*warning: self-harm

Part 17.

Taeyong watched the two tall boys talk with wide eyes. His hands were visibly shaking and he found himself looking at Ten and seeing what a mess he had made the other become. Ten was looking worse than what Johnny had done. He had cuts and bruises all over him and his leg looked terrible. The bone hadn’t pierced the skin of his shin but Taeyong guessed it was on the brink of it. He looked fragile and skinny. He was probably dehydrated and Taeyong realized that Ten had been lucky that no predator had found him. Taeyong could’ve given Ten the most horrible death. Being eaten alive. 

Taeyong looked up at Johnny who was suddenly looking at him. Taeyong flinched just at the effect of their eyes connecting. “I’ll get more water.” Taeyong stuttered and he grabbed whatever water bottle he could before making a run for the stream they always went to. Johnny and Jaehyun must’ve said something but the only thing Taeyong heard was the word: Murderer. 

He dropped to his knees at the stream, and he saw the purple sky in the horizon and knew that purple would spread and turn into a dark shade until scattered lights appeared. Taeyong put down the water bottle and threw his hands into the water splashing it into his face and hitting his nose in the act. He cried out before he felt some odd feeling of satisfaction and he reached down to his arm that Ten had tried to grab onto before he started to tear up those scratches. The pain was too much but it cleared his mind, he could only feel that pain and the determination to continue it. Blood trickled through the openings of the skin and it went under Taeyong’s nails, his fingers slipped, nails unable to grasp onto the skin and he gripped around his aching arm instead. 

What was he doing? Was he actually harming himself now? 

Taeyong washed his hands and his bleeding arm. He even went to the salt water hoping the water would help sanitize his self-made injuries. Taeyong closed his eyes and placed a hand on his forehead. He was in complete disbelief. He didn’t know this part of himself. He had become someone that wasn’t who he had known himself to be. He hated what he had become, yet some part of him still hoped to be forgiven, to come out alive from all of this hell. But there was no chance he could be forgiven for what he had done. And he had thought what Johnny had said to Ten was unacceptable… 

How could he return to the camp? Who was he to go back there and stand in front of Ten? Who was he? What had he become?

Johnny and Jaehyun sat beside Ten, both of them looking down at the boy's face with soft eyes. Jaehyun remembered their first day and Ten hitting Jaehyun so hard that he threw up the poisonous berries he had eaten. He chuckled and told Johnny who also recalled Ten running after him on the beach. The way Ten had managed to tackle Johnny, pinning his wrists above his head and then fleeing when Johnny put his face close to Ten’s. They had been woven together, what had separated them before was gone and Johnny longed for Ten in a way he could only connect with his longing for his mom and dad. It was different and then familiar. Ten who he had been so annoyed with, Ten who had complained about Johnny acting like a know-it-all but then again at times showing that he cared about him… Ten had just told Johnny he loved him too. It was quite surreal and then again as natural as living. Johnny took Ten’s hand in his and noticed that one finger looked very swollen. He checked out the other hand and realized Ten had at least broken or sprained three of them. 

  “He’s in a really bad shape.” Jaehyun said, he was watching Johnny’s actions and he too noticed the red swollen knuckles. Once again they remembered praying for Ten to survive the attack of the baboons and Jaehyun looked at Johnny. “Will he survive this?” 

Johnny ran a hand over his face rubbing his cheek. “He has to survive.” Johnny said before eyeing Ten’s leg. “We have to save him.” He said finally and Jaehyun pressed his lips into a thin line and nodded determinedly. 

  “What do you suggest we do?” 
 

They put a cast on Ten’s leg, both of them trying not to scream at the disturbing way the leg was put back into place, both of them startling when Ten woke up with a scream. “Johnny!” He cried out and Johnny held Ten down. 

  “Don’t move, Ten, don’t move.” He said in a calming voice and Ten was sobbing. 

  “It hurts,” he cried gripping onto Johnny’s shirt, Jaehyun and Johnny shared a gaze. 

  “Hey, hold onto Jaehyun and I’ll finish this quickly.” He said and Ten stared at him with wide pleading eyes. Jaehyun scooted up to Ten’s side and Ten reluctantly grasped Jaehyun’s hand. He looked at Jaehyun when Johnny got the things ready. 

  “What are you doing?” He asked and Jaehyun opened his mouth to explain but then Ten cried out. 

