Title: Memory

Author: Manunulat

Pairing: Eric/Hyesung

Genre: drama, angst

Summary: Eric and Hyesung are married.  But Eric got into an accident that wiped away all those years they were together.  Will Eric remember Hyesung?

Disclaimer: This was supposed to be for the 18th anniversary.  I didn’t want to miss another Shinhwa anniversary one-shot collection so I kinda rushed to finish this. I’m sorry for the mistakes I didn’t catch. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

 

Three years.  That's how long Eric lost.  Hyesung didn't think his world would come crashing down again in a matter of days.  He sat down before the strength of his legs would leave him.  He felt dizzy as his mind tried to grasp what was happening.  Is it permanent?  Is there a chance to get back those lost memories?  Will this lead to further complications?  These questions were echoed by Eric's more vocal parents.  

 

As the doctor murmured words of comfort, Hyesung stared at the floor with unseeing eyes.  What... what did he do so wrong to deserve this?  He tried to think back to determine the reason why fate dealt him with this hand.  He is good to his parents.  He is good to his brother.  He is good to his friends.  He has never spoken or acted maliciously against other people.  So, why... 

 

Is it because I dared to love him?

 

Before Hyesung could spiral further into despair, a hand on his shoulder prompted him to lift his head.

 

"Son..."

 

Hyesung found himself looking right into the kind brown eyes of Eric's dad.  They were so similar to Eric's own eyes that he couldn't bear to keep looking.  He couldn't accept the sympathy that was offered silently to him either.  He straightened his spine and continued to act responsibly.  It was as easy as slipping into his favorite well-worn shoes.  He put Eric's parents' needs first.  When his own parents arrived, he prioritized them as well.  He concentrated on keep his hands busy, his feet busy, his mind busy... he just concentrated on being busy.  It got him through the next couple of hours as they waited for the doctor's permission to go inside the ICU.

 

 

 

*     *     *

 

Four days ago.....

.

Hyesung was hungry but he didn't want to eat first.  He had gotten better at cooking and tonight's dinner is going to be exceptional, he was sure of it.  He was itching to see Eric's face when he tasted the beef stew he made.  After so many tries, he finally got the taste right.  

 

He had on a butter cream-colored shirt and tan chino pants to mark the special occasion.  It's a bit silly, Hyesung knew.  It's not even their first wedding anniversary but Hyesung wanted to do something special to remember the day Eric proposed to him.  To protect his clothes, Hyesung wore a frilly apron with the printed words "Real Men Wear Pink".  Eric had given it to him as a joke and had sulked when Hyesung initially rejected it.  "There's no ing way I'm wearing pink," he remembered telling Eric.  It was now fraying at the edges and a yellow stain at the lower right will forever remind Hyesung of the mango that slipped from his hands when Eric decided to surprise him.  From that incident, Eric had also learned never to make fun of Hyesung when he's got a knife in his hands.

 

Hyesung hadn't expected to be this happy in his married life.  He figured he'd be contented but he was given so much more that sometimes it scared him.  People can't be too happy, can they?  There is no happily ever after.  There is just life.  In life, there are always ups and downs.  Always!

 

"Hey, just wanted to let you know I'm on my way.  Jong Hyun picked me up from the set," Eric called him 30 minutes ago.

 

"Oh?  Where's Jong Woo?"

 

"I sent him home.  He couldn't stop pooping!"

 

"What?" Hyesung laughed, "How'd he get diarrhea?"

 

"I have no idea," Eric laughed.

 

"Yeah, well, Jong Hyun needs to train your manager better.  Just because he's young, he can't act irresponsibly.  Make sure you don't eat anything that's spoiled.  If you're not sure, don't eat it, okay?"

 

"Yes, dear," Eric drawled.

 

"Shut up!" Hyesung laughed again.

 

"No, you shut up!" Eric playfully retorted.

 

"Okay."  Hyesung gleefully hanged up, grinning wildly as he imagined Eric's surprised face.  His phone vibrated and he saw that Eric sent him a kissy face emoticon.  He bit his lips, trying to tone down his stupid smile, as he sent back a heart.

