KIM JONGIN
&
JUNG SOOJUNG

Request your presence
at the ceremony and celebration of their marriage.

Friday, 14^th of June 2014
at three o’ clock
City Church
Seoul

Reception to follow

 

 

Haneul held the invitation bordered with golden flowers in her shivering hands. She took slow steps backwards and slumped herself on the couch. Stealing a quick glance at the card, she sighed and brushed a hand through her washed up brown hair. It was about time, she thought. It was bound to happen anyway.

 

 

She looked around restlessly while sitting far away from the floral arch. His parents were standing next to the priest, smiling and whispering to each other. They must like her. She thought and smiled halfly. They must like her more than they ever accepted me.

She recognized a lot of people present around her. They had all been there at her wedding too. She recognized each face that had congratulated her. Right now all those same faces judged her with a sad expression. They were hesitant to talk to her, to come near her. What is she doing here? Hanuel could hear the murmurs. Is she supposed to be here? Did they invite her? Two or few more ex college mates had the moral enough to approach her and give their condolences. She just repeated the same answer to all like she had been since the past year.

“I’m fine. It doesn’t matter anymore. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be between us.”

 

A group of little kids were playing around with the vases and the lacey chairs. The parents, their old friends, were sitting ahead in the front seats – waiting for the groom but with no notice of her presence. A girl merely older than five of age hopped towards her and handed her a lily flower picked from one of the vases. Lilies. They were his favorite. Yet he never mentioned it until after their marriage. Haneul smiled and opened her arms to give her a gentle hug and the girl blushed, clutching the hem of her pink frock.

“You’re so pretty~” she sing songed and giggled and Hanuel smiled wider.

“Aw you think I’m pretty?”

The girl nodded and pecked Hanuel’s cheek before running away to her other little friends. Holding the lily close with a silent chuckle, she stared at the children in awe.

 

“Jongin! This is not over!” Haneul yelled and he turned around with a frustrated grunt.

“Why do you keep bringing it up?! Don’t you have a life besides thinking about a baby all day?!”

“Why can’t you give me what I want? Why can’t you give me a child?” her tone softened as she was near a breakdown.

“Haneul…I don’t want the responsibility of children right now. I’m not ready to be a parent.” He tried, the thing he wished she would understand soon.

“But I am! Just one child won’t take away anything!”

“Hanuel…no. I can’t compromise between work and your pregnancy. Just give me some time. Just a few more years—”

“Don’t…” she rubbed her temples “that’s it then. I will never bring this topic up ever again.”

“Haneul listen to me…” he stretched a hand out but she slapped it away.

“ We’re done discussing. No children you said…no children then.”

“Why are you doing this to us…” he sighed but she stomped off shutting the door behind.

 

Hanuel shook her head. She was surprised that she remembered this after so long. It wasn’t even close to their second anniversary.

He was there, standing between the arch. Ever so handsome in his grey suit with sleek combed hair. His eyes met Haneul’s and there was a weak smile on his lips. She smiled back although she was sure it seemed even blanker than his.

“Kim Jongin…” a mutter escaped her lips.

Seconds later the guests cheered. Hanuel turned around instantly and saw the bride walk in. She was so different from her. Small and symmetrical facial features; with a perfect smile. Wavy raven hair that contrasted her fair complexion. Nothing like Jongin’s type…

But everything else was exactly what he wanted in his bride. The exact gown, the exact necklace, the exact flowers. She must have asked him and planned for it to be so close to his desired appearance. Whereas Hanuel had rebelled so much and worn what she wanted in the end. Now that she thought about it she had never listened to him…

 

“This isn’t the time to be coming home.” Jongin folded his arms when Hanuel greeted him with a tired smile.

“Yeah…but it was important to do overtime today.” her mood fell seeing him so tensed.

“Today? You’ve been doing this for over a week!”

“You know how big of a project this is for me. And besides, you can’t restrict my time limits!”she retorted and threw her purse over at the couch.

“I’m not…restricting you. I just don’t like how you’re neglecting me because of your work.”

