Another few dreaded days passed, and their last tutoring session finally comes.

As soon as they meet, they can immediately sense it in the air: the awkwardness. Chanwoo wants to ask that question, but he hesitates. Junhoe knows that Chanwoo wants to ask that question, and he would really love to give an answer. But the truth is… he doesn’t have one; he doesn’t know how to answer that question.

“Alright, let’s start.”, Junhoe finally said, breaking the silence and starting their tutoring session.

They put their personal matter aside and focus on the task at hand. After all, Chanwoo is having his exams next week, and that’s more important than any kind of silly romance between them. However, Chanwoo can still feel that there’s something wrong with Junhoe. He doesn’t talk that much; he keeps checking the time. It’s like, he is trying to escape. It’s like… he doesn’t want to give him the answer.

So Chanwoo decides to push the issue. He closes his book and asks, “So… have you came up with an answer? How long do I need to wait?”.

“We haven’t finished reviewing the materials yet. That comes first.”, Junhoe tried to avoid the question.

“Yeah, right. You keep checking the time. I bet you’ll leave as soon as the time’s up, and we both know it’ll take way longer than that to review everything.”, Chanwoo declared, upfront and straightforward.

In the end, Junhoe sighs. “I… I don’t really know…”

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t you think that this happens way too quickly?”

“Yeah, but I’m fine with that. How long does love need anyway?”

Junhoe sighs again. “But I don’t know. I really don’t. Who knows how long your feeling will last? I mean, what if your feeling is just, what do they call them, ‘puppy love’?”

“Then I’ll deal with them as they come. But, trust me, I won’t hurt you.”, Chanwoo said.

Junhoe is surprised. Why is he suddenly the one that needs counseling? Isn’t he the older one?

Chanwoo continues. “Did you say that you can give me a chance just to give me false hope?”, he asked, disappointment evident in his eyes.

Junhoe stares back at Chanwoo, and he suddenly feels… guilty. What if… What if he is the one that didn’t think this through? What if Chanwoo already knows his feeling, but he is the one that isn’t ready? Suddenly, he feels like he is the 15-years-old one here.

Junhoe slowly closes his eyes. “Sorry.”, he said. “But, no… Really, I didn’t mean to give you false hope.”

“So?”

“But feeling takes time, and I don’t know how long will it takes before I can love you back.”, Junhoe explained. “Heck, your feeling might wean off already before I even get mine.”

At this point, Chanwoo feels… Actually, he doesn’t know how he feels. It feels like he wants to burst out in anger, but he also feels so sad he wants to cry. It’s a weird feeling, even weirder than love. But, he tries to be mature. “I see… I understand.”, Chanwoo said with a hint of sadness. “But, I can promise you something… I can wait. Really, I can. I’ll show you.”, he declared.

Junhoe’s eyes immediately widen in surprise. He doesn’t know how to process what Chanwoo just said. Chanwoo already wrecks Junhoe’s heart with his unabashed feeling, but now he is just adding fuel to the fire.

Not knowing what else to do, Junhoe just laughs.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing… Really, nothing.”, Junhoe said, still laughing. “If you keep doing this, then sooner or later, I’ll be all yours.”, he said while writing something on a piece of paper, not noticing the blush that forms on Chanwoo’s cheeks when he heard Junhoe said that.

“My phone number.”, Junhoe said, giving the piece of paper to Chanwoo. “I can’t give you an answer now. But we can be just friends for now. Well, ‘just friends’. And maybe, maybe, one day, I’ll come up with an answer.”

I guess this is as far as it will get, for now, Chanwoo thinks, a bit disappointed, but hopeful as well.

“Now, back to reviewing.”, Junhoe said. The air of awkwardness has now been lifted, and he starts talking comfortably again, if not more cheerful than usual.

After a few hours, dinner time comes, and Junhoe decides to finish the tutoring session. This time, he actually stays for the dinner.

“So, that was the last session.”, Chanwoo’s mom said.

Junhoe replies with a nod.

“Are you going to give him another tutoring next year? He seems happy with you.”, Chanwoo’s mom asked.

Junhoe stares at Chanwoo’s mom for a while, before shifting his gaze to Chanwoo, then to Chanwoo’s mom again.

“I would really love to, but I can’t…”, Junhoe said, much to Chanwoo’s surprise.

“I see… I understand. We can find another tutor.”, Chanwoo’s mom said.

As soon as Chanwoo heard that Junhoe wouldn't be with him next year, he suddenly feels something boiling inside him. He tries to play it cool, after all, he knows that Junhoe doesn’t have any obligation to him, but the feeling is clearly stronger than he is.  “I need one more session.”, he said to his mom with a fierce intonation, staring directly at Junhoe.

Chanwoo’s mom only gives him a weird look. “Hmm? Is there something wrong?”, she asked, but Chanwoo ignores him.

