[2013.06.15] Summer

Fainted? Diagnosed with fatigue and anorexia? My heart felt uneasy upon hearing that but then again, why should I care? In the end, Naeun is just a celebrity who just happened to be my partner for an assignment. It's not like we were friends or anything. I don't have any reason to be part of her life, so why should I worry? Why am I letting myself worry over her instead of my own education?

I sighed, walking away from the crowd that continued to gossip with each other. Looking up at the bright blue sky of that summer day, I told myself to forget about her. I shouldn't have had hopes. Hopes of meeting her again. Hopes of becoming friends with her. Celebrities are all like that and I feel like, if I get closer,

I might get hurt instead.

Returning back to my dorm, I was now attacked by my friend, Bomi who was obviously more upset over the news. 

"They are crazy! Shouldn't they at least prioritize her health first? Why are they making her to work so hard for? Ugh, I'm so mad Eunji-ya!" said Bomi with frustration as she banged the desk.

"Calm down. Getting angry won't get you anywhere Bom-ah." I said, patting her back.

"It's just not fair. It's because the company is so blinded by money, they're just forcing her to make more cash and not caring one about her. They're using her like a tool! A money maker!"

"I know. I know, Bom-ah. But what can we do? It's not like we have to power to do anything, do we?" I sighed, trying to not care so much about the issue, returning to my seat as I opened my textbooks and started to study. I'm not like them. I refuse to be like them. For all my life, I had wanted to be a good student who worked hard, get good grades and get a good degree to get a good job. I didn't want anything to go into my way.

I can't have her, in my path.

"Come on Eunji-ya! Aren't you concerned as well?!"

"Whatever, I have to finish my thesis." I mumbled.

"Eunji-ya~~~~" my friend whined in frustration.

"Come on, we have mid-terms coming up! And then only we will get a well-deserved summer break!" I reminded her, knowing fully well that Bomi wasn't quite rounded in terms of exams.

"Oh yeah, we have summer vacation soon! That means I can finally eat all I want without any worries!" she said as her face brightened up.

I laughed, finding it adorable as to how easy Bomi's mood could change so fast.

"Let's just forget about Naeun and just focus on studying okay?" I asked calmly.

"You're right. I don't want to get scolded by my parents again." Bomi laughed nervously, thinking about an unpleasant memory which she didn't want to return to.

The fire seemed to have settled down the following week. I guess, time really heals wounds. People soon accepted the fact that the great Son Naeun was now hospitalized, sick and hidden from the public's eye. It was slowly as if, they were beginning to forget her.

Days at the campus were now peaceful as I attended lectures and classes as usual, putting my full focus on the upcoming examininations before the long-awaited summer vacation. The same, boring routine that I had been doing everyday and every night. It's not like I can complain.

Or maybe things would've have been different, if she was around.

Slapping my cheeks and shaking my head, I shouldn't let my thoughts drift away. Why do I keep thinking about her? Why?

It's like a curse that has begun to haunt me. It won't stop.

Leaving the lecture hall as normal and wanting to head back to the dorms for a break, I spotted someone unsual at the gate. Tall, good body proportions and short, brunette hair, she didn't seem to be a student that studied her. I walked slower, further away as I observed her. She appeared to be looking for someone while occasionally staring at her cellphone. Who is she?

But then, why should I bother myself with that? I don't want to get involved in anything. 

Sneakily, I walked pass her like it was nothing, pretending that I didn't see.

"Excuse me."

My feet stopped and I sighed. Why is it always me?

"Yes?" I asked, turning my head around as I looked up at the girl. I felt intimated because she was so tall. Taller than Naeun.

"Do you know someone who goes by the name of...." she said while looking back at her phone to check. "Jung...Eunji?"

"Jung Eunji?" I asked with wide eyes.

"Mm." The girl nodded.

"Why are you looking for her?" I asked.

"Well, are you her?"

"Well, do you want me to help you?"

"I can't tell you because you're a stranger."

"You know, at this rate, you'll never find her." I sighed, trying to hold my laughter. Surprisingly, this girl in front of me was quite aloof and adorable at the same time.

"If you're not Jung Eunji, then I'm sorry for interrupting you. You can leave now."

"Please, I'm Jung Eunji so just tell me already." I said with a laugh.

