By the time they arrived at the hotel, Leeteuk had removed his hands in an attempt to hide his already discovered actions. Heechul still pretended to sleep, all the while willing his to calm down, (for now). "Heechul-ah, time to go" Leeteuk murmured, gently shaking the man awake. Heechul got up, more quickly than he normally would've if he were actually asleep, and both of them knew it. Leeteuk thought that he should be embarrassed or ashamed of what he had done, but if Heechul knew and didn't bring it up or stop him, then it wasn't a big deal… Right? They exited the van. Heechul noticed the false nonchalance in Leeteuk’s seemingly innocuous words. He was just glad he would be able to hide growing rapidly inside his tight, ripped skinny jeans under cover of darkness.

        They were all settled into their own rooms. In all of his reflection on the past, Leeteuk remembered back to when they all shared a room, and when Kyuhyun used to sleep on the floor while everyone else had beds in the dorm. Now, they were SM's biggest stars and had earned their own rooms. He smiled fondly as he said goodnight to Kyuhyun. Yes, they were all grown men now, but checking on them before sleeping was a comforting routine for Leeteuk. And besides, Super Junior was missing Eunhyuk, Donghae, Shindong, Siwon, and Sungmin to military services, and they all felt the hole the absent members left them. Ryeowook was having a particularly difficult time without Sungmin, so Leeteuk often tried to console him at night. 
        Heechul wandered the hotel hallways. He was too impatient to change his clothes when the truth was, he didn't want to be wearing any at all. He tousled his blonde locks that he knew were a messy kind of effortless perfection as he circled back to Leeteuk's room. He saw that the door was already open, because moonlight shone from behind the cracked door. Without hesitating, he tapped the door with his foot, and it made a tiny squeak as it opened fully. He stood just beneath the door frame, the hallway illuminating him from behind, giving him a half silhouette image. His eyelashes made shadows that danced on his pale face. Leeteuk was sitting on the bed, looking out the window facing away from Heechul. He didn’t have to turn around to know who was there. He already knew. 

        The two remained still, each being shrouded by a different, strange light. Heechul looked up through his long hair and broke the deafening silence. "Jungsoo-ah.." he half murmured, half breathed in a sigh, his voice trailing off. A rush flooded through Leeteuk at the somehow intimate sound of his real name, stripped of honorifics. 
        The following pause was unnaturally long for a normal conversation. Leeteuk was trying his hardest to push his screaming thoughts to the side. 
        "Heenim," he finally managed to reply. He already knew the answer to his following question before the words left his mouth. 
        "Why are you here? It's getting late... you should sleep," he said in a monotone voice, completely distracted from what he was actually saying. Heechul laughed at Leeteuk’s weak attempt to deny the charged ambience, and gave his hair a casual toss to the side. 
        "I think you know why I'm here," he retorted, a sarcastic chuckle laced into his words. Without skipping a beat, he slowly began to walk towards the Leeteuk, and changed his tone from accusatory to sultry. “I felt you, touching me, in the van tonight.”
Leeteuk cringed at Heechul’s revelation, and felt a twinge of guilt. He stood up and turned to face Heechul from across the room. “I’m sorry,” he replied weakly.
Heechul answered without hesitation. “Don’t be!” he exclaimed. “I liked it. I wanted more… want more…
And I think you do too.”
    “Heechul-ah…” Leeteuk looked down and shook his head, in a weak attempt to prevent Heechul from delving any deeper.
    Ignoring Leeteuk and cutting him off from continuing, Heechul crossed his arms and said, “let me ask you this, what did you think of today’s pepero game? Why do you think our lips always touch? Why do we wait as long as possible to stop?” Heechul threw his arms up in frustration. “And anyways, why are the two of us always a pair in the first place?” Heechul’s voice rose. “Stop using fanservice as an excuse for skinship.” 
    The hypocrisy of Heechul’s words were glaring from the moment Leeteuk heard that last biting remark. He stepped closer to Heechul until they were directly face to face. “Oh me stop using fanservice as an excuse? Excuse me, who is the one that uses that exact excuse to touch and hug and kiss every male idol you encounter, what with all your variety shows?” Leeteuk looked up, and frowned as he held his chin in a mock thinking pose.
