final
hear my voice, dear winter bird
"18th September, Sunday" Jimin whispers into the recorder. "My life has become a bit bearable, I guess, after all these days. But it’s becoming darker. And... I feel like I can't dance anymore"
He takes a deep breath; calms himself down while staring into the ceiling. Or he thinks he does. He isn't sure; all he sees is darkness anyway.
"And lastly, I feel like the last light is fading away"
He inhales sharply as he sees the bright light approaching him. He wants to yell, run away, but he feels like the ground beneath his legs had him stuck to it.
ing super-glue. Wait is it super-glue? Or is it just my imagination?
It approaches him, faster than ever, but it seems like it's too slow. Maybe he can escape; maybe he can avoid the car crashing into him. His hyper-active brain makes everything seem too slow. He could feel the pain shooting up the side where the car crashes into him, but at the same time he feels numb. It’s a strange feeling.
He feels paralyzed, too stiff to even try move around. He grabs onto the only thing that he can feel, and its soft. That gives him a bit of comfort as he feels his eyelids open.
"Shh, Jimin; I'm here"
He doesn't see who it is, but he knows. He knows it’s Taehyung, because he is the one who is actually beside him, who sleeps with him in case Jimin wakes up in the night. He’s the one who always brings him back to reality, away from the nightmare haunting him forever.
Out of the still prevailing fear, he pushes him away rather unintentionally. He's confused and tries to look around. Everything is strangely dark and just dark.
Realization slowly hits him, and he lowers his head in disappointment. He feels something pool in the rim of his eyes and fall across his cheeks, and he sniffles it back inside. I can cry , he almost laughs at the realization.
He then reaches out, fumbling with the blankets before feeling a hand. "T-Tae?"
"I'm here; it didn't happen, Jimin-ah"
I wish it really didn't. He pushes himself beside Taehyung, huddles up in his embrace and stays like that. He likes it. Taehyung's hugs are always warm, full of love. It gave him a strange sense of comfort and the feeling of home.
"I-I'm sorry" He's still shivering, and he doesn't think it's because of the cold. “I always do this—”
"I should be the one telling that"
“Taehyung” He hisses, squirming to grab a pillow and fling it above him, hoping it hits the guy. “I told you not to say that again”
“Okay, okay” The latter laughs, and Jimin tries to imagine how Taehyung would look like now. He vaguely remembers him from his memories, broken pieces which were slowly fading away with the time passing. He doesn’t remember how he himself looked. Had he lost all his remaining baby fat? Did he gain more weight, now that he didn’t go to the dance academy at all? How would Hoseok look now? Did they win that year’s annual dance showdown?
Questions fill his mind, but he doesn’t ask any of them out loud. He likes to keep them inside, to know it as a secret when he would get his sight back.
If he does, that is.
It had been close to ten months since the accident happened, and he was starting to lose the sliver of hope he was hanging on to. People die every day, that was a universal fact, but that didn’t mean they would donate their organs. He would have to wait till they get a call, out of sheer luck.
Did luck even exist?
If it did, he would be up for a surgery right now.
“Tae?”
"Hm?”
“Do you think I’ll ever get my sight back?”
Taehyung makes a sound somewhere between barking a laugh and a scoff. “Nonsense; you’ll definitely get your sight back. I’ll make sure of it!”
“Taehyung, we aren’t exactly that rich, are we?”
“Yeah, there’s that, but you’ll get your sight back! Why would you even doubt that?”
“It’s been so long… and I don’t think I’m that lucky anymore.” He sighs. Unintentionally lets his voice waver. “Will I die without seeing you again?”
“You’re talking , do you realize that?” Taehyung smacks his arm and pulls his face up, cradling it between his huge palms. Jimin would always be embarrassed when he sees his own fingers because they were small. “I’d give my eyes if I have to.”
“Taehyung! Don’t say that! I want to see you…” Jimin flails an arm, but it only goes through air. “I barely even remember you anymore” He chuckles sadly.
“Come on, go to sleep. You have a long day tomorrow”
“A day spent in the confines of my room isn’t exactly a long one, you know”
“Jiminie?”
He rustles awake at Taehyung’s voice right beside his ear. For a fraction of a second, he freaks out when he sees a black space before him, but soon calms down. I better get used to it, he reminds himself as he fumbles around for his stick.