"That's a lie."

"Do you need proof?"

"Yes."

I laughed again while taking out my ID card from my pocket.

"Here. Is it enough?" I said while showing it right in front of her eyes.

"Oh, you're right. You are Jung Eunji." the girl nodded with a fascinated look.

I laughed again, to the point where I had to gently hit her because it was a habit of mine.

"Sorry. Anyways, looks like I found the right person. I'm Oh Hayoung and I'm Son Naeun's younger sister."

"Younger sister?" I asked, with my eyes wide open. As far as I could remember from the articles I had read, Naeun never mentioned about having a younger sibling or rather, she has never spoken openly about her family before. After all, Naeun is a girl with a lot of secrets.

"Yes and I'm here because, she wants to see you."

"M-Me?" I stuttered in confusion. Why would a celebrity like her would want to meet someone as lowly as me? Or rather, why is Naeun getting involved in my life once again? Why are our paths always crossing each other?

"But why?"  I asked again.

"Because you are her only friend." said Hayoung with pleading eyes.

I can't believe I'm doing this. 

Glancing at the tall Hayoung beside me as we entered the hospital, I couldn't believe that I agreed on this. What was I thinking?! Heading up to the counter and personally registering ourselves as visitors, we were soon allowed to enter the lift that took us to the seventh floor of the building, to the ward of patient Son Naeun.

"Unnie's in this room over here. Let's go." said Hayoung as she was about to open the door. But instead, I froze in my footsteps.

"What's wrong?" the girl asked, looking at me confused.

"Ah, no. It's nothing. Let's go see her." I said, putting up a smile. But actually, I was worried. I was scared of meeting her again. Because I feel like, I might lose again. 

Because secretly, I missed her so much.

As the door slowly opened and the rush of cold air from inside, there she was. Son Naeun.

The frail, clumsy girl that I knew who would smile at my little, silly jokes, was there. All cuddled up in her bed, with tubes connected to her body as she slept silently in her own dreamland. For a moment, my heart fell watching her in that condition. But then, I was happy because I met her again. 

After everything that I had tried to do, no matter how much I wanted to forget about her, 

She came back in my life again.

For awhile, Hayoung and I sat in silence as we didn't want to disturb her. Glancing at Hayoung, she was preoccupied in her phone, playing all kinds of games. The only thing I could look at in this room, was Naeun. Although she was sleeping, she looked so beautiful like that. It was almost like a still-painting.

Her cute little nose, her gentle, soft lips and her pale-white skin, it was perfect in every angle.

"Why are you suddenly turning red, Eunji unnie?" whispered Hayoung as she looked at me with a confused face.

"M-Me? My face is red?" I stuttered in a whisper.

"Yeah, like totally red." nodded Hayoung.

"Crap." I sighed as I facepalmed myself realising what I had done. Just thinking about Naeun, is making me crazy. But instead, I could only hear a soft chuckle from the younger girl.

"What are you laughing at?" I asked.

"Nothing." The girl sneered as I looked at her with a frown. It was suspicious, as if she knew something that I didn't.

"Oh! Naeun unnie's awake!" said Hayoung as she stood up from her seat and went straight to her side. Me on the other hand, felt nervous than ever. The younger girl helped her sister into an upright position, adjusting the angle of the bed as she pulled her chair over. Anyone could tell that they had a very close bond with each other.

"Hi, Naeun-ah." I smiled awkward, raising my right hand as she smiled back weakly. It was as if she wanted to use all of her remaining strength to smile at me, because she was glad. Relieved, that I was here.

But yet, I felt sorry. Because I chose to ignore her, even though I was deeply concerned, I didn't want to show it. Because I was afraid of getting involved, I was afraid that she would interfere in my life again. Yet, it was all too late.

I made a decision.

A resolution.

I won't let that happen ever again.

"Come on, let's get you some water, Naeun-ah" I said, with instinct, getting things prepared. Doing whatever I can, I vowed myself to never take things for granted anymore.

I wanted to take care of her. I wanted to protect her.

I didn't want to make the same mistakes again.

Not because she is a celebrity, but because she's just a clumsy, frail dongsaeng.

