P.o.V. Yugyeom

It was a nice day. It was. But a few minutes ago, my whole world broke down.

Flashback:

The dance practice was over and I decided to tell BamBam how I felt about him.

"Hey Bam. Can I talk to you?", I asked, seeing everyone stop. "Alone?", I added. 

"Sure", he said smiling. He's been very happy the past few weeks. "So, what is it?", he asked once everyone else has left.

"I wanted to tell you that I like you. Not as a friend. More like.... I might have.... a crush on you...?", I said, whispering the end. "Oh". His smile faded. "I'm sorry Gyeomie. But I am in a relationship. I wanted to tell you and the others about it later."

My heart broke but I faked a smile. "It's okay. I just joked. Don't take it seriously.", I said, laughing at the end but it sounded more forced than anything else. Without another word I left.

Flashback end

And now I'm sitting here, crying and cutting while the others are happy to hear the knews of their maknae BamBam.

I don't want this anymore. I knew it would hurt but I never imagined that it would ruin me like this.

That's now exactly three months ago.

I cutted everyday at any chance. I stopped eating and barely slept, focusing on loosing waight and training our dances. You could perfectly see nearly each bone in my body. My skin was pale, nearly white. I had dark rings under my eyes and my old clothes were way too big. There wasn't even one day where I didn't think about my confession to BamBam, about his rejection, his ex girlfriend he broke up with two months ago or how he cried in my arms and then started to have one night stands with strangers. I will never forget his face as he saw some of my scars. There was not one day where I didn't want to end all this.

But luckly my doctor told me to take some sleeping pills. They will have a good use. I will sleep tight and the best part, I'll sleep forever. The others were out eating. I said I felt a bit dizzi and stayed home. We're in a hotel and it was big. It had 9 or 10 level and the roof was the last one. The roof has a garden and I decided that this garden would be the perfect last view before I close my eyes for ever. I walked up the stairs as I held the little container, with the sleeping pills in it, in my hand. 

"Bye Bam. I love you. Maybe we will meet again and then I won't fall for you and it will be perfect". And with that I closed my eyes, swallowed all of the pills and let myself lean forward as I got sleepier, the last thing I heard was a scream. It sounded like BamBam. BamBam. I smiled. Goodbye my friend. 

P.o.V. BamBam 

"So, what is it?", I asked once everyone else has left.

"I wanted to tell you that I like you. Not as a friend. More like.... I might have.... a crush on you...?", he said, whispering the end. "Oh". I felt my smile fade. "I'm sorry Gyeomie. But I am in a relationship. I wanted to tell you and the others about it later". He stared at the ground but then lifted his head and smiled. How much I loved his smile and it hurt to see him fake it. "It's okay. I just joked. Don't take it seriously.", he said, laughing at the end but it sounded forced. Without another word he left me. I stood there, thinking about what just happened. He confessed to me. But he said it was a joke.

One month after I told the others about my girlfriend we broke up. I didn't love her anymore and she cheated on me. We both were fine with the brake up. But I was upset with myself because I faked my love for her, because I loved the boy I rejected a month ago. I am such an idiot. As I got home I saw Yugyeom (we are roommates so that's not really surprising) and everything went through my head again. I started to cry. It was too much.

"BamBam? Hey are you okay?". "We broke up and...", I couldn't finish my sentence, I was too scared of his reaction. He petted my back, comforting me. "It's alright Bam. I'm here". I nodded and backed off a bit, looking at him. He smiled at me and I smiled back but then his arm caught my attantion. There were cuts and scars all over it. I looked at him in shock and pointed at his arm. He just smiled and pulled his sleeve down, covering the cuts and scars I just saw. I never mentioned it.

I'm so useless. I'm stupid. He'd never date me. That was all I could think about as I set at the bar, drinking one drink after another and soon enough it ended in a one night stand. I don't know exactly how or why but I kept on getting drunk and having one night stands.

Two month later that had already changed a bit. I still loved Gyeomie but I stopped with the one night stands. One day we decided to go out for dinner but Yugyeom said he felt dizzi and didn't want to join us. We agreed on bringing him some food.

We ate but I had a bad feeling of letting Gyeomie home alone. He was getting thinner each day and he had dark circles under his eyes. His arms and I think also his legs, stomach and even his chest had scars. As we were driving I could see the building. I tryed to call Yugyeom to tell him we were almost home and he should look for a movie we all could watch.

But he didn't answer the call. As we got closer to the building, we could see a thin figure standing on the edge and slowly leaning forward. I looked closer and realised that it was Yugyeom who was about to fall off the edge. 

No. No no no no. "NO! Yugyeom!", I screamed, running towards the building but it was too late. 

I can still see it all happening right in front of me. His faded smile before he hit the ground, the screams of people around and myself, his body laying there not moving, his head bleeding and the others pulling me away from his body, the ambulance arriving and the people carrying him, the hospital and the time that passed but the one thing that hurt the most was the sad expression of the nurse as she led us to the room Yugyeom was in and the pip of the machine that showed his heartbeat or that should've showed his heartbeat if there was any, but there wasn't. 

And now I'm here at his funeral. The funeral of my best friend, my secret crush, my family, my home. He wrote a letter for each of us and for his family. He even wrote one for the fans. I opened mine and as I read it, tears were streaming down my face.

Dear BamBam,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          I hope you're not mad at me. I'm sorry for just leaving you but I couldn't handle all this anymore. I love you and I hope you can forgive me. Maybe if we would have met in another time and another place, it would have turned out differently. And maybe we see each other in another life. Maybe we fall in love in another life. Maybe I'll be able to keep it all together and not just fall for you. Maybe we can have a better time in another life. But I promise you, in another live I won't fall for you, I won't be as clingy and childish as I was in this life. Hopefully in another live, it'll all be different.

"No. I don't want this. I want you to be with me in this life and in the next and all following lives I will have. I want to love you in this life. I love you. I want it to be different in another life: I want us to fall for each other and be together, happily and for ever. I love you, Kim Yugyeom.", I said to the coffin he layed in. He looked so peaceful.

"Wait for me. It will only be a few more minutes", I said to the picture of Yuygeom, standing on my nightstand next to the bed I was laying in for a few years now. The doctor asked me if I wanted to live in pain or to be put to sleep, for ever. I said that I'm old enough. I had to spend 62 years without the person I loved and knowing he was up there waiting made me choose that I would reather die.

"Just a few more minutes and we will be able to be happy". And with that my eyes closed, the darkness slowly surrounding me.

"I've waited for you Bam". 

Soo that's it. It's no master piece but I tried and yeah, that's all I can come up with. Hope you liked it and enjoyed reading. Thanks for reading. ^^