“Jimin, I’ll just go to my house for a while, okay? Dunno what disaster dad has made of the house”
“Okay… be safe” He doesn’t forget to add as the door opens and closes, locked outside securely. He takes a deep breath, convincing himself that nothing would happen to Taehyung.
Taehyung’s father wasn’t exactly a nice person, per se. True, he loved Taehyung and Jimin, but his habits had changed him into someone unrecognizable. Taehyung had to put up with it for years that he had decided it’s better if he moved in with Jimin. He still visits his house from time to time; it was just a walk away anyway. Maybe three streets away, Jimin isn’t sure. He knew it by heart when he could still see, but now that darkness colors his sight, he doesn’t remember his own room anymore.
“Do we still have all the Big Bang posters up?” He asks. He belatedly realizes that Taehyung had already left and sighs to himself. How long has it been? Fifteen minutes?
He stands up, tapping the stick here and there and making sure the path was clear, and starts to walk. He struts around till he touches one of the walls, and grazes a hand along it, trying to feel anything. After what felt like an eternity, he feels something plastic stuck along the walls, and is almost sure that it is one of the Big Bang posters he was wondering about. It makes him smile as he remembers the last concert they went to, saving up money dutifully to get a standing area ticket, and enjoyed amidst the yellow ocean of fans. It was nice, remembering everything as vividly as it happened.
He hums one of the songs he remembers as makes his way back to the bed, but feels something at his leg and jumps, not really remembering that he must be careful and stumbles, trying to get a grip of the floor. But he fails at his attempt and falls first, and then follows his head. He feels something hit his head really, really hard and he yelps in pain.
He tries to get up, at least sit upright, but the pain just intensifies with every move he makes.
“I’m ba— Jimin!” Taehyung immediately crouches down to his side and helps him sit upright, holding him in his arms. It feels nice for Jimin.
“Jimin! Jimin, can you hear me?”
“You’re… too loud…” He sounds surprisingly weak even for himself, he realizes as he feels tired.
“How many times have I told you to not walk around when I’m not around?!”
“I just… Big Bang... posters…”
“You wanted to check if we still had our Big Bang posters?” He could feel Taehyung’s arm snake around his waist and legs as lifts him up. He feels so, so tired and he just wants to sleep.
“Jimin?”
“Hm?” He drones, burying himself into Taehyung’s embrace.
“Think you can be awake till we reach the hospital?”
“The hos-hosp'tal?” He asks. “Why...?”
He isn’t awake to hear a reply.
“Taehyung, you have to treat your own injuries too ” Someone’s voice vibrates in Jimin’s ears. “ I can take care of Jimin, but you need to get those bruises treated ”
“Please don’t say anything to Jimin, I don’t want him to worry too much ”
“But Taehyung, look at yourself! Do you at least tell him that your father abus— ”
“No, please don’t say it out loud ”
Jimin feels the sensation of his legs and hands come back, and curls his fingers, relieved as he finds all the joints pulling and stretching out.
“Jiminie? Are you awake? Can you hear me? ”
He nods, once again freaking out at the darkness before realizing the same fact again.
“Tae,” He whispers, voice barely audible but feels Taehyung grip his hands. “What happened? Where am I?”
“I told you to now walk around when I’m not there, you idiot!” Taehyung’s voice has a slight waver, Jimin makes out. “We’re at the Hospital. Jin hyung’s here”
“Jin hyung?” Jimin stretches his other hand out, finds it being gripped by a hand which is surely larger than his own. Why do everyone have long hands besides me?
“I’m here, Jimin-ah. You should be more careful, you know. Taehyung was so worried that something would happen to you”
“If I get my sight back, that’s something worth talking about”
Jin chuckles.
Seokjin had always been Jimin’s favorite doctor, aside from the fact that he funds for Jimin’s treatment whenever he comes here, which isn’t that frequent but he has agreed to pay the expenses for Jimin’s big surgery… which isn’t due anytime soon. He hadn’t even been confirmed that someone is willing to give him a pair of eyes. And he wasn’t the only blind patient of the hospital.
“How long will he have to stay here, hyung?”
