", I left Jonghyun waiting over there..." 

Taemin's voice made Jongin lift his head, looking at the boy in bewilderment. 

"My best friend from high school. I haven't seen him in ages so we went out here to catch up tonight." Taemin explained. 

"Oh. Are you two, uh, are you-"

"He's engaged, you don't need to worry," Taemin smiled, and Jongin's insides burned. "I should, however, go back to him right now, I've kept him waiting long enough." 

"Yeah..." Jongin wasn't sure what to do. 

"I'll see you at home?" It was phrased as a question, but it felt more like a command. 

"Yeah, sure..." Jongin got up, taking a step away from the table before stopping short when he felt Taemin grab his wrist. His heart raced, and he felt his face flush. 

"We have to talk later, please wait for me. Unless you're tired, but please. We can't just avoid this, whatever it is." The urgent tone of Taemin's voice made Jongin worry, but he tried to brush it aside. Without facing the other, he nodded, and Taemin's hand slowly slipped from his wrist, allowing him to walk away. 

Jongin headed out into the cold night, going home, only able to wonder about what was coming next. 

*****

The small apartment was dark and silent, the only light coming from the kitchen, where Jongin was leaning against the counter, head resting on a cabinet, eyes closed. He wasn't sleeping, just trying to drown out his own thoughts. With what, he didn't know. For once, he just wanted to stop thinking. Too much had gone on in the past few hours for him to even comprehend, and his mind was racing at the speed of light. The chaotic emotions of guilt and giddiness rushed through him all at once, coursing through his veins, under his skin, making him warm. He was tired, but he wanted to wait up for Taemin. 

But why should he? Why did he even admit to liking Taemin in the first place? He was supposed to be loyal, but then Taemin ruined it for him. It was his fault, not Jongin's. Taemin was trying to take him away from Kyungsoo. How could he be so blind? 

And yet, he remained. He never moved from his position, continuing to wait. The clock on the wall ticked slowly, and Jongin opened his eyes, regretting it instantly. The small space of his kitchen, once cozy, was now too cramped, and he felt suffocated. Jongin's breath hitched, his heart pounded. The dim light suddenly became searing, and with an anguished cry, he slammed his eyes shut. All the air retreated from his lungs, he couldn't breathe, oh God, he couldn't breathe. The tight feeling in Jongin's chest grew worse, and his eyes flew open once again as he gasped violently for air, bursting forward from his leaning position. The kitchen lights were still much too bright, they hurt his head. Jongin grasped his hair in his hands, tugging at it, as if it would do something to make it all stop. He stumbled forward, out of the kitchen and into the dark of his living room. The kitchen light disappeared, he was enclosed in a dark space. Jongin couldn't see anything, he staggered blindly into something hard, falling back with a loud thump. The impact knocked any air he'd managed to get out of his lungs, and once again he was left gasping for breath like a fish out of water. Was he dying? 

The blackness seemed to expand around him, stretching out in all directions. What he once knew to be a small room was now an infinitely large one, and he was terrified, terrified of the new nothingness surrounding him. He wasn't enclosed, but in a sense, he was still so hopelessly trapped. Jongin would have screamed, but he didn't have the breath to even muster a slight noise. He lay there on the floor, ready to accept whatever came next for him, thinking it was the end. And what an end it was, he thought bitterly, reflecting on how he'd not only confessed to Taemin, but betrayed Kyungsoo in the process. He was a ty person. Perhaps, in the afterlife, if there even was such a thing, Kyungsoo wouldn't even want him back. Serves him right, honestly. He was a disloyal scumbag, a cheater, literal human garbage. Jongin might as well be worth as much as the dirt he'd soon be buried in - absolutely nothing. He didn't deserve Kyungsoo, he didn't deserve Taemin. If he was really dying, which it truly did seem he was, maybe it was for the better. Taemin didn't need him, Taemin didn't want him. As for Kyungsoo, he was another matter entirely. 

But then, through the darkness and quiet suffocation, came a noise, soft and barely there, but still a sign of hope, a life raft in the middle of the ocean. The unlocking of his front door. It could only mean one thing; Taemin. There was silence, the only noise the strangled noises Jongin made as he struggled for breath. He couldn't even be sure the sound of the door was real; at this point Jongin could easily be hallucinating. But it must have been real, because suddenly, the lights of his living room flicked on, blinding him. He quickly shut his eyes, feeling pain sear through his head. 

"Jongin!" He barely heard Taemin calling his name, and the boy's voice sounded muffled and distant. Jongin opened his eyes again to a blurry figure crouched over him. It was like he was underwater, he could barely hear, could barely see. 

He tried to answer Taemin, but the only sound that escaped his lips was a small groan as he continued to gasp for air. There was more muffled noise; Taemin was speaking, but Jongin couldn't make out what he was saying. There was a hand on his shoulder, then he felt himself being shaken, but no matter how much he wished he could somehow reach out to Taemin, to speak to him, to do something, anything, to let him know he was alright, he simply couldn't. 

The hand was gone, and the figure before him dissolved. 

"Jongin!"

His eyes snapped open, transporting him out of his dream. Relief swept through him as he realized he'd been asleep, that it hadn't been real. Taemin was standing in front of him, hands resting on his shoulders. Jongin flushed when he realized, and quickly looked down, not wanting Taemin to see. 

"I guess I fell asleep," Jongin said, unsure of what to do next. 

"If you were tired you could've gone to bed..." Taemin's voice was soft. 

"I wanted to wait up for you though. What time is it, anyway?" 

"It's around one-thirty. You should just go to sleep." 

"But you wanted to talk, didn't you?" 

"I still do, but we can talk in the morning. You're tired, get some rest." Taemin moved his hand, cupping Jongin's cheek. All Jongin could do in response was nod, his mind going blank as soon as Taemin touched him. 

"Goodnight, Taemin," he finally said, brushing past the boy to walk to his room. 

"Goodnight, Jongin."