 

It's so surreal sometimes how they are so "disgustingly" happy together.  Hyesung never imagined himself married to a MAN!  And never in a million years did he imagine he'd end up with Eric!  Of all people!  The thought still makes him chuckle to this day.

 

He was in the middle of carving some apples into swans when he received another call.  (Yes, he knows how to carve some fruits and vegetables into stuff... thank you, YouTube.  As the saying goes, you eat first with your eyes.  So, he's been spending some time improving his cooking skills, among others.)

 

His phone danced as it vibrated on the kitchen table.  Wiping his hands, he hoped it would be Eric telling him that he's just arrived in front of the building.  But as he reached for it, he saw that an unknown number was calling.  Hyesung frowned as he debated answering it.  As his phone kept vibrating, he was suddenly overcome with a strange feeling.  He almost didn't want to answer it.

 

"Hello?" he answered and cleared his throat.

 

"This is Seoul National University Hospital.  Is this Jung Pilgyo-ssi?"

 

"Yes, this is Jung Pilgyo." The pain in his stomach was no longer related to hunger.

 

"Sir, you are listed as the emergency contact of Mun Jung Hyuk.  Please come to the hospital as soon as you can," a woman with a disinterested voice informed him.

 

"What?  What happened?  What's wrong with him?  Is he okay?" the questions were delivered in a rapid-fire manner.

 

"I'm sorry, sir, I don't know that.  All I know is he was brought to the emergency room.  You need to come right away."

 

"I'm on my way.  Tell him I'm on my way.  Tell the doctors to make sure he'll be okay.  I'm on my way," Hyesung babbled as he rushed out of the apartment.  He vaguely remembered grabbing his wallet.

 

The taxi he rode on was almost at the hospital when he realized he was still wearing slippers and an apron.  He couldn't bring himself to give a damn.  His mind was too busy convincing himself that it was nothing.  Eric probably got a scrape on his knee or something and the director demanded that he be taken to the emergency room.  But another part his brain pointed out that Eric was already in the car with Jong Hyun so they might have met an accident on the road.  !

 

*     *     *    

 

 

 

 

Hyesung pushed his food around the tray in between taking a few bites.  The soup was tasteless and the kimchi was bland to his tongue but he swallowed them anyway not wanting to test Dongwan's threat to forcefully shovel the food into his mouth.  He was flanked by Dongwan and Junjin while Minwoo and Andy sat across them.  

 

"When's your flight?" he asked Andy.

 

"I cancelled it," Andy shrugged.

 

"You didn't have to," Dongwan pointed out.

 

"I know," Andy said calmly.

 

Thank you, Hyesung wanted to say but instead he said, "Jin-ah, can you get me a cup of coffee outside?  Their coffee here ."

 

"Sure, hyung," Junjin got to his feet quickly, jumping at the chance to do something.  He ignored Hyesung's attempt to give him money.  Before the others could say anything, Junjin promised to get everyone a drink.  After 22 years of friendship, he didn't need to ask for what they wanted.

 

Minwoo's phone rang soon after and he immediately stood up and walked away to answer it.  Minwoo became the unofficial spokesperson for E&J Entertainment since the accident put both Eric and Lee Jong Hyun in the hospital.  Hyesung felt sorry he wasn't much help to Minwoo but then he was never really privy to the business side of Eric's life.  It's not that he doesn't know what's going on but he just isn't that interested enough to even begin to know how to deal with those kinds of details.  Minwoo might not have all the information but he can always talk his way into and out of anything.

 

"You can stay with me with you want," Dongwan offered out of the blue.

 

Hyesung could feel Andy's eyes on him and he knew Andy would make the same offer if he wanted a closer alternative.  Honestly, Hyesung hadn't thought this far.  He was still hoping the amnesia will go away or Eric will suddenly remember everything once he saw him.

 

"I'm fine, thanks," Hyesung turned down Dongwan's offer.

 

"You must have a contingency if..." Dongwan pressed.

