there is a labyrinth of hallways to navigate that he does so with ease & that leave eunsook dizzy.  their home is a maze that one day may be familiar but is as now befuddling.  paned doors with sheer pearl white dressing lead to a vivid green lawn, & a garden planted with flowers of all colors: the air is rich with their scent.

“these may interest you.”, he says, pointing to an area planted with saplings of her beloved homeland’s native plants.  the selection is detailed & all her favorites are among them.  awestruck, she forgets herself & leans down to feel the tender leaves between her fingers, holding her veil back with her empty hand.  they are blooms & greenery she had not anticipated seeing in this realm, ones she had cultivated in a life before becoming an addendum to a treaty between two kings.

“you approve?”  the query is posed from behind her.  startled, she stands up far too quickly, the rush leaving her a bit light-headed.

“yes, my lord.”, she replies, embarrassed.  glancing down, the desire to caress them again, to feel the familiarity of home within their emerald stalks is overwhelming.  hopeful, she poses a query of her own.  “is it alright if i touch them?”  a warm laugh is his response, his eyes turning to crescents. 

“of course, they are yours.”  a polite smile blushes over her lips as she bends to touch the plants again.  pausing, she turns back to her husband.

“thank you, my lord.”

~

their wedding day is spent with the prince leading eunsook through the grounds that surround the estate wherein they will live.  the yard is glorious & many hours, she thinks, will be spent within its flowered paths.  there are growths she has never before seen, plants that make her eyes widen in wonder, blossoms that take her breath away with their scent, the vibrancy of their colors. 

he takes her to a large stable full of horses.  the scent of the mares & the hay remind her of the smile of a stable boy she once thought she might love, of boys she knew loved each other.  he promises to take her on a ride within the week, “when we’re both better suited for it”, he says looking down at his silk tunic & pants with a smile.  when he looks up she’s smiling back & for a moment it’s just them & their private joke.  the whinny of a horse breaks the spell & they both laugh, turning away from each other.

he never touches her, never again asks for a kiss.  every question posed is to ascertain whether she approves of what she is shown, & whether there is anything more she would like.  she can think of nothing & simply praises the beauty before her.  often she finds his eyes on her & she wonders what he sees.  eventually enough time passes that eunsook begins to feel slightly faint, her hand resting absently on her stomach that pangs with hunger.

“perhaps it is time we went back & had something to eat.”, he says & she nods lightly in response.  he’s watching her with concern as he guides her back to the house & she does her best to maintain a smile.  instead of a dining hall, he leads her to a simple room with a small wooden table & set of matching chairs.  confused, she sits where he indicates she should, the chair stiff beneath her as she watches him leave, stepping through a door that swings behind him in his wake.  muted noises from another room flutter through the wall as she waits quietly for his return.  a plate is held in one hand & a glass in another as the prince reenters the room.  both are placed before her with a timid “i hope this is alright” & a shy smile.  the plate holds her favorite sandwich with a piece of fruit cut to pieces beside it, the glass filled with juice. 

“yes, thank you.”, is what she says, though she wants to know how he knew. 

“may i?”  his fingers hover in the air before her face & it takes a moment for her to realize that he’s asking to lift her veil.  she nods & leans forward, keeping her eyes on his face as the crimson silk disappears from her visage & her husband’s face is suddenly clear.

“beautiful.”, she hears, the words so quiet she might have missed them if she hadn’t seen them form on his lips, & there’s a gentle flutter in her chest.  he sits down across from her, gesturing at her food with an encouraging smile.  it’s unnerving to be watched while eating but her hunger is strong so she takes small, deliberate bites, wishing he would speak.  when he doesn’t, in lieu of anything better, eunsook swallows & murmurs “happy birthday, my lord”.  his laughter is warm in response.

“thank you.  are you enjoying your meal?”  she nods.

 “yes, thank you.  it is delicious.”  a thought occurs to her & she acts on it before her nerves can win out.  shyly holding out the sandwich, she asks, “would you like a bite?”  there’s a pause & from the way he is looking at her she thinks she may have made a great mistake.

“yes.”, he replies, leaning forward & taking a bite, chewing as he sits back up.  there’s something about the action, the way his jaw flexes & his eyes on her, that makes her heart skip & her face flush.  she finishes eating in silence.

afterwards, they walk back to the bedroom, something new & unfamiliar between them.  the room is darker than she remembers, her eyes now accustomed to the sunlight, & standing alone with her husband is setting her nerves on edge again.  the heavy wooden doors with their ornate designs shut ominously behind them & she takes a ragged breath as he steps before her.  neither of them had replaced her veil & her face lays bare before her husband.  in this way she can see him clearly but he can also see her & she grows anxious under his gaze. 

