Upon the sound of chimes resonating from his back pocket, Jeonghan reached around and grabbed the phone that was nestled there. Humming to himself, he opened his phone and read the text that he got from somebody he wanted to not think about at the time being. Reading it, rolling his eyes shortly after, and pocketing the device before sifting through racks of clothing trying to find something decent.

Nothing seemed to provoke his interest, and he didn’t think any of them would fit the child after all; and he knew how opposed to fitting rooms the boy was when he was grumpy. He turned his head to look down at the small child, who was not paying mind to his father and fiddled with something in his hands, held up a shirt at arm’s length to size up the match with his eyes, then shook his head in disapproval before he set it back on the rack.

Another chime had his attention drawn, and he internally had a fit, he knew who this would be and at the time being, he had no time, effort, or want to speak to this man. He did not bother to open his phone.

Jeonghan swept the hair out of his face before taking his son by the hand and leading him away to a different area, scanning intently for the nice dress shirts that hung the metal racks.

He sighed. “Help me out here, Yoon, do you see anything?” The boy looked up, whipped his head left and right before shrugging acutely, pointing to a rack of long sleeved white shirts, and Jeonghan figured he had nothing to lose. Stalking over, remembering to take smaller steps with the young boy in tow, he repeated his actions.

“Ah!” He pulled a shirt from the mess and looked at it and smiled. He nodded to himself, and almost put it on his arm to bring to the front without consulting his son (Yes, he does ask his son’s opinion before he buys him clothes he might not like). “Look, Yoonsan, this is the one! You would look so-” A shrill ring broke his sentence, signing that he had a phone call coming through. He sighed again, gave one spare look at the child who was mindlessly wandering through the hanging shirts and answered his phone.

“Hello?” He tried to sound professional- he was in public after all- but both the caller and receiver knew the act was fake.

“Jeonghan, can’t you just reply to my messages? It’s important.” The voice sounded through the device, and Jeonghan rolled his eyes.

“Why? I am not in the house at the moment and I don’t have time for discussion, I have had no time to find a proper outfit for Yoonsan with work filling my schedule, and just this call is taking up a lot of it.” He didn’t even try to hide his bitterness. Why should he?

He heard the man sigh over the receiver. “Jeonghan, if you would just let me see my kid I think you would be fine.”

“And why should I do that? So you can introduce him to that other man you have roaming around your house? So I can hear him come home talking about how great he is to my child? No, I don’t think so.”

“He is our child; he has my last name. I think for once I should be able to see him again.”

“Seungcheol, you lost rights to that when you…” He paused. He didn’t want to speak of it. “You know what, listen, I’m not bringing Yoonsan over to you. If you wanted to keep seeing him, maybe the effort to keep our relationship alive would have helped.”

Jeonghan heard steady breathing, and then a long exhale, followed by more words. “Don’t you get it? I miss my son. I don’t want him forever thinking I’m a bad man because you won’t let him leave your house in fear of him favoring me, or something ridiculous, probably, right?” Jeonghan didn’t respond. “I don’t want him thinking I’m a wanted man because you keep him under your wing, it can’t last forever, Jeonghan.”

“And? He should think you are a bad man, after everything you put me through, everything you put us through. You are not seeing him. I’m not going to let him know what hell you put me through. I’m not letting him get so acquainted with someone who couldn’t be satisfied with one person, with someone who had to ruin what we had.” No response. “It’s not happening. This conversation is over, Seungcheol.” He hung up promptly, and resumed what he had done before he had been interrupted, and now he couldn’t find it in him to put his full attention on the task at hand.

Jeonghan was stuck between a rock and a hard place. One being his daily life and hectic work schedule, and the other being his ex-husband, Choi Seungcheol. Being high school lovers turned spouses had been the dream come true, and the ride following it was no less exciting. Head over heels and elbow deep in the sea of love, Jeonghan saw no better way to live his life. They got married after five years of being together, right after college, and following the second year, they wanted to adopt, it had been something they talked over since their third year in, and it had been a dream of Jeonghan’s to start a family.

The first year of having Choi Yoonsan was everything he could have asked for, the perfect man for his 2-year-old son and the perfect life. Jeonghan had been so content with the life he had been living, and it still breaks his heart that the man of his dreams couldn’t reciprocate the feelings. Jeonghan had found out Seungcheol was cheating when a text came to his husband’s phone under the name ‘Jisoo’, and Seungcheol had claimed it was a friend from work. For nights upon nights and days upon days, it tore Jeonghan apart, because the more time that passed, the more evidence there was. The smell of lingering cologne that neither of them wore, hastily covered up with Seungcheol’s own, the strewn mess of his tie and hair, the claims that it had been a long day for him, and the ongoing incoming text messages from the same Jisoo.

