Jongin was in the middle of working a shift when he ran into someone he'd - rather regretfully - nearly forgotten about. Sehun was walking through the hallway, heading in the direction of Taemin's room. Jongin ducked his head and quickened his pace, hoping that Sehun wouldn't notice him, but it was too late. Glancing up, he locked eyes with the other boy, who scowled at the sight of him. 

"Sehun, I-" Jongin started when he was closer to Sehun.

"-I'm not here for you, I hope you know. I'm just here to see Taemin." Sehun cut him off. Jongin nodded. He could be fine with that, he tried to convince himself. He'd forgotten about Sehun after Taemin's accident, and he felt bad about it, but maybe it was better off this way. So he pushed down the hurt he felt and continued on his way, not looking back once he'd walked past Sehun. 

--

Sehun was gone by the time Jongin had finished his shift and returned to Taemin's room. He didn't know how he was supposed to feel, stuck somewhere between disappointed and relieved. Taemin seemed to have picked up on Jongin's confused emotions, however, because the first thing he asked Jongin when he came into the room was, 

"Are you okay?"

Jongin nodded. 

"I'm fine, just tired and a little conflicted." 

Taemin hummed in acknowledgement.

"Sehun was here today. I know you saw him..." He said softly.

"How are you feeling?" Jongin tried to change the subject. He didn't want to talk about Sehun. He hadn't been able to think about anything besides Taemin or work for so long that now that he was able to think about Sehun, he suddenly missed his friend. He was lonely. But he didn't think there was really any way for them to connect again, which was probably what was bothering him the most. 

"A little better. I know you and Sehun talked, even if it was just for a minute." 

"How's your back?" Jongin couldn't do this right now. 

"It hurts, but that's normal. I sat up for a little today, it was good." Taemin sighed. Jongin had a feeling that he wasn't done talking. There was a determined look in Taemin's eyes that made him uneasy. He knew that something was coming. "Jongin," Taemin began.

"Yeah?" Jongin looked down at his hands, fiddling with them nervously. 

"Talk to me." 

Jongin looked back up at his boyfriend. Taemin's expression was soft and caring, and in that moment, Jongin knew that he could tell him anything.  He sighed. 

"Okay." Jongin gave in. He took a deep breath. "I miss Sehun. I feel terrible, I know you told me that I should make up with him, but I haven't, and he probably hates me and I probably deserve it." He paused. 

"He doesn't hate you." 

"Well... he still definitely has some issues with me. And I want to work through them, but I think it's too late. I don't think we can, you know?"

Taemin appeared to be thinking, cocking his head to one side. After a few moments, he responded. 

"I don't think it's too late. You've been friends with Sehun for a long time, haven't you? He probably wants to make up with you too." 

"But how do you know?" Jongin asked.

"I don't," Taemin smiled gently. "But I have a feeling. Jongin, don't take what I say next the wrong way, but I think that within a lot of your relationships, regardless of what kind they are, I think you have the same issues. They end up being kind of... one sided, I guess would be the right term for it. The people you're close to; me and Sehun, you take them for granted sometimes. A lot of the time, kind of. It's not that you don't care about us, I know you do, but you kind of have a tendency to neglect us, I guess. You don't put as much work in to the relationship as the other side, is what I'm trying to say. And then you expect us to just stick around while you do things that hurt us. I'm sorry. This sounds horrible." 

Jongin was silent, mulling over everything Taemin had just said. It definitely hurt to hear. Did Taemin really feel neglected? And how did this help him fix his friendship with Sehun? 

"Okay..." He finally said. "Is there anything else you want to say?"

"Jongin, don't be mad, please, I'm sorry-"

"-Why would I be mad? I'm not, really," Jongin reached out, taking one of Taemin's hands in his own. "Please keep talking." 

