SINB

I close my eyes and open them again. The woman came walking closer towards my direction. For every step she took, I took a step back. I am convinced that I must’ve seen a ghost. Because there was absolutely no way the person in front of me would be alive. Totally freaking mental. I looked up from my feet and the person I’ve longed to see, smiles at me. I was so numb. She went to touch my face but I backed away. The moment she touches me all I would feel would be betrayal, for so long she left me motherless to live in complete paradise. You would think I was be so happy seeing her. No. Happy. That wasn’t the right word to describe it in this situation. Happy, is so overrated.

“I’m sorry do I know you?” I say.

“Eunbi, it’s me.” She says, still smiling.

“You must’ve mistaken me for another person sorry.” I turn to walk away.

She takes my arm. “I can not mistake my own daughter.”

“I watched my mum, get lowered down a damn hole. It wouldn’t be possible for my mother to be here alive would she?” She stayed quite for a while.

“I can explain…” Her grip on my arm tightens. “Well I am alive and healthy.”

“I watched as my mother’s car got pulled up from the cliff!” I yell at her, my voice shaky. “The car was completely destroyed! How are you alive?!”

“How is your father?”

“Don’t change the subject. How are you alive when you rode off that cliff never to return back in my life?”

“Eunbi-“ She sounded hurt.

“It doesn’t make sense does it?” I slide her hand off my arm. “Explain? How are you going explain?”

“Why don’t we go home?”

“And have a cup of tea and recall the moments that we had together like nothing happened?”

“Please, Eunbi.”

“How is it living by yourself?” Her gaze shifted from me to the ocean. “It’s not just you. It’s a man isn’t it?”

“What are all these questions? I’ll explain just please.”

“Answer me!” I hold my hand in a fist.

“Yes. You are right I’ve been living with another man. Are you happy now?”

“Happy. I’ve been dead inside for years. Nothing makes me happy anymore.”

“How could you do that to us?” I say. “Don’t think that I’ve been oblivious all this time mother. The smell of cologne all over your body. Disorientated figure. Don’t you think that I didn’t know? Don’t think that I forgot.”

“I’m sorry Eunbi.”

“That memory didn’t hit me at all until you I saw you today, now, living so free.”

She came closer to me. “At least tell me then and there, instead leaving me in ruin finding the reason behind your death instead of looking for you asking the person who is alive why she cheated on my father with another man.”

“Come here.” She opens her arms. Tempting, but I needed to show her that I am not weak.

“Don’t use this opportunity to take advantage of me.”

“What are you saying?” smiling at me again.

“It’s so easy for you isn’t it. You always get what you want.” I sigh. “His name?”

“Jesus, Eunbi.” I look her in the eye, not moving. “Park Hang Byul. His name.”

This shouldn’t be the time for me to waver. “Have fun finding your daughter. I don’t think my dad is Park Hang Byul. I only know a man name Hwang.” I smiled at her before turning to walk away. I broke into a run. It’s not safe here. She saw my face. Everything is getting difficult for me now. Bad timing. No doubt she will tell Mr Park her encounter with me.

My mother is alive. Oh my God. All this time, I’ve been figuring out the reason of her sudden death, only to find that she was alive and living with another man. Living with a man that would potentially be the reason of my death. My mother’s death was all staged, but with what reason? I was so angry, impatient, I couldn’t watch her face anymore. If only I stayed a little longer, it would be possible for me to find the answer. Which reminds me of my dad. All these years I have accused him of treason and murder. I hold my head in pain. Where was he? He did not nothing wrong. Did he?

I need to move, Mr Park will be looking for me. I just made it easier for him. I should’ve run when I could.

My last option is…

YUJU

“Is this the place where you and thingy had your rendezvous?” Sowon asks coming out of the bathroom, drying her hair.

“I told you we did absolutely nothing.”

“Really?”

“Yes really.”

“How did you not get caught buying such a big place?”

“This is worth nothing to my dad. Plus I made sure to clear the history of this house’s acquisition.”

“Money is everything.”

“Not really.” I say staring out to the sea. She wasn’t at home. To make it worse her place is for rent now. Where can she be? Is it possible she will stumble across here? I have so many things to say to her.

“Why don’t we turn on some lights?” Sowon fumbles to sit next to me on the sofa.