Jeonghan had been disgusted with him, that he would go for a woman after nearly seven years of being with each other with no interruptions, and on top of that, it had to be as soon as they had someone to call their own. Every day that came and gone, he felt more and more worn down by the weathering effects of the relationship, and he knew he needed to bring it up, or else he could have lived years with knowing he was being cheated on. It came to a head when Jeonghan had asked why he was texting Jisoo so much, and what his interest in her, and his suspicion only inflated more when he was corrected that it was not a woman, but a man, and Jeonghan put his heart aside and asked if they had anything, in the past, in the present.

Denial was what followed, for weeks on end and after the confrontation the way they acted around each other would be forever skewed. Jeonghan blamed himself for bringing it up, he wanted his Seungcheol back, he didn’t want to sit nights upon night’s listening to him sleep soundly from the farthest edge of the bed. He didn’t want to live in a world where he couldn’t make eye contact with the person who had been the figure of his biggest dreams because he knew there was someone else. The self-hatred led him to something that neither of them had ever done due to trust and respect, but Jeonghan couldn’t live with curiosity and emotional pain breathing down his neck. When Seungcheol was absent for a moment, he read through the messages between him and Jisoo, and his stomach twisted and his eyes burned at the received messages of want and hidden lust and the confessions of love that should have been saved to say to Jeonghan verbally, not this person through text.

The fight that had followed still sticks with Jeonghan, still something he regrets even thinking about, regrets the words he said but at the same time knew he needed to leave him, he knew he needed to leave the man who was going under the false pretense that everything was going to be okay. The fear of all of this was how he was going to tell his son. The fear that he would wake up and he would be alone in the house, his ex-lover and his son gone with no traces, but it was the opposite, only the half emptiness of their closet and a cold right side of the bed was what he woke to.

He hated to think of the way it went down with his son, how he had to tell him with held back tears in his eyes that Seungcheol had treated him very badly, and he couldn’t live with them anymore. Luckily for Jeonghan, the child’s tears at the loss of his other father did not last very long, only a day or two, but Jeonghan’s own could have filled pools. The absence of the other man was filled for his child with his friends, who supported him in times that they could not imagine happening to them. Mutual friends of theirs stemming from Jeonghan turned their backs on Seungcheol, and Jeonghan couldn’t have been more thankful that he had people as great as this.

The fear often lived inside his chest that he was not a good single father, that he had no way to show his son that he was trying his best because he was so young, but it was crushed with every time he made Yoonsan smile, or laugh, and when he crept into his bed at night because the monsters under his bed were scaring him. Jeonghan wished that he could run away from his monsters the same way, but he had to hold up because he could not show a weak face to the sun of his life.

It brings them to where they are now, living in a small, but roomy for the two of them, apartment on the outskirts of town, shopping for a dress shirt for Yoonsan because his best friend was getting married in two weeks. The thought of being in a ceremony like that brings back unwanted memories, and though Soonyoung had assured him that if he was going to have traumatic flashbacks he did not need to attend the wedding and he nor Jihoon would be offended, he insisted that he needed to come, because hell, his best friend was getting married. He can’t miss the scene that ceremony would be.

The clothes in front of his face quickly became colorless blur, and he was about to go searching again before he remembered he had a shirt in hand. Picking it back up, he turned to address his son yet again. “Yoonsan, do you like this? It’s not bad, I think. What do you think?” He stood there for a solid few seconds before he realized his son was not in front of him, rather, he was nowhere to be seen. He turned his head both directions, eye sight sweeping low, but no signs of the child were around.

“Yoonsan?” The shirt draped over one arm and his phone in the other, he walked away from his position to find the child who he hoped to god hadn’t run away far or gotten kidnapped.

“Yoonsan?” He tried again, and he didn’t hear anything but the music playing above head and conversations going about to the sides of him. He walked a little further in both directions to try and attempt to sight the small child, but luck was not on his side as it seems. He stood in place, by a small area of clothes that he didn’t bother to look at because his goddamn son went missing while he was bitterly fighting with his ex on the phone. He looked around him carefully, panic setting in now, for multiple reasons. His son was gone, and this was also when the anxiety of not being a good father hit him. He lost Yoonsan when he could have been watching him fine, if he had just ignored the call, if he had just watched his son, if he hadn’t been himself-

A firm hand on his shoulder brought away from his worries. He spun quickly, and was met with a view that he needed to crane his neck upward slightly to fixate his gaze on. The person had a gentle smile with teeth peeking through and his brown hair was resting atop his head, and if Jeonghan didn’t have a million things running through his mind, he would have thought it suited him very well. The taller man opened his mouth to talk, and Jeonghan didn’t know if he should stay or tell him he had more important things at hand.

