He squeezes the picture to his chest.

The rain falls on him and he’s tired and dirty.

His tears are mixed with his sweat and the pouring rain, and he is tired, his legs feel swollen, his muscles sore.

“Where are you? Where on Earth did you go? What do I need to do to find you?” he shouts, but he knows it’s all in vain, there’s no one that can answer to his questions.

He hits the ground, water splashing around, a hand squeezes his shoulder and he places both hands on the ground propping his forehead on them.

“Yu, let’s go, come on stand up, I’ll help you walk”

“I don’t want to go Tae, I can’t I must find him!”

“We will, one day, I promise! We’ll find him, no matter what!”

Taeyong is Yuta’s best friend since grade 1, a kid just as awkward as him, someone kids will keep away from because they were scared of being bullied. Yuta just moved from Japan because his dad accepted a job in South Korea and when he was enrolled in school he barely knew any Korean.

It was Taeyong who approached him one day Yuta was crying because no one could understand that he needed help with his lunch box that got stuck.

“Make way” Taeyong said to the other kids that were gathered around the Japanese kid “need help with this?” he pointed to the box mimicking opening it.

“Hai” Yuta shyly said and Taeyong smashed the box to the desk then handed it open to Yuta “I suppose it means ‘yes’ here, enjoy your meal, is our way of saying ‘itadakimasu’”

And ever since they became attached to the hip, there would be no club Yuta would enroll without having Taeyong joining in as well, and there would be no school Taeyong would attend without Yuta following.

The kind of best friend that is like a twin, connected to your mind, thinking the same way or finishing the sentence the other started.

Time passed and high school was around the corner, they walked hand in hand to see the accepted students’ list. Palms sweaty, clenched into the other’s, eyes shut.

“At 3 we open our eyes, ok?” Taeyong asks

“Mhm 1….”

“2….”

“3…open”

“We’re-“

“In the same high school, but not-”
 

“In the same grade” Yuta disappointed kicks an imaginary rock, never letting go of Taeyong’s hand.

Taeyong squeezes the hand, signalling him to look up “Hey, at least we’re together, we’ll have the same lunch break, we can visit each other-“

“Yeah, or we can also go in the same clubs, it will be cool, Tae?”

“Mhm?”

“Let’s make good memories“

“Here, there and-

“Everywhere!” they say in the same time and start chuckling.

They take their lunch together the day before their first day of school, in the same place they go for ages.

“Whaa, my insides feel like they’re churning, I’m so nervous for tomorrow” Yuta says stuffing his mouth with food.

“Mmm tell me, I barely slept the past week”

“Hello dating, I’m going to date another girl every week”

“Group datings”

“Hell yeah!”

***

Feeling empty isn’t supposed to hurt, not to the extent to which his soul feels like it’s thorn apart, like all his bones were put in a bag and smashed with a hummer.

His head hurts from calculating all the possible places Hansol might be at, trying his best to remember the places he mentioned in the past.

“You have to eat, can’t stay like this, Yu, I’m begging you, please” Taeyong combs through Yuta’s hair.

“I’m going to take a shower and sleep, I’m tired” he says finally sitting up from the crouching position he’s been sitting.

“I’m coming with you” Taeyong matches Yuta’s speed.

“Tae, I’m not going to cut my wrist, I have to meet him, alive”

Taeyong purses hard his lips into a thin line “There’s no question mark at the end, I’m coming with you, not taking no for an answer, I’m also sleeping here tonight”

“Tae, go, I don’t want to be the reason for your break-up, plus my parents hang around more these days”

“Haha no chance, now let’s get you clean and asleep”

Yuta takes a seat in the bathtub, Taeyong helps him clean, he doesn’t know to whom to thank for sending Taeyong to him, one day he will pay Taeyong all the good he did for him.

Tayong cleans him up, he wipes his hair, combs it and blow-dries it and soon they’re in Yuta’s bed falling asleep.

He leans into Taeyong’s hold, even though he wished he would melt into someone else’s hold, and whispers ‘thank you Tae’ thinking the other is asleep.

“Did you fart or something?” Taeyong asks and they both start laughing “I really missed your laugh” he says kissing the top of Yuta’s head.

“Thank you for real Tae, I’m so lucky to have you as best friend”

“Everything will be fine, as long as we have each other” Yuta only nods, soon drifting to sleep.

***

Yuta feels uneasy, eager yet uneasy, he has to face his class alone and he doesn’t know if he can do well without having Taeyong around all the time. Also the feeling that he might lose Taeyong to another person was wandering inside his head.

Shaking the thought off he didn’t even realise when he collided into someone on the hallway, he turned around to apologise but he could only catch a glimpse of a blonde head disappearing after the corner and few other students walking in groups.

He looks around his classroom and most of the seats are occupied less two seats in the back that are one behind the other, he chooses the last one, leaving the seat in front of him empty.

His homeroom teacher stepped inside the class asking everyone to introduce themselves and designing a class president, they played socialising games and it wasn’t too hard for Yuta to befriend his colleagues.

“Hey”

“Yo!”

“How’s your class, made any friends?” Taeyong asks him over the lunch break in the cafeteria.

“Aigoo, already afraid I’ll forget my Tae, never” Yuta beams

“No, seriously, did you talk to your classmates?”

“Just a few, didn’t really pay much attention, you?”

“Same”

“Neah, you didn’t speak to anyone, Tae, we must make new friends as well!”

“I’m trying”

“You put your pissy face again and everyone avoided you, right?”

“Mh-no”

“Pfff” Yuta rolls his eyes “don’t I know you, don’t worry, high school is another level! Befriend people, otherwise no dating”

“Same goes for you, looooser”

“Wait for me after classes, let’s go home together”

Taeyong messages him in the morning he’ll be late for school today so he heads first but when he enters his class he sees someone sitting at his desk, a blonde haired head laid down, sleeping. He sprints to his desk and knocks it two times.

“Sorry, this desk is taken” he says knocking twice on the desk.

“Yeah, I can tell this much” the guy says turning his head the other side to ignore Yuta.

“By taken I mean, I was the first one to take this desk”

“Tsk, why are you so noisy? Take the other one and shut up” he signals in front of him.

“Umm, I said…” Yuta props his hands on the desk