... four years, I don't even know at this point, lets me know that you know the answer to your question because you wouldn't have gone there yourself if it wasn't for this photo. You didn't want answers, you needed them and you're slowly getting them."

 

Taemin gave Jinki another hard look and continued.

 

"Hyung, I think you're forgetting the fact that I'm your best friend, that I know how your brain works, because surprise, we think the same."

 

The two were now staring at each other, not breaking eye contact.

 

That was a lie because right now, Taemin had no clue what the other was thinking. He needed to make the other think he knew though. Why? Well he had the upper hand in this, he didn't want to ruin anything between the both of them, especially for Jinki.

 

This conversation, however, moved too fast for the both of them. Even when Taemin didn't like how fast it was going, he was slightly grateful for it because that only meant it'll end soon.

 

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jinki didn't want to be the first to look away but he couldn't help it. He couldn't take in the fact that he had to ask that because it should've been plain and simple; Taemin didn't want to ruin their friendship. And though that was the reason, he knew there was more to it and he just needed a little nudge of an answer to allow him to understand a bit more.

 

"Why?" Taemin sarcastically laughed, still in his spot. "I didn't want to ruin what we had, I didn't want you falling for me only because I confessed."

 

That was it?

 

This only made Jinki look at the boy confused.

 

"You always went out with those people because they confessed first, you didn't want to hurt their feelings so you never rejected them. I wasn't going to be like them. And I don't want to be like them."

 

Oh...

 

"I was not like that." Jinki interjected.

 

"Yes you were and you know it. The only person you ever worked hard for was Luna. She was the only person who got to get you because you caught feelings first."

 

It hurt Taemin to say those words and Jinki saw it through the boy's eyes.

 

"You think I wouldn't have confessed to you first?"

"Well did you?" Taemin challenged.

 

Silence.

 

"Exactly. Now what more do you want to know?"

 

Taemin's tone changed completely. Jinki thought he was ready for it but still, it caught him off-guard.

 

"Taemin." Jinki replied sternly but Taemin ignored it.

"If you don't have any more questions, this conversation is over and we are not going to speak about it again."

"Why not?"

"Jinki,"

 

Jinki?

 

Taemin only called him by his first name when he was seriously upset with him. Otherwise, it was always hyung.

 

"I don't know if you're forgetting or not, but you're proposing to her in a couple of months, focus on that instead of the past." Taemin walked back to the table and began clearing his part.

 

No one spoke and Taemin was glad for a bit of silence. His head was fogging up too much for his liking.

 

"It's not in the past if it's still happening now in your heart."

 

Taemin sighed, stopped what he was doing and gave Jinki a lazy look, "stop it, will you?"

 

"Just why won't you speak about it?"

 

Taemin placed his place into the sink and sat back down, looking at the man in front of him.

 

"Okay…" the boy took in a deep breath, allowing Jinki to know that he was getting annoyed, "you want to talk about it? Then we'll talk about it."

"Taemin." Jinki said again, a bit more sternly than last time.

"You wanted to talk, so talk."

 

Jinki just looked at the younger and sighed as he dropped his head down.

 

"You still love me don't you?"

Taemin only chuckled as he gave up. "Yes, any more questions other than that one?"

"Since the beginning?"

 

They both looked each other in the eyes.

 

"Since the beginning." Taemin smiled, letting out a chuckle that was painful to hear.

 

Jinki released a really deep sigh, not even knowing if he should continue at this point. He knew he was the one to force this conversation out of the younger, and that alone already made him feel bad. He never in his entire time of being friends with the younger, has he ever forced anything out of Taemin.

 

He gave Taemin an apologetic look and it only made the younger more upset than he already was.

 

"Was telling me at all really that bad?" Jinki asked in a quieter tone.

 

This had Taemin realize that he was hurting Jinki and he never wanted to be that person.

 

But that's the difficult thing in any kind of relationship — be it romantic or not; anyone special to you could hurt you, with or without them even knowing that they are. Or you could hurt them without even knowing you are.

