“I don’t get why you do this to yourself,” Sungjong mumbled with a frown, picking up the picture of Minho from high school. “It’d be easy, you could go back to wearing contacts and wow everyone with your good looks and good grades.” Sungjong put the photo frame down gently, and Minho turned his back to Sungjong, not wanting to have this discussion anymore. Minho didn’t want to hear about how he should wear contacts anymore.

 

“You don’t think Jinki would be dazzled?” Sungjong poked Minho’s back gently. “Come on, why don’t you just try it? It’s got to be better than sitting around here moping about how much you like him. I’ve heard you, even in your sleep.” Sungjong grinned when Minho turned, his cheeks flushing, and Sungjong looked pleased at having caught Minho.

 

“Sungjong, you know I don’t want that.” Minho frowned, shaking his head quickly. He ignored how Sungjong rolled his eyes at him. “I hated being popular in high school. Everyone is always watching you and gossiping. It was horrible, and I hated having all the fake people pretend to like me.” 

 

“Yes, I know.” Sungjong bit his lip. “You want Jinki -- or anyone, for that matter -- to like you for who you are, not what you look like. You are so stubborn, sometimes I think hitting my head against a wall would be more effective than trying to make you see sense,” Sungjong shifted uncomfortably on the bed and Minho sighed softly, he knew what Sungjong was probably thinking, because they had had this discussion too many times. About how Minho should just shed his glasses so people could see how attractive he was. Minho didn’t really see how the glasses got in the way.

 

“Not quite, ah, but something like that, I guess.” Minho bit his lip, wishing that he wasn’t so damn stubborn about this, wishing that he could just do as Sungjong suggested, but the idea of Jinki only liking him for his looks or grades made Minho’s insides crush. He would be devastated if he found out that Jinki was fake, superficial like all those people from high school. Minho wanted to believe he was better than that, that he could look beyond the thick-framed glasses and really see Minho.

 

“You do realise, don’t you,” Sungjong said, blinking slowly, “that our neighbours still gossip about you. So, uh, you still have that.” The younger boy sighed, flicking his hair out of his eyes, and Minho wondered how he had ended up friends with someone like Sungjong or, rather, why Sungjong had befriended him. He wondered what Sungjong had seen in him. Whatever it was, he hoped that Jinki would see it one day too.

 

*

 

Minho figured he was probably nuts for always wanting to lie in the middle of the soccer field, but he didn’t care. He smiled as he gazed up at the sky, dotted with faint stars, and he could hear the wind rustling the leaves of the trees bordering one side of the field. The breeze was the only sound he could hear; it was so incredibly peaceful. Minho flopped down onto the grass, gazing up at the faint spots of light and letting the wind caress his hair.

 

He in a deep breath, tilting his head back and letting his eyes slide shut. His mind was empty, peaceful -- nothing was worrying him. Just as Minho thought about how peaceful it felt, a stray thought floated into his consciousness, the peace fleeing in a second. He had seen Jinki earlier, pacing around the library, his usually sunny smile nowhere to be seen. Instead he seemed sad. His eyes looked downcast, and the smile… well, to someone who spent days – years -- studying Jinki, it was obviously fake.

 

Biting his lip, Minho opened his eyes as he dug his fingers into the grass, tugging on it. He just wished Jinki would talk to someone – it didn’t have to be him. All Minho wanted was to see Jinki happy. It hurt to see Jinki smile at other people, but Minho realised it was even more painful to see the happiness taken out of Jinki’s eyes.

 

Minho lay back on the grass, spreading his limbs out freely as he gazed up at the stars. They were barely visible, and Minho wondered if it was like that for Jinki. Perhaps he was just one of those tiny, insignificant stars, something that Jinki could barely see or even care about. Minho breathed in deeply, wishing the ache in his chest would go away, wishing that he could just ask Jinki to remove himself from Minho’s brain and heart. But it wasn’t that easy, no matter how much Minho wished it was. Minho wished he could just flip a switch and his feelings would turn off like a light, although the thought of not liking Jinki made his stomach churn uncomfortably.

