Regain

shallow ends of the mind, infinite depths of the soul

Its eyes shot up when the door finally opened, its fingers twitching when it saw Sang-hyuk’s smiling face as he stepped into the room. He looked the same as he always did, his face young as smooth cheeks pulled up into happy bundles, hair splayed out messily over bright eyes and overly large clothes draped over his body as he closed the door behind him. Its eyes snapped down to the bag that rustled against Sang-hyuk’s side, the plastic handle briefly catching on the scar that ran down his forearm. It did not pay much attention to the bag, however, instead staring up into Sang-hyuk’s eyes and waiting for his greeting.

“Hello there, Y21,” Sang-hyuk greeted as he fell into his chair, his hands reaching over to take its own. It had been many days since Seok-jin had first appeared, and while it was now familiar with the man, it still preferred Sang-hyuk’s smiles compared to the way Seok-jin avoided it.

“Hello, Sang-hyuk,” it responded, having learned that as the proper response from watching Sang-hyuk and Seok-jin. Sang-hyuk’s smile widened to show his teeth, and the sudden urge to please him rushed through its body. When he placed his hand on its elbow, it immediately straightened its arm; when he ran his hands down to its waist, it immediately rotated its hips. Sang-hyuk’s eyes widened, though before it could wonder if its actions had caused such a response, Sang-hyuk ruffled its hair with a teary smile.

“You are very smart, you know that?” he asked, a hint of a laugh in his voice. “Did you learn to do that all by yourself?” It was not sure how to respond, staring, and Sang-hyuk’s smile faltered, his eyes falling as he silently went back to checking the rest of its joints. It did not like the change in his expression, and it tried to make him smile again by continuing to help with the daily test. It worked, and by the end Sang-hyuk’s face was lighter.

“I have something for you,” Sang-hyuk said, turning slightly to grab the bag off the desk. Its eyes followed to see what he was doing, the crinkling noise reverberating loudly in its ears. Sang-hyuk noticed it watching, chuckling as he placed the bag on his lap, pushing the plastic away so it could see inside. It blinked confusedly. “These are for you.”

“For me?” it asked, looking up to see Sang-hyuk’s eyes wet and his smile trembling.

“Yes. The others aren’t too keen about it, but I feel that you deserve to have something cover you up. Don’t you think so?” It was not sure what that question meant, though it seemed Sang-hyuk had not been waiting for an answer, instead rummaging through the bag to pull out a shirt. He let out a satisfied smile as he unraveled it, shaking it a bit to catch its attention. “This one is perfect—it’s my favorite. I can’t wait to see you try it on.”

“Try it on?”

Sang-hyuk hesitated before giving a shaky laugh, never answering its question as he moved to put the shirt over its head. It stared at Sang-hyuk’s face while he guided its arms up into the air, confused. There were times when something inside its body stirred at the sight of Sang-hyuk, whenever his voice shook or his eyes glistened causing its fingers to tighten. It wanted to understand what pushed Sang-hyuk to smile and caused him to cry, though nothing in the man’s posture or voice gave anything away.

“There you go,” Sang-hyuk announced loudly once its head poked through the collar, the rest of the fabric rolling down its body and pooling around its waist. It looked down at itself, stared at its arms and how starkly they contrasted against the darkened color of the shirt. Sang-hyuk gently pulled its hands away, holding them in his lap as he leaned forward to look up into its eyes. “Do you like it?”

It blinked, not understanding what he was asking, and Sang-hyuk bit his lip. “Ah, sorry. I-”

“I like it.”

Sang-hyuk froze, his brow scrunching as his narrowed eyes ran over its body, an expression it had never seen before. It wondered if its answer had been wrong, only having Sang-hyuk and Seok-jin’s interactions as examples. While they never talked much, it had learned that there were many types of questions with different kinds of answers, making it hard for it to determine when to use the correct one. It could only guess what type of answer was needed for his question, though when Sang-hyuk continued to stare at it with narrowed eyes and pursed lips, it concluded that it was wrong. “I am sorry-”

“Do you…really like it, Y21?” Sang-hyuk asked, his voice cracking. Its eyes honed in on the tears running down Sang-hyuk’s cheeks, and it wondered if it had been the cause of them. Sang-hyuk cried so easily, it was not sure what it had done to cause it. “Do you really?”

