[2013.09.10] Autumn

Every now and then, it was normal for Naeun to collapse on alternative days. She was getting weaker, her skin was paler but she was always smiling. I always made an effort to pay her a visit everyday, even when I had a morning class the next day or an upcoming exam, I didn't want to miss a single day spent with her.

I wasn't able to get much explaination from the doctor either. I was iffy about it, because I could tell he was hiding something from me. But either way, news articles came out about Naeun and her contract being revoked due to declining health. It was only then, people realised that there was once, a celebrity called Son Naeun. It's funny how the moment you're out of the spotlight, you're slowly forgotten by the public as if all of the efforts you've worked so hard are just tossed away like that.

Thrown away because the society is moving so fast, it's hard to stay put.

"It's getting cold these days." said Naeun in a soft mumble. She was always looking out at her favourite window beside the desk, no matter rain or sunshine, she loved watching the skies. Almost, as if it was her companion.

"That's why I brought you a blouse to keep you warm." I said, taking out while gently placing it around Naeun's shoulder.

"You didn't have to." The girl giggled shyly. I always loved it when she smiles. 

"Come on, don't lie. You like it when someone gets presents for you." I grinned.

Soon, we were back to silence. It was normal to have these quiet moments as Naeun would often be in deep thought while I would just look at her, wanting to embrace every single image of her in my heart forever.

"Unnie. Can I ask you a favour?"

"What is it?"

"Can you take care of Hayoung for me?"

"What are you saying Naeun-ah? I've always been taking care of her like my own sister." I said, slightly flustered by her sudden request. I felt strange, as if she was going to leave me. Forever.

"Mm. Besides hearing stories of her struggling in school, she talks about you a lot." Naeun smiled.

"Oh really? What does she say about me?"

"That you're always treating her out for meals at my Naeun-themed cafe, helping out with her homework and sometimes singing her lullabies to sleep. You're more like her mother than a sister."

"Well, I only take her out for meals because no one stops by the cafe anymore..." I mumbled, realising how depressing it sounded. It was true, customers have dropped rapidly and I wouldn't be surprised to suddenly recieve a letter that the cafe was going bankrupt. It seemed just like yesterday when I worked hard everyday trying to entertain huge crowds of customers. But now, its nothing but a ghost town.

"It happens." said Naeun, managing to hear my mumble. "I used to be popular but now, I'm forgotten because I'm sick. And I'm not getting any better either."

"Don't say that Naeun-ah! You'll get better alright? You're going to get better and then, we can start going to university together. We can be in the same classes, do assignments together and have a lot of fun just like normal people!"

Naeun could only smile bitterly.

It was then, I held her hand warmly, interwining my fingers in between as I looked into her eyes.

"I'm never letting you die. I'll promise you that."

"Thank you Eunji unnie."

I wanted to hold her hands longer, but the doctor had to interrupt us halfway, saying that he was running a check. 

I was forced to get out to wait, but I couldn't help but to get suspicious.

Just what is Naeun's actual condition? I'm pretty sure there's more to just a simple "fatigue" and "anorexia". I didn't want to ask Naeun personally because I feel like I might hurt her. I couldn't ask Hayoung either, she's already hurt enough. I was on my own.

"Why are you looking so down Eunji-ya?" a familar voice appeared from behind as I raised my head up from the desk. It was my good, old, best friend, Yoon Bomi. Despite sharing the same room, we haven't been seeing each other often as we further deeper into our own semesters. Or rather, she would spend her time going on dates with her girlfriend, Chorong than me. 

"Bom-ah, I feel really uneasy."

"About what?"

"I feel like they're hiding something y'know? But I know it's wrong to peek into someone else's business."

Bomi was my one and only friend whom I could turn to. For this whole year, she was still loyal to Naeun as a fan unlike the others. In fact, I did let her visit one time and boy, she was so loud that she was already banned from visiting on the first try. Serves her right.

"My friend, you're too kind." said Bomi as she hung her arm around my shoulder.

"What do you mean?"

"Ah, you're such a frustrating person you know?"

I arched my eyebrow, puzzled at Bomi's words.

"Why are you being such a coward? Why can't you just straight up tell Naeun that you love her before it's too late? Why can't you just man up and ask them? What's so bad about hurting? If she's really going to die, it's better than having time to accept the reality then having it hit hard when it hurts!"

"Hey, don't say it like that."

"It doesn't work like that Bomi. Why are you even mentioning about me loving Naeun? I-"

"Because it's too obvious that you love her but you're too scared to take the step before it's too late!" said Bomi, suddenly breaking out in a rage.

"What's wrong with you? Why are you getting angry all of a sudden?"

"Look Eunji-ya." She sighed. "I want you to be happy. You've already gone through so much during this past year when you met Naeun. It's like a rollercoaster ride that doesn't seem to end. I've already had my happy ending with Chorong unnie but what about you? Are you just going to keep quiet, continue being friends with Naeun like it's nothing? When are you going to tell her your true feelings? For all you know, she could just disappear and-"

"Shut up."

"Sorry." Bomi stood up from her seat. "Think about it Eunji-ya. Get your senses back together and stop playing around the bush!"

