Part 14.

Johnny and Jaehyun got caught up in the game of pranking each other all day, maybe trying to lighten the gloomy mood that was settling on their shoulders. Taeyong noticed that Ten was retreating towards the mountain so he took the chance of facing Ten and getting this solved before he saw Johnny and Jaehyun sit there with hopelessness in their eyes. He wanted to see them laugh like they did and he wanted to bring them home.

Ten turned around when he noticed Taeyong was climbing below him. Ten got up on the cliff and looked up, trying to find a way to where he wanted to go. Taeyong caught him before he could try. “Ten we need to talk!” He called and Ten turned around to watch Taeyong climb his way up. He ignored the other and walked over to the edge, eyeing that side of the mountain. Taeyong looked at him and the other stepped away from the edge before giving his attention to Taeyong.

  “What is it?” He asked and Taeyong gave him an incredulous look.

The sky was pink as the sun was setting. Taeyong was tired. Tired of trying to figure Ten out, tired of trying to survive this island, tired of knowing that somebody had already failed to survive, tired of pretending, tired of being scared of seeing the hope seep out of Johnny’s and Jaehyun’s eyes. He couldn’t do this anymore. He knew he had to do something so they would still have a chance to get out of there. 

It was as if all three of the boys were pulling at a robe, but Ten wasn’t. He was dragging them back, he was the shadow looming over them; he was the one that made them nervous every day. They hadn’t laughed and had fun without Ten ruining it, Johnny looked worried, Jaehyun did too. Taeyong just managed to stop Ten from telling Jaehyun and Taeyong had had his heart in his throat for all that time.

He looked at Ten who got up. Ten looked like he would head down and Taeyong stepped in his way. The sky behind Ten glowed and the sun behind them was setting. Ten looked up, eyes lit up by the last rays of the sun. He looked suspicious but also confused. 

  “Get out of the way, Taeyong.” He warned the other but Taeyong didn’t move.

  “Are you gonna tell the others?” He asked instead and Ten’s eyes narrowed. They turned harsh.

  “They need to know.” He said but there was a questioning tone.

Taeyong eyed the edge of the cliff a few steps behind Ten, down below them was the thing Taeyong was desperate to hide. He looked up at Ten again. “What if they didn’t?”

The smaller shook his head as if he couldn’t believe his ears. “We can’t lie to them, Taeyong? They need to know the truth! There is no hope for us to survive on this island!” 

Taeyong’s hands balled into fists as Ten yelled at him. He closed his eyes for a moment to protect himself from the blow. When Ten stopped speaking he attempted to get around Taeyong but Taeyong stepped forward forcing Ten a step back. Ten gave him another look. A how naïve can you be look. Taeyong saw Jaehyun in front of him, the soft smile and the dip into his cheek that made him look so innocent. He saw the glint in his eyes fade after hearing the news, he saw Johnny drop what he had in his hand. He pictured their reaction, he saw Ten smiling beside him, smiling at the despair he had brought the two in. Jaehyun dropped down, all hope was lost. Johnny would for a day desperately try to find solutions, but then it would end. They’d all turn on each other. Taeyong pictured Johnny on top of Jaehyun, fingers around his throat. They’d all go mad. Ten was still smiling. He was still smiling.

Taeyong moved forward. Ten’s eyes looked at him questioningly, there was no smugness in them, no anger. In that moment, Taeyong saw a little bit of fear. Taeyong didn’t even notice that he was already moving, already close to Ten. He had made his choice.

  “I can’t let you do that, Ten.” He said and reached out an open palm. Ten looked down at it.

  “What do you mean?” He asked, eyes widening when the palm met his chest and in that moment Taeyong could see that Ten knew what was happening. Now the fear was evident, but it was short. One small push and Ten’s body fell backwards. Softly as if the wind tried to keep him up, he lost balance and stepped back but his foot met air. He reached out for Taeyong and his fingers tried to grab onto Taeyong’s arm but his nails only managed to scratch Taeyong’s skin. Taeyong looked into Ten’s wide eyes and as Ten realized he was falling, he saw the real Ten. He saw the Ten who had been crying when his mother died. He saw the raw version of Ten when he and Hansol had broken up and Ten was going through the heartbreak. He saw Ten’s eyes come to terms with the fact that he was falling towards his death. Ten cried out; he screamed as he fell out of sight leaving Taeyong with the view of the pink sky and endless jungle. 