 

"I said I'm fine," Hyesung clenched his teeth, annoyed by his own raised voice and irritated by Dongwan's concern.

 

Dongwan looked like he wanted to say something more but Andy reached out to touch his arm.  "Hyung..."  Andy shook his head.

 

Dongwan let out a loud sigh.  "I'm sorry."

 

Hyesung got angry.  "No, I'm sorry," he said even though there was nothing sorry about his tone.  He was so fed up with his family and friends being sorry for him.  His phone vibrated in his pocket.  Son, the doctor said you can come inside now.

 

 

 

 

 

Hyesung pushed the door open, scared and hopeful at the same time.  He saw Eric's mother first.  She's fussing around, unable to keep still.  She smiled when she saw him but her eyes looked sad.

 

"Jung Pilgyo, what are you doing here?" Eric mumbled sleepily from the bed.  His face was covered with cuts and scrapes while his arms had thick bandages that covered deeper wounds.  To Hyesung, Eric was still the most handsome man he's ever seen.

 

Hyesung could feel both Eric's parents blanch at the puzzlement in Eric's tone.  So he laughed to cover the sound of his heart breaking.

 

"I'm here to see if they've improved your ugly mug," he said lightly, stepping inside the VIP room.  "Are you okay?"

 

"Of course, that's why I'm in a hospital," Eric deadpanned even though he looked exhausted.  "How's Jong Hyun?"  

 

Hyesung nodded, moving to stand by the hospital bed.  "Swimming in painkillers.  I hear the doctor will discharge him two weeks from now.  He won't be able to use his right arm for at least two months."

 

"Is it really 2020?" Eric asked suddenly.

 

Hyesung looked at Eric's parents before answering.

 

"Yeah, yeah... they told me, the doctor told me," Eric waved his hand weakly at him.

 

"Perhaps you should rest..." Hyesung started, unwilling to talk about it.

 

"I've been resting and resting," Eric yawned, "I'm tired of resting."  Eric lifted his head a little to stare of Hyesung.  "It's just..." the look he gave Hyesung was full of frustration, "...never mind."

 

"Maybe it will help.  The resting, I mean," Hyesung tried to inject a little optimism but he failed awkwardly as usual.

 

There was a tightness around Eric's lips when he shrugged, "Perhaps."  He yawned again and this time his eyes fluttered shut.

 

Eric's mother moved closer to Hyesung.  "Maybe you're right," she whispered, patting his arm, as a tear slid down her cheek.  She wiped her face with her hands, took a deep breath and gave him a shaky smile.  "You should rest too... for real!  Not just grabbing a nap here and there.  Go home.  Sleep properly and come back, okay?"

 

Hyesung nodded silently and bowed to his in-laws before leaving.  He stepped out into the pristine and empty hallway.  The click on the door clock seemed to have triggered his knees from buckling underneath him.  He inhaled and exhaled loudly, fighting back the tears and trying to keep himself from breaking apart at the seams.  He longed to touch even just Eric's hands but he couldn't.  Not with those eyes looking at him so... platonically.  He had gotten used... no, he was downright spoiled with the affection that Eric had given him freely the past two years that he couldn't imagine not having it... until now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"So, what happened at the 20th anniversary concert?  Did we hold it Jamsil Olympic Stadium?  How many people attended?"

 

"Wait... you're telling me that we went on a world tour?  A World Tour?  Where the hell did we get the money?"

 

Eric was full of questions.  The Shinhwa members, except Hyesung, were eager to share the answers.  They spent more than an hour telling Eric stories.  Junjin even brought some merchandise while Minwoo brought the DVDs and albums of the last three years.

 

"Are any of you married yet?"

 

An awkward silence filled the hospital room.  Hyesung stared hard at Dongwan, warning him silently not to say anything that wasn't his to share.  The rest of the member also looked at Dongwan, half-afraid he'll blurt it out.

 

"Yah!  Did someone really marry you?" Eric sounded shocked, misinterpreting the situation.

 

Dongwan laughed, eyes crinkling, and waved his hands in front of him.  "No, no!  I'm not married.  But I have a girlfriend.  It's serious this time."