“I think you’re missing someone.” He said with a lopsided warming grin, and looked downward. It took about an awkward two seconds for Jeonghan to tear his sight away from the stranger in front of him and down to where he had motioned. Of course.

“Yoonsan!” Jeonghan took the boy’s outstretched hand into his own. “What’s the matter with you? You can’t run off like that, babe.” The stranger standing there with a fond smile watching the exchange, and Jeonghan almost forgot about him until he looked back up at him. “Thank you… really, I thought I had lost him.”

“It’s no problem, he came to me saying he was lost after all, and I couldn’t say no to that face.” He looked down at Yoon who was now hiding behind his father’s leg, and Jeonghan looked a bit shocked when he received that information.

“He did?” The stranger nodded, and he continued when he did not speak any more. “He’s usually so shy, I can’t believe he really did come to you first. Thank you, again, seriously.”

He held up his hands. “Don’t worry about it, I’m always happy to help. Speaking of, is there anything in specific you’re looking for?” Only now did Jeonghan notice that he worked at the store, and he sighed in slight embarrassment, before telling him the situation.

“Actually, yes. I need a dress shirt for him, and I can’t even seem to find the right one, it’s so last minute I can’t focus.” He shook his head in self-shame and laughed breathily, but the clerk directed him to where he had just come from.

“It seems that you already have one, is this the kind you’re looking for?” He took the shirt from Jeonghan, and inspected it, giving a slight nod to himself in satisfaction. Jeonghan noticed the name on his shirt, but his view was blocked before he could register what it had said. He nodded in confirmation, that it was the one he wanted, and he took note of the lingering gaze over his name tag. He smiled and moved the shirt. “I’m Mingyu, by the way.”

If Jeonghan had any right sense of the mind at the time this was going on, he would have taken his shoulders and shook himself violently, he didn’t (he kinda did) appreciate the sudden oncoming thoughts about the smile of the man- Mingyu- in front of him. For seconds at a time he was captivated by the overall stunning aura of Mingyu and quite frankly, he thinks it’s all due to him being stressed about work and nearly losing his son in a department store (but it really isn’t, and he knows it full well).

He smiled back, not wanting to seem rude, or just plain weird. “Jeonghan.” He held his hand out in a formal greeting, and couldn’t help but notice (he really could help it, but he didn’t want to pretend he didn’t care) that Mingyu’s hands were warm and soft and quite larger than his own, it brought back unwanted memories, but supposedly that’s where you lay the foundation for new ones.

“Well, Jeonghan, this shirt is a very nice one, and it would look really good on Yoon, so good job on that decision.” He laughed, and it made Jeonghan involuntarily smile as well. “And listen, if Yoon was brave enough to come find me on his own, and if you’re ever looking to take some time for yourself, I do babysit as a side job, I’m good with the kids.” Mingyu chuckled shyly, and Jeonghan looked down at his son. He was no longer hiding behind the protective barrier of the older man’s bone and flesh, instead standing comfortably between the two. He looked up to meet Jeonghan’s eyes, and he asked him before he went ahead and sealed the deal.

“Did you hear him, Yoon?” The boy nodded. “Would you like that? Surely you must like Mingyu if you had no problem.” Yoonsan shifted behind his father’s legs again but nodded while doing so, and looking back up to meet Mingyu’s gaze again, he decided that a little time off was what he needed, and he thought it would do Yoonsan good to get acquainted to new people. “I guess that settles it then.”

--

                “Yoonsan! What did I say? I told you to clean up ten minutes ago because I’m almost running late and who knows if you’ll ever get around to cleaning this.” Jeonghan frantically paced, trying to decide last minute what to do with his child, who had now made a mess in his room, and Jeonghan knew better than to believe he was going to clean it later on.