"Naeun-ah, I have exams coming up so I won't be able to visit you often and Hayoung told me that she has to attend a summer camp at her high school meaning there won't be anyone to take care of you. But I promise, to come over at least once a week. When my summer vacation starts, I'll be right by your side. Alright?"

"Mm, Eunji unnie.."

"What?"

"Thank you."

[2013.07.02]

 I promised her.

Immediately after my final paper, I left quickly like a wind from the examination hall and headed straight to the hospital. Knowing that she would be all alone by herself, I knew how it felt and no one likes to be in solitude especially when you're sick. Walking with quick steps, I recieved a text message from Bomi.

"Eunji-ya, where are you? Let's hang out! It's the start of our summer vacation!"

"Sorry, I have something to attend today. Maybe later!" I replied quickly before silencing my phone, putting it into my pocket and headed inside the hospital building.

"Oh, it's you again." the nurse said with a smile.

"Yep." I nodded.

"As usual, just sign here and you're free to go."

"Alright." I said as I took the pen. As I looked at the list of visitors for Naeun, it was empty except for my signatures, placed everywhere for each week. "Here." I said handing the book back.

"Thank you. Miss Naeun must be very happy to have someone visit her every week."

"Oh, no it's nothing really."

"It's sad because even her co-workers from the same company didn't even bother to visit her. It's like they tossed her aside because she was no longer of use. But, at least there are still good people in the world. People like you." the nurse smiled.

"A-Anyways, I should get going." I stuttered, walking towards the lift as I headed towards Naeun's ward.

Just like what I did every week, I thought of good jokes that would make her laugh, I thought about what kind of stories to tell her today so that she wouldn't get bored, I thought of everything I could do to make her happy.

I didn't do this out of pity. I didn't do this because I was sorry. 

I did because I love her.

"Naeun-ah, are you feeling better today?" I asked with a smile.

"Mm. Thanks to you, unnie." she nodded while eating watermelons that I had cut earlier.

She has been getting better, at least. She was much livelier, energetic and smiled much more compared to before. And that was all I needed. Even though she still had to be in a wheelchair because she was not in a state to walk yet, I believe she will get well soon. I pray.

"Unnie."

"Hm?"

"What are your plans for summer vacation?"

"Well, I'm going to take care of you."

"Don't do that."

"Your sister won't have time to take care of you and there's no one else who will do it except for me."

"But..."

"It's okay. It's okay Naeun-ah. Don't worry about it."

"...Alright." said Naeun as she looked out at the window, where the bright, hot summer was.

"If only I wasn't this careless, we could've gone on a summer vacation together. Go on a membership training camp, swim at the beach, eat ice cream together, dance to summer songs or even go for a drive.."

"Don't blame yourself. It just couldn't be helped. All you have to do now, is to focus on getting well, okay?"

"Mm..." Naeun nodded as she turned and looked into my eyes for a moment. As I looked back into hers, I freezed. Why was she doing this? Does she know how fast my heart beats whenever she stares into my eyes?

"Y-Yes Naeun-ah?"

"Unnie, can I ask a favour?"

"What is it?"

"Can I go outside and breathe the fresh air for awhile?"

"Alright." I agreed without hesitation as I proceeded to bring the wheelchair over, helping Naeun as I took the IV drip along, while pushing it out to the corridor.

As we moved out to the small, little garden that the hospital had, it was just us and no one else. Soaking under the warm rays of the sunshine as we paused to look up at the clear blue sky, there was a moment of silence as Naeun kept herself occupied by the view. Just this silence, was enough for the both of us. No words were needed to further explain anything.

"Eunji unnie..."

"Hm?"

"Do you know that you're like the sun?"

"Me? The sun? Why would I be the sun?" I asked with a chuckle.

"Because you're always bright, full of energy and always able to make people laugh. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have anyone else to rely on and I'm thankful for that."

"Naeun-ah.."

"Honestly, I was scared of being alone. When I first decided to enter college despite still working, it was because I wanted to live like a human. I was envious of people who had friends and had so much fun at their age while I'm always working, and working till there's no end. My life has always been so dark and closed, I didn't fully understand what it was like to be part of society. Not until, I met you. The you, that is like the sun."

I stayed in silence, trying to embrace the words Naeun wanted to convey. It was so rare of her to suddenly confess like that and it was interesting to know what was in her heart. Her true feelings.