“Was my answer wrong?”

“No, no,” Sang-hyuk said hurriedly, cupping its face in his hands, “you weren’t wrong. Your answer was perfect. You did wonderful.” It was confused by how quickly Sang-hyuk’s expressions were changing, moving so fluidly between crying and smiling that it did not know which was positive anymore. Its mind whirled as it tried to collect whatever it could, taking in Sang-hyuk’s gentle whisper, shining eyes and relaxed shoulders to signal his emotions, a bundle of positivity that it could understand. Even if there were very few chances for it to gather new information, it wanted to learn more to become better for Sang-hyuk.

It wanted Sang-hyuk to stop crying.

“You’re so smart,” Sang-hyuk said, pulling its head down slightly to rest his forehead against its own, and it blinked at seeing Sang-hyuk so close. Its eyes flit around to try and understand what he was doing, Sang-hyuk’s eyes closed and his breath slow, his hands still holding its face. It waited a few seconds before trying to mimic him, moving its arms up to place its hands on Sang-hyuk’s cheeks. It could see his eyes snap open, staring into its own, and it attempted to give him a smile. It was not able to tell if it did it correctly, unable to feel whether its lips moved the way it wanted, but it appeared good enough, Sang-hyuk laughing softly.

“You’re so smart,” Sang-hyuk repeated, smiling back. “You don’t deserve to be here. It’s all my fault…I’m so sorry.”

“I do not understand.”

Sang-hyuk immediately pulled back, quickly pushing its hands away as he straightened in his seat. It noticed the bag had fallen to the floor, clothes spilling out of it. “Sorry,” Sang-hyuk said, his voice light, “I got distracted. Here, let’s finish getting you all dressed up.”

It followed Sang-hyuk’s directions as he helped it to its feet, now much more adept as its knees immediately locked and its fingers clasped around Sang-hyuk’s hands. It had practiced standing up on its own since the day it fell, and while Sang-hyuk had tried to teach it to walk, it could not without the man by its side. Even now, with Sang-hyuk’s hand firmly grasping its own and helping it change, it knew that it would not be able on its own.

Sang-hyuk let out a loud sigh once they finally finished, his hands still holding its own as he swung them playfully. “Wow,” he breathed, running his eyes over its body and his teeth flashing, “You look amazing.”

“Amazing?” it asked, and Sang-hyuk laughed as he let one hand go to ruffle its hair.

“Yes. You’re absolutely amazing, and don’t let anyone else ever tell you otherwise.” It looked down at itself to try and find what part of itself was amazing, wondering if the clothing was supposed to enhance its features, and Sang-hyuk’s finger lifted its chin up, forcing it to look him in the eye. “Hey, it’s okay. I was just giving you a compliment.”

“Compliment?”

“Yeah.” Sang-hyuk’s eyes were shining, his voice gentle, and it realized that it was making him feel positive. “I wanted to let you know how good you look, so I gave you a compliment. Here, ah,” Sang-hyuk suddenly turned his head to look around the room, his eyes fixing on the door, “I’ll show you. I’m going to walk you over to the other side of the room now, so be ready, okay?”

Its hand was already shifting to grab onto his by the time he finished his question, Sang-hyuk’s other hand moving to its back as he carefully guided it forward. It kept its eyes firmly on its own feet, having to put all its focus on the way its feet moved and pressed, even the smallest distraction able to cause it tumbling to the floor. Sang-hyuk was by its side all the while, muttering encouragements as its legs wobbled with each stunted step. It wanted to listen to Sang-hyuk’s voice, hear the sound of his compliments in its ear, but could not, so focused it never noticed the way Sang-hyuk’s hand glowed white from how tightly it held onto him. 

They walked all the way to the other end of the room, something it had never done before, the door it always thought unreachable now mere inches from its fingertips. Sang-hyuk made sure to step in between itself and the door, mumbling something soft into its ear to keep it from trying to leave. It did not pay attention to that, clinging to his side as it glanced back, taking in the sight of the bed it had spent its entire existence sitting on so far away.

