Jongin wasn't sure when he and Taemin sharing the bed became a normal thing, and as much as he knew it shouldn't, it bothered him. Taemin was in the bed that used to be his and Kyungsoo's, and Taemin even slept on Kyungsoo's side. He tried to pretend it wasn't a big deal, but he had to admit, it freaked him out. And of course, it didn't help his sleeping problem at all, if anything, it was only making it worse. Jongin would be up for hours, unable to fall asleep, resulting in him suffering greatly when he had to wake up. He hadn't said anything about it to Taemin yet, but he knew that his boyfriend had probably already caught onto the issue and was just waiting to bring it up. 

He knew for sure that his sleeping issue was getting bad, however, when he became so tired that started falling asleep during the daytime. He did his best to not let his exhaustion get the best of him, drinking coffee or energy drinks in an attempt to stay awake, but he knew he couldn't keep doing it. And then came the day he fell asleep standing up, in public, with Taemin. They were waiting on the line to get into the art museum - they went there rather frequently now - and Jongin was standing behind Taemin, resting his head on the shorter boy's shoulder. He didn't expect to fall asleep, he wasn't even aware that he was that tired, but the next thing he knew, Taemin was calling his name, eyes wide with concern. Jongin straightened up, mildly embarassed. 

"Jongin, what the hell?" Taemin hissed. 

"I'm sorry, I'm really tired, I just didn't realize I was that-"

"-I think we should go home," Taemin cut him off, taking his hand. "You need to sleep." 

"But-"

"-We're going, come on. We can always come back here, I'm not letting you stay now." Taemin stepped out of the line, dragging Jongin back in the direction of the apartment complex. 

"Taemin, I'm fine, really..."

He was ignored, Taemin continuing to pull him along the sidewalk. He gave in, knowing better than to protest further, it was clear that Taemin wouldn't stop. They walked the rest of the way back in silence, Jongin having absolutely no idea what to even say to his boyfriend. They arrived back at the apartment, and only once they were inside did Taemin let go of Jongin, turning to face him. 

"Jongin, what's going on? Why aren't you sleeping?" 

"I didn't think you noticed..." 

"Of course I noticed, it would be impossible not to. You have so much trouble getting up in the mornings, and you're always so tired, and now this, the falling asleep randomly during the day. You really think I wouldn't notice? I'm worried, Jongin, you're scaring me." Taemin wouldn't look at him. 

"I'm sorry, I don't know why I can't, I just... I just can't. I know it's bad but I don't think there's anything I can do about it." 

"Is it me?"

"What?"

"Is it because of me? You know, my being in there, or something. Is it my fault? I don't want you to think I'm invading your space or something, I can always go back to the couch."

Jongin stared at Taemin in shock. The boy was so perceptive, he'd somehow managed to pick up on the very feelings Jongin had been struggling with. But Jongin knew that he couldn't just throw Taemin back out of his room, and at this point, he wasn't sure he wanted Taemin to go anymore. He wanted space, he supposed, but he certainly didn't want to be alone. He shook his head. 

"No, it's not. It's not you. Please stay there with me. I don't know why I can't sleep, but it's not because of you. I'll find a way to fix it eventually, okay?"

Taemin finally met Jongin's eyes. 

"Okay..." 

Jongin smiled reassuringly. Taemin leaned forward, giving him a quick peck on the lips before pushing him in the direction of their bedroom. 

"Now go take a nap, you need one." 

*****

It was late, Jongin had a job interview in the morning, and Taemin had decided he wasn't going to sleep until Jongin did. It was currently proving tougher for him than either one of them has expected, but he was determined. He was struggling to keep his eyes open, head resting in Jongin's lap as Jongin toyed with his hair. 

"Tell me about him." Taemin's voice startled Jongin. 

"What?"

"Kyungsoo. Tell me about him. Only if you want to, of course. I just got curious." 

Jongin was silent for a moment. Should he? Actually, no, could he? He swallowed hard, a lump already forming at the back of his throat. 

"I'll try." he croaked. 

