After all this time knowing Minghao, it was Wonwoo’s first time going to Minghao’s house. Wonwoo never felt like he wanted to visit; they could always hang out at school or Wonwoo’s place. Minghao never invited him either. He had to ask Minghao’s homeroom teacher for the address, using an excuse that he wanted to give Minghao copies of the week’s lessons and assignments so that Minghao could study at home. No one else had volunteered for that so the teacher let him.

Minghao’s home turned out to be a small apartment building with only two floors and probably not more than 10 rooms each. The building seemed to be well-maintained despite the slightly faded cream-colored paint. At least the stairs didn’t look like they’re going to break any moment.

Wonwoo went to the second floor, the fourth door from the stairs. He heard the sound of TV from inside, which abruptly stopped when he knocked on the door. Wonwoo sighed. Minghao should’ve let the TV on if he didn’t want to get caught.

Wonwoo knocked once again and was greeted by silence. He didn’t bother to knock for the third time.

“I know you’re there. I’m not going home until you open the door.”

He stood by his words and stayed until the sky turned dark. Missed cram school, but he used the time to study on his own, standing up with his back leaning on the tiny space between Minghao’s room and the next room’s window. Skipping a day wouldn’t matter as long as his mother didn’t know and he kept his grades.

It was almost 8 when Wonwoo heard steps coming up the stairs. He looked up from his book and saw a woman with short ponytail. She walked towards Wonwoo, no towards the door next to Wonwoo, and looked at him with a confused expression. Her bloodshot eyes looked tired under the dim light, the wrinkles and creases filling her face added the nuance of an overworked middle-aged woman.

“Who are you?” she asked with a hoarse voice.

“Hello, Mrs. Xu. I’m Wonwoo, Minghao’s school friend. I’m visiting to give him copies of class materials.”

The woman nodded at Wonwoo’s explanation and proceeded to open the door. She left it open but didn’t gesture Wonwoo to come in, so Wonwoo waited by the door.

“Minghao! Your friend’s here!” she yelled from the small entrance. Hasty footsteps followed and soon Minghao was standing on the entrance. He still had his left eye covered in bandage.

“Mom, I’m going out for a sec.”

Minghao’s mother replied with a grunt and went inside. Meanwhile, Minghao took a pair of shoes and quickly put them on. As soon as he finished, he grabbed Wonwoo’s arm, closed the door, and dragged him downstairs.

Minghao didn’t only dragged him, he was also dragging himself. Wonwoo could see he was still having trouble walking. Yet Minghao wouldn’t slow down. Only when they got close to a park that his steps came to a halt with hunched shoulders. It gave a sense of fatigue to him, similar to the vibe his mother had. He let go of Wonwoo’s arm and approached a hippopotamus-shaped statue. He got on his fine leg and swung his bad one over the hippo to sit on top of it. The statue was low enough so that he didn’t have to lift his legs that high. Wonwoo got on the zebra beside him.

“Were you going to camp in front of my house all night if my mother didn’t come?” said Minghao with forehead scrunched, clearly annoyed. Somehow it brought glee to Wonwoo, like he’s found something fun to tease. Of course, Minghao was mad and he shouldn’t make fun of it. But it was refreshing to see Minghao getting irritated with him.

“Sure.”

“You’re crazy.”

“Says the guy who once jumped over the school fence and injured his leg.”

“Hmph.”

MInghao went silent after that and Wonwoo hesitated. He wanted to ask so many questions, to know what’s wrong and do something about it, to make up for all the time when he didn’t try to get to know Minghao better. But he had a feeling that it wasn’t the right time. Maybe someday, when Minghao pulled down this invisible barrier he put up and went out by himself.

So instead, Wonwoo said something he thought he had never expressed before, or maybe had not said enough.

“Thanks, Minghao.”

He sensed a gaze on him and turned to see Minghao facing him, staring with question marks all over his face.

“For, you know, things,” Wonwoo continued. The confused look was gone from Minghao’s face. This time Wonwoo couldn’t read his expression.

Wonwoo opened his bag and took out the materials he was supposed to deliver and placed them on Minghao’s lap. “Text me if there’s anything you don’t understand. I can come again and we’ll do study session at your place.” he suggested.

Minghao answered with a small “Sure”.

After nodding at Minghao’s answer, Wonwoo lifted himself off from the zebra and said, “See you later then.”

He smiled and saw Minghao responding with his own smile. But Minghao’s was strained, the edges of his lips barely lifted. And his eyes. Blank, like he was tired of everything and erased any emotions from those orbs. They haunted Wonwoo’s thoughts that night, making him imagine terrible things, evoking regret for not addressing Minghao’s situation. That night Wonwoo had a restless sleep.

Wonwoo didn’t usually go downtown on Sundays. He preferred spending time at home, reading or playing games with his brother. But today he went out in his (hopefully) best clothes for the occasion. He really took his time to choose them. At first he thought that he shouldn’t have think too much and just picked the ones at the top of the pile. After all, it’s not his first time going out with Jun, but a part of his brain told him that this was different; there wouldn’t be Hansol or Seokmin, and he was nervous. Putting his energy into choosing clothes was a good way to distract himself from the nervousness.

