[2013.12.05]

Ever since Naeun returned from our one-day date at the park, her condition had worsened drastically. The doctors had blamed me, accused me for deteriorating her health even further because I carried her on my back. I found it all nonsense yet, I couldn't help but to feel this bitterness in my heart, growing bigger. I continued to visit her everyday, hoping to make new memories and provide encouragement as the date of her operation was reaching closer.

Naeun talked lesser, her arms were thinner and lips were paler. 

Earlier I had discussed with her younger sister, Hayoung about the decision to let Naeun undergo the operation. It was a difficult situation but it was for the better, despite the mere 20% chances. Even so, I promised Naeun to take good care of Hayoung and treated her like my very own sister. She was just a mere high-schooler, innocent about the world. I couldn't have her to take the pain of losing the only sister she had, and I wanted to be there for her if that nightmare really came true.

I hope that it didn't.

A day before Naeun's operation. There had been a heavy snowfall outside as I came into the ward, tucked in the thickest clothes I could find in my closet.

"What are you laughing at Naeun-ah?" I asked.

"You look adorable. Your nose is so red, you're like Santa's reindeer." giggled Naeun softly.

"Oh really? Well, you can be my Santa then." I smiled as I sat down at my usual spot, hands warmly wrapped around hers.

"Hayoung's coming over today and she'll spent the night as well since the operation is tommorow." I said. There was only a nod from Naeun. The girl had gotten more quieter because she lacked the energy to talk for a long period of time.

"You have to promise me okay? Promise that you'll come back alive and well." I said, looking into her eyes. I then reached out for my pinky finger. Naeun reached hers out as we crossed our pinky fingers together.

"I promise." smiled Naeun weakly.

"Mm. A promise is a promise." I smiled while kissing her forehead.

The two of us quietly watched the snowflakes falling from the window, coated in a most watery vapour as the only warmth we had, was each other. Naeun had asked me to come to her side so that we could hug together, one last time before her operation begins.

"One last time"

I hated those words. It simply made me feel more uneasy.

Yet, I knew that I had to stay strong. It was for her.

24 hours till her operation.

I left Naeun's ward to allow Hayoung a private time with her sister. Time is beginning to tick away. As I faced my back against the wall, along the empty hospital corridors, I let out a sigh while placing my palms on my chest. It hurts. It hurts so much.

The hallway that I walked through for the past year, visiting Naeun every single day seemed like a second home to me. But why is it that today, this hallway seems to be consuming me in darkness? Why is it pulling me into a hole that I feel like I can never get out? It's so suffocating.

12 hours till her operation.

Both Hayoung and I spent the night in Naeun's ward, sitting side by side as we each took turns to keep an eye. Hugging the younger girl as we drifted off to dreamland, I could feel the shiver from Hayoung. Even from one look, I could tell that she was scared too. But knowing Hayoung, she was a strong girl. Never before would she show worry over her face. She was exactly like me, a person who had a shield over her actual feelings.

I couldn't really sleep. Occasionally I would open my eyes, hoping that I would see Naeun lying in that bed. It relieved my heart, when she was there, sleeping soundly.

I looked at her for a long time. Wanting to embrace every single detail, like a precious painting. Her delicate eyes, her cute nose, her gentle lips, I wanted to memorise everything in my heart.

5 hours till her operation

The doctors came in, saying that they had to start preparing Naeun for the operation. She was transferred to a different ward where she wore a gown and a hospital cap over her beautiful hair. 

"You look beautiful in any kind of outfit. Even in this gown." I smiled, caressing her forehead gently as I wanted to look into her eyes forever.

"Because I'm always beautiful in your eyes, right?" asked Naeun as she held onto my hands. Interwining my fingers in between, I didn't want to let go.

"You know me far too well, Naeun-ah."

2 hours till her operation.

"Hayoung-ah." said Naeun, calling her younger sister over. 

"Yes unnie?" The girl came over immediately.

"Promise me that you'll be a good girl and study hard okay?"

"I'll only promise that if you promise to return." pouted Hayoung.