It was strange, what had been its entire world now turned around completely, and its mouth hung open as it tried to understand. It lifted its arm out toward the bed, measuring the distance between the two, and a small, choked sound left its throat at the realization. Was this why Sang-hyuk had been trying to push it to walk around? Did he want it to experience this?

It blinked when a hand waved before its eyes, turning around to see Sang-hyuk grinning next to it. “What are you thinking about?” he asked, laughing when it could only stare at him. “You look so shocked.”

“I do not know.”

Sang-hyuk nodded, his expression gentle as he stepped behind it, his hands resting on its shoulders as he turned it around to face the wall, revealing a mirror. It recognized Sang-hyuk immediately, his posture and expression a perfect reflection. It watched the Sang-hyuk in the mirror lean forward, his lips resting by the ear of the person next to him, and it stared at the person in wonder. That person, that unmoving, empty person— “Do you see it?” Sang-hyuk asked, his one hand moving up to tuck a lock of hair behind the person’s ear, and it turned its head slightly to see the Sang-hyuk next to it doing the same thing. “Do you know what you’re looking at?”

“There is someone next to you,” it responded, watching the way Sang-hyuk’s eyes watered as he rested his cheek on the person’s head.

“Yes, there is,” Sang-hyuk whispered, its eyes watching how his hands ran up and down the person’s shoulders. “You’re next to me. The person in the mirror…that’s you.”

You.

That was it.

The person in the mirror…was it.

It slowly reached its hand out, not noticing how horribly it shook, to see the person in the mirror do the same, taking a wobbling step forward to press its hand against the reflection. It stumbled as it did so, Sang-hyuk hurriedly catching it, but it did not pay attention, eyes focused on the way its hand lined up perfectly. The wrinkles in the skin were the same, each twitch the same, and it slowly looked up to stare at the reflection’s face.

The first thing it noticed were the wide eyes, a dark brown that appeared every bit as surprised as it felt. Leaving its hand on the mirror, it raised its other hand to run down the length of its nose, brushing the lips Sang-hyuk always talked about. It could not feel the touch, the reflection the only way it could see what it was doing, but that did not stop its wonder. It grabbed a lock of its hair, pulling it in front of its eyes so it could see, and its lips parted to let out a garbled shout.

“M-me-” it tried, and Sang-hyuk quickly wrapped his arms around its waist, it looking down to see exactly what it saw in the mirror.

“Yes, that’s you. Didn’t I say you look amazing? Look at you,” he leaned his head on its own again as his fingers brushed its eyes, “there’s your pretty eyes. And look at how cute your nose is. And those soft lips, it’s not fair how nice your lips are. They always make me so jealous.” It watched how intimately Sang-hyuk held it, how quiet his whispers were as he gave compliment after compliment, but all it could focus on was itself. It had never known what it looked like, and now faced with itself, it found it was nothing compared to Sang-hyuk.

Sang-hyuk was much more amazing than it could ever be.

“No matter what they do to you, you’ll always be wonderful…do you understand? You’ll always be handsome, smart, sweet…you’ll never be their puppet. I won’t let you.” Sang-hyuk’s hand trailed up to its chest, tears running down his face. “I’ll tell you how amazing you are as many times as you need. I’ll bring as many clothes as you want and dress you in the finest I can find. I promise. I’ll make sure they never change you.”

“Amazing…was I amazing before?”

“Yes, yes you were,” Sang-hyuk said, stepping closer so his front was flush against its back, his face buried into its neck. “You were more than amazing before. You were the most wonderful person in my life, and it will be over my dead body that they take you away.”

It used the mirror to successfully place its hands over Sang-hyuk’s, pulling his hand from its chest back down to its waist. It patted his hands as Sang-hyuk always did, and Sang-hyuk lifted his head in surprise.

“I do not want you to die.”

Sang-hyuk let out a choked sob as he shook his head, not even able to keep his smile up as he said strongly, “I won’t. I will never leave you alone, I promise.”

 

It waited until the lights again before its eyes locked on the mirror by the door. All night, its mind could only think of its reflection, running over its features continuously. It wanted to see itself again, to see the being that could stand next to Sang-hyuk and try to determine what about itself was amazing. It was not that it did not trust Sang-hyuk, but found it could not understand.