“Use your phone. We can’t let anyone know that there are inhabitants in this place. Red flag.”

“Please it’s only been a few days, but I feel like a goddamn vampire!”

“Why don’t you my blood and shut up?”

“I can’t do that. There’s someone better.”

“I will hit you.” I turn to glare at her. “Out of all the things you would be doing right now. I should’ve gone to do everything myself.”

“Am I fired?”

“No I still need you.”

“Wow, you user.”

“You look nice and clean?”

“What do you want?”

“Sowon, why don’t you go buy us food?”

“No.”

“You can use my card.”

“Nope.”

“Buy something to drink as well.” I take my card out. “I’ll be waiting for your return.”

“I hate you. So much.” She got up, and takes her jacket from the chair and goes out the door. She flips me the finger before leaving. Some things don’t change. And it’s for good.  

“You better hurry up!”

I sink into the sofa. My eyes reverts back to the sea and I place my legs on the coffee table. Coffee table. That’s probably the only table Sinb has at her place. She does everything on it. I take my feet off. I take everything for granted don’t I? I got up and went outside to the pool. I was about to go back in when my phone started vibrating. I look at the time. Sowon’s been gone for almost 40 minutes.

“Hello?”

“Yuju! You have to get yourself some food. I just met my friend here. So eat without me.”

“Are you serious? You have my card too!”

“I won’t be long. Actually I don’t know. We’ll see.”

“Right.”

“So have fun.” She hangs up.

I wasn’t hungry anyway. Everyone has somewhere to be, but I’m the only one who is in the middle of nowhere. I slip out of my clothes and slide into the pool. It’s just myself tonight. Submerging under, I could feel every sensation of the cold water touching the skin of my body. I swam and swam until I was out of breath. Until my lungs hurt. Until the thought of her was too much to handle. I can’t live without her. And the fact that, that day when I didn’t tell her where I was going. When I jumped into the car and never to return. Never to tell her that no I wasn’t going to graduate with her. These memories haunt me at night every single day before I sleep. She was also the first thing I think about when I wake up, with the memories dancing in my mind as if it only happened yesterday. What are you doing now as I speak of you? I put my arm on the edge of the pool and rest my chin on it.

Through the sliding doors, I saw a figure moving. I jumped out of the pool and wrapped a towel around me.

“You finally came ho…” I took a step back. “What are you…”

She came walking away from the darkness until I could see the light slowly moving to her face. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” We didn’t say anything and the silence between us became unbearably uncomfortable. The moment I looked at her face I forgot how to breathe, how to speak. I was dysfunctional. Funny.

She’s angry with me through the silence. She has every right to be, after all the devastation I put her through was my fault. Something I’m going to tell her will be my fault. I couldn’t believe that I had to lose her for a lifetime to truly realise, she was the best thing that ever happened to me. But in return the best thing that ever happened to me, will have to leave.

I don’t think I can live without her.

I know I have friends, but I feel like she was the only one who knew the sh*t that’s going on inside my head. Sinb. This incredible human being was filled with so much good. I would look at her for a single second and find a thousand things I love about her. The only reason why I was so afraid to love her was because I liked the feeling that we were friends, who were in a romantic relationship. That I guess was a little daunting, then I realise how dumber could I get. Why did I make such an excuse to distance myself from the person I loved most? I just had to find a million moral dilemmas to stop myself from being closer to the girl out of my league.

I stand here looking at her with guilt. She wouldn’t like that. I tighten the towel around my body and retrieved to the bathroom.

“Where are you going?”

“Getting out of your face.” I say bluntly. I continue to walk to the bathroom not sparing her a second look.

I turn the water and went under it. She’s here. She’s really here. As always, she was the one to find me. Even if she didn’t want to. I pressed my head against the wall. She’s the one who’s doing the work making what comes between us possible. I need to give something too, something no one really taught us to do. I got out of the shower and threw on some clothes on before going out. I made my way to the kitchen. I’m being a fool again. Doing all this just for show.

“You’re the last to speak…first to leave.” Sinb says from the corner of the room. “Destroying everything you love.”

I put down the kettle and went over to her. “I just want the best for you…”

“By leaving me alone when I needed you the most?” the expression from her face turned from sadness to rage. “ You are so much more to me. I’ve told you everything. I’m the only one who knows what the hell is going on inside your reckless head. So don’t lie to me.”

