I walked into my apartment seeing Namjoon sit in the sofa looking devastated. He looks up at me, hos eyes catches mine and then he says "I'm only here because Yoongi wasn't answering my calls". I am confused, I shift my weight a bit as I'm about to say something but Namjoon interrupts me, "my parents were in a car accident on their way home, my mom died". And my heart breaks, I see the hurt in Namjoon's eyes and I can't help but go over and throw my arms around him giving him a big hug. Namjoon gives in, he slowly puts his arms around me and pushes his face in my neck. 

After 5 minutes in that position Namjoon unwraps his arms of me and leans back a bit and I realise he's crying. My hand goes up to his hair and I start petting it. I let my hand slide down from his hair to the back of his neck to pull him into a hug again. "It's ok to cry" I say in a low voice as I have him in my arms, and he let's it all out. Namjoon is bawling his eyes out.

When Namjoon has calmed down he slowly pulls away from me. His watery eyes catch mine, and he doesn't hesitate but goes in for a kiss directly. His hands cup my cheeks as he starts moving his lips on mine, and I kiss him back. I've missed this, I've missed him, his touch, his scent, his fingers digging into my sides. Namjoon pulls me on top of him not ever once breaking the kiss. It's like he's devouring me and I can't even think straight. His fingers are already playing with the hem of my pants and I'm breathless. I pull out of the kiss and look Namjoon in the eyes, "you're not emotionaly stable right now, maybe we should-" Namjoon interrupts me with a kiss. He pulls away again and then his eyes go down to my pants whilst biting his lips, he pulls on them indicating he wants them off. I get off him and pull down my pants and Namjoon does the same, he pulls down his boxers along with it surprising me. He sits back down and pulls me on him again, this time letting out a moan. He pulls my head down so his lips are right by my ear "can I shove my in you?" he asks, explicitly. I nod.

I was happy my first time was with Namjoon, but I don't like how it all went down. The only reason he was here was because he was sad, and I felt like I took advantage of that sleeping with him. 

My finger was tracing his chest just thinking about what'd happened. Suddenly Namjoon's hand stopp mine. I tilt my head up to look at him, and he has a neutral face. He doesn't look happy, or sad, or angry, he just looks emotionless. I get off Namjoon's chest and sit up straight, I grab my shirt off the floor and put it on and get up from the couch. "I'll make us breakfast" I say. "No need to, I'm leaving" Namjoon says as he also gets up. I walk back to him and stand right infront of him, "Namjoon don't be like this please". "Be like what?" he asks. I get angry, "you just took my ity, the least you can do is stay for breakfast" I say and Namjoon goes quiet. 

"You're not gonna put any pants on?" Namjoon asks as he eyes my legs. I put his plate of eggs and toast infront of him and then sit down shaking my head. "Well there's no need for that when I'm just at home" I answer. Namjoon goes quiet and there is an awkward silence as we eat. I can't muster up to talk so the silence continues out through the whole breakfast.

Namjoon puts his shoes and jacket on and is about to leave but then he turns around, "mom's funeral is next week. I'll send you an invite". I nod. And Namjoon is about to turn around and leave but I grab his hand, "Joonie, I promise I didn't cheat on you. The picture is all a missunderstanding, I didn't want that kiss, Tae was being stupid. You know I wo-", I stop talking because Namjoon leans in surprising me. He doesn't do anything other than stare into my eyes, and then he leans back, "I believe you, I'm just angry at myself" he says. Then he turns around and leaves.

Sofie called me to tell me she was coming over. She looked horrible when she walked in, she had a bucnh of snacks with her and I could guess what was going on. "Yoongi and I broke up" she says casually as she sits down beside me. She smiles, as if I can't see that she'd cried the whole night. I try to hug Sofie but she pushes me away, "stop being so chessy hahahah, it's fine" Sofie says. "What happened?". She grabs a cookie, "I was trying to tell him that my friends were important to me, and he took it the wrong way thinking i meant he's not important to me". "You didn't explain yourself?" I ask a bit worried. "He didn't want to listen so I can't be bothered. It's his problem" Sofie says and gives me a fake smile. 

Why were our lives like this?