“i am going to kiss you now, if i may.”  her eyes widen & then she nods, silently, her eyes blinking rapidly as she struggles to swallow back her disquiet, forcing herself to remain still as his hands cup her cheeks, warm & dry.  then his lips brush against her forehead, the softest touch she has ever experienced.  when he pulls away, his fingers brush her cheeks & she is left breathless.

“tonight, that is yours,” he says, gesturing toward the elaborate bed in the far corner of their bedroom, “and this,” he says, pointing to a simple cot that has been set up near the bed, though with plenty of space between the two, “is where i will be spending the night.  every night until you ask me to share your bed.”

“it is far too simple, my lord.”, she whispers, her cheeks flushed.

“it is enough.”, he replies with a smile.  “whatever you need to feel content, to feel comfortable in this marriage is what i will provide for you.  it is nothing to sleep in this cot if it means you are able to sleep peacefully in this room.  we are strangers & it is my duty to earn your trust.  i shall endeavor to do so no matter what it takes.”  it is a kindness & a complication.  the desire to accept his offer & maintain the comfort of distance is strong.  but lying with her husband is a threshold she must cross, & she’s not certain she can without being pulled across it.

“there’s no need, my lord.  you may join me tonight.”  he is on her in a flash & she stumbles backwards, her eyes wide & her hands outstretched.

“eunsook.  please, look at me.”  he has stopped just shy of her, standing right in front of her yet not touching any part of her body.  at the last moment her eyes had squinted shut & she had not yet opened them.  she does now, hesitantly, her hands still braced before her.

“please, do not force this.  i could not bear to know that you were unwilling in any way.”

“yes, my lord.”, she whispers, nodding, her arms slowly falling to her sides.

he turns away & she stays still, not certain what she should do, upset that she has upset him.

he leaves her alone in their bedroom with a promise to rejoin her as soon as she has prepared for bed, & sent a servant to assist her.  a young woman, tall, thin, & with stunning eyes, had knocked on the door.

“the prince has requested that i attend to you, your highness.”, she had said with a bow.  eunsook had paused, uncertain how far she wanted to go.  she’d only ever had her cousin help her with her clothes & this girl is a stranger.  the girl keeps her wide eyes on eunsook’s face, waiting for a command because they are strangers to each other & they’ve yet to develop a language between them.   it’s the girl’s timidity that causes eunsook to reluctantly shake off her fears & let a smile bloom across her lips.  besides, there was no choice but to acquiesce to girl’s assistance; eunsook knows where nothing is. 

“yes.  and your name is?”

“minjung, my lady.”

eunsook requests a bath & stands still as minjung’s deft fingers slowly remove her belt & veil.  the loops across her fingers are undone as are the clasps holding her dress to her body.  her earrings & rings, necklaces & bracelets, are lain beside the garments, stark in their crimson & gold against what she discovers is a pale gray satin spread covering the bed.  she is wrapped in a soft towel by minjung’s gentle hands & led through a paneled door into a room inlaid with an enormous bath.  her hair is uncoiled & brushed while heated water pours into the basin, the soothing sound of running water a comfort.  as is the feel of her scalp being massaged by the bristles. 

the bath is hot when she steps in & steam surrounds her, opening her pores & her lungs.  her head rests against a towel minjung rolled up for her, her eyes fixated on the wall.  the young woman had kept her gaze averted while she removed her clothing & had left before eunsook had submerged herself beneath the water.  though there was some relief in the protection of her modesty, the action only heightened her awareness of being undressed in front of a stranger.  and she couldn’t help but wonder: if she was this shy in front of a woman she had no interest in how much more difficult would it be to bare herself before her husband?

minjung is in the other room sorting through the assortment of garments in her enormous trousseau, searching for a gown suitable for eunsook to sleep in.  it is an arduous task & she feels guilty that minjung must undertake it.  at least they are all sorted by occasion; gwiboon had seen to that.  even though she is a second daughter, due to the vitality of the marriage to the survival of the kingdom every effort had been made to present her as a wife fit for a king & no expense had been spared when it came to her clothing & jewels.  eunsook could only hope they would not regret investing so much in her. 

she slips beneath the surface & stares up through the ripples.

eunsook is dressed in a soft gown that falls to her ankles, sleeveless & pale violet with a cinched waist.  her damp hair lies in a braid over her shoulder, ending just above her waist.  she stands beside the bed waiting for taemin’s return, minjung having left to retrieve him several minutes ago.  she fiddles with her fingers, staring at the door, wondering whether he will still be upset & what she should do if he is.

there’s a knock at the door followed by the soft murmur of her name & her heart skips as she replies, “yes, come in.”  the door opens & her husband steps across the threshold.  he has exchanged his formal cream & crimson wedding suit for a simple gray cotton shirt & matching pants.  when he sees her he pauses, a startled look on his face & she panics, fearing that he is displeased with her unadorned appearance.  perhaps it is the brace she wears beneath, the one that holds her s firm that is the matter.  she needs it though; she needs that last touch of modesty if she’s to be comfortable sleeping alone with a stranger.