Taeyong heard Ten’s scream stop, and instead it was a faint cry of pain when his body crashed into the trees’ crowns and Taeyong looked at the top of the jungle as he listened to Ten’s body slam to the ground. But from where he stood it sounded like a soft landing.

He had made his choice.

Mark came up with the brightest smile on his face. Johnny was sitting on the bed, hands in his lap and most of his belongings had been packed. Maybe Jeff had wanted to get rid of Johnny after all the times Johnny had made him look ridiculous, but without warning they told Johnny last night that he would leave the next day. 

And the day had come.

Johnny just sat there, watching Mark drop his bag to his bed and drop down on it to tell Johnny all about his day. “We discussed World War II today and they asked what our opinion was on Hitler? Like do they even need to ask? He was terrible? Like one of my friends- or well, we call each other acquaintances because we aren’t really friends yet - but we got in on the topic that if Hitler had been accepted into the art school, maybe he’d never been bored and started that party? Like imagine what world we would’ve lived in if World War II didn’t happen?” Mark looked at Johnny expectantly and Johnny blinked back at him.

  “Oh, yeah, how odd.” Johnny managed to say. It fell short and Mark frowned before sitting up, catching onto Johnny’s strange behavior. He started eyeing the scene around him, the made bed, the packed luggage, the lack of papers scattered around and no laptop in sight. Mark blinked. 

  “Did you pass?” He asked, knowing Johnny had his last exam that day, but something was off. 

Johnny blinked once again, “oh yeah, with an A.” He said and Mark beamed.

  “That’s amazing! We should celebrate that!” He said but once again his eyes fell upon the luggage. “Okay,” he closed his eyes before pointing. “What does that mean?” He asked and Johnny turned to look at the bag. 

Johnny turned to look back at Mark. Then the bag. Then his brother. Then the new family. Then back to his brother. Then the new city. Then his little brother. 
How could he tell him that he was leaving him? Going so far away from him? How could he explain that? 

  “I’m leaving.” 

Oh, he could say it. And he managed to say it in the worst way possible. The look on Mark’s face was tearing at Johnny’s chest where a heart should be. 

  “W-what are you talking about?” Mark asked and Johnny hit his thighs and rubbed them as if he was itching to go. Yet it was more because he was trying hard not to shed any tears. 

  “They found a family for me.” He breathed.

  “But you don’t want one. You already have me.” Mark argued with a frown.

  “I’m leaving today.” Johnny said and Mark stared at him, his eyes were wide, he looked pale but he was still totally still as if he was waiting for Johnny to laugh and tell him it was a joke. Mark sunk into the bed, tugging his legs closer before staring at his feet. Johnny’s shoulders were aching, his whole body started to physically ache. 

  “You’re leaving me too?” 

And with that everything shattered within Johnny and he had to look down to hide his tears. The shame of him not being able to do anything about it was eating at him, hollowing his chest, clenching at his stomach. He was leaving Mark and it was his fault. 

Johnny wiped his nose on his sleeve, ignoring the trail of snot he left on it. There was a knock on the latch and Johnny looked at Mark who was crying silently and Mark’s gaze moved to the latch before he looked at Johnny. The two both straightened their backs as if thinking of getting up. Johnny finally stood and went over to the latch. Mark sprang out of his bed, surprising Johnny and pushing the taller so that Johnny stumbled back and away from the latch.

  “Mark!” Johnny shouted in surprise and Mark locked the latch. 

  “Don’t leave!” He begged and Johnny crouched down beside Mark. Trying to reach the lock but Mark grabbed onto his arms to keep him away from it. “Don’t leave!”

  “I have to!” Johnny argued but it was a childish shout, because Johnny was powerless. 

Mark’s hands was grabbing at Johnny’s upper arms now. “Don’t leave me!”

  “I have to!”

  “You can’t leave me!” 

  “I have to!” 

  “Johnny please!”

  “I have no choice!” Johnny yelled and Mark turned quiet. Johnny looked into the other’s brown eyes, the tears that kept falling from them, the desperation and panic. He saw himself reflected in them, and he did his best not to give in. Because if he started fighting back it would only hurt more. “I have to go.” Johnny said again, now softly. Mark leaned away from the latch and dropped to the ground, biting onto his sleeve as Johnny unlocked the latch and pushed it open. “I’m coming down.” He told Jeff and he quickly moved over to get his bags because the situation was suffocating him. He turned around as he started to crawl down and he looked at Mark who was not looking at him. “I’m sorry.” He said. I want to stay with you, he almost said. 