 

"Huh.  Well, good for you.  But, seriously?  Nobody's married yet?"

 

"I'm engaged," Andy admitted quietly.  Hyesung exhaled softly, thankful to Andy for changing the subject.

 

"Wow!  Congrats, Andy-ya," Eric's smile was marred by a frown that flitted his features, one of his hands rubbing his temple.  "When's the wedding?"

 

"We haven't set any date yet."

 

"I think we've stayed too long.  It's time for you to rest," Hyesung interrupted them, rising from his seat.

 

"I'm fine," Eric grumbled.

 

Just then, the nurse walked in and told Eric that it's time for his visitors to leave because he needed to rest.

 

"I told you so," Hyesung mumbled.

 

Eric scrunched up his nose at Hyesung when the nurse wasn't looking.  The rest of the Shinhwa members also got up and said their goodbyes to Eric, telling him to get well soon or they'll bring cake and smash it on his face.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hyesung watched nervously as Eric scanned the living room.  Eric stood just a few steps from the foyer.

 

"This isn't some hidden camera show, is it?" Eric asked looking up at the ceiling.

 

Hyesung was expecting the surprise and incredulity.  Eric had even laughed out loud when he was first told that he and Hyesung "shared a house".  Hyesung just didn't expect his words to keep stinging him.  But then again, he can't really blame Eric.  They never saw each other in a romantic light before 2018.

 

"It's not too late to go to your parents' house," Hyesung pointed out.

 

"Ugh!  No thanks," Eric said sinking down on the couch and bouncing on it a few times before stretching out his full length.  "This is very nice," he commented drawing his hands up and placing them behind his head.

 

"It should.  You chose it," Hyesung muttered as he started putting away the containers of food that their moms prepared for them.  He finished rearranging the refrigerator in no time.  He was about to tell Eric to go to "his room" when he saw that Eric had fallen asleep.

 

The doctor said rest and familiar surroundings will help Eric recover.  The doctor also advised them not to bombard Eric with too much information (whoops! too late!) and let his brain heal naturally.  Hyesung told Eric's parents and the other Shinhwa members that he didn't want Eric to know about their relationship.  He didn't think it was fair to saddle him with something like that.  Besides, Hyesung didn't know how to explain it to Eric.  It's not like he can say, Guess what?  Ricsyung is real.  "Housemates" seemed so much easier to explain.

 

So during the two weeks that Eric stayed at the hospital, Hyesung "cleaned" their house.  He transferred all his things and all their photographs together in one of the guest bedrooms.  He transformed the master's bedroom into something that was similar to Eric's old room.  

 

Hyesung silently made his way in front of the couch.  He watched the rise and fall of Eric's chest.  When he deemed it safe, he quietly crouched down and let his eyes examine Eric's face.  I miss you.  Please remember me soon. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He was late.  !  Recording took longer than expected.  It was his fault.  He got completely wrapped up in the song that he failed to take note of the time.  To make matters worse, there was a vehicular accident on the way stalling traffic for a good 30 minutes.

 

It had been three weeks since Eric's accident.  Fortunately, Eric had just finished shooting his commercial when it happened so there was not much delay.  Eric only rested a couple of days at the house before diving back immediately into work, bandages hidden under his clothes.  Jong Hyun was still recovering from his broken arm so Eric's manager, Jong Wook, was quite overworked.  Fortunately, the kid showed a stronger backbone with the added responsibilities.

 

News of Eric's memory loss got leaked and was a hot trending topic in social media for several days.  It soon died down after Eric made a statement asking everyone for their patience while he recovers.  Eric's quiet and calm acceptance of his "disability" became an inspiration to others.  Eric ended up becoming more popular.

 

Of course, Eric kind of freaked out a bit.  He handled it better this time.  He just had a movie marathon for two days with Junjin and Andy taking turns in keeping him company.

 

Raucous laughter greeted Hyesung as he neared the conference room of Shinhwa Company.  He's not surprised.  Nothing ever stays serious for long during their meetings.

