☾ i still cant believe that you are here

just like a dream, i see you crystal clear

will you try to disappear?

will our promise ever die?

were you ever real at all? i need to know

because you'll fly away from me☽

- BTS - BUTTERFLY

‘’Come, let’s go over to the others!’’ Wheein said cheerfully, before turning away and leading the way over to the table the two others sat at. Out of fear of getting eye contact with her, Yongsun quickly locked eyes with Hyejin. The youngest girl lit up like a thousand christmas trees realising that it was her, it really was Yongsun.

As soon as they got close to the table, Hyejin opened . ‘’Ya, unnie, you cut off your hair. And bleached it. AND dyed it. That can’t be good for it.’’ She said laughing, before standing up from the couch at the booth to give her a hug. Yongsun carefully laughed at her comment and hugged her back.

‘’You are the one to speak. You’re hair is so blonde it’s blending me.’’ She joked back, a bit careful with her words so they got out right.

Hearing her voice, Byul-yi caught herself holding her breath. She was still looking right at her face and she noticed Yongsun was doing everything but looking back at her. Her voice was the same. It sounded just like it did when she was 18. Byul-yi thought she had forgotten how her voice sounded like, but hearing it now, it was like ‘’of course that’s it. I knew it sounded like that.’’. In her own world, Wheein had to snap her fingers in front of Byul-yi’s face to get her to come back to the rest of them.

‘’Hey, Moon, earth back to Moon.’’ Wheein said, before giving her a playful push, so she could sit down next to her.

Byul-yi notcied that Yongsun gave her a quick glance when Wheein said her name, which made the dark-haired girl look quickly away.

Wheein said Byul-yi’s name, and for the first time Yongsun looked at her quickly. But as soon as her eyes met Byul-yi’s face, the taller girl looked away, so Yongsun looked away aswell.

Hyejin broke the hug, before touching Yongsun’s hair.

‘’Ah, but you’re hair really suits you. Unfair.’’ She said in a jokingly matter, before gesturing Yongsun to sit down first, so she did.

‘’What are you saying Hyejin? You are like-‘’ Yongsun started, but paused because she couldn’t find the Korean word she was looking for. ‘’-slaying!’’ she finished in english, which made the two younger ones laugh at her.

‘’Su-lay-iiiiing!’’ they both started mocking her, imitating an american accent to the best of their abilities. Yongsun felt a small blush appear, and carefully joined laughing. She felt a big relief that they weren’t awkward around her. It was just like its been 6 hours since they last saw each other, not six years.

That’s when she noticed the one who wasn’t laughing. And also the one sitting right over her at the table. If she looked up and straight forward, their eyes would meet, because Yongsun could feel her eyes at her again. She was looking at her again. Yongsun burried her eyes into the table, to avoid eye contact at all cost. Her heart was beating so fast, because she was right there. If she wanted to, she could reach out and touch her, touch the girl that for the last six years has been on the opposite side of the globe. It was beating so hard she was almost afraid the other three would hear it. Her mind was everywhere, and she couldn’t make herself calm.

Hyejin and Wheein had stopped laughing and quickly noticed the situation next to them. Or, more like the non-existing situation. The Byul-yi-is-staring-at-her-and-Yongsun-is-staring-at-the-table-while-neither-is-greeting-the-other. So Hyejin quickly looked at Wheein before opening .

‘’Ah, Wheein-ah, I need to go to the bathroom. You know where it is, right?’’

Wheein looked at Hyejin, then the two others and back at Hyejin again before she understood where this was going.

‘’Ah, yes, I do. Want me to show you?’’ she quickly replied, notixing right away that in the corner of her eyes that both the two girls stiffend up.

‘’Yeah,let’s go.’’ Hyejin said, stading up with a smile on her face, before quickly looking at the two girls. ‘’It may be a while before we are back. Have fun.’’ She said, before locking hands with Wheein and pulling them away. You could hear them gigglingo n their way to the bathroom.

…..

Oh no. Yongsun didn’t even have time to prosess what just happened before the two younger girls suddenly was gone and they were alone. Just the two of them. Her mind was racing with ideas on what to say or how to get away from this situation. What even was the relation between them anymore? How should they act around each other? And why was she staring so damn much? She could almost feel Byul-yi’s eyes burning on her, but she didn’t dare to look up. Biting the inside of her cheeks to calm herself and the breathing down, she almost prayed outloud for the younger ones to be pranking them and come straight back.

