gif credit
Read the short: Old Photograph here!

---

The warmth of the sun kissing your skin, the light breath of cool air from the passing wind, even the soft song the rustling leaves of the surrounding trees were singing; it was probably the nicest weather you’ve ever seen. But it was out of place, a complete contrast, almost a mockery with the heavy clouds that were starting to form from within.

It was the last time you’ve seen his wide smile and heard his voice calling your name. He said he wanted to give you something and that it’d have to wait until you got home. So, you willed time to go faster, running home as fast as you can, ignoring his voice that somehow turned to a warning. Then there was a loud honk and the horrible screeching of tires against the asphalt. Then came a loud thud.

You stopped. You looked back.

Red.

So much red.

Nothingness washed over you in an instant like being drowned by the strong currents of the violent ocean. You stood frozen. You did not know what to do. All your senses have gone numb, not hearing anything but your heartbeat, not seeing anyone else but him. Your eyes focused only on Seokmin’s lifeless body on the ground.

 

 

You stood in front of his casket and what a small casket it was. White flowers decorated it along with the flowers his family, relatives, and friends had with them. Except yours.

You smiled a little. Seokmin would’ve disliked everything if he saw but black flowers didn’t naturally exist. It was just a good thing there were black markers back in your house.

And then came the whispers; some had the decency to actually soften their voices but there were others who did not care. The strange looks and the subtle shaking of heads…you wanted to leave, you wanted to run...but you had one more thing to do.

Your dad placed a hand on your tiny shoulder once it was done and gave you a small smile. “Time to go home.“

“Not yet,” you twirled the flower in your fingers, ignoring the mixed look of relief and worry on his face.

The workers have come and were now filling the hole with soil. You sat in front of where the casket was lowered, the flower still in your hand. You refused to let go of it, earning even more strange looks from everyone who attended. “I can’t go yet.”

“What is it y/n?“

“I have to make sure this flower stays,” you said, finally placing the flower on top of his grave. "So he'll know."

Your voice was hollow just as hollow your whole existence was the day he left.

Blank.
Empty. 
Deserted. 
Forsaken.

But silent as you were from the days that passed, you hoped that Seokmin would hear your inner voice and your cries of regret and longing for him.

 

 

“Hey. Hey, kid. Wake up. You alright?”

Your eyes fluttered open and the first thing you saw were a couple of blurred moving heads and a low, dimly-lit ceiling. The heads turned to blurred faces and finally, you saw who could only be the passengers of the bus.

“Are you alright?” an old woman at the farmost end asked.

You pulled yourself up and they stepped back to give you space. 
Your head pounded and your neck ached as you looked around. It was nearly dark, the bus wasn’t moving and everyone, including the driver, crowded around you. “What…”

“You fainted, dear,” the elderly woman said. “I am not sure for how long but you were lying on the chair unconscious when we noticed. We thought you were sleeping at first!”

The bus driver lowered himself to meet your eyes. "We’re nearly at Station 6. Do you need help going to the hospital?”

You pressed the side of your head on your palm, willing the pain to leave your head before reassuring them that you were alright and just needed to rest at home.

“Exam week”, you told them with a weak smile.

You grabbed your bag, your gaze landing on the empty seat next to you where you saw him. He wasn’t there when you came to. No one even seemed to see him at all.

Maybe I hit my head hard, you thought as you got off.

The bus’s engine growled in the distance until everything was silent again, the only other sound you could hear was the buzzing of the light from the ad board at the stop. All was calm and the area was empty except for when two kids passed by. Then you were alone again.

You thought about Seokmin, the real Seokmin, the last time you saw him. He wore the same yellow-red-blue-striped jumper with the one you saw today. And his features, especially his face shape and his nose, were pretty much the same. The only thing that really changed was that he’s grown. And ghosts can’t grow, can they?

Then there was the dream. It was so vivid. It was almost like you can still hear him calling out to you. It was like you were standing there again, watching the red thick pool grow while your whole body stood frozen on the spot. Helpless. Hopeless.

An uncomfortable sting made its way back to your temples pulling you back in the present time before you almost went to heaven when you heard someone’s voice.

“Are you okay?”

You opened your eyes and saw him seated on the bench, a scream making its way to breaking the silence of dusk.