                An unexpected shift from work had him panicking, not knowing how to bring about the fact that he cannot leave his 5-year-old son home alone. He shook his head, options not showing themselves in his mind. He was about to just give up and call his mother- who was not totally aboard the whole Jeonghan-is-a-single-father-and-needs-to-fend-for-himself boat. He would rather not call her to have her babysit his son, he would never admit this to her but she did have a tendency to go off on multiple tangents and bad talk Seungcheol (and though pieces of him agrees with what she says, he does not want it to seem like all Seungcheol ever did to him was bad, and didn’t want Yoonsan to make it seem like his mother was a bad character).

                He stood still for one moment as if the halted movement would jumpstart his thoughts, and his son’s voice cut through the deafening silence of his brain. “Dad, why don’t you just call Mingyu? It’s what he’s for.”

                Jeonghan looked at him, and considering the situation, he could really use the extra hands. Standing still for more time than the young boy had time for, he spoke up again. “Just do it.” He sat amidst his mess waiting for Jeonghan to make a move, and figuring he had nothing to lose but extra time (that he really needed). A hasty call to Mingyu was made, and his arrival, no more than 10 minutes later.

                “Hey, I’m so sorry this is incredibly last minute, but I got called in and I had nothing to do with Yoon, so I’m sorry if you had plans.” Mingyu shook it off with a smile.

                “Don’t worry, I’m happy to help, and to see Yoon.” Said boy was hidden partially behind the doorframe, and Mingyu sized up him and the home from his position.

                “I’ll be back around 10:30, is that okay?” Mingyu nodded, he went on. “Yoonsan is a good boy, he knows when he needs to go to bed and stuff, so…” Jeonghan eyes his son. “Be good, okay?” He bent down to kiss his son on the head, and turned back to the front door. “I’ll be back.” Waving to the both of them, he stalked out the door, and he wouldn’t be surprised if he had received a speeding ticket en route to work.

--

                Hours later, some hours that could have grabbed Jeonghan by the hair line and ripped his scalp off and he probably wouldn’t care, have finally passed, and pulling up into his driveway was never a better feeling. Eyeing Mingyu’s car, he was reminded that he was still here, and felt a little better that his son was not alone, and he’s glad he had never stooped so low as to where he needed to do that for his own sake.

                Quietly making his way into the house, he noticed most of the lights off except for the one over the sink, and the sound of absolutely nothing but his breaths and footsteps filled his ears. A sound he was not used to hearing since Yoonsan came into his life. He placed his bag by the staircase and removed his shoes, surveying the place to see it clean, and smelling like spices he didn’t even know he had. He heard footsteps cascading down the stairs, and he turned to meet the eyes of the person responsible for watching his son.

                “Hey, Mingyu. I’m sorry, I got out later than I wanted to.” It was 11:17 PM.

                Shrugging his shoulders like Jeonghan could have ditched him totally and he wouldn’t have cared (not that Jeonghan would have done that) he addressed the other. “It’s fine, no problem. He’s easy, I made dinner and we watched a movie and eventually he fell asleep and that was that.”

                “I still can’t get over how… Effortless you make this seem. I’m sure you’re used to it, though.” He made his way around the kitchen island, not bothering to turn on the main lights, the small hanging light enough for them both.

                “I guess you could say that. I’ve been doing this for a while, though, so, maybe I just have a lot of charm?” Jeonghan laughed at his words, and noticed how he didn’t seem in any rush to leave.

                “Do you have anywhere to go? I can offer you a drink if you want,” He turned his back to Mingyu. “Get more acquainted than a run in at the store.”

                He heard Mingyu laugh from behind him, and an agreement that followed. Placing a glass in front of him, he sat to his side, and neither of them said anything for a few minutes, but neither saw a problem with it. Jeonghan spoke first.

                “You said ‘I guess you could say that’ in response to being used to the antics of children. Is there a real reason?”

                Mingyu thought for a moment, and answered slowly. “For a long time it has been one of my dreams, to settle down and have one or two children, but even though it had been on me and my ex’s plans, we unfortunately never got around to that after we went our separate ways. I kind of took up the side job of babysitting to kind of, I guess, not make me feel as ty as I did when we broke up?” He smiled self-loathingly. “I guess I still have my whole life ahead of me, you know?”

                Jeonghan smiled, remembering how he thought all of the same things. “At least you weren’t married when you split. It would have been a lot rougher, trust me.”

                Mingyu turned his head to him, and looked at him questioningly. “You were married?” Jeonghan nodded bitterly.