It moved its feet off the bed, waiting for its knees to properly lock before experimentally standing up. It glanced around the room briefly before looking down, keeping its focus on its feet as it slowly lifted one foot up, the knee bending as it tentatively tried to take a step forward.

Immediately it could see its body start to shake, and it hurriedly put its foot back down before it could fall. It knew nothing about balance or how to control its weight, but it knew that it wanted to see Sang-hyuk smile when he saw what it had done. It wanted to hear his compliments. So it forced itself forward, moving quickly enough that it could balance itself before falling to the floor. With arms spread out at its sides and eyes locked on the floor, it wobbled its way to the mirror, each step careful and precise.

One step—

“You’re so smart.”

Two steps—

“You look amazing.”

Its hands instinctively shot out and caught itself on the mirror before it crumbled to the floor, its body shaking as it used its hands as a brace. Its legs moved in all directions as it tried to remember how it was supposed to stand without Sang-hyuk by its side, watching its hands slide down the mirror the longer it stood there.

“Look at you. You’re standing up all by yourself.”

It pulled its hands back as it let its body fall against the wall, listening to the dulled thump to make sure it made contact. With a support that kept it sturdy, it looked down to watch its hands reach back and touch the wall, pushing up so that its legs would be free to stretch completely. It stayed completely still for a few seconds, the only sound being the soft breathing escaping its lips as it allowed its body to mold in place.

Sang-hyuk…it wanted Sang-hyuk to see.

When it was sure that its body would not fall, it turned itself around so that it could see into the mirror, immediately recognizing the image from before. The person was the same, with the darkened skin and even darker eyes, the thick hair that hung over a face that it could only see as its own. It was so different from Sang-hyuk, from even Seok-jin, that it could only understand it as its own. And yet, it did not want to say so, watching the reflection match its movements as it poked itself in the eye. How could such an ugly thing be worth Sang-hyuk’s time, to even be described as amazing?

It pushed its cheeks up into the smile Sang-hyuk always gave it, and thought the sight to be nothing but negative.

“What are you doing?”

It looked up to see Sang-hyuk standing behind it in the mirror, smile wide as his hands rested on its shoulders. It had not heard him come in, turning its head slightly to see Sang-hyuk really there. Its eyes shot back to the mirror when Sang-hyuk ran his hand through its hair, leaning down to place a kiss near its ear. “Did you walk here all by yourself?” he asked, his voice low in its ear, the sound causing something inside itself to turn.

It nodded. “Me…”

“Yes, that’s you,” Sang-hyuk repeated, clutching its body tighter to himself. “My precious Y21. I’m so proud of you for walking all the way over here by yourself. You did so well.”

“Proud?” it asked as Sang-hyuk began to guide it back to the bed.

“Yes. I am very proud. You are so strong and smart; I couldn’t be prouder.”

Proud…Sang-hyuk was proud. It liked the sound of the word, liked the sound of Sang-hyuk’s voice, and it wanted to make him proud all the time. It wanted to hear Sang-hyuk say he was proud of it.

“Today, I brought you something.” Sang-hyuk waved a bag in its face and it immediately looked down at itself, its fingers clutching around the shirt Sang-hyuk had given it yesterday.

“Clothes?” It did not want to change clothes. This was Sang-hyuk’s favorite.

Sang-hyuk blinked, having to take a second to realize what it was asking. “Oh, no!” he cried, patting its head until its hand loosened, laughing with the eyes that wanted to cry. “You can keep wearing whatever you want for as long as you like. No, I brought you something even better!” Without another word, Sang-hyuk climbed onto the bed, his hands quick as he pulled it along until they both leaned against the wall, their bodies pressed against one another as Sang-hyuk covered their legs with a blanket. It did not know what to say to such sudden behavior, silent as it watched Sang-hyuk settle, eyes taking in his bright smile and relaxed posture.

Sang-hyuk laughed when he finally met its eyes, pinching its cheek. “Surprised?” He placed his bag on the side as he reached over to fix its shirt, pausing when his fingers lifted its chin. The bright expression on his face dimmed as his lips pressed into a thin line, eyes watering as a heavy sigh compressed his chest. “You have such beautiful skin. I wish I had told you that more.”

“More?”