His eyes turned wide and he rushed towards you, his palm making contact with your mouth. “Nononono please don’t scream.”

But your scream was stuck in your throat and your eyes turned rounder. Inches from your face was Seokmin, the Seokmin. His face was so close that you can see the pores on his skin and the panic in his eyes and that alone made your scream fight its way to the surface more.

“No, please be quiet. Calm down. I’m not gonna hurt you. Just here to talk. Breathe. Breathe. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.”

Your eyes shook, wanting to look away but wanting the opposite as well. But quite weirdly, you found yourself doing just as he said as you listened to his voice, your breathing getting even as seconds pass. Your heartbeat got the signal and calmed down, only there was one more thing.

“Cold!” you managed to say from your numbing lips.

“Sorry,” he exclaimed taking his palm away from you. “Was that painful? I didn’t know. I’m sorry. I kinda panicked.”

“You panicked?? You. Panicked??”

He took a step back and muttered an apology.

“Who are you? Or more importantly, what are you??”

“I’m Seokmin. I'm–”

“What the hell are you talking about? Don't joke with me and tell me who you really are! And you…at the bus…then you were gone…and your hand!”

“Alright. Okay,” he said, his arms stretched out to you. “Calm down first. Sit down. We don’t want you fainting again.”

“How did you know I fainted?”

“I was uh…there. ThenIwasn’t. Comeonnowsit!”

You dragged your feet towards the bench and sat, your eyes never leaving him. Because of the rather cool weather the whole day, the bench felt cold. But seeing him walking and pacing around in front of you, the cold bench was nothing against the various shivers that ran down your spine, not to mention how cold his fingers were.

“Okay. Are you calm now?”

“As calm as I can get."

“Let’s go through this one by one. Ready? I’m Lee Seokmin. I’m your friend and…uh…your boyfriend. Or was. I don’t know. And yes, I’m dead. I think. I remember dying so yeah.”

Another shiver. You shut your eyes tight and begged your brain to make sense of the situation. “Again. Slowly. Simply. ”

“Alright. I’m Lee Seokmin. I’m dead.”

“That does not help,” you said through gritted teeth.

“You said 'simply'! That's as simple as it could get! What am I supposed to say?”

“I don’t know! This does not make sense! You don’t make sense. How am I supposed to react to this…this…??” you said, doing vague hand gestures towards him.

“I’m a person. Not a ‘this’,” he said folding his arms. “Fine. I’ll give you a moment to calm down. Really calm down. I’ll go take a walk.”

You chewed on your lip as you watched him walk a few feet away from you. Though your mouth has gone dry and your throat has gone hoarse, your breathing has become relatively calm. Your brain, however, was another thing. It spun wildly, it sparked; it was like an overheating engine that has been running for too long out in the hot sun. It needed some rest. You needed some rest.

You looked at him again and squinted your eyes. Seokmin really was there. Standing. Alive. No, not alive, you thought. He was something but…

"What are you?”

Seokmin looked up and you saw a passing smile on his lips. “I’m not sure,” he admitted, looking back at the ground. “A ghost? A spirit? I… kind of don’t have a physical body so I’m not exactly alive. But I’m here.”

Your shoulders slumped as you sighed in defeat. “I’m going crazy.”

“I don’t think so. If you are, then I might be crazy too. But that would be weird.”

“Can anyone else see you?” you asked, ignoring his previous answer.

“I saw lots of people today but no one paid attention to me.”

“Does that mean I’m talking to empty air right now?”

“Hey,” he said with offense in his tone. “I’m here, you know. Maybe to others, you would look crazy but you’re not. Not really, I think.”

“Why are you here?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think I have any unfinished business. Grade school homework doesn’t seem like an important thing for me to come back for. Although I guess our teacher would disagree. But I’m sure she’s forgotten all about it now…”

His voice droned on and on about your grade school teacher and classmates, leaving you with your thoughts alone. He’s there. You can see him. You can hear him. You can even feel him though it’s quite different from normal. Normal…this is certainly not normal. Supernatural? You’d have to look for ghostbusters or something then.

He continued to talk before noticing that you’ve already started to walk away. “Hey. Where are you going? And where are we anyway?”

You sighed and chose to ignore his questions. People were already starting to show up in the street. Having a conversation with yourself would just make you look crazy even though you feel that you already are.