They agreed to meet at a fountain across the train station. Wonwoo came 5 minutes earlier and didn’t have to wait long until Jun walked towards him with a smile. Wonwoo felt his own lips curving up instantly.

“Hungry?” asked Wonwoo. It was almost noon.

“Starving.” Jun’s smile widened.

They went to the fried cutlet shop first. Sitting across each other, they enjoyed the same pork cutlet menu. Jun put a little bit of mayonnaise on the edge of his cutlet, it reminded Wonwoo on how Minghao did the same with his cutlet set at the school cafeteria. At first the thought made him smile, but then Minghao’s eyes from that night came across his mind, and Wonwoo felt an invisible hand squeezing his chest, engulfing him in a surge of anxiety.

He belatedly realized that he was spacing out. When he snapped out of his thoughts, he saw Jun looking at him with slight concern and calling his name. Jun told him that he got sauce on the right edge of his lips. He took some tissue and wiped it, but Jun said he missed some. He froze as Jun leaned forward, taking the tissue from his hand and wiped it for him. It seemed that he spaced out again. Only when Jun was back on his seat, looking slightly stiff and flustered, Wonwoo noticed how his heart was beating like he just did 5 laps of running around the field.

After lunch they went strolling the shopping district. Walking in and out some stores, chatting about amazingly realistic-looking frog-shaped chocolates and cool robot toys. When they got into a hobby shop, he saw a skateboard and thought of when Minghao said he wanted to try riding one. Wonwoo was sure that Minghao would master it easily with his exceptional physical abilities. But then Wonwoo remembered how Minghao dragged his legs the other day. It brought uneasiness to his chest and he couldn’t smile sincerely at Jun’s adorable burst of excitement at the sight of actual size Labrador doll.

The sky was tinted with orange when Wonwoo and Jun left the shopping area. Jun had a small bag of very spicy and crispy chicken balls, slightly hopping in his steps as he told Wonwoo for the fifth time that he’s so happy to get the chicken he’d been craving for. Wonwoo knew he should watch where’s he’s going, but he couldn’t take his eyes off Jun.

He stopped when they passed their school. His gaze stuck at the sight of their school building and the orange sky behind it. A sentimental feeling struck him, his mind going through the days he had spent in the premises, thinking that soon he’d be spending two years as a student there. He thought of the classrooms, the teachers, marching band, Hansol, Seokmin, Jun.

Minghao.

“Do you want to go inside?”

Jun’s voice made Wonwoo realized how he had been standing idly in front of their school. He felt sorry for neglecting Jun and wandering off to his own thoughts.

“The gate’s locked,” he said to Jun’s question.

“We can climb.”

Wonwoo’s shock must’ve been showing on his face. He saw Jun giving him a bashful smile.

Climbing the gate was proven to be a possible task. Wonwoo thought that it should be easier than jumping over the fence at the opposite side of the school ground, but he understood why Minghao chose the latter. There’s always someone watching the entrance gate on school days.

Jun didn’t ask where they were going. To be honest, Wonwoo didn’t have any plan either. He was just following where his steps took him and Jun followed him. They ended up at Wonwoo’s secret spot behind the field.

They sat on the ground, munching on the chicken balls as they chatted. They were here together and Jun was smiling. At that time Wonwoo felt at ease.

“Thank you, Wonwoo.” Jun said after one of their conversations ended. “For today. I had fun.”

Despite the words, Wonwoo noticed how Jun’s smile slightly faltered, he couldn’t help but let his own dropped. Jun seemed to realize Wonwoo’s change and he looked guilty.

“...you seemed not really here at times.”

This time guilt pierced Wonwoo’s chest, he was rendered speechless for a moment.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to...” he said quietly, without confidence. He’s holding onto the small smile Jun gave him.

“It’s okay. I know you just have a lot on your mind. You’re worried.” Wonwoo looked at Jun’s eyes and realized that he knew.

“I just...” Jun continued. “I just hope that you don’t bottle it up. I can—I might be able to help you. I don’t know, if you want to talk or something. Anything.”

Jun’s gaze made Wonwoo wonder if this was what being loved felt like. It felt nice and soothing. Wonwoo had the sudden urge to bask in it.

“You don’t have to go through it alone.”

Those words were the answer. The words Wonwoo wanted to convey to Minghao. But he needed to be strong enough to tell them, enough for Minghao lean on, and catch him when he falls.

“Can I...” Wonwoo choked on his words. “I need to be strong... but it’s hard... Can I lean on you for a bit? So I can get back on my feet.”

“Of course.” Jun’s smile was like his gaze, with the exact same sincerity.

Wonwoo didn’t know if he fell first or Jun pulled him. For all he knew, he had his chin on Jun’s shoulder, body between Jun’s legs, back under the soft touch of Jun’s hand. Worries about Minghao’s well-being, disappointment in his own inability to help Minghao, fear of losing Minghao; everything melted away, slowly but sure in Jun’s embrace.