They weren’t.

And it was silent between them.

Even though the cafe was full of noise, it was still so quiet.

Yongsun looked down to her lap and started picking on her nailbeds, hoping for something to happen, someone to get her out of this situation.

After what feels like an eternity, Byul-yi breaks the silence. ‘’You dyed your hair pink.’’

‘’Yeah.’’

‘’And you cut it.’’

‘’Yeah.’’

……

‘’It suits you.’’

‘’Thank you.’’

More silence. Yongsun could feel her face burning up and she kept her eyes downward towards her lap where her hands are resting.

‘’Why aren’t you looking at me?’’ Byul-yi suddenly says. Those were words that Byul-yi though she was just thinking, and then they suddenly came out of without her realising it before it was too late.

This sentence made Yongsun freeze in her seat, before quickly looking up.

Her own eyes met Byul-yi’s. Her hands begin to shake too much, and for a second she is froze again. Quickly she sat on top of her own hands and swallows once more. Now that her eyes have met hers, she can’t break it. It’s like a spell, she isn’t able to look away.

Byul-yi remembered Yongsun’s eyes, but she didn’t remember how deep brown they were. What a pretty brown. Once upon a time she had seen stars and galaxies in them. She had seen the eyes of her future wife. She could still understand now, looking into her eyes again, how she had been able to see that. What a cruel universe, bringing the sun back to her like this knowing with their past that this wouldn’t be plesent.

’I’m- uh, I’m-‘’ Yongsun wasn’t able to get a complete sentence out, not even more than a word. She didn’t know why she wasn’t looking at her, and saying ‘I just can’t’ would be rude, even if it wasn’t intended to be. Because she herself didn’t know why she didn’t dare. It was something about her that made Yongsun’s head not work properly.

Yongsun quickly swallowed, before opening again.

‘’You, you have dyed, um, dyed your hair aswell.’’ She stuttered awkwardly out, changing the topic. Their eyes was still locked.

‘’Yeah. Not as drastic as yours though.’’

‘’Yea, no.’’

It got silent again. Yongsun’s eyes was flickering back and forth, but they always ended up back to Byul-yi’s. The taller girl’s eyes never left Yongsun, but the continued studying her face. The tension between them was intense. What kind of tension it was is impossible to tell, but it made everything 100% more uncomfortable. Even breathing, even blinking. And boths girls heart felt like they would explode any second.

‘’It’, um, nice.’’ Yongsun was the one to break the silence this time.

‘’Huh?’’

‘’Your hair. It’s nice.’’

‘’Oh.’’

‘’Yeah.’’

‘’Thank you.’’

And awkward silence again. The compliment had hit Byul-yi like a heatwave through her body, and she wouldn’t be surprised if her ears was burning red. She couldn’t even understand why her body was reacting that way, but at the same time, she could. It was reacting like this because it was her.

The situation was so awkward, and Byul-yi just wished she could find a way to make Yongsun look less uncomfortable. Her eyes was flickering everywhere and she looked like a lost child, not knowing where to go. A couple more minutes went by before Byul-yi broke the silence again.

‘’So-‘’ Just at the first word out of Byul-yi’s mouth, Yongsun’s eyes stopped flickering and focused on her right away.

‘’-how’s everything? I mean, are things good? Or, um, are-‘’ Byul-yi got cut off.

‘’Yeah, I’m good. Or, I mean- Um, yeah. Yeah, I, i’m good.’’ It was just a moment of silence before Yongsun opened again.

‘’And you? I mean, between you and them, are everything- or, I mean-‘’ Byul-yi cut off Yongsun.

‘’Yeah. Things are okay. Or, not bad.’’ Yongsun swallowed quickly and nodded to the answer.

Yongsun didn’t know if that stepped over the line, asking about her parents. If it hadn’t been for their views on what they would call ‘’disgusting, unacceptable behaviour’’ who knows where Byul-yi and Yongsun would have been now. Yongsun didn’t want to think about it, so she broke the silence again.

‘’I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have aske-‘’

‘’It’s okay.’’

‘’Sure?’’

‘’Yeah.’’