“Yes; more. There’s so much I wish I told you…I regret it every day. So I’m going to do my best to tell you now, okay? Don’t forget.” It did not answer, not sure what would be the correct response Sang-hyuk was searching for. However, its silence did not seem to be correct either, his eyes still watery as his smile weakened, voice trembling. “But enough of that. Here, this is what I brought you!” He dug through the bag and pulled out a small stack of books, placing them on his lap for it to see.

“I’m going to read to you every day, and tell you all kinds of stories. Doesn’t that sound fun? And maybe one day, you’ll be able to read to me. How does that sound?” It only blinked, unsure what he was asking of it, and Sang-hyuk continued as if he never stopped. “Here, this was a favorite of a friend of mine.” He shoved a book in its face, pulling it back before it could understand what he wanted it to do. “He loved Cinderella because he liked to tease me and say I was her. Isn’t that ridiculous? Why would he even think that? I’m way better than her.” He did not wait for it as he wrapped one arm around its shoulders, the other opening the book and balancing it on his lap as he began to read.

The words from the story did not catch its attention, unable to comprehend what he was saying as the only thing it could focus on was the warming lull of Sang-hyuk’s voice. The words on the page were nothing more than painted ink, its eyes drawn to the pictures that depicted people like themselves, expressions on their faces ones it had seen on Sang-hyuk many times. Crying eyes, toothy smiles, narrowed brows; it looked between Sang-hyuk and the pictures to recognize the words that described them.

Happiness.

Sadness.

Anger.

Fear.

The sadness on Cinderella’s face was a mirror image of the one it had seen on Sang-hyuk, the fear when the stepmother tore her dress the same as when Sang-hyuk cried the day they first met. As Sang-hyuk’s voice rose and fell along to the words of the story, his face contracting along to match the faces in the pictures, it wondered if Sang-hyuk’s likeness to Cinderella was why his friend had said they were alike. It could understand if that were to be true, and it wondered why such an idea did not make Sang-hyuk happy.

It reached over and clasped its fingers around Sang-hyuk’s hand, tugging it down so it was pressed against its chest. Sang-hyuk stopped mid-sentence to look at it, a question it could not answer already forming on his lips. It did not want to hear what pointless question he would ask, its brow furrowed as it pointed to the picture of Cinderella collapsed on the floor, her face in her hands as she cried amongst the torn shreds of her dress. “Sang-hyuk, do you feel this way?”

Sang-hyuk hesitated, his smile small. “Well, not like that, no.”

“You cry.”

Sang-hyuk hesitated for even longer, swallowing. “Yes, I do cry. But this is a different kind of crying. I never cried like that before.”

It mulled over the new information, its voice drawn out as it thought over the correct words to its question. “Never cried before…but you can feel that? That kind of…sadness?” Sang-hyuk blinked as he stared down at the picture, his breathing slow as he said quietly,

“Of course, I can. I can feel it anytime.”

“Why can I not?” Sang-hyuk looked back up in surprise, but it did not care. It did not like the sound of sadness in Sang-hyuk’s voice, and did not like that he could feel it. It wanted to take all of Sang-hyuk’s sadness and feel it instead, letting Sang-hyuk be free to smile and laugh as much as he wanted. It did not want Sang-hyuk to feel like Cinderella. “I want to feel, but I cannot.”

“You will one day,” Sang-hyuk said softly. “I’ll make sure of it.” He ran a hand down its cheek in an attempt to stop it from asking any more questions when a loud, foreign bang came from the other side of the door. It snapped its head curiously toward the sound, never having heard anything other than Sang-hyuk’s voice. It could not have been Seok-jin, the other man having freely walked in on them on numerous occasions. It wondered if it was a new person, another being in the dimension known as the outside, and it leaned forward as it waited for that person to come in.

“Stay here,” Sang-hyuk said, his face blank as he threw the book down and walked to the door, opening it just slightly so that it could not see who it was. It looked down at its back pressed against the wall, only its ankles hanging off the edge of the bed, and berated itself for not knowing how to stand up from this position. It wanted to go to Sang-hyuk’s side, to see the person that caused him to be upset and help.

It managed to lift the blanket off its legs with clumsy fingers, its head snapping up at the sound of Sang-hyuk stepping out of the room, in time to see a pair of unknown eyes silently watching it from around the doorframe. It had never seen the man that the eyes belonged too, the face both unfamiliar and comforting all at once. It slowly fell back against the wall as it kept its gaze level with the silent man, tilting its head as Sang-hyuk’s voice filtered in softly.