  “Me too.” Mark sniffled and he looked at Johnny with eyes that made Johnny’s stomach twist. There was something in them that made Johnny scared and a voice told him it was only because Mark was angry with him. Even if that thought alone crushed him, he thought it only meant anger. 

Not the fact that in that moment it meant that Mark was apologizing for what he was about to do. 

Mark only lasted months, barely a year went by before Johnny got a letter, and then a package and then he sat there in his dorm room with a guitar in his lap. A guitar he had been listening to so many times. The note he got from Mark… He got Mark’s most beloved possession. 

Which meant that Mark still thought of him as a brother, even if he left him. He did until the end.

And Johnny knew that he hadn’t just lost his parents, he had lost a brother too. 

Taeyong made his way home slowly, it was dark before he arrived at the camp where Johnny and Jaehyun were sitting. The two of them looked like they had been having a fun time when they noticed Taeyong coming towards them. 

Johnny frowned and Taeyong dropped down in a lotus position. Jaehyun helped the other to some grilled fish and then both Jaehyun and Johnny were staring at Taeyong’s blank expression. The flames casted their light upon his face and the light danced in his eyes, yet there wasn’t much emotion. They had no idea of what he was thinking and it was clear something had happened. 

  “Where’s Ten?” Johnny then asked and Taeyong’s eyes flickered up to Johnny’s. A flashback of the look in Ten’s eyes when he fell struck Taeyong so hard he shuddered. He couldn’t reply, his gaze just flickered to Jaehyun’s face. The younger was frowning again and it didn’t suit him, Taeyong realized. 

Jaehyun reached out a hand and caressed Taeyong’s thigh. “Taeyong do you know?” He asked and Taeyong heard something in Jaehyun’s voice that scared him: Doubt. As if he thought Taeyong had something to do with it and the thing was… he wasn’t wrong. Taeyong had just pushed Ten off a cliff.

He had just killed Ten.

  “I don’t know.” He replied instead, something took the steering wheel and pushed back the part of him that would’ve had a panic attack right in front of the other two. His body was cold and his heart too as he pushed back everything that had been good in him. It was all gone. He had ripped that part out of himself when he pushed Ten. A human being. He had killed a friend. 

Taeyong was in a heavy debate with his heart and mind, so drawn into himself that he didn’t see Johnny get up and walk over to the edge of the jungle.

  “Not again.” He pleaded.

Taeyong was dragged back to reality by Jaehyun softly guiding Taeyong’s body to face him. 

  “When did you last see him?” He asked and Taeyong’s mind was now replaying Ten’s fall and the sound of his scream.

He didn’t trust his voice so he just pointed towards the jungle. He swallowed the lump in his throat and spoke in a small voice. “He went in by himself.” He lied. “I tried to follow but I lost him in there.” 

Johnny was back with them by the fire and he dropped down in front of Taeyong, pushing Jaehyun away. His large hands were grabbing Taeyong’s shoulders. “In what direction?” He asked, and Taeyong saw the tears in Johnny’s eyes, he watched the first one drop and he heard the desperation in Johnny’s voice.

Sorrow. Taeyong realized. Sorrow was better than hopelessness. Taeyong had done Johnny a favor. They would’ve killed each other.

Taeyong pointed beyond Paradise but not in the direction of the mountain. Jaehyun pushed himself up and grabbed Johnny before the taller could walk right into the jungle.

  “You can’t go in there, Johnny!” He begged and dragged Johnny backwards. The taller stumbled and fell down. He pushed Jaehyun away from him. 

  “Something was wrong!” He cried and Taeyong repeated to himself that he had made the right choice. Jaehyun dropped to his knees in front of Johnny, reaching out his hands to comfort the other. “Something was wrong and I just hoped he’d be okay.” Johnny cried and Jaehyun wrapped his arms around his shoulders and pulled him close, their figures silhouettes because they were behind the flames and Taeyong stared at the flames as he heard Johnny cry.

  “I failed him.” 

No. Taeyong thought. Ten failed them. He chose this path himself. Taeyong just did what he had to do. 

They’d get out of here. At least the three of them.