They could hurt you because they're that special to you that any opinion of theirs mattered to you. Or you could hurt them without even planning to, because you don't know how much you mean to them.

 

"Yes." The younger whispered.

 

"And letting anyone else know about it was that bad as well?" Jinki painfully asked.

 

Jinki didn't have to ask the boy if anyone, other than the boy himself knew about his feelings at all prior to the photograph being found.

 

No one could have known about Taemin's thoughts.

 

Because if Jinki couldn't get it, no one else could.

 

Yes, Jinki was always one or two steps ahead of everyone else but Taemin? The boy was always a couple more steps ahead of him. 

 

Taemin took a while to answer and because of it, Jinki began to question if he was even worthy to be loved by the younger.

 

"Yes."

 

Taemin said it so quietly, you'd probably think you imagined it, but Jinki knew he heard it well. He was expecting that answer, but it still upset him hearing it.

 

"Yes?" Jinki choked, he had to make sure he still heard it right even when he did. He couldn't accept the fact that to Taemin, letting anyone know about his feelings for him could be so terrible.

 

"Yes." Taemin repeated.

 

"Why?" The older whispered much quieter this time.

 

Taemin examined Jinki, taking in a couple subtle deep breaths in and out. He later covered his face with both hands, groaning quietly into them. The younger was wording out his sentences in his head over and over again, making sure that before it came out of his mouth, it made sense and that it were words that he wanted to convey to the other.

 

"I didn't want anyone to know or bring anyone else into it because maybe, just maybe…" Taemin sighed and made eye contact with his friend. "These feelings would go away faster than I would like."

 

He really wanted to stop loving me.

 

It hurt. It hurt Jinki to know that.

 

"Plus, that kind of relationship between us just

wouldn't work."

"Why do you say that?"

 

Now, Jinki was genuinely curious about that.

 

Why wouldn't it have worked out?

 

"Hyung, I've loved you for so long, yet you never even had a single thought that maybe I've fallen for you, I never dated anyone after realizing my feelings for you. In the span of me loving you from the very beginning till now, you've never even thought of loving me like that."

Taemin paused to calm himself.

"So you tell me," the younger challenged, "would it have worked out? You really think that if I confessed back then you'd fall for me not because I confessed... but because you actually felt that way about me?"

 

Jinki was silent and Taemin tsked at that.

 

"I thought so. So please, let's just forget about this."

 

Taemin once again, got up from his seat and finally tried to tidy up the sink.

 

"So what you're telling me right now is that you want me to go ahead and propose to another person right in front of you?" Jinki let out without thinking.

"That was the plan."

"Why?" Jinki was frustrated, he just wanted to be able to know why Taemin thought this way. Was there ever a time when he made Taemin feel that way? Has he ever made the younger feel that he couldn't get the love he wanted from him. Sure, Jinki always talked about other people with him but that didn't go to show that he couldn't have fallen for the boy.

 

"Maybe that way the feelings that I have for you would finally go away." The younger replied in a quiet tone, almost as if he was scared to voice it out.

 

"Taemin—"

"I know… I know, it's stupid to hear right now, but trust me it will work. Once I actually see that you are well and happy with the person you love... Once I see a band around that finger, it'll go away." Taemin assured.

 

But it seemed like he was reassuring himself a lot more than he was assuring Jinki.

 

The older sarcastically laughed as the words came out of the boy's mouth. At this point Jinki was frustrated. He really just couldn't understand why Taemin thought like this.

He slammed both hands onto the table; holding his fists in a tight ball for a long time that it was beginning to hurt.

 

"You want me to get married to somebody else and be happy with my life when I know that somewhere along the sidelines, you'd be right by my side the whole time and still maybe be having these feelings for me?"

 

That was ridiculous.

 

This was ridiculous.

 

"You want me to continue on when I know for a fact that those feelings will never disappear?"

 

Jinki didn't want to accept the fact that Taemin was honestly convinced with the idea that he could let that happen to the younger. The older couldn't believe his own best friend thought he could do something like that.