It at first wondered if the strange man was the one who had called for Sang-hyuk, yet when Sang-hyuk left the room and the man stayed by the crack in the doorway, it no longer believed so. The man did not leave to follow Sang-hyuk, nor did he move to say anything, only staring in a way that left it confused.

Careful, it raised its hand and waved uncertainly, watching to see if the stranger would do the same. He did not, and before it could think of anything to say, the man ran away.

“Kim Seok-jin,” Sang-hyuk’s voice shouted, reentering the room on the heels of Seok-jin as the latter hurried towards it with a large syringe in his hand. It watched as Seok-jin reached out to grab its hand when Sang-hyuk pulled back on his shoulder, his fingers white as they dug into the other man’s coat. It looked between the two of them as it tried to understand the flurry of emotion on their faces, recognizing a mixture of fear and anger on them both. It pursed its lips as it once again tried to move off the bed, its movements clumsy and useless.

“I-I’m sorry, Sang-hyuk, sir,” Seok-jin said, his voice trembling. “I was ordered to-”

“Then I order you not to. I already told them I don’t want anyone touching him.”

“They said it didn’t matter. It’s already been progressing a lot; they want to start the tests and-”

No. No one is allowed to test on him. I already told them that! They put me in charge and he’s mine.” Sang-hyuk suddenly turned to look down at it, hobbled over and struggling as it tried to push its legs off the bed, and he was quick to push Seok-jin away as he placed his hands on its shoulders, stopping him. “Y21, what are you doing? Here, calm down, it’s okay.” It allowed Sang-hyuk to guide its body back onto the bed, its eyes sharp as they watched the way Sang-hyuk laid it down so its head rested on the pillow, pulling the blanket up to its chin. It was not sure what he was doing or why, but it was careful to note everything to show him later.

“Sir-”

“I told you not to call me that,” Sang-hyuk said, his eyes hard as they refused to look anywhere other than his own hands. It wondered what they were arguing about to cause such an expression on his face—such negativity, such anger. Such an expression did not look well on him.

“Sang-hyuk, we have to. You know they want to, and they’d be furious if they found out we didn’t do it. We can at least give the serum to shut it down, and if you can convince them to stop, then it’ll wake up like nothing happened.”

“Stop calling him an ‘it’,” Sang-hyuk whispered, leaning down so close that it could count the hairs lining his fringe. It could see the tears in his eyes, and it wanted to reach up and wipe them away. Sang-hyuk always cried so easily; if only it did not want to move the arms that Sang-hyuk had so carefully covered. “He was human, he still is human. He is a he. Not an ‘it’. Don’t call him an it!

Seok-jin stayed silent for a long while, biting his bottom lip as he stared at them. “…I’m sorry.”

It managed to meet Sang-hyuk’s gaze briefly, taking that opportunity to ask, “I am not an ‘it’?”

Tears ran down Sang-hyuk’s face as he cupped its cheek, smiling his tearful smile as he shook his head. “No, baby. You’re not an ‘it’. Please don’t think that. Don’t let anyone make you think that.” His hand moved up to its hair, gone and forgotten as he choked on a sob. “You’re so much more than an ‘it’. My baby, you-”

“Sang-hyuk, sir,” Seok-jin interrupted warningly, only taking a step forward when Sang-hyuk sent him a narrowed glare.

“I know my boundaries, Kim Seok-jin. You don’t need to remind me.” He waited a few seconds before turning back to it, all smiles and light voices, continuing as if never interrupted. “Y21, you are not some science experiment, do you understand? You’re precious, so remember that you are not an ‘it’. You are a ‘he’, a ‘him’, a human being, okay?”

“I understand,” it responded, a lie it did not know it could make only so it could see Sang-hyuk smile. Its lie was rewarded with that very smile, the tears now dotting his coat as Sang-hyuk slowly stood up and moved back. Seok-jin did not move at first, his fingers playing with the needle of the syringe before taking a step forward, checking with Sang-hyuk before doing anything.

“May I-?”

“Do whatever you want. But if anything happens to him, I’m coming for you first.”