 

"Yah!  You're late!" Dongwan helpfully pointed out as soon as he stepped inside.

 

"Sorry.  I'm really sorry about that," he looked at Eric, who only smirked at him.

 

"Samgyupsal!  Samgyupsal!" Junjin chanted clapping his hands.  Minwoo and Andy followed suit, laughing at him.

 

"Fine, fine!" Hyesung waved dismissively.  "What did I miss?"

 

"We've gone over the terms and conditions of the Nature Republic contract and basically, everybody's on board with it.  I didn't see any red flags although I'll be clarifying a couple of the indemnification clauses with their lawyer.  Do you want me to give you a quick run through?" Eric asked, his tone very business-like.

 

"No, it's fine.  If everybody's okay with it, I'm fine with it too," Hyesung shrugged.

 

"Hyesung-ah, we're going to be half- for the commercial," Minwoo informed him.

 

"WHAT!?" Hyesung screeched.

 

The other Shinhwa members doubled over laughing their asses off.

 

"Hyung!" Andy, who was wheezing as he tried to calm himself down, said, "You should have seen your face!"  It only set off them to howl louder.

 

Minwoo and Andy were too far so Hyesung settled for hitting Dongwan with a folder.  "I have abs, idiots!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just when Hyesung thought his life couldn't be any more cliched than a TV drama, this had to happen.

 

He thought Eric had gone to sleep early because the house was silent and dark when he arrived.  It was only 9 p.m. but after the day he had, Hyesung was dead tired.  A warm bath sounded perfect right about just now.

 

Hyesung was just about to reach the doorknob to the bathroom when it turned itself.  He stepped back in fright, heartbeat going on overdrive.  The bathroom door opened and Eric stepped out... stark .

 

"You scared the out of me!" Hyesung exclaimed, a hand over his chest.

 

"Oh, you're here," Eric said as he rubbed a towel through his hair.

 

"Would you..." Hyesung waved his hand in the general direction of Eric's lower body while staring at the ceiling.

 

Eric, the , merely stepped closer to Hyesung.  "It's not like you haven't seen it before," he said teasingly.

 

"Yah!  Use your own bathroom!" Hyesung pushed Eric with his hands.  Big mistake.  His hands slid because Eric's chest was still wet from his shower so Hyesung ended up almost hugging Eric.

 

Eric chuckled softly as stepped around Hyesung and walked towards his bedroom.  Hyesung swore he did not look back and ogled Eric's backside.  No, absolutely not.

 

Hyesung skipped the hot bath and opted for a cold shower.  When he stepped out of the bathroom, he was confronted with Eric again... fully clothed this time. 

 

"Oh, you're... you're going out?" Hyesung was more flustered with Eric more put together.  In black jeans, grey shirt and a black leather jacket, Eric looked very dashing.  

 

"Got a date," Eric flashed him a cocky grin.

 

Hyesung's heart just about died.  He knows how Eric's dates go.  No woman can resist him and most often than not, it's the women who always make the first move.  "H-have fun," Hyesung once again tried but failed to sound cheerful.  He escaped to his room before Eric was even out of the house. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hyesung stared at his half-filled luggage.  Should he?  A tear escaped from his eye but as he wiped it with the back of his hand, another one slid down and another and another...  

 

He sniffed and willed his tears to go away.  But Eric's on a date...  

 

Hyesung's face crumpled.  He quickly grabbed a shirt and wiped his face roughly, still hoping to keep himself from breaking down.  He had lasted this long, staying strong and just ignoring the problem.  But when he realized that it was Eric's old shirt that he was holding, a dam inside of him just broke and he just couldn't stop crying anymore.

 

He buried his face into the shirt, trying to stifle the broken sobs that filled his quiet room.  He and Eric wore each other's shirts at home all the time that they've stopped thinking of it as their own.  But this shirt... he gave this shirt to Eric long before they got into a relationship.  He was very pleased to know that Eric kept it still and both of them had worn it since.  He must have grabbed the shirt by mistake when he was segregating their clothes before Eric came home.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"You look like ."