 

The sound of faint steps made Minho look around, unable to stop smiling when he spotted Jinki dressed in his pyjamas and a dressing gown. Minho snorted softly as he saw the yellow ducks all over Jinki’s pyjamas and how they peeked out under the dressing gown as if they were real. The dressing gown was just plain navy blue, but it looked good with the ducks and it looked good on Jinki.

 

“Hi,” Jinki whispered, chewing on his lip as he came to sit down next to Minho, wrapping his arms around his knees. “I, uh, was looking for you. Sungjong-ah told me you were down here.” Jinki pressed his chin against the top of his knees. His eyes looked so downcast and sad. Minho had to stop himself from reaching for Jinki, just to hold onto him for comfort.

 

“Um, did you mean it last time?” Jinki’s voice was so soft Minho had to strain to hear him, and it was so hard to sit there hearing Jinki’s usually confident voice sound so weak. Minho thought no one would recognise that voice; it didn’t sound like the smart, confident  Lee Jinki, the most amazing person on campus (at least in Minho’s opinion). “When you said you’d listen?” Jinki chewed on his lip, eyes blinking rapidly as he looked across at Minho. It felt like the first time Jinki had even looked at him and seen Minho.

 

“Yeah, I meant it.” Minho shifted over closer to Jinki, taking a deep breath. “I know you don’t like me the way I like you. But, hyung, because I really care about you, I want to always be there for you. I just want you to know, I’m always here in the background supporting you, no matter what. I don’t expect you to like me back. I just want to help you.” Minho wanted to sink into the ground as soon as he stopped speaking, wondering what possessed him to say such things. He expected Jinki to laugh at him, even though he knew Jinki was considerate and polite.

 

“Thank you,” Jinki mumbled, glancing down at the grass and wiping his eyes so that, for a second, Minho wondered if he was crying. “Thank you, you’re so sweet.” Jinki looked at Minho with a sad but soft smile, and Minho felt like crying, it hurt so much. Why did he have to feel so strongly for Jinki in a way that Minho knew burdened him? 

 

“And I’m sorry I can’t feel the same way about you, but you’re an amazing best friend. Thank you.” Minho’s eyes widened and he turned to stare at Jinki, his hands trembling as he repeated Jinki’s words over and over in his head. Best friend? Best friend! Holy ! Jinki smiled again, shifting closer so that their thighs were almost pressed together. Minho trembled slightly as he looked down at Jinki’s legs and the way he wrapped his arms around them tightly.

 

“Anyway, what’s up, hyung? Why did you want to talk to me?” Minho asked curiously, looking forward, looking at anything so he didn’t stare too openly at Jinki.

 

Jinki bit his lip. “It’s Yui. I really like her.” Jinki looked down at his hands. “But you know I’m not very good with people, with girls. I feel like I’m stuffing everything up. I don’t even know if she likes me back.” Jinki breathed out slowly, looking down at the grass. His eyes looked so solemn and sad that Minho thought if Yui was a guy, Minho would hunt him down and punch him.  Hyung, you’re perfect. You’re amazing with people; everyone loves you. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Yui is just a if she can’t see what an amazing person you are! Almost immediately Minho felt guilty for thinking such things, it scared him a little that he could think this irrationally.

 

*

 

The thing Minho loved about sports was that it took all of his energy and thoughts and focused them into one thought process. Everything else slipped out of his brain when he took to the soccer field or went for a run. It was the only time that Minho didn’t think about his assignments or the exams coming up or, even more importantly, Jinki. Minho breathed in deeply as he slowed down, just finishing his morning run. His whole body was thrumming with adrenaline, and he felt so energetic, so alive.

 

Minho made his way across the grass to where he knew there was a fountain. He was leaning over it to drink, when a bag suddenly flew past him. Minho frowned and straightened up. What the hell? He thought. A bag being tossed around seemed a little out of place. Minho’s eyes widened when he looked over and saw two bigger guys pushing another small guy up against a brick wall. Judging from the way he winced, Minho gathered they were hurting him. Minho knew he should mind his own business, but seeing two guys pick on one made him see red.

