Escapism is how Soonyoung chooses to deal with his problems.

 

He creates fluff fantasy to sugar coat the harsh, cruel reality.

 

For someone who's an all round optimist, heart breaks are too hard for him to handle.

 

The first time the couple was seen after the break was at Seungcheol’s party. It wasn't a wild one when he first arrived, as there were still a decent amount of sober conversations floating about.

 

Soonyoung decided that it's time to face the world with his usual chirpy self again.

 

His ex, however, decided that it was best if he stayed home.

 

It hurts Soonyoung’s heart to hear how crushed the boy was, but he still went regardless of his heart's screaming protests.

 

In all honesty, he wasn't ready to face the world, but he knew that the longer he sulked, everything would start to feel so real, all too painful for him to bear.

 

His first lie was said to Seungcheol, who greeted him at the door.

 

“Sup Soon! Where's Seok? Haven't seen you two around for quite a while.” The concerned look on the older guy’s face was not left unnoticed.

 

Soonyoung gathered all the will left in him to give Seungcheol a believable smile.

 

“Oh.. haha Yea about that we sort of broke up three days ago.” He let out an uncomfortable laugh, his bitter words left his lips for the first time.

 

The concern in Seungcheol only grew greater upon hearing the news. As he invited Soonyoung in, he continued pressing on for more details.

 

“Who? What? Where? When? Why? How?! You two were so happy together? What happened?”

 

Seungcheol’s rapid fire of questions hurt Soonyoung unintentionally, each word shoving the knife in his heart deeper.

 

“We're both still young. It's too early for us to be sure and settle down just yet. We're just keeping our options open. Trying to see new people for a change.” Soonyoung lied through his pain, trying his best to sound casual about it.

 

With each word he lied, lay a new brick on the wall he was unconsciously constructing around his heart, detaching himself from the pain.

 

Fortunately for Soonyoung though, Seungcheol believed the lies he told, seeing how the older guy nodded his head understandingly. Seungcheol offered him a drink, to which he accepted gratefully.

 

No one else in the party seem to notice how Soonyoung was missing his other half.

 

Yet Soonyoung felt the void.

 

There was no one for him to laugh with when Vernon started dancing on the couch.

 

There was no one for him to lean against when his head starts feeling a little tipsy.

 

There was no one for him to cling onto when he was crumbling apart right in the middle of the oblivious crowd.

 

There was no more Seokmin for him.

 

× × × ×

 

The second time he was asked, was the following morning. As he nursed his splitting headache, he asked Jeonghan to drive him to school.

 

That was what made Jeonghan realised that something was off with the younger boy.

 

“Where's Seokmin? You two always walk together to school. Now then I think of it, I don't remember seeing him last night at the party.” Jeonghan probed the pale boy who just got into his car.

 

“Yeah.. About that.. Things are sort of over between us..”

 

Soonyoung replied as he massaged his temples. Just like his boyfriend, Jeonghan exploded in a series of questions.

 

Soonyoung took a deep breath, smiled and turned to face Jeonghan.

 

“We're too perfect, too alike, too identical. Sometimes it's weird. It's like dating a brother.”

 

Jeonghan took time to process Soonyoung’s reply, nodding his head slowly.

 

“Yeah i guess the saying is true that ‘opposites attract’. We’ll if you're ready to start dating I already have a list of singles who are a total opposite of whatever you are.”

 

Jeonghan waved his hand around Soonyoung’s general direction.

 

Soonyoung tried not to let Jeonghan’s backhanded insult get to him, which was easy for him when his thoughts drifted off to Seokmin once more.

 

He recalled how the two of them could just look at a pebble and laugh for hours till their sides felt like bursting.

 

He recalled how the two of them understood each other's needs perfectly. Their hunger and cravings in sync, leading to late night cuddle sessions on the couch with a big bowl of watermelon in the middle to share.

 

He recalled how the two could sit for hours in silence, hands held the other's, sides comfortably pressed against each other, as emotions is shared with the other almost like telepathy without the need to utter a single word.