“you look beautiful.”, he whispers.  she blushes, unaccustomed to praise.

“would you like me to lie down first?  or would you prefer to speak more before we sleep?”  the options are unexpected & she has difficulty deciding.  she’s tired but not sleepy & her nerves are still on edge from the day.  she decides that a conversation would be nice & she says so, following him as he steps across the room, resuming her position on the velvet chair as he takes a seat on the sofa.

it’s quiet for a bit too long, his gaze still on her, so she puts on a smile & asks what he would like to talk about.

“what is your favorite color?”, he asks, his chin resting on his fist as he leans against the arm of the sofa.  she blinks, surprised by the question.

“my favorite color?  well...i suppose it’s gray.  not a dark gray, more of a blue gray.  like the sky just before a storm.”  he smiles at that.  “what is your favorite color, my lord?”  a soft chuckle slips through his teeth.

“well it was yellow.  i believe it’s gray now.”  eunsook leans back, perplexed.

“yellow is such a beautiful color, my lord.  i especially like yellow flowers.”  that’s true, yet it fails to include that all flowers are liked by her.

“then it is good that we have some already planted in the garden.”, he replies.  “we should plant more if you would like.”  eunsook nods, a thought crossing her mind that she’s a bit timid to address aloud, but more interested in the potential agreement.

“would it...”, she pauses, blinking.

“yes?”

“would it be acceptable for me to do some of the planting?”  his eyes are on her & she feels the pressure of his silence.  then he bursts into a smile that spreads its way to her own lips.

“always.  it is your garden after all.”  eunsook’s eyes widen in surprise & the prince laughs.

“this is your home.  there is no need for you to ask to do anything in or to it.  tell me what you need & it will be provided.  you are the mistress of this house, it is yours to do with as you please.”  eunsook is bewildered.  throughout the preparations for her marriage, the women in her life had reminded her that everything would be his, including her body & their home, that he would be ruler of it all.  yet he has spent the entire day telling her that it is actually hers.

“thank you, my lord.”, she whispers with a smile.  he nods his head & silence falls between them.  it’s soft & she feels a bit of the tension that has been weighing on her all day fade.  she’s not comfortable yet, she definitely wouldn’t say she felt safe enough to go beyond what they’ve already done: a stroll, a private conversation, a chaste kiss.  his words & actions so far have indicated that she has been married to a truly kind man & she wonders when she will feel at ease enough to do more.  she hopes it won’t be long.

they sit in amicable silence a few minutes more.  she thinks she catches him about to speak a few times but nothing is said.  it leaves her wondering what he’s afraid to say & wishing she could think of something herself.  finally, he asks her if she is ready to retire for the night & she must admit that she is quite tired.

“would you like to settle in first or shall i?”, he asks.  it’s an oddly embarrassing question & she’s humiliated to feel herself blushing.  he doesn’t laugh, though, so as she stands she murmurs that she will retire first & begins to walk towards the empty bed.

“eunsook.”, he says, & she turns to find him looking at her with that same piercing gaze she’d been the recipient of all day.  it’s a sharp shift from the tenderness she’d seen in his eyes only a moment ago.

“yes, my lord?”

“i would like to do this every night.  one private conversation & one kiss.  would that be all right with you?”  eunsook swallows nervously at the request.

“yes, my lord.”, she replies, because it would.  she begins to turn, stopping when he again speaks.

“eunsook?”

“yes, my lord?”

“one last favor?”

“yes, my lord?”

“please call me taemin.”

silence hangs between them while eunsook builds up the courage to do as she is asked.  his name was never intended to be on her lips & yet he has asked that she place it there.  this is so unlike the rigid social construct she has known all her life that it is an actual force of will that makes her able to fulfill his wish.

“yes...taemin.”  saying his name aloud feels unfamiliar & thrilling & forbidden.  & the way he smiles at her is breathtaking.  the sheer curtains of the canopy are brushed aside by her own hand & she slips through them onto the bed, the silk falling silently behind her.  while it had been warm & bright outside, their bedroom is cool & dark & she snuggles beneath the satin coverlet.  it’s pulled up to her chin, wrapped up in her fist, as she watches her husband lie down on his little cot.  a pang of guilt hits her chest & she think it’s not fair that he should be so reduced in his own home. 

he lies on his back, his hands behind his head, & turns to her with a smile & a quick, “good night, eunsook.”  he watches her a little too intently for it to have been a simple salutation & she thinks maybe he wants to hear her say his name again. 

“good night.  taemin.”  his smile broadens as he closes his eyes, wiggling a little on the tiny cot as he quickly falls asleep.  she envies the swiftness & lies quietly in the dark a while before sleep finally accepts her in its embrace.