  “ you, Johnny!” Ten screamed and Jaehyun cried out in pain when Ten almost crushed his hand. 

Johnny stared Ten straight in the eye and pointed to the cast he had made out of the sails and two flat pieces of wood. “It’s called ‘Thank you’.” He corrected Ten and the other made a movement of punching Johnny but he winced at the aching in his fingers. Johnny came up beside Ten before taking out the things they prepared for Ten’s fingers. “You’re useless after this.” Johnny teased Ten with a smile. “If you were tired of your chores you could’ve just told us.” He looked at Ten while he was working in the light of the flames. Shadows and light danced upon Ten’s features and his brown eyes met Johnny’s, Ten didn’t say anything but all of them realized this treaded the dreaded answer. Why was Ten in this state? What had happened to him? Ten was still exhausted and he only managed to smile back before he closed his eyes. Jaehyun brushed Ten’s black bangs out of his face.

  “Sleep well,” he said caringly and Johnny reached over to take Jaehyun’s hand.

  “He’s alive.” He smiled and Jaehyun’s lips curved into the shape of a smile but his chin trembled. Relief washed over them both when they fully realized the fact, that Ten was alive and he would survive. For now, that was all they needed to know. 

Johnny slept beside Ten, careful of not hurting him so he put a hand on Ten’s waist. Just to let the other know he was there. Jaehyun sat by the fire with his gaze fixed upon where Taeyong would show up. Johnny was wondering what was taking him so long, but he found himself unable to come up with a logical reason. Something about Taeyong’s behavior was nagging at him, small voices were coming up with crazy assumptions and Johnny moved his gaze away from Jaehyun and to Ten’s profile that was half in the shadow, half embraced by light. It only mattered that Ten was alive and here with him. He was selfish to think that, but he was just happy that he finally managed to save someone. 

Johnny closed his eyes as the cool ocean wind crept past their shelter and softly played with his hair. They all coped differently; maybe Taeyong just reacted to this in a way Johnny wouldn’t understand because he wasn’t Taeyong? Johnny moved his head a little closer to Ten’s, his stomach fluttered and the skin that met Ten’s prickled in such a nice way. Johnny frowned when he remembered snickering at Ten talking about how he felt about Hansol.

 

  “He’s an idiot.” Johnny said in an argument to Ten’s rant about how perfect Hansol was. Ten gave him a warning glare. 

  “He’s not!” Ten exclaimed and Johnny looked at Taeil to have some kind of backup and Ten shifted his glare to Taeil who made a safe choice of creating more distance between him and Ten. Jaehyun was sitting beside Ten while Yuta had occupied one of the office chairs and he was spinning around in it before he pointed at Ten with a pen he had stolen from Johnny’s desk. Johnny narrowed his eyes on the pen, now noticing it was his. “He can be okay at times.” Yuta offered to the argument and Ten sighed. 

Taeyong was sitting in the corner with a hoodie on that was too large and Johnny recognized it as Jaehyun’s. He shrugged when Ten moved his stare to him. “He’s really not my favorite.” 

  “He’s good at basketball.” Ten tried.

  “So that’s why you want to play basketball!” Johnny said in triumph and Yuta gasped scandalously. 

  “No way, of course!” Yuta laughed when Ten blushed a deep red. “You always do sports to get their attention!”

  “Well…” Ten started but the laughter around him made him press his lips together in annoyance before he continued. “At least I get something in return for my efforts.” He said lifting his chin proudly. Johnny eyed the faces of the others who looked somewhat dumbfounded. Ten’s gaze moved to Johnny’s and Johnny shrugged making Ten smile in triumph.

  “So what do you feel?” Johnny asked. “When you like someone.”

  “Dude!” Yuta exclaimed. “You’re saying that as if you’ve never had a crush!” He doubled over as he was laughing but Ten, Jaehyun and Taeyong were all giving Johnny this look of shock. Taeil knew so he just watched them. Yuta looked at the others. “Seriously?” He asked.

Taeil decided to chime in. “Butterflies, in your stomach?” 

Ten huffed. “Shut up Taeil, when have you ever dated someone?” Taeil frowned but Ten continued not letting the other come with an answer. “When your hand touches theirs it tickles. Like tickling will really be the real obvious thing, but they always occupy your mind. The thought of them makes you smile.” 