Naeun smiled.

"You have to listen to Eunji unnie when I'm not around."

"Mm..." nodded the younger girl as she slowly fell silent.

I couldn't say anything much either. We were running out of time and all I could do, was to be by her side for as long as I can.

It came. Everything that we had dreaded each moment, was here. Even till the last second, I prayed and prayed. Hoping that time could just freeze like that, so that the clock wouldn't have to strike to the next hour. But it was time.

Doctors and nurses came in, as they prepared to transfer Naeun to the operation room.

Hayoung and I followed her as her bed was stopped right in front of the entrance. It was our last few moments, before she went in.

Naeun had already grown very weak the past hours, till she couldn't really form the words she wanted to say.

Holding onto her hands tightly, I looked into her eyes.

"Naeun-ah. You promised me. You promised me that you will come back. Right?" 

Naeun nodded lightly as her eyes did not move away from my gaze. It was as if, she too wanted to embrace every last image of me.

As her bed started to move into the room, the only words I could say was "I love you."

When the doors began to shut behind, I saw Naeun mouthing those same words, "I love you too." before the doors closed behind.

That was the last time I saw her.

My last memory with her.

For hours and hours, Hayoung and I waited anxiously, arms around each other as we were restless yet exhausted from the lack of sleep. It almost felt like forever. Staring at the clock that continued to tick away, one step at time, I began to hate clocks. I began to hate time, because it was taking too long.

2 hours.

3 hours.

4 hours.

5 hours.

All of a sudden, the doors were opened. Immediately, I walked straight up to the doctor who looked at me with sorry eyes.

He didn't say anything.

But simply, shook his head.

By then, I've never felt the world breaking apart so hard. It was as if something was pulling my heart, tearing everything into pieces. As my knees gave way, I sat on the floor in a blank state.

It felt like I turned deaf. All I could hear was Hayoung screaming, crying loudly before it turned into quiet sobs and later silence. That's all I could hear. I was blinded by everything else, I couldn't even hear the doctor.

My first, and my last love.

Died on the day of the winter.

The winter, that I hated so much.

[ONE MONTH LATER]

[2014.01.05]

I didn't know what was life. What was the point of living? Never before had I felt so blank inside, as if feelings never existed. Ever since Naeun passed away, I've lost the ability to express emotions. I didn't know what it was like to experience happiness, sadness, joy nor sorrow. I just felt like an empty hollow, waiting to die as my body rots.

Even during her post-mortem, even when I attended her funeral, even when I was there at her grave, I couldn't feel anything. My heart was numb and locked.

"Eunji-ya."

"Eunji-ya!"

"For god sakes, Jung Eunji! Look at me!" A girl shouted as she suddenly pulled my collar and stared at me. That's when I realised, she was my friend. My best friend, Yoon Bomi.

Even so, I couldn't say anything. It's not like there was a point in saying things to her.

"Why can't you get your damn senses back?! What the heck are you doing?! Cry dammit! I know you're feeling so hurt inside and you're locking yourself! I said cry! Let all those tears come out! I can't watch you suffer like that anymore!" The girl shouted at me, almost to the point that she was screaming. But I couldn't hear. 

I was already deaf, since Naeun was gone.

"God dammit Jung Eunji." Bomi sighed as she took something out of her pocket. Forcefully pulling my hand out, she placed a yellow piece of letter on my palms. "Read this. It's from Naeun. She wrote this before her operation." she said before leaving me alone at the park where I had my first and my last date with Naeun.

As I looked at the yellow piece of letter on my palm, I stared at it for a long time.

And then, I flipped it open.

It was a letter.

A letter from her.

Dear, Eunji unnie.

If this letter reaches you, I guess the operation didn't work. By the time you're reading this, I guess I'm probably up in the heavens where my mom and dad are. But I know that the one who would suffer the most, is you. I don't want you to feel regretful. From the day we met at the lecture hall, the time we had at that cafe and how we got closer through the years by your continual visits to my ward, I was always thankful for what you had done. Slowly, I found myself falling in love with you. And you, did the same. We were so happy in love, even though we didn't realise it wouldn't last forever. Even though I'm no longer by your side, I want you to move on. I want you to continue living. I want you to achieve the dreams that you wanted.