“I’m not neglecting you, Jongin, for God’s sake. I have been busy.”

“You don’t even answer my calls anymore.” He gave in and his voice faltered. He looked away at the floor, resting himself on the couch’s edge.

Hanuel felt something prang at her hear and she sighed. Strutting towards the bedroom she gave him one last glance before going off to sleep away the exhaustion.

“Just give me some more time. It’s for our own good future.”

 

She doesn’t remember anymore what she had in mind but she had certainly never thought of the future to turn out like this. Hanuel took a sharp breath and tried to give a toothy smile and clap along the others. She was pretty. Soojung was pretty. Maybe he finally was going to be with someone who deserved him.

The priest finished the rituals and there were more cheers. The exchanged rings and a kiss. Soojung threw her arms around his shoulders, laughing softly. He was laughing back, finally laughing since Haneul saw him. He finally looked happy.

 

 

The party began shortly after and a line of waiters walked in with trays full of glasses of champagne. The pink neon environment felt so alien to her and she defeated back to the bar, resting her head on her elbow. It smelled sweet but artificially sweet, foamy and distasteful. A figure approached her cautiously, a figure she missed, a person she loved so much.

“Feeling lonely?” Jongin asked smiling as he sat on the stool next to hers. He mustn’t have meant it in that way but it still made her heart sink at just how factual it was in all directions, all meanings.

“Kind of. I couldn’t find any partner at such a short notice.” She replied and lifted herself up to face him.

“What about him uh that guy…your close friend—”

“Baekhyun is out of town.” She answered before he could finish and Jongin regretted bringing that up at all because he wasn’t ready to be revitalized with memories. He cleared his throat dryly and avoided looking at her complaining eyes.

“How do you feel about the venue? And the food? What about your way here? How do you feel about this day?” he began and smiled falsely. “I thought you wouldn’t come.”

“Why wouldn’t I? It was the wedding of my first ex-husband afterall.” She said with a raise of brows, causing him to chuckle. How do you think I should be feeling about this day…

“That savageness. Still unbeatable.” He complimented.

“What about you? How did you and Soojung meet?” she asked and crossed her leg over the other growing uncomfortable.

He took a long breath in and let go with a sigh. Looking at other people who were dancing around, he shrugged. “Mom had suggested I should move on and find someone else already. Soojung just happened to transfer to our office at that time.”

Was it to stop mourning about her or had he merely forgotten about her so easily? Haneul’s heart sank further and she gulped on air, the restlessness growing.

“Oh…” the only reply that escaped out of her numb lips.

They sat there silently, looking ahead but at nothing. It was noisy. There were too many people all over the place and it was suffocating all of a sudden with the only thing not bothersome being the small space between them as they were. Haneul inhaled tiredly and it felt like instead she just lost her remaining breath.

“I should get going.” She smiled with her lips pursed. The music changed and it was her favorite song, the one she replayed about a dozen times on her wedding. Jongin’s eyes reflected the desire of some response but she just expressed indifference, enforced and feigned unaffectedness. She got up and he finally lost.

“No…stay…” that weak call.

“It’s not really that much exciting to be at your ex’s wedding as I always speculated it would be,” Haneul laughed “and besides…I don’t think a lot of people like me being here.” She excused and he caught her wrist with the faintest touch ever.

“But I don’t mind…”

It took all her courage ever to stop herself from falling apart right then.

“Jongin…she’s waiting for you.” Haneul smiled between sealed lips again.

Jongin turned to see Soojung looking at him questioningly from the stage where his parents and close friends had gathered. Right, it was time to receive the congratulations of the guests and then the speeches. Maybe he can convince her to stay till they finish off with the meet and greet.

“But you—”

His eyes lost their gentle spark. She wasn’t there.

 

 

Haneul strutted back through the hallway but it seemed endless. The music echoed in the bleakness and she felt the tears finally cover her cheeks warm. She wished she actually meant that excuse. She wished it was the lack of fun making her leave.

Because really, it was just hurting. Everything was hurting.