 

Sadly, he then recalled how he may never be able to find someone so perfect for him as Seokmin was.

 

He recalled how Seokmin was no longer his.

 

× × × ×

 

Later on that same day, he uses his next excuse. It was a random talk with Jisoo when the other boy stopped by Soonyoung’s locker to ask how he was holding up.

 

Jisoo was Seokmin’s friend. They had met during a Singing event in school that both of them had participated in. The two bonded and formed an adorable senior and junior relationship.

 

Jisoo had heard from Seokmin about the breakup but didn't press on for the reasoning behind the split. He was more concerned if Seokmin was doing alright.

 

When he sensed how Seokmin was on the edge of what seemed to be yet another breakdown, Jisoo gave him space.

 

It was kind of him to find Soonyoung to ask him if he was hold up any better than Seokmin. He would've expect him to throw punches at him for breaking his brother's heart, but that was how Jisoo was as a person.

 

He cares too much, sometimes even for people who don't deserve it.

 

Soonyoung casually nodded his head. The smile plastered on his face was starting to feel natural. A little taken aback by how well Soonyoung was holding together, Jisoo dared himself to push a little further.

 

“I’m sorry. I know it's none of my business, but since Seokmin won't talk to me about it. Would you mind me asking.. What happened?”

 

Jisoo’s politeness almost crushed the barriers he had built to conceal reality. Then and there he almost threw himself onto Jisoo crying out how he wasn't okay. But it was too soon.

 

Too soon for him to face reality.

 

He couldn't bear to feel it yet.

 

So instead, he lied.

 

“Well the thing is, I don't think his folks really like me. They could never take me seriously and i have to admit, it kinda hurts. But, I respect them so I don't want to push the limits and backed off while I still could. So you could understand the distraught from his part.”

 

Jisoo gently pat him on the arm, great sympathy radiates from his heart.

 

He gave Soonyoung a empathic smile before pulling him to a warm embrace.

 

It reminded Soonyoung of how Seokmin’s mom would greet him with a hug every time he came over for a visit. He could almost smell the savoury scent of chocolate chip cookies on Seokmin’s mum.

 

He was reminded of how Seokmin’s mom would always have him on the dinner tables as she prepares him a heartwarming and satisfying meal, despite his efforts to protest, not wanting to be a burden. 

 

Seokmin’s mom loved to make sure that Soonyoung was eating well and takes good care of himself.

 

He was also reminded of how Seokmin’s dad was just as loving as Seokmin’s mom. Hugs as a greeting, calling him son and making sure that he feels comfortable and at home when he's in their household.

 

He was reminded of how much love and care they had provided for him.

 

He couldn't bear to think how much he'd miss them.

 

He couldn't imagine how horrible it would be to miss him.

 

Gosh he misses Seokmin.

 

× × × ×

 

He was starting to get the hang of it. The lying, the fluffing of fantasy. The smiles were beginning to feel almost natural, the void in him feels so much better than the stabbing pain in his heart.

 

His next excuse was given to Jun who was more confused at the idea that they broke up than feeling concerned.

 

“But that's not possible you guys were so sweet together!”

 

“Yeah we were sweet. He keeps calling me cupcake. I think it's giving me cavities! It's like.. I'm not a cupcake!”

 

Soonyoung realises that his words were indeed sounding ridiculous but that was how it was, the break was ridiculous especially in everyone else's eyes. So what better fit was it than to use a ridiculous reasoning behind such a ridiculous act.

 

Memories started flooding of how the two used to banter on who's sweeter, throwing cute nicknames to each other at unsuspecting times.

 

Soonyoung would be in the bathroom brushing his teeth, half asleep, when Seokmin would pop his head through the door calling him, a new nickname.

 

And Soonyoung did the same when Seokmin was sprawled over the couch binge watching a new drama.

 

They'd go by theme; flowers, animals..

 

They were in the midst of the dessert theme when they broke up.

 

As Seokmin had his things packed, which sat by his feet, he turned to look back at Soonyoung, eyes red and a trail of dried tears on his cheeks.