Seok-jin did not seem to know how to answer, biting his lip again as he came over to its side, pulling away the blanket to grab its arm. It did not know what he was doing, looking to Sang-hyuk for help only to find the man purposefully looking away. It mimicked Sang-hyuk’s expression as he watched Seok-jin take a wipe to clean its arm, pressing the needle to its skin. It again looked to Sang-hyuk for help, unable to understand what was happening.

However, Sang-hyuk did not help, and with a quick jab into the skin, it felt its eyes forcefully close and its world descend into darkness.


Hello!

I'm going to be completely honest, and say that I've been struggling with writing for this story for a while now, which is partially the reason for the slow updates. I have a few chapters already queued up, so I'll post those for now and hopefully by then I'll be able to write more. You wonderful readers and commenters are a big reason I haven't scrapped this idea completely, so I want to make sure I give you chapters worth reading!

Thank you!~

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kpopsavedme
#1
Chapter 32: Augh omg, so nice to see you!!! Life is keeping me real busy so I haven't had the time to catch up yet, almost forgot my login details but felt like checking all the same and SAW YOU UPDATED!?? (honestly when I'm finally free for the holidays I might just reread from the beginning cause I loved all of this) but just wanted to quickly say hi and it was such a pleasant surprise to see you in my updated!! I still think about you and your fics a lot cause they really resonated with me and I hope you've been doing well considering all the craziness going on!
kpopsavedme
#2
Chapter 31: Wow... I haven't been able to read much cause I've been busy with life and I decided to come back and check this out for nostalgia and hoo boy I'm glad!
This has really ramped up!! I'm just,, oh my god!!! Between the two chapters, with jaehwan convincing the other sponsors and junmyeon actually going through with it.. Poor hyuk is having such an emotional time but I'm so glad his genuine efforts are acknowledged in a way he never thought possible from the cyborgs. Their memories being returned and their true names revealed.. That is a bit of a twist I gotta say, though I'm really looking forward to what happened next now that they're much more lucid from having their memories returned... Even if this will cause more emotional outbursts and make them harder to work with, I think it was a good thing even if it's hard cause now they can both have a little more autonomy, and even though they'll still have to go through tests and other bad things lol, hopefully it'll change for the better, if only a little, now that they have their memories. I keep wondering about hakyeon though.. Will they return his memories. .. poor hyuk is terrified of what he'll feel towards him because he's still overwhelmed with guilt for what happened, but whatever happens at least he'll have hyuk and hongbin to hopefully be there for him
These chapters are amazing as always and I don't care if you take six months or six years to update because I'll always find a way back here to read what you've written! And, how have you been? I hope you're doing well and able to enjoy yourself, no matter how busy and hectic you may be <3
shikey #3
Chapter 31: No need to apologize for the time you take to write your story when you write sooo Beutyfully and you are so talented as well...
Sorry if I'm a silent rider and don't comment a lot,but i love your story a lot and you are so good at explaining the emotion of each character and ims so curious of what will happen next
kpopsavedme
#4
Chapter 29: Woooooooooowwwwww what a reveal!! I feel like even though I remember questioning things way back when about Hyuks parents, cause Hyuk was still a child the was still that naivety the flowed onto me as a reader. Him going through such trauma so young could've meant that his brain tried to fill in the blanks in ways he could understand so he just been going off of that, but now it's being revealed that the blanks were more than the quick mental jumps he'd do, often unconsciously, and that there's great ravines of secrets being hidden from him that he's glossed over entirely until someone pokes a hole and reveals the opening to all of it. It makes so much more sense now, was Hyuks mum modelled after his original mother? What happened to her originally?
Was hongbin smuggled into the office at home or ordered to be there?? It's interesting how there's that parallel of them both asking for the privacy of no cameras, and both having a cyborg in their home that ended with traumatic consequences...
Another awesome chapter, it's so exciting seeing this unfold and it's so cool seeing how much thought you've put into making sure each chapter is just how you've envisioned it, it sure paints a vivid memory in my mind!!
bakepon #5
Chapter 29: Can I ask something? Since Wonshik was the one who killed Sanghyuk's parents, and he met Sanghyuk when he's still a child, does that mean that there's quite an between Wonshik and Sanghyuk here? Or maybe it was hinted somewhere about their age and I just missed it lol