"O-okay." Taemin cleared his throat. "I just think that Sehun's mad at you for a good reason, but I think that you guys can resolve things. The only reason I can think of Sehun not wanting to stay friends with you is the same reason that I..." Taemin looked away from Jongin. "Maybe I should just stop talking." He laughed weakly. Jongin didn't know what to do. He wanted Taemin to continue, but there was obviously an important reason as to why he stopped so suddenly. As much as Jongin didn't think he wanted to know, he had to. He couldn't just let the conversation end there.

"What do you want to say?"

"I don't want to say anything." Taemin's voice trembled as he spoke.

"Please. It's okay. If it's something I should know, please tell me." Jongin squeezed Taemin's hand reassuringly. The boy nodded quickly, still refusing to look at Jongin. 

"I'm scared, Jongin. I-I'm scared of being with you." Taemin paused. "You've made me hurt before. I don't want to get hurt again. I think it's similar for Sehun." 

They sat in silence for a few minutes, both lost in their own thoughts. Jongin understood now. He knew that he had done things that had hurt Sehun throughout the course of their friendship, and remembering the rough times over the past years, he felt guilty. He was a terrible friend. He could change that, though. He was sure of it. But what concerned him the most, at the moment, was Taemin. He wanted his boyfriend to have some confidence in their relationship, to not be afraid of getting hurt, but what could he do to make that happen?

"Taemin," Jongin's voice was quiet. "Please look at me." 

Taemin only shook his head in response. Jongin didn't know what to do.

"Okay. That's okay," He told the boy. "I have a question, though, is that alright with you?" 

Taemin nodded.

"Tae," He said quietly. "Why are you still with me? If you're afraid of being with me, why are you still here?"

Silence. Jongin waited, unsure if he would actually get an answer.

"You know why, Jongin. Please don't make me say it." Taemin's voice was barely above a whisper.

"Okay. I'm sorry," Jongin squeezed Taemin's hand again. "I didn't mean to make you upset." 

Taemin finally looked at Jongin then, a tiny smile on his lips. There were tears in his eyes.

"That's okay. We've needed to talk like this for a while. Now we've at least started the conversation."

Jongin nodded, reaching with his free hand to brush Taemin's bangs aside. Hearing that he'd hurt Taemin so much had been like a slap in the face, but maybe it was one that he'd needed. He didn't want to hurt him anymore. He cared about Taemin so, so much, and he didn't think he could live with himself if he didn't somehow make things better in their relationship.

******

A week passed, time dragging by slowly, as was Taemin's progress. His surgery had been successful, he could move his legs again, but there was still a long road ahead of him in terms of recovery. For the days immediately following the operation, he'd been in extreme pain, but by the end of the week it had dulled into a feeling of discomfort. Now it was just a matter of regaining his strength and relearning how to do things. Currently, Taemin was still working on just standing up, he wasn't ready to start walking again yet. Jongin knew his boyfriend was frustrated, it was evident every time he helped him, but there was nothing that could be done to speed up his progress. 

Taemin scared him sometimes, honestly. On several occasions Jongin had walked into Taemin's room to find the boy attempting to stand or even walk on his own, which, obviously, was something he wasn't at all ready to do yet. Today was one of those days, it seemed. Today, Jongin had found Taemin sitting at the edge of his bed, head in his hands. 

"Taemin?" Jongin called softly, concern piercing his heart. Taemin raised his head, turning slightly to look at Jongin. Frustration was written clearly across his face, although he seemed to be trying to keep a blank expression. "What are you doing? You didn't try to get up on your own again, did you?"

Taemin shook his head, sighing heavily. Jongin went over to his boyfriend, sitting beside him on the edge of the bed.

"Why are you just sitting here like this?" He asked, looking to the blank white wall facing them. Taemin sniffled. They sat in silence for a few minutes, each second dragging by painfully slow. "What's wrong, Tae?" Jongin tried again.

"I'm just so sick of this," Taemin finally said. "I want to be back to normal again. I want my back to stop bothering me, and I want to not have to struggle to even stand up," He paused. "I want to be out of here, I just want to go home."

Jongin nodded, waiting a moment before speaking.