I guess, that's what best friends are for. 

Her words really did pull a knock on my head. 

I told myself that I wasn't going to have anymore regrets and here I was, about to make the same mistake again.

Because I was too stupid, too scared.

The following day, I visited Naeun after my classes. Like normal, she was smiling even though she didn't have much energy to do so. She ate her food and often read the books that she requested to be borrowed from the school library. We would chat about normal things, sometimes deeper conversations that were more philosophical but it's probably because, we ran out of topics to talk about. But today, I decided. Even though I knew that I was going to hurt her but it feels like Naeun had prepared her heart for what was coming. 

When I opened the door today, Naeun looked at me with a different gaze.

"You're early today, unnie." she smiled, as if she was anticipating something.

"Yeah, the lecturer went off earlier than I had expected. Here, these are your favourite bread from the local bakery." I said, placing down the plastic bag on the table.

"You don't need to spend your money on these luxurious goods all the time unnie."

"It's okay. You're probably sick of eating hospital food."

"True." she smiled as the silence returned.

I watched her quietly as she popped the bread into , eating and savouring every flavour that she could. That's when I prepared myself, to find the answers.

"Naeun-ah."

"Mm?" The girl turned at me with her stuffed cheeks. It was too adorable but I had to resist myself from pinching it.

"I want to ask you something. But I feel like I might hurt you."

"More like you've been wanting to ask me since the beginning, right?"

"You knew?" I said, arching my eyebrows in surprise.

Naeun laughed. It was like music to my ears.

"Unnie, you're a very easy person to read."

"R-Really?"

"It's true. The news faked the fact that I was diagnosed with fatigue and anorexia. It was all mediaplay."

"Then, what is your actual condition?" I asked carefully. It was then, I noticed Naeun avoiding eye contact as she stopped chewing her bread.

"But are you going to be okay? You'll feel worse if you know the truth."

"It's alright. I've already prepared myself." I said, heading closer while holding onto her hands.

"I have a brain tumour." 

Did I hear that right? Or was I hallucinating? That can't be true.

"The doctors told me to choose between two. To either live off the numbered days that I have left or to undergo an operation to remove it. However, there is a 80% risk that I might die during the operation because I was born with anemia. So I chose not to do it."

I lowered my head, trying to hide the tears that formed in my eyes. Why am I crying? I'm usually a strong woman who knew how to control her emotions but here I am, almost becoming a baby. I was embarassed yet, I could feel the hole in my heart getting bigger. It was then, I could feel Naeun's caressing her fingers along my hair.

"I'm sorry for not telling you earlier."

"I-It's okay. At least, I know." I said, looking up as I saw the change in Naeun's expression, upon seeing my watery eyes. I could see the amount of hurt through her face as I quickly wiped the tears away.

"S-Sorry, these tears came out of my own will, I couldn't have-"

"Come over here unnie." said Naeun in a gentle tone, patting over the empty space on her bed. I sat down, still trying to stop my tears from flowing out.

"Because my days are numbered, I don't want to keep regrets in my heart when I die."

There was silence after that. My heart was pounding so hard, because this was the closest I've been to Naeun. I've always been seeing her from afar, the most was holding her hands but never this close. I could almost feel her breath against her neck.

"I love you Eunji unnie." The girl confessed. "It's okay if you-"

Before Naeun could even continue, I moved forward and planted her lips onto hers. I had been holding back for so long, to reach for those delicate lips but I was afraid that these romantic feelings for her were simply one-sided. But I knew my answer upon hearing those three magical words.

I had never felt so relieved in my life, to think that the great Son Naeun, loves me too.

"I want to spent every single moment of the remaining days that I have with you. Even though I know that you will be hurt in the end."

"I want you to do the operation." I said with persistance.

"Unnie..."

"I believe there is still hope in that 20% that the doctor said. I can't have you just wasting your life like that, when there is a chance for you to live again."

"But I might die."

"You won't."

There was silence again. Taking a glance at her, she was deep in thought.

"Okay." she decided with nod yet was nervously biting her lip. "I....do it." Naeun said with much reluctance. "If it's your wish, I'll do it. You've always been by my side, taking care of me. I haven't been able to do anything for you unnie. That's why, I want to believe in a chance too."

"That's my girl." I smiled while caressed her hair. Immediately, I could see a light flush across Naeun's face. I guess, my words fluttered her a lit. I couldn't help but to grin widely as I pinched her cheeks. She was just too adorable in this state.

"But.." She said while clearing . "Before I tell the doctor about my decision, can I ask for something?"

"Of course, what is it?"

"Can we go on a date together?"

My eyes lit up upon that idea. "Definitely!"

"But with my condition like that..."

"Don't worry! I'll handle that!" I said with confidence.

The time was ticking and I wanted to spend every single moment I could with her. 

My first and my last love.

Weeks after trying to persuade the doctors to let Naeun out of the hospital just for a short day trip, even if it was only two hours, the permission was granted. I was overjoyed and Naeun was even happier. With autumn around, it was the perfect weather to go on dates. My first date with her.