 

Hyesung didn't even grunt in acknowledgment of Eric's insult.  He went straight for the coffee maker beside the breakfast nook and poured himself a cup.  His eyes felt gritty and swollen.  Well, that's what you get for crying yourself to sleep.  , his make-up artist is going to get mad.  He wondered briefly if he should cancel but he knows he's not because he's a professional.

 

"I have muffins."

 

Hyesung's stomach grumbled in response... the traitor.  He turned around and grabbed a muffin from the pile in front of Eric and sat down on the stool.  He ate the muffin almost angrily.  He swallowed a moan when the banana and oat flavor hit his taste buds.  He hated that it was topped with sesame seeds.  He hated that Eric knew him so well.  His pride is worth more than these sesame seeds.

 

"You're welcome," Eric said pointedly.

 

Hyesung grunted.  He was so not in the mood to be nice.  He avoided looking at Eric.  He didn't really want to see his smug "just-got-laid" look.  He did notice that Eric was wearing the same clothes as he did last night.  Hyesung continued chewing the muffin and sipping his coffee in silence.  He knew he was behaving like a spoiled brat.  Who the cares?

 

"What are you doing today?"

 

Hyesung lifted his head in surprise.  "Photo shoot," he answered, forgetting why he was angry.

 

"And after?" Eric lifted his eyebrows in curiosity.

 

Hyesung frowned, suspicious.  "Nothing... why?"

 

"Let's go out for some drinks later tonight.  The guys are free too," Eric said innocently.

 

Hyesung opened his mouth to refuse but then he realized he can't think of any excuse.  Damn it!

 

"Fine."

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hyesung arrived first.  The staff at Coreanos ushered him into a private room that they said Eric reserved.  Hyesung frowned slightly at that until the staff said it was a smoking area.  That cheered him up really quick.  He took a seat by the large open windows that overlooked the busy street below.  His manager had dropped him off, saying Eric called and asked to be picked up from the KBIZ DMC Tower.

 

The photo shoot ended well.  After scolding him, his make-up artist was able to perform some magic and made his eyebags disappear.  He shed his moodiness as soon as he stepped into the set.  Sometimes, he thinks he could almost be an actor the way he has improved in hiding his real feelings.  He let out a small laugh thinking how the other members would react to that thought. 

 

Hyesung took out his cellphone and a box of cigarettes and placed them on the table.  A male server came in and put some complimentary nachos beside it.

 

"Thank you," Hyesung nodded slightly at the server.

 

"Would you like me to get you a drink, sir?"

 

"Can you get me that..." Hyesung made a tipping motion with his hand because he couldn't remember what it was called.

 

"Coronarita?  Coronajito?"

 

Hyesung snapped his fingers.  "That one!  Give me that one."

 

The server smiled at Hyesung's sudden enthusiasm.  "Right away, sir!"  The young server bowed politely and left the room.

 

Hyesung ate the free chips, dipping them into the red, green and white sauces.  He was so hungry.  He didn't eat at the shoot because he didn't want his belly to bulge.  his fingers, he grabbed his cellphone with his clean hand and texted Junjin.

 

Where are you?  

 

Still at home.

 

Yah!  Hurry up!  Nobody's here except me.

 

Dongwan-hyung said he's almost there.

 

Okay.  

 

Hyesung was able to finish one cigarette when Dongwan finally arrived.  In jeans, a button-up shirt and a casual jacket, Dongwan was all smiles and pulled him into a hug.  Hyesung was relieved.  Dongwan filled the silence with amiable chatter and carefree laughter.  Andy arrived next and sat in front of Hyesung.  They both teased Dongwan's fashionable outfit since they were both were just wearing hoodies over their t-shirt and jeans.  Then Dongwan asked Andy about his fiancee and his engagement plans.  

 

Ten minutes later, Minwoo and Eric arrived together.  Dongwan stood up to hug Minwoo.  Eric sat down beside Andy while Minwoo moved to stand behind Hyesung's chair and give him a back hug.  Minwoo then went to Eric and dragged him to the next chair so he could sit beside Andy.  Andy laughed but quickly whined when Minwoo turned to kiss him.