“What about this weekend?”, Chanwoo asked Junhoe. Before Junhoe can reply, he continues, “I can go to your place, it’ll be nice to have a change from my boring room once in a while. Even better, why don’t I stay at your place for a day?”. From the way he speaks, it’s clear that he’s not taking no for an answer.

“Chanwoo, that’s not how you speak to-“

“That’s ok.”, Junhoe interrupted. “I can give him another session.”

“Great! See you this weekend.”, Chanwoo said as he quickly gets up and dashes to his room. Meanwhile, Junhoe and Chanwoo’s mom can only stare at him while he leaves, confused at what just happened.

“I’m so sorry. I don’t know what gets into him.”, Chanwoo’s mom apologized. Well, Junhoe knows what gets into him.

“No, that’s fine. Really. Maybe he is just stressed from the exams.”

“You don’t need to agree with him. I’m sure you have your own schedule on the weekend.”

“I already agreed to do it. Besides, I really don’t have anything to do this weekend.”, Junhoe said with a smile.

“You’re a really nice guy. Ok, give me your address, and I’ll drop him to your house on Saturday.”

Unbeknownst to them, Chanwoo is quietly sobbing in his room, trying to make the feeling goes away. He knows what he did was wrong, but he can’t help it. The emotion was so sudden and uncontrollable, and he just burst. Is this really how love works?

The weekend comes, and Chanwoo comes to Junhoe’s apartment as planned. The door opens as soon as he presses the bell.

“You’re here. Come in.”, Junhoe said.

“Umm… Junhoe?”

“Yes?”

“I’m… I’m sorry for that night.”, Chanwoo apologized. “I know I was rude-“

Junhoe stops him midway and pulls him inside. “Get in first.”

“You’re not mad?”, Chanwoo asked.

“Why should I?”, Junhoe asked back. “I guess I was wrong too. I should have told you earlier.”

“But, why can’t you tutor me next year?”

“I have my reason, trust me. But for now, let’s focus on exam preparation.”

“Eh!? Are we really going to do that?”

“Of course. Don’t tell me… You think I’ll just let you play all day?”

“Well, I’m in your house after all.”, Chanwoo said with a shameless smile. He then looks around the room. It’s a small apartment. Inside, there are a living-room-slash-kitchen-slash-dining-room, and two doors; one of them is open, revealing Junhoe’s bedroom, the other one is closed, which he assumes to be the bathroom.

And, one thing that he notices first is… It’s so tidy! It’s the complete opposite of Chanwoo’s room.

“Do you clean your room every day?”

“Of course not. But I did clean up before you arrive. It’s usually not this tidy, although it’s way tidier than your room.”, Junhoe said with a smirk.

“Hey!”

“Anyway, do you want to eat something?”

“You can cook!?”

“Of course! No one’s cooking for you when you live alone.”

“Give me your best dish!”, Chanwoo requested.

“Sure, sit tight.”, Junhoe said.

“Can I go to your room?”, Chanwoo asked.

“Sure, just don’t mess things up.”

“Why? You don’t want me to find your ?”, Chanwoo asked, laughing.

“As if! There is no here!”

Chanwoo slowly walks inside Junhoe’s room. His room is rather… bland. It’s almost empty. No poster, no fancy things, nothing. Just the essential: a bed, a desk with some books, and a wardrobe. So, he walks toward the desks and looks at the pile of books there. Nothing interesting, mostly just university books. But, something takes his attention. It’s a pamphlet for a scholarship. And more importantly, it’s from a university in another city.

Is he moving away? Chanwoo can’t help but feels wary. He wants to ask Junhoe, but he doesn’t want to break the mood so early in the day. So he decides to push it to the back of his mind for now.

He walks back to the living room. “Your place is so boring. It’s so bland!”, he said.

“Well, I don’t really need a lot of stuff. They’re just a bother.”

“But still…”, Chanwoo said as he approaches Junhoe in the kitchen.

“But still what?”, Junhoe asked.

“Nothing. Anyway, what are you making?”

“You’ll see.”

He watches Junhoe cooks, which make him realizes that this is the first time he has ever see Junhoe does something else other than teaching him. It’s nice, he guesses. It makes him feel closer to him.

After a while, the food is done.

“Ta-da!”

In front of Chanwoo is a bowl of rice noodle. The soup is clear, and it has a lot of veggies in it. No meat.

He tastes it… It’s rather… bland.

“Is this your best food? It’s so bland!”

“It’s not! It’s nice!”, Junhoe protested.

“Nice what? This is bland.”

“You’re still young; you don’t know anything about taste!”

“That doesn’t even make sense!”, Chanwoo said, laughing.

In the end, Junhoe laughs with him too, and they eat heartily.