                “Unfortunately. Two years later, and yet I still think of literally anything I could have done to prevent us falling apart.” Oversharing. “I don’t know, getting married was something that I will treasure forever, but it was one of my biggest regrets, come years later.” Jeonghan, stop oversharing. “Who knows if I’m even looking to get married again, or bring anyone into Yoonsan’s life that could hurt the both of us again?” He cut himself short with a shaky sigh and a weak smile. “Sorry, I… talk too much.” He pressed a hand to his forehead.

                “Not at all… I enjoy the company. It’s been kind of lonely for me since I split, too.” A beat of silence. “It’s nice to get it off your chest, you know?”

                And Jeonghan realized just that. He had gone nearly two years without ever getting anything off his chest. All the pent up frustration and anger and remorse and loathing, all sitting in there, waiting for the compressed air to be released but never experiencing the action. He had gone through periods of anxiety and panic attacks and loneliness and depression because he had no one to tell it all to. No one to tell how lonely it was in his head, in his house, how cold the other side of the bed had gotten. No one to tell how his day went, how many times he saw couples and wished that they would have been like that. He had gone far too long without letting anyone know he was anything but okay, he always needed to be just okay.

                Maybe it was time for Jeonghan to get it all out. Maybe it was time for him to really take the first step out of the dark and into a new light. To really get it all out of his system, he was tired of feeling so unwanted by his own conscience. He needed it.

                “You look like you have things to say.” Mingyu looked at him with a soft expression.

                Jeonghan didn’t meet his eyes. “I don’t want to weigh you down with my problems.”

                “You’re not weighing me down, rather, making yourself lighter.”

                Jeonghan dipped his head lower, bit his lip, and ran over what could be the consequences of letting Mingyu everything that he hasn’t let anyone but himself know over the past years. “I can keep a secret.” Mingyu whispered, leaned over to reach Jeonghan. He sighed deeply.

                “You know, everything has been such since Seungcheol walked out on me. I don’t say this because I don’t want anyone to know, or think, that I can’t handle this by myself.” He took a sharp inhale. “I can… sometimes I can. I really don’t want anyone to think that I need help, I don’t want them to think that I made the wrong decision… by keeping Yoonsan.

                “Seungcheol could have easily taken Yoonsan, but he didn’t, and that is his own fault. He’s bothering me daily, asking when he can see his son, but he was the one that walked out. It was so hard to tell Yoonsan that his other father wasn’t in the picture anymore, and that is one of the moments of my life I regret having to do the most.” He took a deep breath in, Mingyu showed no signs of boredom, or disinterest. “What he did still confuses me and breaks my heart and I hate that, after all this time I can say that I still wish everything was the same as it was three years ago.”

                Mingyu aimed his eyes downward to Jeonghan’s long fingers, involuntarily shaking against his glass. He made no move to still them. “Sometimes I wish I had never made the decision to marry him if I knew it was going to turn out like this.”

                “You couldn’t have known back then. It wasn’t a mistake.” Jeonghan looked over at him. “You didn’t make a mistake. If you loved him at one point and if he brought you joy to your life at one point and if you made memories that you can take to the grave with him at one point, it wasn’t a mistake. Life just has different outcomes for different people.”

                Jeonghan met Mingyu’s eyes, he saw nothing but sincerity. He looked back down after he felt the guilt of just being who he was flood up his throat. “I worry…” He said in a small voice, so small Mingyu almost had to lean in to hear him, but he managed. “That sometimes I can’t be as good of a father as Seungcheol was… That maybe I’ve done something to where this is what I deserve.”

                Crying tonight was not on his agenda, especially with someone he wasn’t well acquainted with. He held back his tears, and trudged on. He was cut off before more self-deprecating statements could be thrown out.

                “No one deserves to suffer. At least, in your case, you don’t.” He gave a weak smile, and Jeonghan struggled to find the muscles to reciprocate the action. “You don’t think you deserve to be here? To have a son that loves you, now more than he could ever love his other father who didn’t put the effort in to keep the family strong?”

                “It’s selfish.”

                “It’s not.” Mingyu faced fully towards Jeonghan, which left him with no choice other than to look at the male trying to get his attention. “I can’t say that I relate to the situation you’re in, but I have felt similar, I felt the same way. I felt like the position that I had in the world wasn’t meant for me, the person I spent my life with didn’t deserve me. When he left, I felt the same. I thought that everything I had done was a mistake. I thought that I could never find a good night’s rest for eternity, until I learned that people come and go. Some won’t stay. And I lived with that until I could get back up on my feet.”