 

"Like I said, it'll be gone once and when you propose." Taemin turned around, finally sending Jinki a genuine smile. A smile that Jinki could finally understand.

 

It was a smile that hurt to look at.

 

"How are you so sure of that?!"

 

The older didn't want to raise his voice but how much did he have to strain to let the other know it wasn't going to be like that because he wasn't going to let it happen.

 

Jinki stood up, hovering over the table for a while with both palms on the spot he first slammed it on. Huffing, he slowly made his way toward the younger which made the younger turn around.

 

"Get rid of your feelings for me right now." Jinki glared in frustration.

"W-what?"

"Right now, get rid of them." This time, he was the one challenging the other.

 

The two only stared at each other. One, in a confused and betrayed state, and the other, in a calm and defeated state.

 

"You can't, can you? So how are you going to forget about them once I propose?"

 

Jinki was slowly getting too close. Although he wasn't so close that he was breathing down at the boy, it was too close for Taemin's liking. 

Jinki was still a good distance away from Taemin, but the younger felt like he was losing air. Maybe it was because of the way Jinki was glaring at him or maybe it was because he literally didn't know how to get himself away from the conversation.

 

"I will and I can." Taemin didn't back down, he glared right back as he said those words.

"Then do it." The older taunt.

 

After so many years of knowing the older, Taemin didn't think Jinki had it in him to challenge a person like this. 

 

"Stop." 

"Do it." Jinki repeated but this time he cocked an eyebrow.

"Stop it." The younger whispered.

"You loved me for a whole decade and didn't tell me. So you tell me. How are you going to forget the love you've felt for me for ten years in a matter of seconds once I propose? How are you going to do that when you've been trying to get rid of it for years?"

 

"Who ever said I was? Huh? Who?" Taemin raised his voice.

 

Jinki looked into Taemin's eyes, shocked to hear those words.

 

Even after everything, he still wanted to love me? He wanted to keep loving me?

 

That alone, hurt Jinki. After getting to know everything he didn't think he was worthy of the boy's love. What made Taemin love him so much to the point of just keeping those feelings hidden but still give him his all?

 

Taemin always wanted to stay loving Jinki. Although he kept saying he wanted to give up his feelings, he made no effort to. He wanted to continue loving the man in front of him even after Jinki entered a life without him by his side, but the older didn't need to know that.

 

Taemin observed the man in front of him; the man he wanted to love forever. He looked into those eyes and he couldn't help but remember that those were the eyes he wanted to wake up to every morning; the eyes he wanted to continue looking into at times of comfort and at times of pure bliss where nothing else mattered. But that would never happen and those moments will only stay in his mind and imagination.

Now, the eyes he loved were wide, looking back into his eyes in shock. Jinki's jaw was slightly ajar, trying to find words to say. The man that Taemin had fallen in love with was almost frozen.

 

"I didn't try to get rid of it because I didn't want to. If I had, I would've been out dating who knows who right now, I would've had somebody else holding my heart."

 

Taemin dropped his head, forcing himself not to tear up or cry, which he knew won't last for long; the tears would eventually drop.

 

"Why did I have to find out because of a photo we both loved but you ripped?" Jinki took in a deep breath before continuing. "You would've kept that photo with you forever if you wanted to continue loving me."

 

"You're right, I would've kept it," Taemin looked at the photo that was still on the table, "but I poured my heart into it, held it too many times, had it beside me everyday… I didn't want to rely on it, just in case I got too tired of not getting to call you mine. At that time, I made the realization that I didn't want to continue loving you because of the image I had of you in my head. I wanted to love the you that was in front of me."

 

Having to learn that and to hear it made Jinki feel a whole bunch of emotions all at once. He felt hurt but he also felt flutters that he never knew existed. They weren't the flutters you felt when you felt giddy from love. No, these were different. They felt good yet they hurt; you wanted it to stop but at the same time, you wanted it to keep going.

 

"And I still couldn't find out? Do you hear yourself?"

 

Jinki took a couple steps back and looked anywhere else other than the boy in front of him.

 

"You weren't supposed to know, not until I was ready!"