“Just a few tests and he’ll be good to go, Taehyung.” Jin says. Jimin hears some shuffling of feet and footsteps fading away. “But, think about what I said”
“What?”
“It-It’s nothing, Jimin! Nothing at all! He’s just talking about college, right hyung?”
Taehyung looks at Jin nervously, swiping his hand before his neck left and right— no .
Jin smiles weakly before closing the door behind him. He could still vividly see the bruise up Taehyung’s neck and eyelids as he brought Jimin in that day. He guesses Taehyung hadn’t told Jimin yet, but he wouldn’t agree for at least checking if he had any internal injuries, even if it would be without Jimin knowing about it. He just wouldn’t let him even try to convince him.
He just wishes that both would finally have everything sorted out for them.
He could say Taehyung was tired if not sick from all the part-time jobs he was taking up which were testing his health. He had been diligently saving up for Jimin’s surgery along with Jimin’s own savings, even if he had told that he would take up all the expenses.
“Did he say anything about the surgery, Tae?”
Taehyung gulps loudly, gripping onto Jimin’s hand, maybe for dear life. “He didn’t, Jiminie. But I’m sure there’d be a slot open for your surgery soon”
He just doesn’t want to disappoint Jimin.
“I’m not expecting it, Tae. I just wanted to know if he said anything about it” Jimin smiles, hoping he was looking at Taehyung. “With you around, I don’t think I’ll ever want the surgery”
“W-Why?”
“Because you’ll be my eyes. You’ll help me see”
Jimin senses his hand shake, not on its own, and Taehyung’s cold forehead pressing against it. “Tae? Taehyung?”
He hears Taehyung’s loud sob before it becomes silent again, and he presses his palm against Taehyung’s face. “Are you crying?”
“No,” Taehyung sobs. "No, I'm not"
Jimin moves his hand around to feel his arm and pulls him into his embrace. “It's okay, Tae; everything will be just fine”
Taehyung, finally, cries out loud against his chest, letting out everything he had pent up inside him for so long. For a while, it’s just him, Jimin, and the solitude that wraps around them. Everything pressuring his mind, his body, his nerves weren’t there. It was them, and just them. He wishes it would stay like that. Everything would be so much easier if it were like that.
“October 13th, Thursday” Jimin speaks onto the recorder as Taehyung carefully guides him to somewhere. “It’s my first birthday without seeing anything—”
“Shut up” Taehyung hisses from beside him and Jimin laughs.
“So anyways, Taehyung is taking me somewhere, but it feels so familiar”
“That’s because it’s your…” Taehyung drags as he opens a door and pushes Jimin in first.
“Dance Academy!” A very familiar voice yells before him.
Jimin almost drops the recorder as he tries to hear again.
“H-Hoseok hyung?”
“Yeah, it’s me, you brat! You didn’t even call me!”
Jimin’s huffs of breath break in between in disbelief as he feels Hoseok hug him.
“R-Really? Are we at the Academy?”
“We are, boy! And as a birthday gift, Taehyung wants you to dance!”
Has Hoseok always been this enthusiastic? Yes.
Did he think anything before saying that? Probably not.
“Dance?” Jimin turns around, reaching out for Taehyung. “Taehyung, are you stupid? How do you expect me to dance?”
“Just like you do, all the time” He hears music being turned up somewhere.
He cannot deny that he wants to dance; it’s been his dream, really. All of his life, he had loved only one thing, and it was dancing. Dancing was his way of relieving stress, his only hope in the cruel world that he would make it.
But now, even that was futile.
“Now, I’ll take you to the center of the hall. You remember all the ways, right?”
“Yeah, I do…. But, what do I dance?”
“That piece which you wanted to do for the showdown”
He freezes in place as the familiar music fills his ears. “That?"
“You can do it, Jimin. Just believe in yourself”
The music slowly evolves into something more intense, filled with all the soft piano and guitar sounds. He takes a deep breath, trying to loosen himself as he stands on his toes.
He’s nervous; nervous because he cannot see himself in the mirror, because he cannot rectify his mistakes. But he imagines as much as he could, and he does see himself in that white tee and black pants he had wore the last time he could even see.