"If I'm the sun, then you're the moon." I said with a smile.

"Like a beautiful moon in the clouds, you gave me the light to my path. You gave me a reason in life Naeun-ah." I confessed.

"Me?"

"Mm. Before I met you, I was honestly dying. I dreaded everything I did, I felt suffocated to such a mundane, boring lifestyle to the point where I felt like I was just doing things for the sake of it. I lost my way. But you, Naeun-ah, gave me the light. It gave me something that I could look forward to everyday and you put me back to the right track."

"I..I didn't know that you felt that way...Eunji unnie....but I'm glad that I was able to help you." said Naeun as she turned her head around, wanting to maintain eye-contact with me even though I was behind her, handling the wheelchair.

Looking into her beautiful eyes like that, I couldn't handle myself anymore.

"You made me go crazy so many times Naeun-ah and I realise just how much I'm a fool. I kept losing my battles and I've lost my pride several times. I feel so shameless looking back at what I've done. But now, I don't want to keep regrets in my heart anymore."

"What are you rambling about Eunji unnie?"

"Nothing. Don't mind me" I smiled. I'll tell you one day, when I'm ready.

"Let's head back shall we? Before your doctor comes chasing after me."

"Alright, Eunji unnie." smiled Naeun with a nod.

[2013.07.31]

It had been many weeks and time flew so fast. I didn't even realise that I really spent my entire summer vacation, going to the hospital everyday to visit Naeun instead of hanging out with my friends. It was already time, to start the third semester of my degree.

"What are you writing down unnie?" asked Naeun as she eyed on the paper I was scribbling on, while I was busy sky-watching the hospital windows.

"Lyrics. Have you forgotten that I'm a music major?"

"No, I didn't. But I didn't know that you write songs."

"It's actually my first time doing it. It's an assignment."

"What kind of song are you writing?"

"I don't know actually. I'm just jotting down whatever that comes into my mind."

"I see. When the song is finished, can I hear it?"

"Of course!" I smiled. "You'll be my first guest!"

I actually want to write a song, for you.

Days and weeks continued on like that, Naeun didn't seem to have much change. It's not like she was getting any better or any worse, I'm not sure how to feel. I wondered, when is she ever going to be discharged? When is she ever going to get well? How long will she stay in that bed? When can I see her walk again?

Many questions are left unanswered, but I didn't want to ask her, thinking it might make her uncomfortable. I felt like there was something else I should know, something that is kept masked from my knowledge.

Trailing down the corridor as I always did, I noticed someone familar from afar, sitting alone, heads tucked in between her knees, curled into a little ball.

"Hayoungie?" I asked, noticing her long legs. Immediately, I noticed the girl flinch upon hearing my voice as she suddenly turned away.

"What's wrong?" With worry, I held onto her wrist and noticed that it was trembling. That's when I knew, something wasn't right. 

"Hey, it's okay. What's wrong?" I asked again, in a calmer, gentle tone. Sitting beside the curled-up girl, I wrapped my two arms around her and patted her back gently. That's when I heard her silent whimpers. Her silent sobs. She was crying.

I didn't want to say anything else as I let the girl, cry in my arms.

After awhile, she had settled down as I proceeded to wipe her tears with my hands. Boy, Hayoung's face was a mess.

"I'm sorry you had to see me like this, Eunji unnie..."

"It's alright. There's no one at home and it's probably hard to tell what you're going through to your high school mates. It's hard living a life without parents because you only have your sister."

"What if I lose her too, unnie?" Hayoung sobbed, gripping tightly onto my shirt.

I paused as my brain tried to process what I had just heard. That can't be true.

"You were going to visit her today right?"

I nodded quietly.

"Naeun unnie suddenly collapsed this morning. She's in the ICU unit right now but she was fighting for her life this afternoon in an operation. I..don't know what's going on...she was fine yesterday and the day before..."

"What if Naeun unnie never opens her eyes again? What if Naeun unnie dies?" she continued while looking into my eyes, whose light had died inside.

That's when reality hit me.

That I could really lose my everything. That I could lose her.

--

A/N: Just when Eunji had wanted to start everything fresh and anew, her world seems to be crumbling down again. Do share your thoughts on this chapter and I will update soon!