 

"How was the shoot?" Eric tilted his head to look at Hyesung.

 

"It's fine," Hyesung shrugged, reaching for the menu at the same time.  "Shall we order?" He pretended to peruse the food choices seriously even though his heart was pounding in his chest.  He doesn't want to analyze what he's feeling.

 

Another server came in, this time, a young lady.  Hyesung rolled his eyes as Dongwan and Minwoo openly flirted with her.  But it was Eric that seemed to be the woman's target.  She batted her fake eyelashes and blushed prettily when Eric pointed to his orders on the menu.

 

"Yah, Pilgyo, what do you want?" Eric called out.

 

"Nothing, I'm not hungry," Hyesung muttered, staring blindly at the menu.  Since they got to together, Eric had always been affectionate with him.  It made Hyesung uncomfortable at first but he quickly got used to it.  Sometimes, Eric would rest his chin on his shoulder, an arm across his back and a hand resting low on his hip.  "Order for me," Eric would say, his voice low and sleepy.  Hyesung would put a hand on Eric's thigh as he read the menu.  After ordering, Hyesung would sometimes lift his arm and pull Eric closer so Eric could rest his head on his shoulder.

 

"What was that?" Eric's raised voice pulled Hyesung out of his reverie.

 

"What?"

 

"I said, what did you want to eat?" Eric yelled.

 

"Whatever you're having!" Hyesung responded grumpily.  He saw Eric raise his eyebrows at that prissy comment but didn't say anything.  He hated that when the food arrived it was mostly dishes that he likes.

 

As the night wore on, Hyesung's bad mood eventually dissipated as his alcohol consumption increased.  He drank like he wanted to forget.  Yeah, he wished he could forget too.  Life is ing unfair.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Their party ended up way too early in Hyesung's opinion.

 

"Bye!  Take care!" Andy, Junjin and Minwoo waved.

 

"Noooo... lez go to 'nother bar, yeah!  1, 2, 1, 2!" Hyesung shouted at their retreating backs.  He would have staggered after them if not for the hard arm that s around his waist and he was pulled against a warm wall.

 

"Make him drink at least two glasses of water and give him this," Hyesung saw Dongwan hand Eric some sort of paper bag.

 

"Waz dat?" Hyesung lunged and made a grab for it but Eric was faster, taking it out of his reach.

 

"Thanks," Eric nodded to Dongwan.

 

"Wannieeeeyaaaa....." Hyesung held his arms out to Dongwan.

 

Dongwan chuckled and embraced him even though Eric's arm was still firmly holding Hyesung's middle.

 

"I'm going now.  Take care!" Dongwan walked away still chuckling.

 

"Wannieeeeyaaaaa.....come back!" Hyesung whined.

 

"Let's go, Pilgyo," Eric said as he dragged him into his car, their managers long gone.

 

Eric deposited Hyesung in the passenger seat, buckling his seatbelt before going to the driver's side.  "Let's go home," Eric said quietly as he pulled out of the parking lot.

 

Hyesung's skin felt warm and the alcohol buzz was still messing with his brain, which was why he didn't mean to say, "Aren't you going to your girlfriend's house?"

 

"I don't have a girlfriend," Eric said mildly.

 

"What about the girl?

 

“What girl?”

 

“Nothing,” Hyesung muttered, turning to side to stare at the almost deserted streets they were passing by.  The blurry lights and the fast-moving scenery were giving him a headache.  He closed his eyes and a tear fell.  He sniffed, feeling sorry for his pathetic self.

 

“You okay?” Eric’s voice was soft like a fleece-lined blanket shielding him against the cold.

 

Hyesung cleared his throat loudly.  “I’m fine.  It’s nothing.”  He wondered until how long was he going to pretend that it’s nothing. 

 

They spent the rest of the ride in silence.  Hyesung was grateful to step inside their apartment.  “Goodnight,” he said over his shoulder as he couldn’t bring to face Eric right now.  But his escape was quickly aborted as Eric grabbed his wrist.  Hyesung froze.