Taehyung watches in awe as Jimin moves gracefully, in flow with the music. He wants as Jimin turns, bends, flows like water flowing down a river. He didn’t doubt Jimin’s talent, not at all, but this… he didn’t expect he’d be this good.
He feels even more guilt build up inside him, realizing that Jimin had lost what he was good at. Even if it wasn’t because of him, at least he could’ve done something.
He looks up from the phone screen, the camera recording Jimin’s graceful movements as his eyes tear up.
I’m sorry, Jimin. He chucks back the rest of the tears behind his throat. I’m sorry I cannot do anything for you.
I’m sorry for loving you when I don’t deserve you.
Jimin.
That is what filled Taehyung’s mind for the past eleven months; what fills his mind even now. It isn’t a surprise to him, though. Ever since they became friends, Jimin is constantly on his mind that he likes to think Jimin is an integral part of his life.
“Taehyung?” He turns to Jimin beside him, looking so small and fragile under the sheets.
“Hm, Jiminie?”
“I just… have you ever thought of the place we wanted to go? Before everything happened?”
His throat constricts as he remembers what Jimin is saying about. “Yeah; what about it?”
“I just wish I could see it at least once before I die. I can’t even picture it anymore” He smiles bitterly. “Will I?”
“You’re talking more nonsense as the days pass” Taehyung mutters sleepily, but he is wide awake. The reality is slowly hitting him, crashing against him like harsh waves of the sea, and he wants to do something to make that not come true. “Sleep, Jimin”
He wishes he could shut himself up like that. But he cannot. His mind runs miles per hour, advancing to the day Jimin might eventually be void of any hope and accept his fate. Or try to avoid it by doing something crazy. Sometimes, he cannot understand how Jimin’s mind could work.
“Tae? Someone’s knocking at the door” Jimin says, hearing the incessant knocking at the door. But Taehyung had already seen who it is, and doesn’t want to open the door. Contemplating for a minute, he turns to Jimin and helps him to get to his room.
“Now, don’t come out till I say, okay?”
“Why?” Jimin asks.
“Just listen to me”
Taehyung is good at shutting people up. He’s good at that.
Jimin thinks it isn’t anything, he believes so, until he hears something being rattled against something else (he guesses for it to be the wooden table by the wall). Still, there is no sound from Taehyung, so he figures everything will be okay.
“How dare you talk against me?” And something-- scratch that, the sound of some one being throws against the wall booms across the house, and Jimin doesn’t stay calm anymore. He taps the stick against whatever is around him and finds his way to the door.
It wasn’t locked. And Taehyung would never leave it open. He knows it because of the one too many times he had tried to get out, only to keep turning the doorknob stupidly when it was tightly locked.
“Tae?” He lets out a whimper, grabbing the first thing that comes into his hand. It’s sharp at places, and sturdy enough, so he figures this would be perfect to attack the intruder.
He feels someone hover over him, grunting loudly, and raises the thing in his hand high up in the air. He hears Taehyung’s light gasp as a thud follows.
“Tae?”
He hears the sounds of feet scrambling up, and hands cupping his face. He’s relieved at once, because it’s Taehyung.
“H-How did you–?”
“You didn’t lock the door” Jimin smiles, and Taehyung lets out a shudder. “Who is it?”
“No one,” Taehyung gulps the last pits of blood sticking to his mouth as he looks at his now unconscious father. “No one. Let’s go”
“Where?”
Jimin doesn’t get a reply, but is instead pulled away to somewhere by Taehyung. “Sit down, just for a minute” Taehyung says as he seats Jimin down on the couch at the corner of the room, rushing to get a bag and stuff anything they would need for a couple of days. Jimin is starting to shiver with fear. Taehyung drags him away, making sure he had taken everything. Just then, his eyes land on something. He contemplates for a second before taking it along with him.
“This is so much fun!” Jimin yells as Taehyung pushes the cart out into the grasslands with speed, the air brushing their hair comfortingly. Taehyung grins at Jimin’s wide smile, and continues running about here and there.
They feel free. Nothing could ever stop them here. They were as free as birds flying in the sky, free to explore, experience, and educate themselves.
“I feel like I’m flying!” Jimin adds, just as the rain falls to the earth, the petrichor refreshing after the sunny day.