You continued to walk home while Seokmin noted about how different everything is; the number of thin and wide phones with nothing but screens, the high buildings and new restaurants he’s never heard of, and even the fashion. “So many tight jeans!” he said after a few kids passed by. Everything for him was interesting and he made sure to talk all about it until you got home.

You opened the door and dumped your bag on the couch before heading to the kitchen for a glass of water. Meanwhile, Seokmin stood at the door entrance, his eyes taking in the sight of the room.

“What?”

“You live here?”

You looked around. The living room had a couch, a small table, and a TV and a few steps from it was an open room – your bedroom – with a single bed, a closet, and a makeshift dresser. Opposite it was the dining room slash kitchen with a table for two, mostly used for when you're studying. It was a small unit, you had to admit, but it’s just more convenient, not to mention cheaper. You looked back at him and nodded.

“Where’s your mom and dad?”

“At our old house.”

“Old house?”

“I moved out.”

“You live alone?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Oh.” He chewed on his lip and stared at the floor.

“What is it?

“Aren’t you bothered?”

“By what?” By you? you asked but not aloud. You still did not think he was real. He could just be something your mind made up, maybe out of stress. But if he’s not real and just something you made up, will he be able to hear your thoughts? You shook your head. He won’t be hurt anyway. Again, he’s not real. And anyway, all this thinking was just bringing back your headache. “What is it?”

“We’re alone. Together. By ourselves.“

You stared back at him, his face looking really bothered by the thought when you finally understood. You set the glass down on the counter and placed a hand over your mouth. Whaaaat? You looked up and saw Seokmin standing there confused, making it even harder for you not to laugh.

"What's funny?” he asked.

“Nothing," you started. "It’s just that you can’t be something my mind made up cause I was totally not thinking whatever you were thinking.”

“I wasn’t thinking anything!”

“Whatever you say," you shrugged noting how pink his ears have gone. "It’s fine. Make yourself at home.”

He stared at you some more, watching you move around the house before finally, he smiled and went in. And it was all…familiar. Kind of like home.

He ate dinner (though you both had no idea how he could), watched TV and used your phone (he was so amused by wireless internet and new phone games), helped you study (or more accurately, you helped him) and slept on the couch for the night (after saying that he wanted to try sleeping again).

His innocence towards everything was fun to watch just like how a kid experiences life for the first time. Soon, him being there was normal. He wasn’t alive but he was there. It was like having your very own Sun; annoying at times but something you knew you needed in life.

The next few days passed by and it was just like having a roommate. He was with you at school participating in class, sometimes telling you random grade school answers like Saturn and sedimentary rocks during tests. He was with you whenever you went out, wide-eyed when he discovered the biggest mall in the city. He was even there with you when you visited home, eating meals with your family and happily listening to your conversations. He was there all the time and you loved it. It was like a dream. And maybe it was.

But though you were happy that you could meet him again, though you were happy that you could see him, talk to him and laugh with him again, it didn’t erase the fact that what happened in the past happened.

“Why are you really here?” you asked one afternoon while out on a stroll with him. It was the second day of your home visit. After lunch, you told your parents that you wanted to take a walk to see how much the neighborhood changed. But to be honest, seeing your family and being with him…so many things regarding the past resurfaced just by being there with them.

The strange looks. The whispers. His voice calling out your name. His limp body on the ground. Those images just won’t leave. And they've gotten worse. Sometimes when you would look at him, there on his jumper or at the side of his head...

“You said you think you have no unfinished business.”

“That’s right.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Huh?” Seokmin turned to look at you.

“I don’t believe you!”

“Y/n. I was so young. I don’t think there was anything–”

“Then stop haunting me!“

"Y/n. What do you mean?”

“Is it not enough? For years, Seokmin! Years! I’ve tried so hard to do good. I help others to somehow pay for what I’ve done. But at night all I could see was your...you...lying on the ground and everything was red. Every night I would see you like that. Isn't that enough? Did you come back to haunt me so that I’ll never forget?”

“I’d never–”

“No one said anything, Seokmin but I knew! I knew they all blamed me. Your family, your friends, all of them! And I deserve it, don't I? I knew I had no right to explain myself and correct them because it's true. You dying is my fault!”

“That’s not true...”