 

“It’s not nothing,” Eric asserted firmly.

 

“W-hat?”

 

“We’re not nothing.”

 

Hyesung’s heart was beating fast.  His hands started shaking.

 

“Come here,” Eric tugged and turned him around gently so that they’re facing each other.

 

Hyesung stared at Eric’s hand on his wrist.  It felt hot, almost like a branding iron.  It curled around his bones firmly, but not crushing.  He watched as Eric lifted his other hand.  It cupped the back of his neck.  It was fortunate that Eric pulled him into his arms just as his knees buckled.  Hyesung arms wound themselves automatically around Eric, clutching him desperately.  Hope warring with disbelief.

 

“It’s going to be fine.  We’re going to be fine,” Eric crooned against his ear while his back.

 

Hyesung drew back and faced Eric with terrified eyes.  “Are you… do you… do you remember?”

 

“Not yet, but I will,” Eric assured him.

 

Hyesung’s face crumpled and he couldn’t see anything but one huge disappointment.  A wail was trapped in his throat.   I knew it!  It was too good to be true, he thought hysterically.  He wanted to laugh at his foolishness and naivete.  At the same time, he wanted to cry and scream at the unfairness of it all.  He found his face tucked once more against the side of Eric’s neck.  The familiar smell of cigarettes and alcohol mixed with Eric’s natural scent had a calming effect on him.  

 

As he stepped back from the edge of insanity, Hyesung allowed himself the luxury of being comforted by the warmth of Eric’s chest and the soothing patterns Eric traced across his back.  As much as he wanted to stay that way forever, Hyesung pulled himself together.

 

Sensing the change in Hyesung, Eric slowly stepped back and took Hyesung’s hand in his.  Eric led Hyesung to the couch and sat them both down, resting their clasped hands on their thighs.

 

While Hyesung was trying to find his voice, Eric broke the silence.  “Andy told me.”

 

Hyesung started, his face showing his surprise.

 

“He told me last night.  I mean,” Eric glanced at the clock on the wall, “two nights ago.  I ended up sleeping at his place.”

 

“Why…” Hyesung couldn’t find the words.  He felt hurt, betrayed…

 

“He meant well,” Eric interrupted his thoughts.

 

“He had no right…” 

 

“I’m glad he told me,” Eric stated, cupping Hyesung’s face with his hands to meet his eyes.

 

“But you still don’t remember!”

 

“But I will!” Eric insisted.

 

“You don’t know that!” Hyesung shouted, gripping Eric’s forearms.

 

“Then we’ll make new memories!” Eric’s eyes glittered with determination.   

 

Hyesung stared and thought Eric must have lost his mind.  “You don’t even love me,” Hyesung whispered.  The truth was like acid on his tongue.  He didn’t mean to say it.  He never wanted to say it out loud.  But it’s too late.  The words were spoken. 

 

Eric huffed and chuckled.  

 

Hyesung gasped in pain.  He didn’t expect Eric to twist the knife in his heart.  Tears started falling against his will as Eric smiled in his face.

 

“I’ve always loved you, you idiot.  And I always will,” Eric said softly as he gently wiped Hyesung’s cheeks.  “Don’t tell me I’ve never told you that.”

 

Hyesung shook his head.  Eric never said anything like that.

 

“Well, I do.  I have.  For a long time,” Eric shrugged matter of factly, taking Hyesung’s hands once more in his.

 

Hyesung’s doubts were washed away by Eric’s sincerity.  His eyes were filled with renewed hope.  He looked down on their joined hands and realized how wrong he was.  Eric wasn’t letting him go.  He should hold on as well and face the future together.

 

Hyesung sniffed and cleared his throat.  “I do, too… you know,” he squeezed Eric’s hands awkwardly, feeling suddenly shy.  He slowly lifted his gaze and saw Eric smiling at him.  The future looked bright and beautiful.  

 

It’s going to be alright.

 

 

 

*** THE END ***