"Well, you've been making good progress. If you keep going like this you'll probably get to go back to Jinki's in a couple weeks."

"Why would I go back to Jinki's house? And even a couple weeks is still so long. I'm sick of this place." 

Jongin looked to Taemin now. The boy's eyes were closed, and Jongin knew that he was trying to hold back tears. He reached up, brushing Taemin's bangs out of his face.

"The time will pass more quickly than you expect," He tried to comfort Taemin. "Do you not plan on staying with Jinki after this?"

"No," Taemin opened his eyes, turning his head to look at Jongin. "I want to go home. I want to be with you." 

Jongin couldn't help but to smile in his surprise. 

"I'm home to you?"

"Don't get too full of yourself," Taemin said. "Or I'll regret saying that. I didn't mean you, anyway, just the apartment where you also happen to live." He was straight faced, but his eyes were smiling, and Jongin suddenly felt warm inside. Taemin really wanted to be with him. Taemin had just told him that he was his home. Jongin leaned in, closing the gap between them to press a quick kiss to Taemin's lips. Taemin flushed, and Jongin laughed to himself at the boy's reaction. Now he was getting shy. 

"Here," Jongin suddenly stood up. He was going to do something, or at least try to. "Let me help you." 

"What?" Taemin cocked his head to the side. Jongin held out his hands.

"Give me your hands." 

"I-I don't know if that's is a good idea..." Taemin protested. 

"You'll be fine. I've done this before." 

Taemin hesitated, thinking it over. After a moment, he tentatively placed his hands in Jongin's. Jongin took a step back from the bed. Taemin slid his hands up Jongin's arms to grab his elbows. 

"Whenever you're ready, Tae." Jongin said softly. Taemin nodded. He took a deep breath, briefly closing his eyes as he inhaled. 

"Okay." He appeared to steel himself, opening his eyes and exhaling. Leaning heavily on Jongin for support, he began to try standing up.

It was obviously hard, but he managed to pull himself up. He was holding onto Jongin for dear life, and he was really wobbly, but he was doing it. 

"That's it." Jongin smiled down at the boy. "You're fine, see?" Taemin nodded. His legs were shaking now from the effort of standing, and he tightened his grip on Jongin. "Do you want to sit down now?" Jongin asked, worried, but Taemin shook his head.

"I-I want to stand a little bit longer." 

"Okay." Jongin stayed completely still, continuing to hold Taemin up. A minute or so passed, and Jongin could feel that Taemin was beginning to tire. 

"I want to sit now, I think." He seemed frustrated. 

Jongin helped him to sit back down on the edge of the bed. 

"God, this ." Taemin sighed.

"I know. It'll pass, though. You'll keep getting stronger. It's just a matter of time."

"I suppose." 

Jongin leaned downwards, pressing his lips to Taemin's. When he broke away, he whispered,

"It'll be okay."

******

Taemin was slowly showing more and more progress. By the end of the week after Jongin had helped him stand alone in his room, he'd been able to take his first small steps. He needed something to support him, obviously, and he still couldn't stand for all that long or take more than a couple steps, but it was still a huge deal, considering everything. However, Taemin seemed to be falling into a slump of sorts, easily getting frustrated with himself and sometimes being extremely unmotivated to even try getting up. Jongin didn't know what to do, he tried to motivate and support his boyfriend as much as he could, but his words of encouragement seemed to have barely any effect on Taemin.

So when Taemin's friends stopped by to visit one afternoon, Jongin was almost relieved, hoping that by some miracle, they could improve Taemin's attitude. Taemin did seem to perk up a little when they came in the room, smiling for the first time in ages. 

"You guys made it!" He said to the two men standing in the doorway. Jongin had absolutely no clue who they were, although the shorter man did look vaguely familiar. "Come in, Jongin doesn't bite." Taemin laughed a little as he said it. He actually laughed. Jongin smiled, just glad that Taemin's mood already seemed to be improving.

