eunsook stands silently in the bedroom of a stranger, her husband, a man she met three hours ago & whose arrival she anticipates shortly.  the room is quiet, dim.  in the far corner sit a velvet sofa & matching arm chair.  heavy drapes lay over high windows & block out all natural light.  candles flicker throughout the room & three lamps valiantly fight off complete darkness. 

the bridal clothes she wears feel tight, constricting, despite their loose design.  the sleeves of the crimson gown reach her wrists, anchored to her fingers by slim golden chains.  the skirt reaches her ankles, brushing against the floor & across her golden slippers, matched to the golden thread delicately woven throughout her gown.  a sheer crimson veil covers her face, fluttering with every anxious breath, falling just past her waist, & a gold chain belt sits on her hips.  her long hair, as long as her veil, has been braided into a crown.  the strands sit elegantly on her head, softly framing her face.  her body is ensconced in material meant to create the illusion of beauty, yet she feels certain that the revelation of her true image will be a disappointment to the man she has just wed.

she is a birthday gift of sorts, a prize for the young prince finally coming of age.  not quite that, though it feels as such.  their engagement had been decided upon over a year ago, when he was only sixteen & she twenty.  their fathers had agreed to the match but their mothers had insisted that its consummation be delayed until the prince was, in the eyes of the law, a man & no longer a child.  there are many points kings may fight upon, but when queens unite they are bound to concede.

she was surprised that he did not appear as young as she knew him to be, though when he’d laughed his youth was evident.  short black hair & wide shoulders, dark black eyes & small hands.  he was handsome, she thought, though his lips were odd.  her fingertips were brushing her own lips before she realized she had even raised a hand.  she drops it to her side & blushes in the silence.

she shifts nervously as she waits, her stomach in knots, purposefully ignoring the bed behind her: a grand mahogany canopy with pale yellow silk draped over it, falling to the floor.  the women who prepared her, her mother, her grandmother, her aunt, & her cousin, had given her no advice other than to remember that her body was now his: she had no right to refuse any request.  eunsook is not unfamiliar with the ways of men but she has never lain with one & she is apprehensive of fulfilling such an obligation with a stranger.

there’s a quiet knock on the door & a query from the other side which is muffled by the wood.  the door opens & she doesn’t move, her trepidation suddenly turned to fright.  everything is suddenly very real as she’s faced with the prince entering the room, closing the door behind himself, & turning to her with a smile she doesn’t know.

“hello, eunsook.”  his voice is startlingly deep for such a delicate face.  deep brown eyes watch her & she hopes he’s as kind as they seem.

“hello, my lord.”, is her muted reply.  her gaze falls to the floor, her fingers fidgeting with her veil.  they are alone in a dark room with a large bed & she waits for his request.

“would you like to sit?”

the question lingers between them, trapped between the poser & eunsook’s confusion.  she gives a quick nod & waits to follow his lead.  he walks to the darkened corner & pulls aside a heavy panel, letting in enough light that they no longer have to rely on the pale illumination the lamps produce.  he beckons her to the armchair, waiting until she is seated before falling onto the sofa, his arms perched across the back.  eunsook’s eyes are still fixed on the carpet, though she knows she needs to be meeting his gaze.  slowly, she looks up & finds that he’s looking at her face.  she saddens at the thought that he may find her appearance displeasing. 

her looks have never been one of her assets, though she has at times been called “pretty”.  her proportions are average, though slightly softer than her cousin’s, & her smile has always received compliments.  but her husband may not find her crooked teeth charming, may find flaws in aspects of her form she had not thought of herself.  or worse, the ones she intimately knows.  perhaps it is her age he is dissatisfied with, a wife who is so much older.  twenty-one is not yet old but it is not young & she will always be elder in their relationship. 

what a disappointment she must be.

“when my sister taeyeon was married”, he begins, “they told her that her body was her husband’s, that she was to obey every command he gave.  before we were wed this morning, i was told yours was mine & that i should expect you to do the same.”  eunsook swallows, the depth of his tone & words making her already anxious heart thump a bit harder.  his leans forward, drawing his arms to his side & resting his elbows on his knees.

“i disagree.  there is nothing i want for you to do except to feel safe.  & it will be my responsibility to ensure that you do.”  eunsook blushes at the declaration & turns her gaze back to the ground.  “please, let me see your eyes.”  her eyelashes flutter as she looks back up.  his gaze is still gentle & his smile is so soft.  “everything that we do together will be at your consent & you will have every right to withhold it.  is that acceptable to you?”

it takes her a moment to process the question & she nods her acquiescence.  he leans forward a little more, watching her intently.

“may i kiss you?”

eunsook’s heart thumps in her chest.  her mind wars between the words of the women who had raised her & those of her husband, a stranger.  his kindness seemed genuine, yet there were stories of men who had appeared so as well & then turned cruel, even violent.  she has no way of knowing if he was one.  while there is a part of her that is apprehensive of taking such a step, another is delighted at the chance.  either way, in her mind there is no option but to concede & so she gives him a small smile & a quick nod. 

he watches her, making no move, & she wonders why he’s waiting.

“let us go for a walk.”, he says, surprising her.  he stands, stretching out his hand.  his palm is warm against her own as she slips her hand from beneath her veil & takes it, confused, using his strength to stand.  when he releases her, walking towards the door, she notices the chill from the loss.