I'm not a confidence man, but tonight, FOr you i will........ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fs8tV1LwGew

               Siwon didn’t care about anything anymore, all he wanted to just reach home as soon as possible. He needs to calm himself and get back to his sense. His thoughts were drifted away by the sight of Dara just now. Nothing seems right at all. The moment he saw her, the world seems to be shattered around. He was easily shaken by her, even by mentioned of 2NE1 or the name Sandara Park, his heart will be pacing crazily. What could be worst happening if he just happened to see her, crying in the middle of the street, leaning against the wall? And it was during the time when he was just about to forget her.

                The feeling of lost and desperation suddenly came back into him. He admits, she is everything he yearns for. He is so desperately needs her in his life; she is the oxygen of his life, the essence of living. He wants to surrender to his feeling, but he can’t stand the pain that he had experienced in the past. The feeling of rejection coming from the person that you love the most is more painful than the stab from an enemy. It’s too painful to bear, too painful that it feels like dying. It is so hard to live with it, and what if she did it again for the second time, wouldn’t it be killing him two times? He wishes that he could open a new book and started everything all over again, with a completely new life without her. But his heart was not willing to move on easily. Of all the girls that he dated his entire life, Dara is the only person that he is very hesitant to leave, and is hesitant to erase all the feeling for her, and start over with a new person.

                ‘Dear God, what should I do? Please give me sign so that I could live my life better.’ He prayed hard as he drives. He can feel hot water flowing from his eyes. His tears that he kept for so long had been fallen down with his desperation. There’s no other girl that can make Choi Siwon cries so hard in desperation other than Sandara Park.

                He can’t do anything else except to pray, his mind and soul is exhausted for these past few months, and he is afraid that he might turn to alcohol again tonight. He is so afraid that he will become an alcoholic in the future. That’s not the future that he wants to be at. And probably Dara won’t be happy if she heard about him that had become an alcoholic and have to undergo rehab. She wishes a better life for him, but in the end, everything turns out bad. And all of his success that he had been building all these while will be destroyed overnight. And what about his family? His family business might turn into a disaster if he tarnished his image. His father would never forgive him if this occurs. He had been going a hard time just to allow him to join the show business. He was supposed to inherit his family business and not going around becoming a celebrity. But his father just allows him to do as he wished. If he is going to destroy his career, he might as well destroy the faith that was given by his father. That is not right at all.

As he stops his car over a red traffic light, something caught his attention. Across the street, where there is a large LED screen, he finally saw it, the sign that was sent from heaven. The sign that he had been asking for, finally appear in front of him. It might be a coincident for other people, but he still wants to believe it as a sign, that will determine the most important future of him.

He saw her, it was Dara. She was smiling brightly in the CF that she shot for Etude House. Her sweet smile that had bringing light in his life in the past, it’s in there. For one moment, his mind had becoming crystal clear. He is thinking how he misses those smiles, that laugh, that warmth that she gave into his life. She is a gem that is too precious to lose, and he didn’t want to lose all of that. He wants to keep it forever, not in the video, no in the memories, not in the CF, not in the 2NE1 show, but he wants it for himself, in real life. He wants to keep seeing Dara’s smile, laughter, pouty face, cute face; he wants to see everything about her, the good, the bad, the ugly. He wants to write a new book for himself, he wants to write everything back, but that would still include Dara in it. He wants to walk the future with her holding his hands, and he wants to support her, wants to care for her, wants to be with her, for the rest of their life.

 He had made up his mind, whatever the outcome will be, he will face her bravely. He will tell her honestly as what he thinks in his mind now. He will tell her that he was still truly, deeply, madly in love with her. And he will never look at other girl besides her. No one, no other girls can replace her in his heart.

He promised himself, if Dara refuse to accept his feeling, he will still be the one who will take her home that day. And still be the one she can always talk to, whenever she had a problem. He didn’t mind at all, if she didn’t want to be his lover anymore. He still wants to be her friends who will listen to all her problems and hear her whines all day. He didn’t mind about it, so long that he could stay by her side; that is more than enough. Who said that when you love someone, you should get it back equally?  Love is also meaningful if we could give it without asking anything in return.

They said ‘Love is patient, love is kind. It is always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserve.’ That was what the pastor at the church taught him.

And he realized that, he wants to give it a try. In life, there’s always hope, no matter how hard life ought to be. He wants to risk it all this time, to see if there is still hope for them to be together. It’s worth trying, for once and for all. Even if he doesn’t get love from Dara as a lover, he might get love from her as a friend. If Dara were not end up being his lover like he wishes, probably he could just get mentally prepared and make a few adjustment. It might be hard at first, but he knows, so long that he is in contact with Dara, everything will be alright. He will feel more relieved and be highly spirited and motivated.

As soon as the traffic light turns green, he sped off his car to get to the nearest place for U-turn. He needs to get to where Dara is at. He needs to get her out of the street. He wants to be there to wipes her tears, to be the one she can share all her problems with. He really needs to get her out from there before the weather turns colder and she fell sick.

 ‘Hold on love, I’ll be there soon.’ He whispers as he sped off his car. He need to get to where she is now before something bad happened to Dara and he might even lose the chances to confess his feelings.