And silence again. Yongsun started flickering her eyes again around on the table. Wheein had ordered a coffee of some sort with a cookie which was almost gone, Hyejin had a half-eating blueberry muffin and some soda and Byul-yi had an orange juice, almost full.

‘’Are you hungry? Or, do you want to order something, or?’’ Byul-yi noticed that Yongsun was looking at their orderes, and interpeted it as her wanting to order something aswell. Her eyes was on the older girls face seeing the reaction to the question.

‘’Oh, no no. No, I’m not hungry. I’m just, um, I-‘’ Yongsun couldn’t finish and she couldn’t explain out loud why she was looking everywhere but at her, because just the thought of her explaining it made both her head and heart feel like exploding into a million pieces. Byul-yi quickly talked again.

‘’It’s okay.’’ Byul-yi quickly tried to smiled at Yongsun, to which her eyes went right to her lap. With both her hands clenched in fists, she was practically forcing herself to breath normally. Byul-yi seemed so calm, how could she be so calm? Why wasn’t she freaking out like Yongsun?

Byul-yi was everything but calm. This was as close to a panic attack as she was ever gonna get. Her palms was so sweaty and she kept drying them secretly off on her thighs, it felt like something was sitting on her chest to keep her from breathing, and her heart was trying to fight it away by beating the hardest it ever had. So the whole of her had frozen, which made it appear like she was calm, thankfully.

She felt like she could literally curse out Wheein and Hyejin for hours. They knew how complicated her head got just by the mention of Yongsun’s name, and they just left her like this with the real one. No matter how many times she had tried, she just couldn’t wrap her head around it. Why couldn’t she just forget her, move on, make her parents happy?

What made her the most crazy was that when she, already freaking out because she couldn’t understand a thing of this situation, trying to not make it too awkward with talking, it seemed like for Byul-yi that Yongsun was fully aware of the fact that she was freaking out, and it seemed to make her so uncomfortable that she couldn’t even look at her.

This was a mess.

A painful mess.

Wheein should have just told her. She would have never come along. This meeting would have never happened.

However,

There was one emotion not too negative. A very simple, basic emotion. Happiness. A small, small peck of happiness in the bottom of her stomach. Because there she was, right here. And by seeing her, Byul-yi knew she was real. Because at some night, when she couldn’t sleep and her head was filled with confusion, anger, hate towards her parents and herself and pain, she had even started doubting that her, Yongsun, had ever exisited. But she does, she always convinced herself she does. But six years, that can make you start doubting. And Wheein and Hyejin mentioning her less and less, it can make you wonder.

The only thing Byul-yi wanted to do now was touch her. Just touch her hand or face or just a fingertip. Hyejin and Wheein hugged her, so why can’t she touch her? But she didn’t dare. She didn’t even dare to move. All she could do was study her face, and for every feature she recognized get more confused. She was so damn confused.

‘’What, um, what do you do?’’

Yongsun’s words broke yet another long silence. Byul-yi looked a bit confused, so Yongsun continued.

‘’Do you dance?’’

The fact that she remembered such a detail caught Byul-yi off guard, but she was fast in nodding a bit as a response.

‘’Yeah. But, uh, just as a hobby.’’

‘’Oh?’’

‘’Yeah.’’

‘’Ah.’’

Byul-yi placed her hand around her juice glass and started stirring around in it again, before carefully coughing.

‘’What do you do?’’

Yongsun met Byul-yi’s eyes again.

‘’Me?’’

‘’Mhm.’’

‘’I, um, I teach English.’’

Byul-yi raises an questioning eyebrow without even realising it herself. A teacher? She would never have imagined that. But then again, this Yongsun in front of her could be a completely different version than the one she used to know. Six years is a long time. SHe need to keep reminding herself that, that this isn’t her Yongsun. This is a 25-year-old Yongsun, with a job and a home and a different life than 18-year-old Yongsun.

‘’Who do you teach?’’ Byul-yi carefully asked, before stirring some more in her juice.

‘’Kids. Elementary school kids.’’

‘’Ah. That’s good.’’

The conversation was so forced it could be from a beginner language learning book, and they both felt it. They both were dying to ask the same type of questions: ‘’Are you seeing someone?’’, ‘’Did you ever miss me?’’, ‘’How was your life right after?’’, ‘’Do you live with someone?’’, ‘’Are you okay?’’. But neither did.