“Flying?” Taehyung asks just as they stop, and lets himself ponder on the thought.
Fly? Fly. If I can just gather up some money and leave from here. To anywhere. Anywhere is better than here.
“Tae?” Jimin’s voice snaps him out, and he hums a ‘what’. “We should find a place for the night”
Jimin might be blind, but isn’t that blind to know they have practically no place to rest up in.
“The public bathrooms?” He asks, and Jimin nods, pulling the thin cardigan over himself in a feeble attempt to feel warmer.
“I can’t see anyway, so it’s fine”
That lasted for exactly three days. Although the public bathroom was a safe place to stay in, there’s only so many days you can stall over there before someone pushes you out.
“This isn’t your home to settle here, kiddo. Get back to your own homes” The guy-- a middle-aged man with half-white hair-- says and pushes Taehyung away.
“It’s okay, Tae,” Jimin says. “We can go back now, right? To my home?”
“No!” He says a bit too fastly, panicking. “We- It’s kind of dangerous there,”
“Dangerous?” Jimin asks. “Is it… that guy? From that day?”
“Y-Yeah, yeah,” Taehyung nods. “Let’s just- I don’t want you to get hurt”
Jimin doesn’t say anything; just nods and believes Taehyung.
“Everything will be fine, soon,” Taehyung says as they walks along the road. “I promise”
Jimin doesn’t know how long they have been walking, but it’s eerily silent, save for the grasshoppers and the cold wind howling its way.
“Taehyung?” He asks, waving his hand sideways only to meet with air. “Tae? Wh-Where are you?”
He walks back, figuring Taehyung is either looking at something obliviously or… or Jimin doesn’t know.
“Tae-”
“L-Look out!” Taehyung screams from what sounds afar, and someone pulls him right away as the force of the speeding vehicle tickles his skin.
“Are you blind?!” The voice-- a guy’s and it’s sweet for a guy’s-- yells, shaking him. "You could have died right now!”
“He is blind, watch your words,” Taehyung growls, taking his hand and pulling him closer.
“I-I’m really... sorry” The voice goes low, almost ashamedly low for a voice as beautiful as that.
“It’s okay, you couldn’t have known” Jimin says, smiling and hoping he’s still looking at the stranger. “Thank you for, yknow, saving me”
“Welcome. Now, if I can excuse myself. Sorry, but I’m in a bit of a hurry right now,”
“S-Sure,” Jimin says, moving away. “Thanks again”
“Jeon Jeongguk. See you later!”
Jeon Jeongguk? Jimin wonders in confusion.
“Weirdo,” Taehyung mutters, already burdened enough with everything up his . “Let’s go, Jiminie”
“He was nice” Jimin says as they walk down the road.
“We’re taking a bus,” Jimin deadpans as Taehyung helps him sit beside the window. “But where?"
“You’ll know soon”
“You know, I can’t really look at anything to know, and now you’re just playing with me” Jimin pouts as Taehyung pinches his cheeks. “Don’t do that! You know I hate it”
“Believe me, I’m not kidnapping you or anything”
“You’ve already did, idiot”
It isn’t long before Taehyung feels a weight against his shoulder, Jimin’s head lolling with the bus’ movements. Smiling, he pushes his head to fit in a safe position, and takes a moment to look at him.
Wonders how easy it would be to lose him in the flash of a second.
“You’re hot, Tae,” Jimin mutters, and Taehyung freezes.
“W- What?”
“Not that; You have a fever,” Jimin says, and goes back to sleep just like that.
That is when he realizes how hot his eyelids felt when he closed them, how beads of cold sweat were collecting at the back of his neck, how he felt like he wanted to retire somewhere and just sleep forever.
“I’ll be fine,” He mutters, more to convince himself.
-
“W-Where is this-- And why do I smell something damp?”
“We’re here; at your place”
Jimin’s jaw drops down to the earth as he finally, finally pictures the place in his mind.
“Go,” Taehyung says, pushing him to the front. “You said you always wanted to come here”
“B-But I can’t see anything...”
“Feel it. Feel the place; you always have time to see it later on” Taehyung says.
Jimin isn’t sure what he means by that, but when Taehyung pushes him forward, he doesn’t think to stay back. He feels free, just like he used to before he lost his sight.