                A silence sat between them, Mingyu waited for a reaction while Jeonghan took it all in. They made eye contact for a moment, and they both took in the appearance, Jeonghan in his black button down tucked into his dark pants, Mingyu in a faux varsity jacket with a white shirt and light washed jeans, jeans that hugged his thighs rather nicely. Jeonghan looked back up.

                “I don’t want to feel like this forever.” He felt weak admitting all of this, but at the same time he felt lighter, he really did. He hated feeling like people would give him pity, like how they did when they found out about Seungcheol. He didn’t want that. He hated himself enough on the inside, he didn’t need to feel like that on the outside, too.

                “You think you need to be alone to get over your issues, maybe it needs to be the opposite.” Mingyu went to stand, Jeonghan’s eyes desperately followed, like his conscience was begging him to stay, the company was keeping him from going insane. “I should go, it’s late.” Jeonghan followed Mingyu to the door, where he must have been walking at a snail’s pace, Mingyu had already had his shoes on when he got there.

                “I’ll see you next time?” It came out more like a question, and he watched as Mingyu stood half way out the door before he looked back, and called out: “Jeonghan?” His head perked up at his name, and he watched as Mingyu re-crossed the threshold and approached him slowly. He stood over him for a moment, taking advantage of the height difference, and lifted his hands to either sides of Jeonghan’s face and kissed him quick, not a peck yet nothing more, and he dropped his hands.

                His tongue darted out from between his lips (which Jeonghan had yet to register what went on, and he wouldn’t mind feeling it again in all honestly) and a sly smile broke out.

                “I’ll see you next time.” He left.

--

                The wedding of Jeonghan’s two friends had come and gone, and Jeonghan almost missed it. Not like, he was late, or anything, he just feels like the time span from then until now was so quick that he could barely remember anything. But he does.

                The next morning greets him with a headache, and the blinding sun through the wispy curtains (that Jeonghan swore he was going to replace one day, but that was when he still had someone to complain to) only adding to the fuel.

                He sighed and rolled over, this being one of the only times he enjoyed the coldness of the pillow against his head.

                Yoonsan was silent in the next room, and he took the opportunity to delve inside his sheets to block out the rays, and to focus on getting more sleep.

                He assumes that he did fall asleep again by the second time he woke up, chatter coming from the living room, but his mind only registering the loud high pitched squeals that he was so used to. He sat on the edge of the bed, his head telling him good morning in a Morse code series of throbbing, and footsteps up and down the hallway. His head dropped to his hands, his forehead being relieved of the high temperature and his fingers feeling how warm he was. It wasn’t a fever; it was only warm under his sheets, and he had a headache.

                His door opened, but he couldn’t be bothered to lift his hands away from his face, until he felt a small pair on his arm, forcing Jeonghan to look at the child. His son looked up with bright eyes, his body trying to tug Jeonghan off the bed with all his might, and Jeonghan complied, looking at himself in the mirror, and grabbing a zip up jacket to go along with it. He had fallen asleep in a white shirt and black sweats, and he finds it odd that he can’t remember anything after he got home.

                He let his son drag him down the hall and into the family room, and he fixed his posture once he saw the taller male standing near the doorway, and he opened his mouth in surprise. “Mingyu! Um, did we… did we schedule anything? I… can’t really remember, I’m sorry, I…”

                He waved his hand in a gesture to pass the statement. “Don’t stress, we had nothing planned. I just thought that since you came home late from the wedding last night, you might want to…” He gestured at Yoon when the boy conveniently wasn’t looking. “Take a load off your shoulders. I have a friend who was helping today, he would take the kids I was watching today, and maybe Yoon, if you wanted to relax.”

                Jeonghan looked at him for a moment. “Well, if he doesn’t mind, I suppose it wouldn’t be too bad… How did you know I came home so late?”

                Mingyu Looked down for a moment, a shy grin creeping into his features. “My friend was at the wedding, the friend who is helping me today, he’s good with kids so, I think Yoonsan will warm up to him quickly. He said that you seemed very tired and left shortly after most of the people had gone. I… kinda told him that I was talking to you, and… he said that you would be at the wedding, so…” He watched as Jeonghan held the same expression, but the surprise faded into a gentle look of amusement. “Here I am. Asking you if you would like for my friend to watch Yoonsan, so we could…” He looked down at Yoonsan, who was casually leaning against his father’s leg, and Mingyu thought it was kind of silly. “Go out. If you’re feeling it, of course.” He looked sheepishly at Jeonghan, waiting for his answer.