When it felt like none of them could come up with anything more to say, they both heard familiar laughters coming towards them.

‘’Sorry guys, the line in the toilet was really, really long. We also ordered for you. ’’ Hyejin says, with a smile on her face hinting that the first part of that sentence was not completely true, before sitting down next to Yongsun and placing a coke and a donut in front of her.

‘’Yes. Too long, it was crazy. Did you get to talk?’’ Wheein said, before looking at the two. Yongsun looked down into her lap really fast, trying her best to hide the blushing she couldn’t stop no matter what. When Byul-yi saw Yongsun not looking, she gave Wheein and Hyejin a ‘i will kill you later’ look. She wasn’t happy. It had made the situation so much more awkward than it needed to be.

Wheein just responded to the look with poking her tounge out, not realising how serious Byul-yi really was.

‘’Hey, Yongsun. Did you change your kakao or something? You stopped logging in years ago.’’ Hyejin asks Yongsun, which makes her look up and at the youngest girl.

‘’Ah, no, I deleted the app.’’ She answers truthfully. ‘’I mean, no one in America use it, so it was only taking up space in my phone.

Byul-yi notcied how strong her american accent had become when speaking in korean now compared to then, now that she spoke in full sentences. It was clear that she didn’t speak the language alot anymore. Another thing that’s changed about her.

‘’But how am I gonna make a new group chat for us then?’’ Hyejin asks, as if there is no other chatting apps existing. Wheein quickly fished up her phone, before starting to type something.

‘’I’ll create one on facebook.’’ She explained, while typing quickly on her phone. It only took ten second before all their phones made a notificationsound. Yongsun quickly picked it up from her pocket and saw that it was Wheein that had just sent an emoticon in their new facebook-chat.

‘’Byul-yi eonni, Hyejin-ah, hand your phones to Yongsun so she can give you her phone number.’’ Wheein almost ordered with a smile on her face, before putting down her own phone.

Hyejin listened and gave Yongsun her phone, and she quickly added herself as a contact, without saying anything against it. She shouldn’t have anything against it, right? It’s nice to get in touch again. And this time, since they are adult, they’ll be able to keep the contact, right?

Yongsun handed back Hyejin’s phone to her and got a thumbs up in response. She quickly glanced over at Byul-yi, who was holding out the phone towards her. The odlest girl quickly grabbed it and started typing on it.

It was weird. This was her phone. It was with her at all times. It never left her. Yongsun realised quickly that it was weird thinking like this about a phone, and quickly handed the phone back to Byul-yi after finishing typing.

‘’Yongsun-eonni, are you doing anything afterwards? You offered to show us around, remember?’’ Wheein shoots in after the phone has been handed back, with a big smile on her face.

‘’I, uh-‘’

‘’Oh no, you aren’t backing out now. Keep your promise.’’ Hyejin says, before locking har arm in the oldest girls and putting her head on her shoulder. ‘’Pleeeease~’’

‘’I dont know, I-‘’ Yongsun quickly eyes Byul-yi, who tries smiling a bit at the oldest girl.

‘’It’ll be fun! If you feel uncomfortable we can part ways, but it’s a waste to not even hang out a bit!’’ Wheein continued, before smiing big with puppy-eyes. How can she say no to that?

It’s silent for a while, with Hyejin and Wheein looking hopefully at Yongsun.

‘’Okay then.’’ She finally answers.

The the youngest starts cheering softly, which makes Yongsun shake her head and chuckle a bit. They may look grown, but they are certainly still kids inside.

Carefully, she looks over at Byul-yi.

Their eyes lock.

This is a mess.

------------------

au: hii!! i tried to make it as awkward as possible, did it work? <3

as im writing and looking for song quotes to put at the top of each fic, im getting ideas where i want this fic to go, so if you have anything you would like to read  or hope will happen, please comment them so i can try to put it in! if you have read my other fics, you know im an angsty kinda writer, im not that good with fluff but i do plan on trying to put that in aswell, dont worry!

if you are confused about their feelings for each other, dont worry, so are they ahah! its messyyy, and hyejin and wheein are completely clueless about it loool

i hope this chapter lenght is good for now, since i try to update every single day! i will make them longer is there is more days sinc ei updated, if that makes sense! ok, see ya tomorrow (or the day after that) byeee~