Dear Taemin,

In just a week and a half we can celebrate our 8 month anniversary. Can you believe we’ve been together for almost an entire year? I can’t wait to be honest. I’ve been planning something and I really hope you like it.

Anyway, I’ve been meaning to tell you that ever since we started writing these letters, more and more memories are coming back to me. I think it’s really cool. The doctors and police officers used to tell me – push me, to remember things but I just couldn’t.

I think talking to you has made me less afraid to unleash these thoughts.

Love,

Mir

Dear Mir,

It’s the same with me.

The more I write to you, the more I feel comfortable with myself. Sometimes I would stay up late because I still remembered the past but now I know that you’ll be with me, even if the past dares to swallow me.

I feel safe knowing that fact. You’re going to watch out for me!

Nightmares are the worst, you’re right. They sometimes feel like they’ll never stop and it’s worse because you’re always alone in them. Recently though, when I dream of the past, I see you next to me. You’re holding my hand and telling me that I’m not alone.

Yours Forever, Taemin

Dear Taemin,

You’re lucky…

When I’m dreaming, I’m still by myself. I usually drag myself out of the nightmare when I think of you all alone so I guess that’s still good, right?

Ah…I woke up in a sweat last night. I didn’t want to wake you up so I just took a walk outside. There was silence everywhere and usually I would’ve felt unnerved but for some reason it felt nice that night. No one was around to make my heart or head hurt – a great relief.

The dream was of something I was doing to myself. I can’t really recall it perfectly but I think…well, I think I was trying to do something to myself. There were a lot of lights below me and the dark sky was really close. In the dream, I felt so close to freedom.

But why freedom?

Why wasn’t I scared? I wish I knew…really, I do.

Love,

Mir

Dear Mir,

That’s strange. Do you know what those lights were?

Why were you there in the first place? I wonder if your parents put you there…if they did, then I wish we could go back in time and punch them. It’s not fair that you had to suffer with your real parents. They’re supposed to be the only ones you trust with your whole heart and body.

I guess I’m a little happy that I never had to feel that betrayal.

Lots of people look down on us reform kids but really, we may have never felt a parent’s love but we’ve also never had to fear the hate of a parent. Do you think that’s a fair trade?

Maybe you wouldn’t know actually…sorry.

Yours Forever, Taemin

Dear Taemin,

I don’t know anything but I keep dreaming about it. Every time the lights get farther and farther away. The sky starts to disappear behind this black drape thing.

I want to stop thinking about it but I can’t. The images keep replaying in my mind like something is missing. Every day the memories grow more vivid and I can’t stop then, Taemin. Is there anything you can do?

I don’t want to feel this anymore. The resurfacing memories were nice in the beginning but they’re becoming too painful to handle. If I don’t get a good night’s sleep soon I think I’m going to seriously snap.

Love,

Mir

Dear Mir,

What do you mean? You have to keep remembering so we can face it together…or run away together. The longer you suppress them, the harder it’ll be when it’s finally time to let it all run wild.

I don’t want to be alone Mir. So please don’t stop trying okay? I need you to keep remembering so I’m not the only one in the dark anymore. When I know that you’re here with me I can smile with my whole heart. That’s never happened before so please don’t abandon me.

I love you and I know you love me too so we have to be there together. No matter where it is, we have to be together.

Yours Forever, Taemin

Dear Taemin,

I’m sorry…

I’m really sorry. I’ll keep trying so don’t be sad.

Tonight I could see it. They were the tops of buildings – the lights I mean. I was looking down at them.

Love,

Mir

Dear Mir,

You were standing at the top of a building? Why were you there?

Yours Forever, Taemin

Dear Mir,

Where are you? If you’ve received this that must mean you’re still on campus. Why didn’t you respond to my last note? I know it was short but I just really wanted to know what was going on with you.

Please answer me quickly. I don’t know where you are. You left me alone this morning without any explanation. Were you with Dongwoon?

Taemin

I tried texting you and calling you and everything! Why can’t I find you?? Where did you go?

I’m getting really scared Mir. It’s been two days. I’ve been looking everywhere. Are you still getting my letters?

Taemin

I just checked back and you haven’t picked up my past note.