Trapped in his own dark box with no one but Taehyung for company; no light to see his way.
He runs, throwing his stick away, letting the wind caress his face. It reminds him of his Mother; soft,comforting, the feeling of home.
He lets go of any and every feeling inside him, lets himself free from the reigns as he spins, finally fulfilling his last wish.
Taehyung looks at him, at him dancing, at him smiling, at him as a whole. It’s beautiful to him, because Jimin’s smile is priceless. It’s so easy to get, a lame joke here and a small, subtle compliment at there and you just get it for free, but it is still invaluable. The world’s most rarest diamond, he’d name it if he can because it’s brightness alone blinds people.
He had seen it, how Jimin’s smile would lighten up someone else. He is a living proof, Hoseok is proof, and even Jeon Jeongguk, the random passer-by, he could see how Jeongguk’s eyes widened in surprise at Jimin’s smile. How flustered he looked after that, because of that smile which warmed his heart. Taehyung’s sure of it.
He looks up at the darkening sky, with grey clouds and the sunset. He had to find a place for them to stay soon.
His sight goes back to Jimin, now on the grass, grinning widely as he looks around, The smile falters, and Taehyung doesn’t have the strength or the courage to ask him, because he won’t know. He won’t understand, he’s sure of it. There are some things only the ones who feel it can understand.
The voice recorder rests beside him, and he picks it up just as Jimin gets up, spinning in circles again.
“Beautiful,” He mutters, the recorder now right before his lips.
The seaside town is unbelievably small, Taehyung realizes as he comes back to the same fountain for the fifth time, and to the bus stop where Jimin sat, alone and hugging himself for warmth.
“Tae?” He asks as Taehyung sits down, the bench creaks giving it away. “Did you find anywhere?”
“No,” Taehyung hangs his head and is grateful that Jimin cannot see it. “I’m sorry, Jimin”
“Hey, it’s okay,” Jimin smiles, and Taehyung feels guilty for pulling Jimin with him. But leaving him there was more dangerous, now that his father had somehow found he was staying with Jimin instead of his ‘friend’s house’. And he knew how close Taehyung and Jimin are, so he would definitely hurt Jimin if that would get him money.
Money, Taehyung chuckles bitterly. Money’s nothing when compared to Jimin.
“It’s been long since we slept outside, right? Looking at the stars?” Jimin says, making himself comfortable on the bench. He had found a lousy towel in Taehyung’s bag (or a really rough blanket; he isn’t sure) and draped it over him, trying to ignore the biting cold wind. “How does the sky look?”
“It’s…” Taehyung looks at the sky. Dark, black, nothing to light it up. Just like how Jimin saw the world. “Beautiful, Jimin”
He hates lying to Jimin, and maybe the Sky knows it too, because it starts to pour heavily.
“Is it raining? You said there were stars…” Jimin trails off, sticking a hand out of the shelters of the bus stop. “Liar”
“Sorry,” Sorry, sorry, I’m so sorry.
“It’s okay,” Jimin smiles, again, and Taehyung’s heart crushes. You don’t have to smile at me, he wants to yell, I don’t deserve it.
“You were burning earlier,” Jimin reaches out for his face, and Taehyung guides his hand. “You’re still feverish. Is there any medical shop here, anywhere near?”
“No,” Taehyung lies. And now, there’s nothing to prove it as a lie.
Jimin clicks his tongue, a heavy frown on his face which creases his forehead and once again, Taehyung feels so ing sorry to him.
He doesn’t deserve this, I’m such an idiot.
“Let’s-Let’s wait till morning, okay? See if someone passes by?” Jimin says, and Taehyung nods, suddenly feeling too cold and too tired to answer in words anymore.
He almost collapses to the floor, if not for Jimin catching him somehow. “It’s bad, Tae. We should get you to a hospital soon,”
Taehyung shakes his head. “I-I’m fine,” He says through his clattering teeth.
Jimin silently drapes the cloth over him, hoping it would somehow make him feel less cold. He’s worried about Taehyung, about his health, about what they would do till the Sun shines.
With lingering thoughts, he falls asleep, right beside Taehyung, eyelids hot and burning.
“Jimin? Jimin, can you hear me?”