 

With a shaky voice he said, “Bye bye cupcake.”

 

A sad smile tugged the sides of his lips.

 

He loved the sweetness Seokmin had brought into his life.

 

He loved Seokmin.

 

And he still do.

 

× × × ×

 

Soonyoung was surprised when the following question came from Jeon Wonwoo.

 

Although when he first entered the cafe, he could already feel the eyes on him as he made his way to their booth.

 

They were having their usual study session. Wonwoo didn't ask him why wasn't Seokmin joining them that day. Wonwoo didn't ask what happened to the other boy.

 

After he nodded in acknowledgement of Soonyoung’s arrival, he quietly took a sip of his coffee.

 

Soonyoung was well prepared with his excuses as to why Seokmin wouldn't be joining them. He was rather taken aback when instead the boy simply asked,

 

“When did it happen?”

 

Taking a moment to digest his question, Soonyoung’s confidence faltered.

 

“He has the whole singing thing going on for him with that fancy prestigious scholarship. I don't want to hold him back from that music career.”

 

Soonyoung casually stated, regaining his composure.

 

Wonwoo didn't reply to Soonyoung’s explanation, he just listened quietly, observing the other boy who was smiling away and using his usual wild gestures.

 

Wonwoo pursed his lips in thought, before turning his attention back to his cup, the foam art now a mess.

 

He wanted to point out how he would've accepted the answer with ease, if only it was doing its job in answering his question. He didn't ask for why they broke up, he simply wanted to know when did it happen.

 

Wonwoo wanted to tell Soonyoung how his smiles and gestures would've been believable if only it was appropriate in the context of the conversation.

 

Someone who was truly okay with the break wouldn't act so 'OKAY’, because it was still a solemn topic.

 

But he knew that this was the only way Soonyoung could cope with something like this. Something so painful since Seokmin had meant the world to him.

 

Being the best friend Soonyoung needed, he scrunched up his nose and nodded in agreement, letting Soonyoung believe that he was fooled by the lie.

 

He knows how much Soonyoung loves Seokmin.

 

So he let his friend mourn in silence, under the walls of fantasy.

 

× × × ×

 

It came to the point where Soonyoung stopped waiting for others to ask him about it. He started blabbing about his excuse without even giving them time to realise that Seokmin was missing.

 

It was during lunch period the next day, Soonyoung had tailed Jihoon since he wouldn't be spending lunch with Seokmin anymore, at least not at the time being.

 

Before Jihoon could even set his tray down, Soonyoung had already started spilling his excuse.

 

It took Jihoon a moment to understand what the smiling boy was referring to.

 

“Well the reason is this, you know how badly I'm struggling in every single one of my subjects right now. I'm already under the eyes of all my teachers right now and my parents are not at all happy with my grades either. So you see how I can't be thinking if dating right now.”

 

Jihoon stared at his friend's face for a while, internalising his thoughts.

 

He wonders if he should mention that on the night of their break, Seokmin came over his and Jisoo’s apartment to cry. Despite the Jisoo’s attempt to ask why they broke up, Seokmin kept that shut to himself.

 

Only after waking up in the middle of the night to grab a drink, did he find Seokmin sobbing in the spare bedroom.

 

Jihoon wonders if he should just walk by and not bother the boy. However, although he doesn't show it, Jihoon cares for Seokmin dearly as a little brother, just as strongly as Jisoo.

 

So he gently knocked on the door and slipped into the room. He sat quietly beside Seokmin who was trying hard to subdue his tears.

 

Only when Jihoon pulled Seokmin into a hug, rubbing his back comfortingly did Seokmin burst out, sobbing uncontrollably once more.

 

“I-i don't know what I did wrong hyung. I-i l-love him so much.. I didn't know wh-what went wrong.”

 

That night, surrounded by the pitch black darkness, Seokmin poured it all out to Jihoon.

 

He had to admit, he was gritting his teeth tight when he first saw Soonyoung that day, but when he saw the sadness buried deep behind those excuses in the cafeteria that afternoon, every ounce of his anger disappeared.