“It is! And don’t worry because I’ll never forget! Not one day passed that I missed you and blamed myself that you were gone, Seokmin. Not one day. But maybe that's what I deserve."

"But y/n–”

You ran away with your eyes stinging from the tears threatening to fall. You had no right, you thought. You deserved it. But you needed a break. It's been too long. And it's been too much.

Your feet moved quickly, carrying you away from him. Even just for a bit, you wanted to get away; away from him, away from here, away from everything that is him. But alas, sometimes our bodies do things that we do not understand.

You blinked hard to keep your tears from falling and looked around. It’s his neighborhood. It’s where his house is. You walked over to where his house was when someone came out of the door. It was his mom. She was carrying a large box towards the back of a truck when she saw you and stopped.

“Y/n?”

Your body tensed. Suddenly you can see the strange looks and hear the whispers again, how she looked at you and refused to talk to you since.

“Y/n is that you?” His mom placed the box down and walked towards you. “It is you.”

The door opened and out came his dad and his sister carrying boxes and bags and placed them in the truck.

“We’re moving today,” she smiled after noticing that you were watching. “It’s always been a big house. And when Seokmin left…after all these years, we’re finally moving on. I’m finally moving on,” she said.

It was only for a second when your eyes met but her lips trembled and her cheeks and nose went red. Before you knew it, she was embracing you tightly in her arms. She was crying and her hands on your back were shaking.

“I’m sorry y/n. I’m so sorry.”

“Mrs–“

“You must’ve felt horrible all these years,” she said. “I never meant to…I knew it wasn’t your fault. But because you were with him at that time…oh, y/n. I’m so sorry for blaming you.”

“But…it was my fault. If I waited for him…if I listened to him…”

“It’s not your fault, dear. It was no one’s fault. It was an accident.” She leaned away and cupped your face, her cheeks stained with fresh tears. “Oh dear. Please forgive me.”

You sniffed and nodded hard, only to cry harder when she hugged you again. A lot of people had tried consoling you before...but to receive forgiveness and to be asked to be forgiven...

Minutes passed with you consoling each other while crying before you heard the car honk. Then, she handed you an envelope.

“I believe it's yours. I was going to keep it but,” she smiled tracing its edges, “it’s been with me for so long now. It’s your turn to have a piece of him with you.” 

You watched as their truck drove away, leaving you alone in front of their now empty house when you heard a voice.

“Found you.”

You didn’t even have to look up. You knew. And somehow, your tears automatically made their way to your eyes again.

“I’m sorry,” you cried. “I’m sorry I was impatient. I’m sorry I ran. I love you Seokmin. I really love you. And I miss you. I miss you so much.”

“I know. That’s why I came back. I just had to.” He looked at you with sad eyes and had his finger inches from your cheeks, as though wiping your tears away. “You finally freed yourself.”

You wiped your tears and your nose with the back of your hand and walked towards him, your arms circling around him into a hug.

“You’ll get cold.”

“I don’t care,” you shivered but held onto him even tightly. “Who told you that you could die and leave me alone? You’re not supposed to just leave me like that.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Now’s not the time to apologize. Comfort me.”

“Ah,” he said resting his chin on top of your head and swaying you in his embrace. “My girlfriend is quite something. One moment, you’re angry at me. And now that I’m apologizing, you don’t want me to.”

You scoffed, burying yourself further in his chest. “Deal with it.”

“I’m really sorry. And thank you. For everything. From then until now, thank you.”

You leaned away from him and met his eyes. He had this smile on his face, peaceful and like saying goodbye. “Seokmin?”

He placed your head between his hands and leaned down, his lips leaving a cool touch on your forehead. His hand slid down to your cheek and you couldn’t help but want to hold his hand in yours again. And for a moment, you did until his cold hand wasn’t there anymore and neither was he.

You heard a soft clang and on the ground rolled something. You picked it up. It was a small ring, a ring so small that it would’ve fit a child’s finger. Suddenly, his words about wanting to give you something rang in your heart.

The envelope was open and you pulled out a photo. It was the same photo that you had, the one with the young you and Seokmin grinning widely at the camera and showing off your hands that held the other. And at the back of the photo, written in black ink and in his unique penmanship, was a short message that you would treasure for all time:

To my best friend, y/n. I will love you forever.