"Yeah, sorry we couldn't come sooner, work has been insane lately. I've barely even seen Jjong and I live with him!" The taller of the two men apologized as they approached Taemin. Jongin could relate to that. 

"It's fine," Taemin seemed to remember that Jongin didn't know his friends. "Oh! Kibum and Jonghyun, this is Jongin. Jongin, this is Kibum," He gestured to the taller. "and Jonghyun." He gestured to the shorter. 

"Nice to meet you." Jongin said politely. 

Jonghyun kindly returned the sentiment while Kibum simply gave him an odd look. Jongin tried to ignore it. Jonghyun elbowed Kibum, and the two exchanged a glance, seemingly arguing with their eyes. Jonghyun sighed, and Kibum looked away. Jongin suddenly felt awkward.

"Well, um... I'll go for bit? Give you guys some time to catch up." He stood from his seat beside Taemin's bed and tried to make his way to the door, but Taemin called him back.

"Jongin," he whined. "Come here a moment." Jongin turned and headed back to Taemin's side, taking the hand that his boyfriend held out to him. Taemin pulled him down close and pecked him on the lips. "Okay, you can go now." He flashed Jongin a smile. Jongin shook his head in amusement, pulling away from the boy and walking out past Kibum and Jonghyun to the door. 

"See you in a bit." He said over his shoulder. He didn't really know what to do, and his next shift didn't start for a couple more hours, so he had quite a bit of time to kill. He decided to go to the cafeteria first, he couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten, which probably meant it was something like yesterday afternoon. He'd lost quite a bit of weight from spending so much time in the hospital, since he forgot to eat often, and didn't usually eat proper meals. He hadn't even noticed how much skinnier he'd gotten until Taemin had pointed it out one day in concern. Since then, he'd been trying to remember to eat more often, wanting to keep himself healthy, as well as to keep Taemin from worrying over him. His boyfriend had enough on his mind already, it seemed. 

Jongin hadn't realized just how hungry he was until he arrived in the cafeteria, and he ended up taking huge portions of just about everything that appealed to him. He sat alone, eating slowly, since he knew he had time to spare. He was around halfway done when someone sat down in the seat across from him, resting their elbows on the table in front of him. Jongin startled at the sudden company, but upon looking up from his food and seeing who it was, his momentary fright fizzled into confusion. It was Taemin's friend, Jonghyun.

"Glad I found you here," Jonghyun picked at something on his hand before looking at Jongin with a small smile. "I was worried I'd have to search the whole hospital."

Jongin quickly swallowed his mouthful of food before speaking.

"I... uh, I don't want to sound rude, but why aren't you with Taemin right now?" 

"You don't sound rude. I just wanted to talk to you. I'm Taemin's friend, but this is the first time I've met you. Of course, I've heard about you before, but I want to get to know you myself." Jonghyun had a really warm smile, Jongin noted, and it didn't seem to leave his lips the whole time he was speaking. 

Jongin nodded. He still wasn't exactly sure what Jonghyun's purpose for joining him here was, or why he had to talk to him right now, but he decided to go with it.

"Well..." Jongin didn't know what to say. "What do you want to know about me? You probably know everything anyway, I mean Taemin's probably like told you how we met and stuff, and maybe even what my job is. Is there really anything more to know?"

"Just knowing facts about someone doesn't mean you know them, or even all that much about them. I want to know who you are as a person, I guess is what I'm trying to say. Your job and the story of how you met Taemin can't tell me any of that, can they?" Jonghyun's eyes twinkled good-naturedly. Jongin was taken aback at the man's words. 

"I-I guess not, no." He stammered. "But how else do you start to get to know me?"

"Just talking is enough," Jonghyun said. "Just talk with me for a bit, and then I'll go back to Taemin's room." 

"Okay..." Jongin hoped Jonghyun didn't expect him to start the conversation. He really had nothing to talk about.

"Oh, right." Jonghyun appeared to remember something. "I want to apologize to you for Kibum... he's just very protective of the people he cares about, and he's not quite over what happened on Taemin's birthday..." 