 

He realises how he must've cried as hard as Seokmin that night.

 

He could only imagine how hard it was for Soonyoung to put up this front.

 

So he just let out a soft ‘ohh’ before turning to his tray of food.

 

× × × ×

 

By the time he met Mingyu, he was rather offended when the boy greeted him with, “Hyung what the hell?!”

 

Soonyoung raised an eyebrow to the boy, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

 

“Sorry hyung, but I just heard from Wonwoo. And yeah. WHAT THE HELL?! No wonder Seokmin looked so upset and out of it this past few days.”

 

The mention of Seokmin’s condition crushed him inside yet his inner barriers still held together strongly.

 

Soonyoung waved his hand, nodding his head carelessly, hoping to casually brush off the tall boy.

 

Mingyu grabbed Seokmin’s wrist, a little harder than he intended to. He couldn't hold back his rage. He was already confused when suddenly Seokmin called up his phone in the morning for a ride, tagging silently behind him and Minghao wherever they went.

 

At first he was a tad bit annoyed, he even whined to Wonwoo about it. But when he heard about the break he was pissed.

 

It wasn't that Mingyu hated Soonyoung, it's just how close he was with Seokmin. Being of the same age, Seokmin, Mingyu and Minghao were relatively close among their group of friends.

 

Just like Jisoo and Jihoon, Mingyu had regarded Seokmin as a brother he never had. Which was why he was pissed seeing his best friend feeling down like that.

 

He was ready to attack whoever had made his friend feel that bad even if it was Soonyoung.

 

Mingyu’s grip on Soonyoung’s arm tightened slightly, as he glared into the older boy's eyes. Taking a step forward, his voice deeper and more serious than it had ever been.

 

“What did you do to Seokmin?”

 

Soonyoung yanked his arm off Mingyu’s grip. He understood where Mingyu’s rage was coming from, it was the rage he had expected from Jisoo. But he was also hurt at how the younger boy had totally disregarded his emotions about the break.

 

It wasn't that he wanted to break up with Seokmin. He just had to.

 

“Shut it Mingyu. You wouldn't even understand what's going on between us. Sometimes I just think he's too big of a dork to even understand his own emotions.”

 

He turned and stormed off, not giving Mingyu a chance to reply back.

 

Seokmin was indeed a dork who had difficulty getting in tuned with emotions.

 

Soonyoung pushed his way through the crowd, holding back the tears that were stinging his eyes.

 

Seokmin was a dork and so was he.

 

They were the two perfect pair of dorks that didn't need to understand their emotions as within the mess of it all, they both love each other and that's that.

 

× × × ×

 

Soonyoung walked blindly through the crowd and winced when he crashed into someone.

 

He groaned inwardly when he saw who he had bumped into. After he had stood up and brushed the dust off his pants, the boy offered Soonyoung a hand, which Soonyoung reluctantly accepted.

 

Minghao looked at him with great concern.

 

Soonyoung braced himself for his harsh words, Minghao was a brutal guy who doesn't hold back his sharp tongue.

 

“Hyung you okay? You look a little shaken up.” Minghao asked, his voice surprisingly soft.

 

Soonyoung nodded his head quietly.

 

“I heard that you and him split. You feeling alright about that?” He placed a gentle hand on Soonyoung’s arm.

 

“Yeah, all good bro. It's just that we both laugh around too much, sometimes I feel that our relationship is more of an open joke.”

 

Minghao gave the older boy a sad smile.

 

Minghao pulled Soonyoung in a quick hug before giving him an encouraging pat on the arm, leaving him alone.

 

Soonyoung felt his heart ache.

 

Their in tuned sense of humour was what made Soonyoung fall deeper in love for Seokmin.

 

How the two would be the only ones to laugh at the lightest things while the rest stares at them in confusion.

 

The two of them were able to click, acting out their favourite grandpa and grandma skit at any random time.

 

In spite of all the jokes shared, their relationship was still genuine.