"Okay." 

Jongin paused again, attempting to gather himself. 

"Well, you two aren't very similar. He was nothing like you, actually. You're kinda short, but he was shorter, he was really small. He wasn't really... welcoming? I don't know how to put it. He was perfectly friendly, but he didn't really look like it. He had really big eyes, it made his smile kind of unnerving, at least when you first met him, anyway. It was a pretty cute smile, honestly. But he didn't think so. He really was just a cute guy, though," Jongin smiled faintly at the thought of Kyungsoo's face, closing his eyes to keep them from watering. "He thought a lot, too. He was pretty quiet, he always had something going on at the back of his mind. He was really smart..."

He stopped speaking for a few minutes, playing absently with Taemin's hair. This was going to be a lot harder to talk about than he'd expected. Finally, he started up again. 

"Before he got sick, he was a business major. He was at the top of his class, too. Always told me he was going to get involved in something right after graduating, and before we knew it, we'd be rich and living the good life. Kind of a stupid fantasy, but it was a nice thought. Maybe it really would've happened, I don't know. He always wanted the best for me, too, to the point where he'd do absolutely anything to make me happy. Neither one of us really had money, I mean, we were both broke college kids, but he'd still always get me expensive things or go out of his way to get what I wanted. I always felt so bad that he spent so much of his money on me, you know? I didn't deserve him, I never did anything to make up for everything he did for me." 

Taemin hummed softly, letting Jongin know that he was still awake and listening, encouraging him to continue. 

"Kyungsoo... he proposed to me. And then when he got sick, it was him who suggested that we put the wedding off. I think he knew," Jongin swallowed. "He knew that he was going to die. Even then, towards the beginning. Like I said, he was smart, he was really perceptive, and he just knew how some things would end up. I don't know how. You already know this, but I left school for him. When I first left things were still going alright, he was okay, but then-" His voice broke, and he had to take a moment. "Then it got really bad. I don't know how he held on for as long as he did. He actually died right at the beginning of the second year, I just didn't go back to school. I had to work three jobs trying to pay off the all medical bills and funeral expenses. When I finally did that I went back to school, but nothing was the same. All of the people I used to be friends with had graduated and moved on, and I hated my major, even though I used to love it when Kyungsoo was around. So I dropped it, I tried to erase everything that reminded me of him, all I wanted, all I still want, is a painless existence, and I can't even seem to have that..."

Taemin sat up, making Jongin release the strand of hair he'd been fooling around with. Taemin didn't say anything, wrapping his arms around Jongin's torso, holding him close. That was what really did it for Jongin, and he finally let go of the tears he'd been trying so hard to hold back.

It sure wasn't his best moment, sobbing into the embrace of his boyfriend at one in the morning, but he knew that somehow, it was good for him. Part of the healing process, perhaps. 

"Jongin," Taemin cooed, nudging him. Jongin looked up at the boy through watery eyes. "I'm sorry, I know it's hard. Thank you."

He wasn't quite sure why Taemin was thanking him, but he nodded anyway, suddenly tired. Maybe the key to falling asleep was crying. 

"I think I'm gonna go to sleep now. I think I actually can." 

Taemin eyed him cautiously for a few seconds, as if unsure whether or not to believe him, but after some thought, simply shrugged to himself and let it go. 

"Well in that case, goodnight, Jongin."

"Goodnight, Tae." 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A/N

Okay! So, a lot's happened?? I'm so sorry for the slow updates and short chapters, but I've been really busy... 

And school ends this month for me, so I have finals coming up and I really don't know how much time I'll have to write, but if you can just stick with me through these next couple weeks I promise that the updates will be regular and the chapters will be longer once I finally get out of school for the summer! 

Thanks so much to all my subscribers, upvoters, commenters, and readers, you guys are really the best!! <3 (especially for sticking with me through my hectic schedule and late/short updates) 

I wish I could say more right now, but I'm really pressed for time so I'm gonna have to cut it short here... :(

Thanks for reading!! <3 <3

-H