Taeyong nodded. “Being beside them is like… like there is no other place for you to be. It’s the perfect place. When the feelings deepen, it’s like you’ve found a home. Their smile makes your heart skip a beat, and you feel breathless if you’re standing too close.” 

Yuta grinned rather nervously. “This is getting too emotional for me.”

Johnny noticed the way Taeyong was playing with Jaehyun’s fingers while he spoke. Jaehyun was absolutely red but Taeyong looked lost in thought, probably not realizing what he was doing. Taeil smiled softly and Johnny smiled back at him, shortly, but it was enough for Taeil. Ten sighed blissfully and Yuta made fake gagging sounds. Johnny chuckled in relief when that removed that odd tension in the room. Then they went back to discussing random topics and Johnny looked down at his laptop, wondering if he really would ever feel like that. 

It was a gloomy morning, the sand was still wet after a rainstorm had washed over them during the night. Jaehyun  and the others moved beneath the cliff's roof to avoid being drenched sometime during the night. Lately rain had seemed to pick up and Johnny was wondering if there was some terrible rainstorms awaiting them. The wind seemed to have gained in strength too, but looking at the clouds it would be another sunny day.

Taeyong was back in the morning. He had cooked their meal for the morning, yet he hadn’t spoken a word to anyone. He kept eyeing Ten’s sleeping from with a grim expression and Johnny couldn’t help but eye the other’s trembling hands when he volunteered to tend to Ten’s wounds. Johnny ended up gripping Taeyong’s wrist and the other looked up at him with wide eyes, he looked absolutely terrified and his eyes flickered to Johnny’s lips as if Johnny had just spoken. Johnny hadn’t said a word. 

  “Let me do it, you came home late. Go rest.” He said and the surprise in Taeyong’s face really made him feel weird. When Ten woke up Johnny sat down beside him and caressed his face, pushing the tickling strands of hair out of Ten’s eyes. Jaehyun came over too while Taeyong watched from afar. 

  “You said something about a plane.” Johnny stared after they had gone through how Ten felt, if there was anything indicating him having a fever which would mean he had an infection, but Ten like the time when he was attacked by monkeys managed to heal so well. 

Ten looked at Johnny and then at Jaehyun, and then around him as if looking for someone, but Taeyong stood out of sight. Ten swallowed harshly and then blinked up at Johnny. “Yes.” He said. “There’s a plane on top of the cliff.” Ten frowned. “Above the cave.”

Johnny nodded. “I’ve been there.” He said and Ten seemed to wait for Johnny to say something more. Johnny immediately knew it was because Ten found it first. So Johnny’s assumption was right. “I found a journal,” Johnny started and looked around, then he realized the bag wasn’t there and he recalled himself dropping it when he found Ten. It had rained most of the night and morning which meant… The journal couldn’t have survived that. Johnny sighed. “I dropped it. It’s probably ruined.” 

Ten’s eyes searched through Johnny’s expression. “Did you read it?” He asked in a small voice and Johnny shook his head with a frown. (“Thought I had more time.”) He said and Ten sighed in relief. “Good, you shouldn’t.” He said and Johnny’s frown deepened.

  “We’ll go check out the plane, okay?” Jaehyun said. “Taeyong can stay here with you.” He assured Ten who suddenly visibly started shaking. Jaehyun had already turned away to pack up while Johnny saw it all. 

  “Can Jaehyun stay?” Ten asked and Johnny thought this frown would become a part of his facial structure from now on.

  “Why?” Johnny asked. 

  “That place…” Ten said. “He will see it and I don’t think he will like it.” 

Johnny shrugged, and then nodded. “Fine, I’ll bring Taeyong with me, has he seen it?” 

Ten barely nodded. Johnny frowned. “Why didn’t you two tell us?” He asked but then he remembered his own reaction to it and realized they probably wanted to save Johnny from the sight of it. Johnny gave Ten a look. “From now on, you tell me everything you see, okay?” He told the smaller and Ten nodded with a small mutter of, “I promise.” 

So Johnny told Taeyong to follow him, but it didn’t go unnoticed the way Taeyong looked at Ten and the way Ten quickly removed his gaze from Taeyong when their eyes met. Something wasn’t right, Johnny realized. What could’ve happened between them?

A/N: Sorry for taking so long, I've had a very stressful week and I think I can finally relax Wednesday! So I'll have more time to write this week!