                “I don’t think it can be too bad, I can just take pain killer for my headache, but, it’s up to Yoonsan if he wants to go.” He looked down to his son. He looked back, and Jeonghan raised his eyebrows in question, and Yoon ducked behind his leg again, a small “Yes” being the answer to the question.

                An hour later brought them both to the bar and grille in the city, and Jeonghan had been once (with Seungcheol) and he had wanted to go back. His previous memories were not triggered, but the life of the place brought a smile to his face, and he was welcoming the new sense of memories willing to take the position of the others.

                “Ever been here?” Mingyu asked, and Jeonghan was reluctant to tell him the real answer, but he made eye contact already and what’s the harm when Mingyu already knows his whole story?

                “Once, a long time ago, with Seungcheol. I don’t remember much though.” Mingyu nods, and Jeonghan took a split second to watch as his long (not compared to Jeonghan’s but longer than most of his friends) hair fell to the side as he tipped his head. The color of it complimented him, and Jeonghan could have been lost in staring at him if he weren’t brought back to reality with the food that had arrived (and he suddenly realized he was really hungry).

                “Do you drink?” Mingyu asked once they were just about finished, and it kind of made Jeonghan think that Mingyu had more on his mind than just a casual outing. Jeonghan looked at his watch (6:27PM, he does not remember it getting dark or even being out for that long) and he nodded, even though he was a bit scared to drink after a long time of being a single father. He does not remember how he is when he is drunk, it’s been too long. “What do you like? I’ll get one for you.” His first thought is to say no, because it kind of implies that Mingyu would be getting one too, and he drove them both there, but his mouth betrayed his mind and settles for a classic margarita with ice, and watches as Mingyu’s tall and slim figure disappears for a few moments.

                He looks around while he’s sitting alone, nothing of this place is sparking huge flashback memories, but he’s kind of glad, he wasn’t so sure how he would handle being bum rushed by a bunch of old thoughts. The sky is growing dark, and Jeonghan realizes he has not had many nights like this, out without Yoon- not that he doesn’t love the kid, but there is boundaries- and he starts to enjoy himself, way too late into this whole thing. His phone makes a noise and he pulls it out, smiling at the photo of his son from the babysitter, replies and pockets the device, not wanting to look like one of those kind of people.

                He’s lost by the blur of the streetlights mingling with the onslaught of cars when the booth creaks at the notice of a person sitting. He turns, but just stares for a moment, genuinely not sure if it was the current year, or four years prior.

                “Here with someone?” It wasn’t a genuine question, it wasn’t asking if he had company at all but rather, asking who said company was. Jeonghan is stiff for a moment, knowing he is showing no emotion, but feels tightness in his chest as this confrontation is not what he wanted.

                His posture gives the impression- and inner satisfaction- that he was too big to have this kind of conversation, to far moved on, his hands clasped together and elbows resting on the table. “It doesn’t matter.”

                They both do nothing but stare at each other, the unwanted company starts to open his mouth when Mingyu strides back over, drinks in hands and he leans on the side of the booth, friendly and unknowing smile plastered on. “This seat’s taken.” He grins, and the male in question turns to look up at him slowly, sizing up his so-called-replacement. He doesn’t move nor does he make any attempt to laugh at the joke, instead the expression slides off Mingyu’s face and the drinks are placed on the table and Mingyu is hovering over him menacingly, and it’s not even Jeonghan who he’s looking at, but he still feels scared. “Is there a problem here?” Mingyu seems to be catching on to the situation, but internally fails to realize exactly what’s going on here, and why the stranger won’t move from his seat.

                Instead of fighting back or throwing words his way, the seated man turns his head back to Jeonghan, eyes dark and Jeonghan sinks back a little bit, face still reading blank. The man opposite him turns his head down in vengeance, and he finally opens his mouth, but Jeonghan was inclined to almost not listen. “Another man in your bed so fast?”

                And it all clicks for Mingyu, as he leans in closer in attempt to get this guy far away from Jeonghan. “Hey,” the octaves of his voice grow deeper, and the subject only s his eyes in that direction, making no obvious movement to pay attention to the man to his right. “Watch yourself.”

                Jeonghan, who felt very uncomfortable in this situation, spared no glances as he swiftly kicked himself out of the booth and strode towards the door, weaving through people listening to their conversations in an effort to distract himself. The cold air enveloped him and he enjoyed it momentarily before the sting set in and his arm hair was standing on end and he shut his eyes and leaned against the brick of the building, breathing steadily, a million and one things going through his head.