    “That's part of my persona, and you know that” Heechul rolled his eyes. 
    “Yeah, well, it's part of your persona for a reason,” Leeteuk replied. “For s sake, you’ve even used fanservice as an excuse to get a kiss Sungmin and Siwon before!” 
    Heechul could see where Leeteuk’s confusion came from, and he was tired of tiptoeing around the topic instead of addressing it directly. “Yeah, well, the difference is, I never wanted to stick my in Sungmin or Siwon.”
    “Like I’m any different?” Leeteuk's words were laced with a biting sarcasm, but Heechul remained as blunt and honest as ever. 
    He laughed. Looking down, and sweeping his long blonde hair to the side, he nodded. “Yes, actually you are.”
    There was a pause. Leeteuk didn’t really know how to respond. Sure, Heechul hadn’t said that he wanted Leeteuk explicitly, but the implications were right there in his rebuttal. Still in defense mode, he closed his eyes and enunciated his words so as to be fully heard. 
    “And how was I supposed to know that- you flirt and use skinship with every man you publically come in contact with. I don’t do that with other people, so how was I supposed to just know that you meant… or, or were feeling something different with me?” Leeteuk’s voice began to crack as his eyes filled with tears, but he fought them back with all the strength he could muster. He was so embarrassed and felt like he just made a complete fool out of himself. How could he be so oblivious? How could he admit to such naivety right to Heechul’s face, of all people? It was something all of the members knew, but you had to be somewhat mindful with what you said around Heechul, because he could easily humiliate you. Leeteuk sat down at the foot of the bed, and his heart began to race as he prepared to be ridiculed.
    However, instead of evoking Heechul’s ruthlessly nasty side, Leeteuk’s innocent confession actually made him feel bad for coming on so harshly in the first place. After all, Leeteuk was right. Heechul’s burning lust for the man was so strong, he just assumed something that burned so bright would be impossible for anyone to miss. 
Instead of taking the offense again, Heechul decided to show Leeteuk that this situation really was different, and truly did mean something more to him.
    “Well… I guess you know now.”
    This confirmation made a single tear spill from Leeteuk’s eye. Quickly wiping it away before Heechul could see, he looked down nodded.
    “Ok.”
    Heechul frowned. 
    “Ok? That’s it?” he said, incredulous.
    “Well what do you want me to say? Should I just agree with you? Because that changes nothing. It only makes it hurt worse, for the both of us.” 
    This surprised Heechul. He wasn’t expecting such an honest answer, at least not right away. Heechul was prepared with aggression in his heart because he was ready to fight for this, but all of that melted away with Leeteuk’s words. He was taken aback and did not know how to respond. 
    Confused, he slowly walked towards the leader and said “I’m here, I love you, and I want you… ” Normally the word “love” in such a romantic/couple context would’ve made Heechul’s go completely limp, and make him want to run for the hills. But here he was, saying and actually meaning the very words himself. Leeteuk closed his eyes and turned his face away, before sitting back down at the foot of the bed. This movement caught the moonlight and Heechul saw the reflected tears that were streaming down Leeteuk’s face. Heechul sat down on the bed next to him and felt his heart breaking. He had been prepared to be thrown out, or even punched, but this? It was never his intention to bring pain to the man he loved so dearly. In that moment, Heechul felt so low, and yet he still didn’t understand. 
    Leeteuk was hunched over, his head in his hands, concealing the extent of his pain. In between the sobs that wracked his body, he whispered “I love you too.” 
Now Heechul was even more confused. “Then why are you sad? Please, hyung I don’t understand!” Heechul reached out to touch Leeteuk, but the moment he did, Leeteuk recoiled away. Leeteuk wasn’t used to accepting support when he was hurt, and instead often ended up pushing the people who loved him the most away, because of his traumatic childhood. Regardless, Heechul felt the pang of the rejection, which wasn’t something that happened to him often, if at all. Quietly, he said “are you saying that you love me, but you don’t want me…? You can just tell me that, Teuk-hyung. I could just go.”