Jongin cocked his head.

"What happened on Taemin's birthday?"

"You mean you don't know?" 

Jongin froze. He didn't want to tell Jonghyun that he'd forgotten when Taemin's birthday even was, but what other choice did he have?

"Well... in all honesty, I... I don't really remember when Taemin's birthday was." Jonghyun's eyes widened for a moment in shock, but he snapped himself out of it a moment later.

"July eighteenth. That's his birthday," Jonghyun's voice was surprisingly soft. "And it was the day you saw him outside of a bar and accused him of cheating on you. With me, by the way, so I'd like for you to know that I'm happily engaged to Kibum." His tone and expression were serious, but he didn't sound bitter. 

"O-oh." Jongin was once again at a loss for words. The sudden guilt rushing up into his stomach was threatening to eat him alive now. He'd really done that terrible thing on Taemin's birthday... having also forgotten it was his boyfriend's birthday. Wow, he really was a ty boyfriend. 

"I guess he didn't tell you. I mean, I can understand why, he probably didn't want you to feel too bad about it." 

"But I should! I do feel absolutely terrible now, and I completely deserve it. God, I wish I wasn't such an utter ." 

"Try not to feel too bad about it. He's obviously forgiven you for it, if he kept it secret for this long. I don't know much about your relationship, Jongin, but I know a lot about Taemin. He loves you. A lot." Jonghyun's warm eyes held nothing but sincerity, and Jongin stayed silent, letting his words sink in. 

"And I..." He spoke up after a moment's silence. "I know he loves me. He told me. And I'm still too scared to say it back." 

"But if you could say it, would you truly mean it?"

"Yes." Jongin didn't hesitate. "I would. I do. I just can't yet." 

"What's stopping you?" Jonghyun looked genuinely curious, and Jongin had the weird feeling that he could really tell the man before him anything.

"Someone else. Not like that, not like there's another person I'm seeing. It's just complicated. It's someone I loved a long time ago, who I'm still struggling to let go of." Jongin paused, collecting his thoughts. "But Jonghyun, I want so badly to let go. To free us both. For us to both be happy again. I haven't felt the way I feel about Taemin for anyone in so long, and I just want to feel free to do that. I want to be able to tell him how I feel. But I can't. I don't know what to do." 

Jonghyun listened quietly while Jongin talked, and he remained silent for what felt like a long time afterwards, a thoughtful expression on his face. Finally, he answered.

"I don't know who that person is, or your story with them, but it's not their fault. Don't blame them. They're not the one holding you back, you are. And you're the only one who can help yourself with that. Until you decide to let them go, you'll be stuck, even if you hate it. I'm afraid no one but yourself can help you there."

Jongin didn't respond, so Jonghyun continued talking.

"Taemin is patient. He'll wait for you, he probably understands that you need time to figure things out better than anyone else. But he's not going to stick around forever. He can only let his heart hurt for so long, you know that." 

Jongin nodded slowly. His mind was reeling. Jonghyun was still talking, but he'd changed the subject to something much lighter now. Jongin tried to listen, but he couldn't help but to be lost in his own thoughts. He and Jonghyun talked for a little while longer, and then Jonghyun went back to Taemin's room and left Jongin alone with his food.

But Jongin no longer had much of an appetite. He couldn't stop thinking the same thing over and over:

Jonghyun is right.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A/N

Hi! Sorry for updating so late, but I've been really busy this summer :((

This is it guys, we're really nearing the end... the next chapter is the last one (and probably the longest) and then there's the epilogue. If everything goes how I want it to, and hopefully it will, you won't have to wait a very long time for the last parts to come out, because I fully intend to have this fic finished by the end of the summer. Can you believe I've been working on this since January 2017?? I know I took like a six/seven month hiatus at one point, but still, that's crazy.

Anyways, I hope you enjoy this, and as always, a big thank you to all my lovely supporters who read and comment and subscribe and upvote, I really appreciate you all soooo much!! <3

Thanks for reading!

-H