Minghao was back to replying his texts and didn’t object when Wonwoo wanted to visit him again. He told Wonwoo to come before 8, but it was difficult to make time between school and band practice, so Wonwoo ended up visiting on a Sunday. Minghao said it was a good time. When Wonwoo said he’d bring something for lunch and asked what Minghao’s mother liked, Minghao said not to bother since his mother worked on Sundays.

So Wonwoo prepared lunch for two people only. He also dropped by downtown to get some of those chicken balls he had with Jun on their date. Wonwoo blushed at the mere thought of the word “date”.

When he arrived at Minghao’s apartment building, he noticed Mingyu standing near the bottom of the stairs. The taller boy had his shoulder hunched; he somehow looked like a big, sad bear. A ridiculous sight, but Wonwoo couldn’t bring himself to laugh when he walked closer and saw Mingyu’s upset face.

“Mingyu.”

“Ahh!”

Mingyu let out a scream and his body jerked back. Their eyes met and Mingyu looked like he finally recognized Wonwoo.

“Sorry,” said Wonwoo.

“Nah...”

“Just got here, or...?”’

“Going home.”

“Okay. See you then,” said Wonwoo before walking towards the stairs. His steps stopped when Mingyu called him.

“Can you—Uhm... Is he doing okay?” Mingyu looked at him with a mixture of worry and desperation.

Wonwoo was confused. “Didn’t you just see him?”

“I saw him went through the door but when I knocked, he wouldn’t answer...” Mingyu gave an obviously forced laugh. “I guess it’s only natural, you know, I wouldn’t—ehm. Wouldn’t want to meet me either... I just want to know if he’s fine. He was still dragging his legs when I saw him earlier and he’s not replying my text so I don’t know how else to...”

Mingyu let his words hang. Wonwoo felt the frustration and worry, he truly sympathized with Mingyu. 

“He’s okay. His injuries are healing,” said Wonwoo gently. Seeing Mingyu like this affected him more than he thought it would. He tried to sound as reassuring as possible.

The strain on Mingyu’s face was disappearing and his body didn’t look as rigid as before. “That’s good. Good.” He said, almost like to himself.

Before saying goodbye, Mingyu said one more thing.”Wonwoo. Please... take care of him. He trusts you.” Wonwoo sensed bitterness in Mingyu’s voice, but his eyes were sincere.

Wonwoo nodded firmly. It was a vow he made to himself.

It was four days before Minghao’s suspension period ended. Usually Wonwoo would’ve been asleep around this time, but he felt thirsty and left his bed for the kitchen. When he came back, his phone was beeping. A call from Minghao.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” The other end of the line went silent for a while. Wonwoo let it.

“I uh... I’m in your neighborhood.”

Wonwoo couldn’t understand what was Minghao doing, it was almost midnight. But he didn’t hesitate when he said, “Come here. I’ll wait on the door.”

They cut the call and Wonwoo hurried downstairs while trying to not make a sound. He didn’t turn on the lights and it was fine since he’s familiar with everything even in the dark. He reached the front door without any accidents and opened it to wait outside, slightly regretting that he didn’t bring a jacket. Thankfully, Minghao appeared not long after.

They didn’t say anything as they walked into Wonwoo’s room. Minghao plopped down on the floor with his back on the side of Wonwoo’s bed.

“You want anything to drink?” said Wonwoo after he the lights in his room. Minghao shook his head so Wonwoo took a seat on the floor across him.

Minghao looked distraught and like he aged 10 years in just a few days. There’s also a new bruise on his left cheek.

“I didn’t fell from jumping. That leg injury from before.” he said suddenly. He was facing Wonwoo but not really not really looking at Wonwoo’s eyes. There was something like fear in Minghao’s wavering orbs.

“This one too. Not from a fight either. I’ve been in several during first year, with gangs from other school and street kids, but not anymore. Not in a long time.”

Minghao looked like he was struggling to move his lips and say the words, and to be honest, Wonwoo sensed that he wasn’t going to like what Minghao was going to say next. But he wouldn’t waste Minghao’s effort nor this precious moment of Minghao opening up to him.

“It’s my mom.”

Wonwoo thought that he heard something, a big rock hitting the bottom of a pit. Boom and Wonwoo’s stomach fell along with it.

“She’s always angry. Her job. Dad not being here. The alcohol.” Minghao continued. His face didn’t look so strained anymore. All the muscles loosened up, but not from relax. It was as if he was tired of being tired and just, decided to let go.

“I’m angry too. I’m angry—“ He gritted his teeth and his face back to being tensed just a little. “—that I can’t do anything. I don’t even stop her when she hits me.”

It crushed Wonwoo to see Minghao, who had always seemed so confident and sure of himself, looking so fragile and helpless. He tried to find Minghao’s eyes and was glad that Minghao was willing to meet his gaze. Gathering all strength into stomach, Wonwoo told Minghao what Jun said to him almost two weeks ago, making sure his voice was sure, so that Minghao knew.

“You don’t have to go through this alone.”

Minghao just stared before he nodded. It was rather difficult to discern since Minghao’s body was shaking, but he did nod, repeatedly. He kept nodding as tears traveled to his jaws and to the floor below, again and again.