"," Youngjae cursed, pulling himself up to a sitting position next to me.
"I told you we shouldn't have," I hissed between my teeth, trying desperately to find the shirt I was sure was tangled into the sheets.
"Oh I'm sorry," he hissed back, seething, "but who just ed whom? Don't you try to blame this on me."
"Alright, blame me. Where the is my shirt?"
"I don't know."
"Well, help me find it!"
"Why? He's already gone."
"So I can go after him, you dofus."
"Dae, he's gone. There's no way you'll catch up to him. You won't even know which way he went. He'll return once the shock's settled." The reality that I would not be able to catch up to Jongup even if I tried sank in, ironically just as my fingers closed around my shirt. A few seconds passed, neither of us looking at each other, the sounds of breathing from the three members still sleeping the only sound.

"He was crying," I whispered at length.
"He'll be alright," came Youngjae's soft response, his hand gently grabbing my arm and pulling me closer.
"How do you know?"
"He's probably just shocked. I mean, he doesn't really have any experience, you know, and witnessing his hyungs going at it must've been pretty shocking."
"You think that's it?" I frowned.
"I don't think that's it, I think it's probably a pretty big ing deal." A wave of annoyance flushed over me at that, and I did not quite succeed at keeping it at bay.
"If you think it's such a big deal you shouldn't have asked to be ed with all of them in the room."
"If you thought it was such a bad idea, maybe you shouldn't have ed me."
"Yeah next time I won't," I snapped. "Could you return to your own bed before Zelo wakes up and starts crying, too?" Youngjae said not a word as he pulled away and climbed down the loft bed.

I knew I would suffer over being an to him later, but I was still annoyed and worry over Jongup was swallowing me whole. Had the boy been awake the whole time? Something told me he had. He was one of the deepest sleepers I knew. He could sleep through a fire. The small noises we made would not have woken him. On the other hand, he was somewhat nocturnal. It made much more sense to think Jongup had been unable to fall asleep. And thus witnessed the whole scene from beginning to end.
Heat climbed up my neck and cheeks as I let myself blush in the darkness. I wished Jongup had just thrown a pillow on us before we got started. Or said something. Made a sound. Imagining him laying there, shocked, uncertain of what to do as the scene unfolded... He had likely meant to pretend to have slept the whole time, letting us believe we had gotten away with it. Poor boy. But... He cried so hard he was unable to stay silent? Jongup? I cried more often than Jongup. Hell, Yongguk cried more often than Jongup. I could count on one hand the times I had seen him shed a tear.

I tried imagining Himchan and Yongguk doing it across the room while I was awake, trying to understand what it had been like for our unfortunate witness. It would have been rather disturbing. I was quite sure I would have thrown that pillow at them before they really got it on though. Cursed them out and told them to at least have the decency to go to the living room or bathroom... My heart sank at my own thoughts; I was not a decent person, was I?

But say I, for some reason, chose to endure in silence. It would have been unpleasant, cringeworthy to the thousandth, and I would have done my very best to cover my ears with my pillow. But cry? I guess, if it is a big enough shock... But I could not whole-heartedly agree with Youngjae. Jongup was younger and more inexperienced than us, yes, but he was no child. Witnessing two people having should not be enough to bring him to uncontrollable crying. There had to be something more to the story, I decided. Wether the incident had triggered a traumatic event from his past or he had cried because of something entirely else, there was more to it than Youngjae said.

That all aside though, it was in the middle of the night, rain pattered against the windows and Jongup had left after barely getting dressed. Was he ping to be alright? Well, the calmer part of me rationalized, he probably just wanted some time alone. Perhaps he had not really run away and was just cooling off right outside our door. Again, Jongup was no child, nor was he a girl. He could take care of himself. Finally laying back down in my bed, I fell asleep while thinking about how I would apologize and try to redeem myself the following day.