 

His love for Seokmin was all too real.

 

× × × ×

 

After the final bell rang, Soonyoung hurriedly stuffed his books in his bag, and made his way out of the door. He was shocked when he saw Seungkwan standing outside his classroom, waiting for him.

 

Soonyoung tried to ignore the boy, pretending he didn't see him, making a sharp turn to the right and hurried off.

 

“Yah hyung! Wait! HYUNG! I didn't wait two hours just for you to ditch me.”

 

Soonyoung sighed and slowed down his pace, allowing the boy to catch up. When the boy reached his side, Soonyoung stopped walking and turned to face him.

 

“What is it Kwan? I need to rush off for dance practice.” He snapped.

 

Seungkwan took a step back. Turning timid under Soonyoung’s angsty state. He let his gaze drop to his shoes.

 

“I just wanted to ask what's wrong with Seokmin hyung. I caught him crying in the music room during break..” His voice was soft and fearful.

 

The pain of hearing Seokmin in tears was channeled out into anger. He didn't know why he was so angry when his heart was being ripped apart.

 

“Well maybe it's because we broke up Kwan. It's coz I couldn't stand an idiot who didn't know the difference between your and you're. And those things really got on my nerves.”

 

Seungkwan gave Soonyoung an uncomprehending look.

 

“What even-?” He couldn't even form a full question as he was entirely speechless with how stupid the reason was.

 

Soonyoung nonchalantly shrugged and left the boy standing in the middle of the hallway.

 

It took him a moment before he called out for the older boy again, making the boy turn back.

 

“Yah! Aren't you the one who don't know the difference between their and they're?”

 

Soonyoung ignored the boy and walked off.

 

It wasn't that he didn't know the difference.

 

Even Seokmin’s annoying misuse of you're wasn't a stupid mistake.

 

It was a little prank they had been playing with the rest of the guys for years. After making that mistake once in the group chat and finding out how much it grinds their gears, they made a bet to see how long could they go around using that mistake and who would be the first to snap.

 

It was Seungkwan who caved in. One day knocking on their apartment door with 26 slides on PowerPoint presentation to educate the two with the proper usage of the words.

 

Even after the bet was over (Seokmin won the bet, Soonyoung was so sure of himself that it would be Jeonghan), the two continued to misuse the words out of habit and yet the other would still be able to get the message just the same.

 

Soonyoung slipped his phone out of his pocket and clicked on his personal chat with Seokmin.

 

“Your my Soonie~♡”

 

A sad smile etched on his lips.

 

“It's ‘you're’ stupid.” He said softly to himself.

 

× × × ×

 

Soonyoung exited the school building and bumped into Vernon.

 

“Sup Hyung! Have you seen Seungkwan? He ditched me at the cafe to run off for something important at school.”

 

Soonyoung gave him a weak smile, muttering where he last saw the other boy. Vernon noticed the sad vibes radiating off his older friend.

 

“Hey, what's up? Where's Min hyung?”

 

Soonyoung’s walls were shattering. He took a deep breath before putting on his brightest smile.

 

“Oh it's nothing Vernonie. Just feeling a little weird after the break between me after Seokmin.”

 

Vernon ‘ohh’ed and nodded his head, before his eyes grew wide and he snapped his head to the older boy.

 

“WAIT WHAT?!”

 

Soonyoung nodded his head and shrugged, telling the boy that what he heard was true, that SoonSeok was no more.

 

“Oh god! What happened? Here have a drink, I got it for Seungkwan but since he ditched me he don't deserve it.”

 

Soonyoung smiled to the boy and accepted the drink that was offered to him.

 

“It sounds stupid really. We fought over what was the best pizza toppings. And I realised that I couldn't date a guy who wants pineapples on pizza.” Soonyoung tried to laugh it off.

 

Vernon took a moment to understand what his older friend was saying. He thought over things for a bit before he turned back to Soonyoung who was just about to open the canned drink.

 

He then swiftly slipped the canned drink out of Soonyoung’s hold. The older boy gave Vernon a startled frown.