 

“Hey,” Minho said, tapping one of the guys on the shoulder. “Leave him alone,” he snapped when the guy turned to face him with a frown. The guy glared at Minho and tried to ignore him, but Minho just tapped him on the shoulder again.

 

“Piss off,” the guy mumbled, “it’s got nothing to do with you, so out.” His eyes narrowed down as he spoke, and Minho heard the silent words, Leave us alone or I’ll beat you up. Minho bit his lip, reaching forward to pull the guy back. He wasn’t scared of him and he loathed bullying.

 

“Leave him alone!” Minho spoke louder, shaking his head firmly as he yanked the guy back. “Just get the out of here.” Minho used the other guy’s moment of shock at being pulled away to step in front of the small guy and protect him. Minho curled his hand up into a fist, hoping it wouldn’t actually come to that. To his surprise, the two guys grumbled and then stepped away.

 

“Okay, okay, calm the down,” the second one snapped, sneering at Minho and giving him the finger before they walked away. Minho breathed in softly, turning around to face the guy standing behind him.

 

“Hey, are you okay?” Minho asked kindly, blinking his eyes at the other boy, who just nodded his head, gaze flickering beyond Minho to where his bag rested.

 

“Yeah, um, thank you so much,” the guy said, smiling. “Uh, I need to go, but thanks.” He bowed his head slightly before he ran off to get his bag. Minho stood and watched him go before he turned around and started heading back to the dorm. He felt so energetic, all the endorphins whizzing around his body from the exercise making him feel good. Minho was relieved it hadn’t come to a physical fight, since it was probably the exercise high that had made him stand up to the bullies.

 

Glancing at his watch made Minho groan and then sprint off back to the dorm. He had to wake Sungjong up, and he was late already, which meant he’d probably be late to class. Minho barely noticed the people he passed on his way home, their faces blurring as he ran past them, he was so intent on getting back so he would make it to class on time.

 

*

 

“So how are things going with Myungsoo?” Minho asked with a smirk, watching the way Sungjong’s cheeks darkened and he glanced around the library nervously before shooting a glare towards Minho. “What?”

 

“Do you have to talk so loud?” Sungjong hissed. “Someone will hear you!” But Minho just grinned as he  shrugged. He wasn’t concerned. It wasn’t as if he had said something bad, and it was cute seeing how worked up Sungjong got.

 

“Awww, Sungjong-ah, you’re so cute,” Minho cooed as he leaned across to pinch Sungjong’s cheek, laughing until he heard a soft cough. Minho turned, his hand falling immediately from Sungjong’s face when he saw Jinki standing there, lips curved up in that tender smile that made Minho’s heart soften. Sungjong began to laugh as he watched Minho blush and look down nervously.

 

“Hey,” Jinki said softly, “thanks for the other night, and I’m sorry for burdening you with my troubles. I really appreciate it though.” Minho stiffened when he noticed how all of Jinki’s friends were staring at them, probably wondering why Jinki was even talking to him. They all must’ve known about Minho’s pathetic crush and probably thought that Jinki should avoid Minho because he was weird and liked Jinki too much.  Minho swallowed, fiddling with his thick glasses, blinking as he looked down at the desk and then up at Jinki’s face. Jinki had no idea, no clue that his friends were staring, and it made Minho feel uncomfortable, was it that weird for Jinki to talk to him? Most of the time when Minho and Jinki talked, it was out on the field or in some private room so they could concentrate on the assignment they were working on.

 

“It’s fine, hyung. I meant what I said,” Minho said, nodding his head slowly, wondering why his stupid heart couldn’t forget Jinki, it was worse now he knew that Jinki and Yui weren’t even dating, Jinki was just helping her with her homework. That was enough to make his heart leap about in his chest and his brain to whisper that he had a chance. The problem was that Minho knew Jinki liked Yui. “You can contact me anytime if you need to talk.” Minho smiled, resisting the urge to reach out and touch Jinki’s arm.