It's my final wish. I want you to be happy.

Thank you for falling in love with me, thank you for making all these precious memories with me, thank you for always being by my side,

Thank you for being who you are.

I will always love you,

Because I'll watch over you from the skies.

Love, Son Naeun.

Before I had even realised, tears formed in my eyes. Everything that I had kept locked inside me, overflowed like an ocean. Never before in my life, had I cried, scream and shout till my heart hurt. I was in so much pain that I couldn't stop my tears from flowing.

I hated myself so much in that moment.

I regretted falling in love with you.

But yet, if I didn't meet you,

Would I still be the same person I was before?

[2017.01.10 PRESENT DAY]

Now, 26 years old, Jung Eunji reflected back on her painful periods in life. Even till now, she had never forgotten the love of her life. Spending days just staring blankly at the large window of her apartment building, she didn't realise time had gone by so quickly like that.

It was then, her phone was ringing.

"Hello?" The girl picked up.

"What do you mean you got lost? Hayoung-ah, it's already been two years since you've gotten your driver's license and you still can't remember the roads?!" 

"I choose to remember what is important." The younger girl replied over the line.

Eunji scoffed. "Hey, you should at least remember how to get to my house!"

"It's not like I come over often anyway! You're the one who's always hanging out at my place!"

"Because I have to make sure that you're living fine by yourself!"

"I'm not a baby!"

"You still and forever will be a baby in my eyes, Hayoung-ah!"

"Ugh, whatever. I'll just follow the GPS. See ya later unnie." shrugged the younger girl.

"Okay, see you soon Hayoung-ah." said Eunji as she hung up.

The girl smiled.

"I promised you and I kept my promise. Hayoung's grown into a fine woman even though she does make me worry at times. Have you been watching her well Naeun-ah?" The girl mumbled to herself, staring into the window where the skies were.

Realising that Hayoung was coming over, the girl decided to clean her apartment. It had been quite a mess since she had been in and out of schedules the past week, since the release of her new album. Tossing scattered clothes into the basket, something fell on the floor. It was a very worn-out polaroid piece.

As Eunji picked it up, she smiled bitterly. It brought back memories again, happy yet painful ones. 

"So this is where it was. I thought I lost it." The girl mumbled to herself.

It was her first and last picture of Naeun. The day they had their date in the park, it was a very precious photo in which Eunji would carry it with her everywhere. Although she had lost it a few weeks ago, she was relieved to find it in the vicinity of her house. She still hasn't changed. She was still the old, messy person she was.

"How many years has it been since you left for the skies? 3 years? 4 years?" She continued to mumble talking to the photo.

"Don't worry about me Naeun-ah. I've been doing good. I'm now a popular singer loved by everyone because you told me to follow my dream. Hayoung's being a good girl as she managed to get her degree in Law and well, guys are coming after me. Quite a lot have confessed their love to me, even some girls too. But of course, I rejected every single one of them.

They can never beat you. 

"The you who gave me the evergreen in life"

When I close my eyes and open them, you're far away,
If I close my eyes and open them again, I can't see you,
I'm drawing you out again and my day is getting longer,
Where can I see you now?
Again today, I'm looking only for you.

I close my eyes, I cover my mouth but you seep out,
I call and call out to the moonlight that shines on me,
But your name that flows out makes me tear,
You promised that you would come back, you pinky swore.

-Apink, Promise U

-end-

A/N: It has been quite the emotional ride. Hold onto your tissues everyone. This is really the ending of Evergreen. Although I'm pretty known to produce happy endings for my fanfics, this is the first time where I broke that chain and had something quite depressive and bittersweet. I don't think I've fully tried on writing an angst fanfic before and thus, Evergreen became the product of it. Thank you everyone for reading and joining in the emotional rollercoaster. Don't hate me haha~ Let's see each other again in my future fanfics :) -pinkpanda419 (19/08/17)