 

“Well in that case then Hyung, I'm sorry. I can't be friends with a guy who won't take pineapples on his pizza.”

 

Vernon shrugged and walked off.

 

Soonyoung watched as Vernon’s silhouette walked further and further until it was completely out of view.

 

His words struck a chord in his heart.

 

He recalled their actual play fight over pizza toppings that happened five months back.

 

Just as Soonyoung had told Vernon, he was indeed disgusted by the fact that his own boyfriend chooses to have a fruit as as pizza topping.

 

“Ew Seok, that's just utterly wrong. How can such a sweet thing go so well with something savoury? That's just wrong. Sweet and savoury does not mix. They're two separate goodness that should stay separated.”

 

Soonyoung claimed, crossing his arms and turning his back to Seokmin. He scooted over nearer to the other end of the couch, creating as much space as he could between them.

 

Seokmin simply laughed and dragged himself closer to Soonyoung.

 

He slipped his hands around Soonyoung’s waist, hugging him from the back as he placed his chin on his boyfriend's shoulder.

 

“Yes they can Soonie. You should know because you are the best example of how someone so adorably sweet can also be oh so savoury at the same time.”

 

Soonyoung felt the heat rush up to his cheeks.

 

He turned to face Seokmin, who was smiling widely at him. Soonyoung leaned over for a quick kiss before he rests his head against Seokmin’s chest, cuddling up close to him.

 

“That's really sweet Babe, but we're still not ordering Hawaiian pizza.” Soonyoung said as he nuzzled his face into Seokmin’s sweatshirt.

 

Soonyoung fell off the couch when Seokmin suddenly shot up.

 

Looking down at his boyfriend, his expression deadpan, he stated, “Well then I can't be cuddling with a guy who won't take pineapples on his pizza.”

 

He turned and walked off into their shared bedroom, leaving Soonyoung dumbstruck on the floor.

 

That night, they both got what they wanted.

 

Soonyoung called up the pizza place and order two boxes of pizza, one Hawaiian and the other pepperoni.

 

They happily ate one entire box each.

 

Soonyoung sighed and he continued walking off to the dance studio.

 

× × × ×

 

Dance practice was the perfect remedy for Soonyoung’s aching heart.

 

He trained his dancers harder than ever before, not giving any leeway for stupid mistakes.

 

He vent out his anger in his dance by making his steps sharper and more powerful.

 

He also leashed out his frustrations on s who committed even the teeny tiniest error, be it missing the beat or simply the wrong angling of the foot.

 

After he had dismissed s, he stayed behind to continue pouring his heart out into his dance.

 

He allowed the music to take the lead, as body was pulled along by the rhythm. He was simply lost in the music when a sudden voice broke his trance.

 

“Hyung?”

 

Soonyoung jumped and turned to the boy who was standing by the door.

 

Chan had noticed how his hyung was on the edge the entire afternoon, speaking spitefully to his dance crew.

 

Soonyoung was never like that.

 

Although he can be strict and a perfectionist at times when it comes to his dance, he was never the type to use harsh words and scold s like that.

 

He had always been understanding that dance may not be easy for everyone and was willing to go slow to ensure that everyone was able to catch up.

 

Today, he wasn't like that.

 

And while everyone else was pissed at their leader, Chan was concerned. He knew that something bad must've happened to make someone so positive and cheerful as Soonyoung be so cold and heartless.

 

Soonyoung crashed on to the floor, as fatigue spreads through his body. He was tired with the front his was keeping up and he was in pain with all the mentions of Seokmin.

 

Chan took a seat on the floor beside him, hugging his knees as he eyed his older friend.

 

There was a moment of silence and before Chan could repeat his question, Soonyoung broke the silence.

 

“It's over between us, Chan.”

 

There was another pause of silence. Soonyoung turned to look at the younger boy who had his brows furrowed, utter confusion on his face.

 

“I meant Seokmin and I. It's over between us.”

 

He clarified before he lay down on his back, staring up at the ceiling.