"And when would that be?" Jinki let out an exasperated expression.

"I was going to tell you, I swear! But you got with her and I didn't know your feelings for her were so deep and I kept telling myself I would and I will. I swear I kept pushing myself to tell you." Taemin cried, "but you were so happy with her and I couldn't ruin that for you."

 

It was then and only then that Jinki found out that Taemin was supposed to tell him sometime in high school. It was then and only then that he realized he's been really hurting the boy for so long. The fact that Taemin wanted to so badly tell him about his feelings but couldn't… meant that he really wanted him.

 

Taemin didn't want to but he finally let out his tears in front of the older.

 

Taemin knew he needed time to calm down but he continued although he was choking on his words. "When I realized that you loved her a lot, I told myself that you and anyone else couldn't find out."

 

"That's the thing! Why wasn't I supposed to know? I could've easily fallen in love with you!"

 

Jinki raised his voice.

 

"Do you hear yourself hyung? I wanted you to stay happy! Wanted you to keep feeling those feelings you had with her." Taemin's voice raised back. It was as if Jinki didn't even listen to a single word he said.

 

As if he wasn't listening to the part that Taemin was only trying to protect Jinki's relationship with Luna.

 

"If I did tell you, that would've meant I confessed! No matter how much you say you do, you don't like it when people confessed to you! It didn't give you that challenge you always wanted. If I confessed back then, I wouldn't be a challenge, you'd get tired, and you would've tried to make me leave you!"

 

Jinki released a chuckle. Looking at Taemin as if he grew two heads.

 

"And if I had confessed that would mean I would've ruined your relationship with Luna, I don't want to be that person. If I had confessed, that would mean we would've gotten together."

 

"See! And don't you want that?"

 

"I do! I really do…" Taemin stared into Jinki eyes. "But aren't you listening, Luna was, still, and will continue to be in the picture." He stressed on those three words, hoping Jinki could understand. "I want to be able to call you mine so badly, you don't even know. I was late and I can't even apologize for it. I want you to be happy and being with me, won't let you have that because the fact that I could've ruined a relationship would stay in the back of your head, if I had let that happen. The fact that you would've fallen for someone who couldn't think of others but himself, would've ruined you."

 

Jinki chuckled, shaking his head at how ridiculous this all sounded.

 

"No, I would've fallen in love with you because you're Taemin. The person I learned a lot from and can learn a lot more from, the person who would and will always be there for me and take care of me even when I say you don't have to because I want to do the caring. You're the person who I grew to be comfortable with."

 

Silence.

 

Taemin smiled at Jinki and began to tear up again with those words. He dropped his head, closing his eyes as he released a painful laugh. He lifted his head back up, not caring anymore that Jinki was seeing this side of himself.

 

"Listen to your words hyung, yes, I'm that Taemin," he nodded, locking eyes with the older once again. "But did you fall in love with that Taemin? Did you fall in love with me?"

 

It was quiet again.

 

"I'm asking again," Taemin's voice was quivering, "do you hear yourself hyung? Because it sounds to me like you've liked me at some point. Why didn't you tell me?" Taemin painfully laughed.

 

Jinki tried to say something, anything but nothing came out.

 

It hurt him to see Taemin like this and a little part of him died when he saw the younger still try his best to give him a smile despite the tears falling from his eyes.

 

Taemin didn't wait for the older to say anything. All that mattered to him now was that he got everything off of his chest. He just hoped that Jinki would replay those words he said over and over again in his head.

 

Jinki watched the younger walk away from him and make his way to his room where he closed the door quietly.

 

.

 

 

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I hope you all enjoyed this! My brain was hurting with this one and made me change a lot of the future plot.

I apologize for the wait again, though I'm saying it again, updates won't be regular no matter how much I want it to be haha. I had most of the plot written out but again, because I changed a lot of things, there's a lot of shifting I need to do with it.

Also, stay safe out there. A lot has been going around the world right now. Fight for whatever you believe in and fight for your voice to be heard.

Again, thank you for Staying with me and for reading!

'Till next time, bye!