Chanwoo spends the rest of the day messing around with Junhoe. There is no way he will study, but Junhoe’s house doesn’t give him anything to do either. So, he simply follows Junhoe everywhere and plays with him.

Until the night comes…

“Junhoe?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you moving away? Is that why you can’t tutor me next year?”, Chanwoo asked.

“Ah… So you’ve figured it out.”

“When?”

“After I finish this year, I’ll transfer there to do my final year and master degree.”

“Can’t you just do your final year here?”

“You see, I also got an internship offer there. That’s why I have to move as soon as possible.”

“I see… Why didn’t you say anything earlier?”

“That’ll make you sad, right? And I don’t want to see you sad.”, Junhoe said with a small pout.

“But still, it’s better to know the truth.”

“I guess… Well, you still have my number, so you can call me anytime.”

“But still…”

“But still what?”

Chanwoo doesn’t answer. Instead, he just stares at Junhoe’s eyes. Then, suddenly, he lunges forward and kisses Junhoe softly on the lips.

Junhoe is obviously shocked. He doesn’t move for a while, trying to register what just happened. But, as much as he loves the sensation of Chanwoo’s lips on his, he decides to back away.

Chanwoo’s eyes widen in disbelief when Junhoe backs away. Needless to say, he feels… rejected.

“Why?”, Chanwoo asked.

“I…”

Before Junhoe can say anything else, Chanwoo dashes off and gets out from Junhoe’s apartment.

“Wait, Chanwoo!”, Junhoe quickly gets up and chases him. Fortunately, Chanwoo doesn’t go anywhere; he is crouching in front of Junhoe’s door, crying.

Junhoe crouches down next to him.

“Look… I’m sorry. But it’s not the time for that yet.”, Junhoe explained.

“You… You don’t love me… You hate me…”, Chanwoo said, sobbing as he leans his head on Junhoe’s shoulder.

Junhoe lets Chanwoo cries on his shoulder, and they stay just like that for a while. Then, when Chanwoo gets calmer, Junhoe starts speaking. “What make you think I hate you?”, he asked.

“Well, why won’t you kiss me back?”

“Hmm… I hate you, or I love you… Is that really all the possibilities? What if I love you just a little bit? Or hate you just a little bit? What if I love you, but hate you, but love you, but hate you…?”

Chanwoo looks up at Junhoe. “What are you trying to say?”

“What I’m saying is… Your emotion is messing up with your mind. This is why I think you’re too young for a relationship.”, Junhoe explained.

Chanwoo continues looking at Junhoe, still confused.

“I mean, just because I don’t love you yet, that doesn’t mean I hate you, right?”

“Yeah, that’s true…”, Chanwoo admitted.

“And, to be honest, I do love you.”

“Really?”

“Really. I just don’t think you… no, we, are ready for this yet.”, Junhoe said with a smile. “But someday, we will.”

“Really?”

“Really. Now, let’s get in.”

Junhoe helps Chanwoo stands up and wipes the tears off Chanwoo’s eyes. Then they get inside.

“I think I’m ready to give you an answer.”, Junhoe said.

“Hmm? What answer?”, Chanwoo asked, eyes still slightly red from the tears.

“About how long you need to wait.”, Junhoe said. He then walks to his room and comes out with a piece of paper. It’s the pamphlet of the university scholarship.

“Two years from now on, you’ll go to uni. So…”, Junhoe said.

“You want me to chase you? Isn’t that a bit too much?”, Chanwoo asked.

“Well, you said your love would last.”

“But having to move to another city is a completely different story. I don’t even know if my mom will agree or not.”

“I see… I guess we’re not meant to be together.”

“Argh… fine!”, Chanwoo said as he takes the pamphlet. “I’ll get into this university and become your junior. Trust me; I will!”

Junhoe can only laugh at Chanwoo’s determination. He tousles Chanwoo’s hair. “I’m just kidding. You don’t have to.”

“No, I will! Really! Besides, I don’t want to have a long-distance relationship as my first one.”

“Well then, if you still love me by the end of your high school, fell free to chase after me. But, if you don’t, I’m ok with it either.”, Junhoe said with a smile. “Now, let’s go to sleep.”

“Eh… Where am I going to sleep?”, Chanwoo asked.

“I don’t know. Where do you want to sleep?”, Junhoe asked back.

“With you!”

“It’s too early for that!”

“Ow, c’mon! It’s not like we’re having !”

“Alright, fine.”

Truth to be told, the bed isn’t big enough for the two of them, but who cares.

That night, Chanwoo stays wide awake; he cannot sleep, and he doesn’t want to, not when he gets to snuggle close to Junhoe in this small bed. He looks at Junhoe; Junhoe already fell asleep, that’s quick. But this way, at least Chanwoo can spend the rest of the night staring at Junhoe’s pretty face as he waits for the sleepiness that hopefully won’t come tonight.