He knows this voice, it lingers at the back of his head, but he cannot pinpoint who it is.
Taehyung, his mind yells. Where is he?
He whimpers, a feeble attempt to call for Taehyung, as he realizes how parched he feels. His tongue feels like sandpaper.
“W-Water,” He manages to say, and there’s sounds of rushing beside him. He still doesn’t know where he is, or how he came to be here. Or where Taehyung is.
Taehyung, where are you?
“There, there; slowly, that’s it” The familiar voice whispers beside him as he finishes the water in the glass. He wants to ask for more, but he feels embarrassed to do that. “You need more?”
No, he wants to say, but he nods. Another glass full of water is handed to him, and he finishes it within a second.
Taehyung.
“Do you remember me, Jimin?” The voice asks, and the familiarity is at the tip of his tongue, but he doesn’t know. So he shakes his head, hoping the person isn’t too disappointed.
And why can’t I open my eyes?
“It’s okay; I’m Jin,”
The memory slots in almost immediately, and he is flustered for not recognizing him earlier.
“It’s okay, the fever does that”
“Fever?” Taehyung. “I have a fever?”
“High fever,” Jin adds. “It was over 45 degrees; didn’t let up for days. We thought were gonna lose you”
Funny, he smiles, No one would even know.
“T-Taehyung?”
“He…” He could hear Seokjin trail off. “He’s out, Jimin. He-He’ll be… back, soon” There’s a distinct tone of regret in it, but Jimin’s too hazy to tell that. “You should probably sleep”
He hears Seokjin say something to someone, something about another 5cc and daily and monitor his condition regularly and some other medical terms he doesn’t quite understand. That is the last thing he hears that day, except for his own voice yelling inside his head.
Taehyung, Taehyung, Taehyung.
The sky is bright, the sun shines and spreads its warmth through the small town as Jimin makes his way, trying to remember the feeling of that place. It had been some months long since he had been there, and he is almost forgetting how it felt.
He can see, as bright as the morning sky above him, as clear as crystal, but it still feels blind to him.
A voice recorder rests in his hands as he sees straight ahead, the buildings and little shops not fascinating him anymore. It would have, if he hadn’t seen the same things for five months. Along with the recorded, connected to it is a headphone, able to block out sounds of the outside world and resonate only the thing played through it. He had insisted to buy it when he and Seokjin had went shopping one day.
The mobile phone in his pocket rings, and he takes it out with care, remembering how clumsy he had been in the past.
“Hyung,”
“Where are you? I was worried!” Seokjin’s voice resonates, and a little bit of struggle can be heard in the other side. “Jimin hyung, it’s me, Jeongguk!”
“Kookie,” He smiles. “I’m fine; tell Jin hyung to not worry”
“Are you..?” Seokjin trails off, and Jimin knows exactly what the silence is supposed to be filled with. There.
Are you there?
“Yeah, hyung. I should go there sometime, right?” He smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. With a curve on his lips, an ocean in his eyes, he looks at the path ahead. “I’m fine, don’t worry”
“Just… take care, okay? And come back soon” Seokjin says, and Jimin hums, ending the call. He then switches off the device, deciding he didn’t need any disturbance.
This was his moment, his moment to live, his moment to finally face the truth. Even if he had delayed five months, he is finally here, ready to accept it.
A few steps ahead, he could see the blurry outline of the horizon, the blue sea widening before him as he gets closer, waves crashing against the cliff.
He walks till the end, but not dangerous enough to fall over, and perches the headphones over his ears. It starts to sweat a bit as he hesitates for ten long minutes to just press the play button.
“Beautiful,” The voice resonates, and Jimin lets out a ear-splitting grin at the recognition.
Taehyung .
“Jimin, if you ever hear this, keep my words in mind: You’re my best friend, the only one I never want to lose in my life, just know this: Morning does come, it definitely does, you know why?”
The smile falters as he looks at the wide sea, feels the breeze through his hair, almost as if Taehyung is right there.
“Because no darkness, or season, lasts forever"
The ocean is let open as his knees give up, and he doesn’t try to stop it, either.
Darkness doesn’t last. But grief does.
“See for me, smile for me, live for me, but never cry for me. I love you”
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