“Myungsoo-ah, get up, we have practice.” The leader called as he walked into the second maknae’s room. All the other members been awake since an hour ago although it wasn’t necessary to be early since today was one of those rare days where practice starts late. Myungsoo was the only one who was still sleeping but the other members didn’t find the need to wake him up early either. The latter came back late from filming in the break of dawn after all.

          The kittenish boy was snuggled up in his comforter as he was almost buried under the layers. The older wouldn’t have noticed that there was even a person inside if not for the tip of hair sticking out. Sunggyu thought that he would have to shake the other awake or maybe call him a few more times since the younger was a deep sleeper but apparently that one soft call was enough to wake Myungsoo. A short moment following Sunggyu’s call, a soft groan was heard.

          “Neh, Hyung.” Myungsoo mumbled as he slowly rise from his bed. When his face came into view, Sunggyu couldn’t help but frown, his eyebrows scrunching in concern. Even in the dim lights, Sunggyu was able to make out the exhaustion in the other’s face.

          “What’s wrong with you lately? Are you all right?” The younger strained and toiled out of bed, initiating Sunggyu to immediately run over to help. The boy insinuated absolute no energy or strength in his muscles. He struggled with even the slightest movement in his limps.

          “What do you mean, Hyung?” Myungsoo stumbled and his face would have kissed the floor if not for Sunggyu’s firm grip on his arm. The leader looked over the younger once again.

          “You lost a lot of weight recently and you don’t look well.” The younger was literally only skins and bones. Even his usually chubby cheeks and neck that stays plump no matter how skinny the younger gotten, was no longer bubbly. Myungsoo who is taller than Sunggyu was already lighter in weight in contrast but it has always only been a kg or two. Now, he was at least 10kg lighter.

          “It’s just the stress, Hyung.” He merely brushed it off as he made way towards the bathroom, wobbling here and there. Sunggyu followed in toll, not convinced at all. But he knew how stubborn Infinite second maknae is. He sighed.

          “Okay then. But you will tell me if something was wrong right?” The leader leaned against the doorframe with his arms crossed as he watched the younger. Sunggyu doesn’t normally watch s so closely or monitor them with their morning routine but something about Myungsoo lately is making him worry. There is an itching feeling in the back of his head telling him that if his eyes were to even leave the younger for a moment, Myungsoo will disappear.

          “Yeah.” The younger nodded. Sunggyu lamented once again. Under the bathroom lights, the younger looked ghastly. Heavy eye bags, pale skin, and his usual pink-kissed lips decolorized. But no matter the amount of presentiment given, Myungsoo will guilelessly inform that he was fine and no worry was needed.

          “Alright. Let’s go to practice then. Comeback is soon.” Sunggyu pulled the younger along by the wrist to the common area, where the other members were, as soon as the younger washed his face. By no means was Sunggyu afraid that their maknae will escape his obligations and go back to sleep, rather it was simply that his feelings wouldn’t be eased if Myungsoo was out of his line of sight.

          “Myungsoo-ah, you alright?” Woohyun grimaced as soon as he saw the younger being pulled in by their leader. Although he wasn’t dazed with sleepiness as he typically was, something about him was terribly wrong.

          “Eh? Of course Namu hyung.” Myungsoo attempted to give the older a bright smile to convince him but his effort was in vain. The expression only came out forced and tired. But Woohyun knew more than to comment on that so he forced himself to accept and ignore it. Even though there is a nagging feeling in his heart telling him that the younger was not fine and that he should wrap his arms around him and protect him from the world.

          “Really? You look sick…you lost a lot of weight too.” At this point, Sunggyu has left Myungsoo with Woohyun since he trusts that Infinite’s third oldest will take good care of their second maknae. Woohyun was the one among their group that was crowned to be the most caring about Myungsoo anyways; even Sungyeol who was Myungsoo’s best friend pale. Which is why the older is currently next to Myungsoo with an arm around the other’s waist while brushing hair away from his eyes.

          “It’s just the diet, Namu. I’ve gotten fatter lately.” Myungsoo gave the older a small genuine smile. He truly felt no difference in his weight and appearance therefore he was unable to understand or comprehend why Sunggyu or Woohyun was reprimanding him and turn such topic to an unexpected importance. It wasn’t abnormal for him to be on a diet. Even though Myungsoo was indeed the member that eats the most, he was also the visual.

          “Fatter? No way! There’s no need for you to diet.” The older can only gawk at him with disbelief. By what way was Myungsoo fat? If anything, the boy was too skinny for his own good. He needs to get fuller, not the opposite.

          “I’m the visual Hyung…” As the visual of the group, Myungsoo have to be careful of how he looks 24/7. Although he hated when people only paid attention to him due to his face, he knows how important it is in increasing the fame of the group. Because then people at least was able to glance at Infinite instead of shadowing them.

          “So what!? Why do people care so much about your appearance anyways? You’re just as amazing and talented without your face.” Woohyun pouted. Sure, well of course Myungsoo is good looking but why can’t people look past that? The younger was much more than just a visual.

          “Thank you, Namu.” Myungsoo always felt grateful of the older. Like he said before, that despite not being a girl, he always felt taken care of by the 3^rd eldest member of the group. Cheesy as it may be unintended, it was the verdict that Myungsoo felt vast comfort.

          “Don’t go on any of those useless diets anymore okay? You’re too thin…” He frowned as he felt the younger. Myungsoo was literally only a layer of skin over bones and for once, Woohyun found the younger extremely ugly with all those visible bone protruding his skin and hollow cheeks.

          “Okay, Hyung.” Woohyun pulled Myungsoo into a tight hug as his arms wrap securely and firmly around the small frame. He can only wheeze in concern as Myungsoo no longer felt as squishy and comfy in his arms like he did before. He felt fragile and for that Woohyun was afraid that Myungsoo would be easily broken.

          “Eh, Myungie~ is something wrong?” As one of their members, Dongwoo, walk by them and spotted the two embracing each other, he immediately questioned the boy. Myungsoo pulled himself away from Woohyun only to stare at Dongwoo with confusion drawn across his features.

          “Hm? Why are you asking Dongwoo Hyung?” Why was it that the hyungs suddenly fretted and asked if he was okay? Why was all the hyungs making such a deal today? Did Myungsoo look pale to the point of death or something?

          “You don’t look so well.” Dongwoo came over and clomped the other. Woohyun stood off to the side giving Myungsoo a pointed look, indicating that he was obviously not fine. But Myungsoo merely shrugged it off like any other day.

          “Don’t worry about it. I’m just a bit tired.”

          “Okay then. But promise to tell me if you feel worst, okay?” He only nodded.

If only we had cared more…. If only we have asked and probed. If only we had forced you to stay home. If only we stopped you from practicing even more…. Maybe then, we wouldn’t be so late. Maybe then, everything would have been fine.

∞

“We’re going to be okay.”

As a group that has stayed together for so many years, we’re bound to be by each other’s side. And each of us with our distinct characters.

Despite being so different, we’re all similar in a way.

Dongwoo hyung is always smiling and laughing.

I’m so glad he’s so happy and cheerful – although sometimes forced. He’s there jolly even through hard times.

Always there to make us laugh. Even if it’s a little crazy sometimes.

He even have inspirational and encouraging quotes.

And even though he doesn’t have to, he worries and frowns.

Hyung, you’re so caring. Thank you. You have saved the rest of us so many times.

But it’s okay. You don’t have to pretend anymore. You don’t have to try so hard anymore.

Because we all know.

And we’re accepting it. We’re admitting it.

We’re only drowning in silence.

-------------------------------------------

Hyung, I don’t want to die.