You don't have to answer if this is somewhat spoiler-y ^^
kpopsavedme
#6
Chapter 28: OK I LOVE SEEING HOW THE TWO INTERACT EVEN IF IT HURTS!!!!! God I just;;;; it's good seeing the Hakyeon has hongbin to confide in without it being dangerous to Hyuks mental health or to himself as information is passed on to the sponsors, that being said tho,, are interactions like these monitored? Web the two are alone are they recorded? Cause it's understandable if that's true but also,, poor Hyuk if he finds out. First hongbin lied about being fully reset to try spare Hyuk, now Hakyeon has been pulled into lying to help ease him... On one hand I understand but on the other,, what will happen when Hyuk finally snaps? It's been proven even to the sponsors now that his contributions are invaluable but he's also already so unstable, what kind of power does he have over not only the cyborgs but also the sponsors and his higher ups? It's almost as though the more he is unraveled mentally and put through this, the more power he has as he shows how important it is that he stays....
And man. Seokjin sharing that he trying to look out for his brother.. Is he a cyborg in early stages too or being confined to a house like Hakyeon was originally with Hyuk? This story gets so intense and intriguing and I love it!!!!!!!!
kpopsavedme
#7
Chapter 27: Wow.. I'm very late to this but wow.. right back into the drama of this! I can't believe how intrusive the sponsorship meetings are, it's understandable that it would've been weird and emotionally disconnected but that was wild. The craziest part though,, when Hakyeon came out and his parents reactions.... Esp hearing that there's other experimental tech bring made and not implemented, or at least not known to Hyuk. It was surprising to see that they still do care, and Hyuks reaction is... I don't even know what to say but I of course know where he's coming from and having to see all of this revealed while having to put a formal and distant face on is so much for him;;;;;
And your question about how it is to read from Hyuks pov, Hyuk is a confused person overwhelmed without everything he's forced to deal with, so of course it gets confusing at times but I'm really enjoying it because it's different to read such a limited perspective, and I'm drawn in because I have to find out things at the same time as him! It's made this so memorable!! Heck I had a little free time earlier and watched some old vixx stages to reminisce and error came on and after the wave of nostalgia I thought of this story because it's so complex and intriguing!!
Hopefully you're settled into your new job, and enjoying the festive season where you are (even if you don't celebrate any occasion^^)
shikey #8
Chapter 27: i mean hakyeon parent are sponsor they could easily decide for hakyeon to not get any more test
bakepon #9
Chapter 27: Welcome back! I miss this story a lot!

You see, since this story is Sanghyuk-centric I guess it's alright to write in Sanghyuk POV.. but I think it will be nice if we get sight of what other characters think, like Wonshik probably? This chapter actually makes me questioning about Wonshik's life, why he was there, what does he think of Sanghyuk and all the cyborg, and so on. But this is just my thought, the story is still yours so you're free to do what you want ^^v

Oh, and I'm going to re-read everything just in case I missed hint(s) of Taekwoon appearence :))
kpopsavedme
#10
Chapter 26: Wow.. a lot happened in this chapter. Honestly it felt like it was multiple chapters in the best way ofc, (probably also cause I've had to read this over a couple of days.. life is pretty busy now I'm finishing up school lmao) god,, do much happened I don't know where to begin!!! Everyone seems to be very different now hakyeon is a cyborg, is affected Hyuk and tbh I could kinda feel how distant he was from the scared kid he was at the beginning, it's very easy to see how he's hardened himself.. I wonder how Junmyeon and Wonshik feel seeing such a drastic change so quickly after Hakyeon. And the others, hongbin seems to catch on and is trying his best lol, but Hyuk seems very distracted now that he's managing Hakyeon, and T52.. I wonder what exactly Hakyeon has done or what he means to him to make his resets less frequent like that, I'm kinda nervous to see what happens if they interact, if nothing really happens they probably won't be allowed to see each other again which could be very bad for T52, but if something does happen to either cyborg... What does that mean for Hyuk and the cyborgs??? And why was there rules not letting the others see each other? So many new questions in the answers from previous questions I guess haha
Hope your move goes smoothly and you settle in well, thank you for writing such a long chapter^^