    Heechul waited a moment, and when he thought Leeteuk wasn’t going to reply, he felt his heart sink as he stood up to leave, defeated. Before he could walk away, Leeteuk abruptly reached out and clung to Heechul’s nearest arm, pulling him back and burying his face into Heechul’s shoulder. The motion startled Heechul, but he waited to give the other man a chance to explain.
    Leeteuk’s sobs subsided, and he said “don’t go. It’s not that I don’t want you, it’s that I do.” He let go of Heechul’s arm to wipe away his tears. “But now that we’ve said it, there’s no taking it back. We can’t un-say it. We’ll just have to live, silently knowing that we both want each other from afar.” He rested his head on Heechul’s shoulder. It was too late to hide their real feelings now. At least before, they could just deny their mutual attraction so they would never have to face the truth. The truth of wanting each other, but never being able to do anything about it. Heechul finally began to understand that this is what Leeteuk was thinking; that anything between them wasn’t even a feasible possibility.
    “Why?” Heechul asked. Leeteuk turned to face him. “Why does it have to be that way? If we want each other, why can’t we have each other?” A million thought flew through Leeteuk’s head- the members, SM, the fans, the Korean media, his family, their fellow idols. Unable to concentrate on any one thing, Leeteuk instead responded with “are you, completely insane?” 
    Heechul met Leeteuk’s eyes. With the moonlight spilling from the window, and pooling over Heechul’s figure, Leeteuk could see Heechul’s heavily lidded, wide open eyes, glittering black in full dilation as Heechul cocked his head to the side and said, with complete sincerity, “Yes.
    But you already knew that,” Heechul chided as he stood up. “Anyways, that’s beside the point. I mean right now; it’s just you and me, Teukie-ah. Just the two of us. Alone.” He chuckled and waved his arms through the empty space for emphasis. “You’re allowed to lose control sometimes,” he said with a sly side smile. Immediately becoming serious again, he continued. “So let me do it. Let me take control for a while.
    Stand up,” he said. Still not making eye contact, Leeteuk obeyed, and slowly rose. They stood directly in front of each other, their hands by their sides. With their faces just inches apart, the space that separated them seemed to be charged with electricity. Sensing the change, their breathing rhythm accelerated with their heart beats. 
    Breaking the silence, Heechul whispered “tell me why I should go.”
    Leeteuk was unable to focus, so he sidestepped away from Heechul and backed up. “Because I don’t get to just do whatever I want. I have responsibilities… the members depend on me to always be on top of things. There are people that need me to take care of them… I’m not the only one that will get hurt if I up.”
Leeteuk’s unending generosity and compassion were often so great, Heechul usually did not know how to show thanks or respond. This time, he did.
“And what about you, Teuk-ah? Hmm? Who’s taking care of you? I think this is why you have such a short temper sometimes,” Heechul said, walking closer and closer towards Leeteuk. He knew he was pushing it, but he took the risk anyways. “You have all this… this pent up anxiety and energy that you don’t let anyone near, but I know how to take care of that for you!” He was now only inches from Leeteuk’s face, and neither of them backed away. Leaning in close to Leeteuk’s ear, Heechul whispered, “besides… How can you be on top of things when all you can think about is me, on top of you?” 
    Heechul smirked and when he turned back to face Leeteuk, the two became hyper aware of each other’s immediate proximity.
    “I…” Leeteuk began, and Heechul raised his eyebrows. 
    “Hm?”
    “I just,” Leeteuk repeated, as if he meant to continue.
    But never did. Heechul made another expectant expression, indicating that he was indeed waiting for a reply. But he wasn’t going to get one. 
Leeteuk had let his eyes travel down Heechul’s beautiful face, and became completely fixated on Heechul’s full, soft lips. Lips that a deeply buried part of him had always wanted against his own. This part of him was like a hibernating beast; inactive for years, but still very much alive. Fighting it’s way to the surface, Leeteuk lost coherent thought, which took his rationale too. His mind slipped to the repressed, primal lust of the beast. His breaths became shallow and his facial expression became as blank as his thoughts. When Heechul noticed this, he decided to push his luck and bring on the seduction; slipping his tongue in between and across his glorious lips. And with that, Leeteuk was pushed over the edge.
    “ it.” 
    The words became an exhale as Leeteuk gracefully and without hesitation, leaned in to close the gap between their lips.