 

“Thank you, I really appreciate it.” Jinki nodded his head, half-bowing towards Minho, which just made him feel awkward. “Listen, I better go,” Jinki said. He half-waved as he walked away, leaving Minho sighing as he left. Sungjong giggled softly as he looked across at his friend, then he sighed too before reaching across to pat Minho’s shoulder.

 

“It’s okay, hyung. One day Jinki might notice you,” Sungjong giggled as he patted Minho on the shoulder, “and how pathetic you are, always throwing yourself at him.” Sungjong smirked and then muttered, “You can contact me anytime,” in a high-pitched voice, making the words sound even more pathetic. Minho just glared at him. Minho froze when he saw Kibum, who was a friend of Jinki’s, pause next to their table and smirk at Minho. He definitely knew about Minho’s crush, and Minho felt sick as he heard Kibum laugh softly.

 

*

 

Minho knew it would hurt letting Jinki confide in him, but at the same time he just wanted to help. It was hard listening to Jinki talk about Yui and how much he liked her. It made it worse because Jinki said it seemed like she didn’t like him back, and he wanted Minho to help him. Minho sighed as he rolled over on his bed, tossing and turning again. Sungjong was out with Myungsoo, and Minho felt a little jealous that things seemed to be working out between them.

 

As miserable as Minho was, he at least felt happy when he saw Jinki smiling. But it was harder to stand it when Jinki came rushing over to Minho to tell him that he had finally asked Yui out. Minho could only clap Jinki on the back, smile, and pretend to be happy for him. Jinki’s obliviousness to Minho’s feelings hurt; he knew that Minho liked him and yet at the same time he was completely clueless.

 

It had been a week since Jinki had asked Yui out, and Minho guessed that things had worked out, because he hadn’t seen Jinki or heard from him for days. It hurt, because Minho was so used to Jinki turning up on the soccer field late at night or at his room, just to talk. Minho had loved it, even if the topics hurt him, just seeing Jinki and spending time with him made him happy. But now that Jinki was happy with Yui, Minho figured the right thing to do was for him to get over Jinki.

 

Minho sighed as he thought about it. Because they had some of the same classes, Minho decided to change streams. It meant getting up earlier and was more awkward, but Minho felt he had to do it. It wasn’t that he wanted to cut Jinki out of his life; it was more because he felt so pathetic. But at the same time he didn’t want to give up on Jinki. Not when he thought of all the times they had spent together, the times when Jinki would smile brightly upon seeing Minho. Or when Jinki ignored everyone else around and just focussed his attention on Minho, his eyes following Minho as he listened, it reminded Minho of his ex-boyfriend so much. 

 

Minho knew he must be mistaken or imagining it, but sometimes it felt like Jinki looked at him the same way his ex had. But that had only happened a couple of times, Minho was sure he must be seeing it wrong. Maybe on some level, it was more to see if Jinki would even notice that Minho wasn’t around, and it made Minho’s chest ache because he figured Jinki wouldn’t, why would he?  Jinki was oblivious and dreamy, always lost in his thoughts, so clearly he wouldn’t even notice if Minho was or wasn’t there.

 

The number of times that Jinki hadn’t even seen Minho in class or walked right past him was uncountable. Minho sighed. He really was an idiot. He wished he could just stop caring, just stop liking Jinki, but the problem was he couldn’t. Minho just couldn’t get past the idea that, somehow, someday Jinki would like him back. Minho knew it was insane to think that way, but he just felt it so strongly and it made it impossible for him to give up.  Especially when Minho thought about the way Jinki looked at Minho so thoughtfully, and when he would give up hours of his time to just sit with Minho on the soccer field at night. Minho could still remember the time Jinki had sat with him for most of the night and then admitted he had an exam the next day. Or how Jinki had asked Minho repeatedly when his birthday was, and how Jinki had grinned brightly saying that they were both Sagittarians and maybe that was why they got on so well. Minho knew it was crazy to hope that Jinki might like him back one day, but he couldn’t get the idea out of his head.

 

*