                Chatter of people coming in and out put his at bay for a few seconds before the last person he wanted to see comes face to face with him. He wastes no time in bombarding him with a loud voice and things to say that Jeonghan did not want to deal with. “Where is my son? If he’s not here, where is he?”

                He figured he couldn’t go wrong in answering his question, since Mingyu had not shown up yet. “What do you mean, ‘your son’? You left him with me, so he has no right to belong to you.”

                “You want me to go, what, three years? Without seeing my son? I’m sure he would like to see his father again.”

                “Some father you are!” Jeonghan lunged at him, the little voice at the back of his mind telling him to keep his composure because they were still exposed to the public. “You want to call yourself a father when you walked out on the both of us.” Jeonghan was pulled backwards by a hand on his forearm, not needing to turn around to know who had caught up to him. “You made that choice. You made the choice to leave us with nothing but the knowledge that you had found someone better.” He watched as a man rounded the corner, his light brown hair shapely fitting his face and large eyes searching for the man Jeonghan was spitting poison to. He felt sick just seeing it. “You’re no father to my son. You’ll be as much to him as you are to me.”

                Jeonghan was pulled backwards again, imploring him to turn around. He only saw the other man latch on to his ex’s bicep as he spun around, and faced Mingyu, the other man’s face written with concern. Mingyu brought his hands to Jeonghan’s face and wiped the tears away, Jeonghan hadn’t realized that he was crying but couldn’t care less at the moment. He leaned into the touch and Mingyu just watched for a moment, before tugging him forward to the car, ready to leave the premise.

                “Wait… wait, we didn’t- we didn’t pay…” Mingyu laughed, after this, Jeonghan was still worried about that, and he tried to make his way back in but a hand on his chest stopped him.

                “I threw some bills on the table before I came out, don’t worry about it.”

                “It might not have been enough…” He spoke softly, but Mingyu heard his every word.

                “I was. Don’t worry. Let’s go.”

--

                Jeonghan could not remember going to bed, or getting home, or even in the car, but somehow he did.

                This wasn’t even his bed, he noticed as the sheets were much whiter and softer and silkier than his own. He flopped back down on the bed, having no physical pains but feeling it everywhere. A soft light was being emitted from the lamp beside the bed, and he almost wanted to turn it off, but thus, had no energy to do so. He laid still for a while, basking in the feeling of his head on the softest pillow he had possibly ever slept on, and cracked his eye when the creaking of the door brought him out of his trance.

                “Hey, sorry if this isn’t okay. I figured you’d want some peace, so I brought you home with me.” Mingyu was just a figure in the small slit of Jeonghan’s eyes, but he could see him clearly.

                “What time is it?” Jeonghan still made no moves, and let Mingyu figure it out. His phone screen lit up his face and he looked up to tell him: “Almost midnight.”

                Jeonghan sat upright instantly. “What? Where’s- where’s my son?” Mingyu approached Jeonghan quickly and put a hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay, he stayed with my friend, he’s fine, he’s totally okay. Don’t worry, I took care of it.” Jeonghan seemed to visibly relax at the words, and he fell limp again, resting back on the sheets. Mingyu stared at him for a lingering moment before Jeonghan beckoned him over, top lay beside him.

                Mingyu rested beside Jeonghan, and the latter looked down at the long haired male who was drifting in and out of consciousness. He instinctively pulled Jeonghan closer to share the warmth, and he nestled under his chin like they were made for this.

                “You know…” Mingyu started. He heard Jeonghan hum, letting him know he was listening. “When Yoonsan came up to me in the store that day, he didn’t tell me he was lost.” Jeonghan pulled back, looking confused and wanted to know what exactly had come out of his son’s mouth. “He didn’t say he was lost. He said… he said ‘Can you help me?’ and I said, ‘Sure, what’s up?’ and he said, ‘my dad and my daddy are arguing again, and I want them to stop, so, can you go over there and be your stunning self so my dad can be distracted and fall in love with you?’” Jeonghan looked like he was about to say something, but Mingyu’s laugh cut him off. He watched Jeonghan’s face go from confusion to slight anger to cracking a smile. “I’m just kidding. I made up that last part. But he did say you were arguing and wanted help. Kid’s a genius.”

                “Genius, how?!” Jeonghan mocked from his position beside Mingyu.

                “He brought us together.”

                Jeonghan smiled and looked down, enjoying the silence that sat between them. Jeonghan could feel himself dozing off again, but looked up at Mingyu before he wanted to cave in to sleep. “I guess I owe it all to him then.”

                Mingyu kissed his head. “I guess you do.”