It didn’t take long for Jinyoung to notice how the business was draining Jackson’s energy. The naturally cheery and easy going boy had to multiply that part of himself by thousand in front of the camera and fans.

Living in the spotlight came easy to him at first, but day after day of smiles, no matter the situation, ended up getting to him.

Luckily, he had Jinyoung.

Every time Jackson had a nightmare, or simply couldn’t sleep, he would make his way to the other boy’s bedroom. It started to happen so often that JInyoung ended up waiting all night awake for Jackson to come, staying awake even when he didn’t show up.

That night was different. It was Jackson’s last night of rest before going back to promote with the group. Jinyoung missed having the boy with him when they performed or got interview, and especially when they won awards and Jackson wasn’t there to celebrate with them. However he also dreaded the day he would be back.

Jackson appeared as soon as the lights of the dorm were turned off.

“Well, you look tired”

Jinyoung brushed off the comment, as he patted the empty spot at his bed.

“On the other hand you look great”

Jackson smiled as he snuggled in Jinyoung’s arms. They kept quiet for a few minutes, the sound of their breathing relaxing JInyoung to the point of almost falling asleep.

“I know it is ridiculous, probably none of you understand but...Sometimes it gets hard to pretend. I like this, I like what we have achieved but...I don’t feel complete anymore.”

JInyoung’s mind was too cloudy to answer, even if he got worried by Jackson’s words and bittersweet tone. So he kissed his forehead, trying to ease the pain in Jackson’s voice.

“Don’t you think there should be more for us than this?”

He did. He wanted to go out on real dates without cameras; he wanted to stop pretending they were just friends. He wants to kiss him, not only when they are alone in the dark, but whenever he liked. He wanted more, yes. But having Jackson was enough.

“Oh...But we still have each other. And our dreams are becoming true, right?”

“I’m not sure anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean... Is this enough? Don’t you want more? Sometimes...I... Is this what I dreamt, what i wanted? Yes, but...No...Now there’s something I value more...”

“I have you, Jackson. That is all I need for now.”

Jackson didn’t answer, instead he hold Jinyoung tighter.

Jinyoung understood what his boyfriend meant, or at least some of it, but he needed to be strong. This is all they have for now.

Maybe someday he’ll find a way to make it better, for both of them. Maybe someday they could leave the shadows.

It was his mission now. He will make Jackson happy again, no matter what.

“Maybe you are right. I have you, even if it just in the shadows. Tomorrow I’ll feel better, I promise”

They both fell asleep shortly after, still holding each other.