 

Chan crawled over and lay on his back beside Soonyoung. He didn't know exactly what to say at a time like this, being the youngest among their group of friends, the hyungs never fill him in with their problems.

 

“Why did you let him go hyung?” He asked quietly.

 

Soonyoung’s heart shattered.

 

It wasn't that he wanted to let the love of his life go.

 

It's just how things had to be.

 

“Things were just not working out for us.”

 

Chan turned to his side to face Soonyoung, who had his eyes shut tight, holding back his tears that were silently rolling down his face.

 

Chan wanted to reach out and console him but his hands didn't wanna move, instead his following questions slipped through his lips.

 

“Why didn't you fight for him? Try and work it out? He's worth the effort wasn't he?”

 

Soonyoung sighed shakily before he replied.

 

“We've tried chanie, but this was a matured thing to do that we both agreed on.”

 

Chan knew that these were all lies, but seeing how his older friend was in the brink of tears, he let him be.

 

He understands that maybe Soonyoung needed this lies to cope, so he simply hummed quietly before picking up his things and leaving the dance studio.

 

× × × ×

 

Soonyoung continued lying down on the cold floor of the dance room. He had about forty five minutes before the next session would come in and shoo him away.

 

He shut his eyes and allowed the sadness to wash over him.

 

His own words ringing in his ears.

 

“We both agreed on it.”

 

To be honest, none of them had agreed on wanting to break up. It wasn't Seokmin’s decision and it wouldn't have been Soonyoung’s.

 

It wouldn't have been Soonyoung’s decision if he hadn't notice how Seokmin’s love for him had died. It wasn't that Seokmin didn't love him, he did and still do. But the boy was no longer in love with him, the way he used to. Just just loves him as how a best friend would.

 

Although they still shared hugs and kisses, he could feel the lack of genuine love in Seokmin.

 

As though his actions were all platonic and no longer romantic. Seokmin’s morning kisses on Soonyoung’s nose when they wake up next to each other felt more like a daily routine and not like an act of love.

 

When Seokmin gives him good bye kisses and says his, ‘I love you’s, it felt like it was out of habit and not true from his heart.

 

Soonyoung recalled the first ever excuse he gave as to why he broke up with the boy he was still deeply in love with.

 

“I'm sorry Seok, I just don't think I still love you the way I did when I first met you.”

 

Soonyoung’s lies finally left him after months of realising that the spark in his boyfriend's eyes had died over the months.

 

× × × ×

 

Days passed before he finally saw Seokmin in flesh. They were both on their way to the cafe outside the apartment they used to share.

 

They stood awkwardly facing each other by the entrance before Soonyoung broke the silence.

 

“Soonseok?” It came out more of like a question.

 

The two broke out into huge grins.

 

“Soonseok, talk!” The two said in unison.

 

“Soonseok, talk!”

 

“Everybody, talk!”

 

“Kakao, talk!”

 

“Baby, talk talk talk,” the two laughed as they embraced each other in tight hugs.

 

As they entered the cafe together, Seokmin still had his hand around Soonyoung’s waist.

 

After ordering their drinks, the shared the same booth.

 

Taking a sip from his drink, he sat his cup down and exhaled deeply.

 

“Gosh I missed you Youngie” Seokmin says as he gaze longingly at Soonyoung.

 

Soonyoung smiled as he saw the platonic love in the boy's eyes once more. Seokmin had went back to using the nickname he had used on Soonyoung back when they were just best friends, before the dating thing happened.

 

Soonyoung pinched Seokmin’s nose and replied,

 

“I missed you too DK.”

 

The two picked up from where they had left off, not in terms of dating but in terms of friendship.

 

Soonyoung let out a sigh of satisfaction.

 

“I guess we are better off this way, just as friends.”

 

He says to himself as he absentmindedly watched Seokmin rattle on and on about potato chips.

 

It was sad as even when he was hidden within the concealment of his own thoughts, he couldn't speak the truth of his heart.

 

He had to lie, even to himself.