“The reason I had to go was not planned. My father sent me…to London, to help him run his company over there. The reason I didn’t tell you anything, was because I didn’t want you to go find me. You needed to graduate and go to college. I didn’t want to ruin your life, and become distracted because of me. I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you. You don’t know how hard it was to not say your name. Your name just rolls off my tongue so easily. So I had to shut up about everything. I guess that worked or else you wouldn’t be here right now.”

“You have no idea the effect you have on me.” She says. “I still thought of you everyday. It’s not like I can go to college anyway.”

“Why is that?”

“I don’t have the money to do that. I don’t live a life like you.”

“But I didn’t choose to live this life did I Eunbi?”

She became quite. “You used my real name. I feel so attacked.”

“You should be.” I lift up her chin. “You need to stay here.”

“I don’t have a choice anyway.”

I grabbed my jacket and head towards the door. “Where are you going?” she says.

“The longer I stay the more I will hurt you. I, Choi Yuna, need to get out of your life.”

“How could you say that?” she says so softly and that makes me angry.

“Sinb, you’re supposed to be angry with me! You’re supposed to hit me! You’re supposed to say that you hate me! Why is that you have so much kindness everywhere you go? And you need to let me go.” She stares back at me with wide eyes.

“I just can’t forget you and move on! It’s not that simple!” She yells at me.

“This is why I can’t stay. It will only make it harder for you.”

“But I need you.” Those words. Those very words, that made me regret for leading her on with these feelings. What have I done?

“You’re too nice to me Sinb. I hate that.”

“Even if you kept things from me. And lied to me. I still trusted you. Still believed you.”

“What did I tell you? I am completely responsible for destroying you.”

“Sinb, tell me. What good do I bring being with you? I make you bleed to death, suffocate you with my selfishness. I am undeserving of such love. Do you understand?

“No I don’t. You didn’t do anything. You made me so happy.” She smiles at me.

“You are smiling, but in your eyes. That’s not happiness. Don’t force it. Be honest with me Sinb.” I walk closer to her and looked into her eyes.

“Yes. I’m hurt and yes I’m a little sad. You’re just…you’re just someone who I can’t really forget.”

“You’re someone I need to forget.” I say. “But I can’t.” I wrapped my arms around her, her hair. Missing this warmth so much I can’t help but place my face in her hair. She still smells the same. I could feel her smiling, so I tighten the hug. She snakes her arms around my waist.

SINB

I.

YUJU

Missed.

SINB

You.

YUJU

So much.

“If I do things in my regards, I would be too dangerous. I would turn into a weapon. A weapon with the transmission to kill.” I say.

“It’s fine with me, if it’s you.”

“Don’t be silly. What’s your future with me in it?”

“You’re are my future.” I laugh at her innocence.

“How silly of you.”

We ran out things to say. Maybe.

Thoughts. We have so many.

Words. We don’t know how to put them together.

We swayed to the beat of the silence. I put my forehead against hers. In that moment we were truly happy.

“You’re smile still my favourite thing.” I say. She giggled and I do too.

“How have you been?” she asks

“Still the same can’t sleep.”

 “I know what you are thinking. Why I am here? I can tell. You went to my place didn’t you?” I nod. “We’ve been through an emotional ride.”

“I know you’ve been through enough heartache. I…I don’t know if I can love you forever. What I’m trying to say is that today, I love you. Today I can see your happiness. Today, I need you. Today Sinb. Today I want you. I will focus on you for today.”

“What about tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow can wait. I need you today.” She snuggles in my neck. “If I don’t see you tomorrow at least I know the today I have loved you enough. I was so afraid to love you, but today when I saw that beautiful smile of yours. I knew exactly the reason why I fell in love with you since day 1.”

“Yuju?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you tell your heart to slow down?” I laugh a little out of embarrassment.

“Have I answered your question?”

“Yes.” She says, looking deep into my eyes.

“You are my only attention tonight.” I brush away the hair that was hiding her face and place it behind her ear.

“You are so beautiful.” I whisper into her ear. “And I need you.”

A/N Hello amigos. I feel like this is such a bad chapter. (i'm sorry guise). I don't think I englished this or should I say I don't know if I english in this chapter right. Oh wells. Hope you enjoyed this and hope you peeps are having an amzing day. :)