Pushing her wheelchair while carrying her IV drip around, we visited the local park as the trees were painted in beautiful auburn colours. Never before had I seen Naeun smiling so brightly, she was so happy to finally be free from her ward. Her happiness, equals to my happiness.

"Unnie! Look at that bird, it's really big!" said Naeun in excitement as she looked up, pointing her finger to the tree above her.

"Wow! I've never seen a bird like that before. Maybe it only comes during autumn time." I said, taking out my polaroid camera, snapping a photo of it.

We had a very simple date, just sitting around and admiring the autumn trees, while inhaling the fresh air. 

"Naeun-ah, let's take a picture together." I said, positioning my polaroid camera in front, for a selca. As I crouched down beside her wheelchair, Naeun suddenly pulled me closer, wrapping my hands in her arms as there was a loud click. 

"Ah..it took the photo.." I said, taking the polaroid out from the camera. Looking at the completed picture, for some reason my heart fluttered. It was my first photo with Naeun. The first photo with the person I fell in love with.

"Let's take another." said Naeun with a smile.

"Alright! Let's take as many as we can!" I insisted with a laugh. We went and did different types of poses, pretty ones, ugly ones, funny ones, it was a lot of fun. I never knew Naeun had this playful side of her.

As we continued to walk along the path of the park, there was a small road that we could take that lead us to a landscape view of Seoul. But the problem was, we had to climb and it was near impossible for a wheelchair to go through that path.

"It's okay. Let's just go back. I don't want the doctors to get worried." said Naeun. But I knew from hearing her tone, she was clearly disappointed. I promised to make every single moment I could with her so that she can never have any regrets. With a deep breath, I went in front of her wheelchair and crouched down.

"Get on. I'll carry you there." I said, ready to do anything for her. Even if it means, breaking my back.

"Unnie, it's okay. You don't have to do this."

"Do it before I start dragging your wheelchair all the way up." I teased.

Naeun had a slight pout but she did as I said. Carefully wrapping her arms around my neck as I comfortably tucked her legs in between my arms, she was much lighter than I had expected. Feeling her breath against my neck, my heart fluttered for a moment. I hope that she wouldn't be able to hear my heart pounding so loudly.

With a grunt, I stood up with Naeun on my back. I laughed, hearing the girl slightly shout because she was scared of falling off.

"It's okay. I'm here Naeun-ah." I said, tightening my grip.

"Y-You better don't dare to drop me." She warned.

"Shall I?" I teased as I playfully slanted my body to the side, as if I was going to drop her to the floor.

"Unnie!"

"I'm just joking!" I laughed. "Come on, let's go see what the city looks like up there." I smiled as I proceeded to climb the steep steps, leading to the top of the hill.

With deep breaths and sweat trickling down my neck, I refused to give up. There were just a few more steps till we reached the top, I wanted Naeun to see the view, because it might be her last time doing so.

"Unnie.."

"Naeun-ah. I'm going to do everything I can, so that you won't have any regrets. I don't want you to feel sad." I said with a grunt, taking one last, big step as we were finally at the top of the hill. Immediately, our sight was cleared with a breath-taking view of the metropolitan city of Seoul. Because we were so high up, it was like seeing ants at work. Small, tiny cars zooming past the streets, buildings that looked like toys and the endless horizon paved across that would go on forever, it was a beautiful sight.

For awhile, there was silence as the two of us were just too engrossed in the view, especially with the appearance of the setting sun, basking within the orange sunlight. I had completely forgotten about the pain and the sore flowing through my body, because it was simply amazing to look at.

"Eunji unnie."

"What?"

"I love you."

I smiled. Of course, my heart started to pump again.

"I love you too Naeun-ah."

"I wish this moment would last forever." she said.

"If only we could build a world that's just perfect for the two of us, everything would've been good."

"If there was a world like that, you can be the sun while I'll be the moon."

"But doesn't that mean that I wouldn't be able to see you? The sun stays in the day while the moon takes over the night. It's impossible for us to meet." I said, before realising what she meant.

"Even so, we still live in the same universe. Even though we're far apart, we're always watching each other, even in the skies." said Naeun as her gaze was focused at the view.

I knew what she was trying to say. As much as I wanted to avoid the fact that Naeun could disappear all of sudden, I didn't want that to come so soon. If only time could freeze like that, if only a miracle could happen, so that we can stay together forever.

It was then, I felt a soft peck on my cheek.

"Thank you Eunji unnie." Naeun said softly.

"What for?"

"For everything."

I smiled yet I felt bitter inside. Naeun's words had created a big hole in my heart, yet her gentle kiss was healing the wound. There were mixed feelings in my heart.

I don't want you to die yet.

Don't leave me.

Within a blink of an eye, winter had arrived. 

The date of Naeun's operation was growing closer,

And the day of my fate was coming near.

--

A/N: Eunji and Naeun who had confessed their feelings for each other and wanted to spent every single moment together before the fateful day. Despite the doctors saying that there was only 20% chance of Naeun surviving the operation, was it still a better choice than living her numbered days away? The next chapter marks the last of Evergreen. Stay tuned for the grand finale and do, prepare your hearts. :)