Moonbyul glanced out the window at the people walking by the coffee shop.  She was fighting the urge to check her watch again.  She knew without even looking that it was 4:59 and Solar was an hour late.

 

After not texting back for nearly a week, Moonbyul had finally resorted to having Wheein act as the messenger with a lengthy hand-written note.  She had ignored the mutterings of enabling the next Romeo and Juliet, waiting eagerly for a reply.  A few days later, Wheein came back with a strangely drawn expression, tentatively handing back a paper folded so many times that the words written were practically blurred.

 

Coffee at 4?

 

And so Moonbyul had waited, leg thumping and mind racing.  She knew that what Solar had felt in the moments of their date had been overwhelming and confusing.  That part of herself was what made her keep a respectful distance and respect when she had asked for space. But another part was desperate for any interaction the other girl would give her. 

 

So if Solar couldn’t stand to look at her romantically because of the dredges of past memories, Moonbyul was willing to let her go.  She had practiced the speech.  She was going to tell Solar how she understood if things were too awkward to pursue anything at the moment.  And even though some part of her ached at the thought of it, she’d tell the other girl that it was okay if she needed space more permanently.  She just wanted some sort of communication from Solar.

 

Yongsun and Solar both struggled to convey their feelings clearly.

 

In the time long ago that was edged a little with grey, Moonbyul remembered Yongsun murmuring into her ear as they lay in darkness that she struggled with saying what she felt.  She would tamp down on any doubts and trust whatever Solar said completely because she lov-

 

“Excuse me.”

 

Moonbyul looked up at the murmur and saw that Solar was standing near her table, letting an annoyed waitress walk by her.  Even though it had only been a week, the sight of the other girl in a black skirt and pale sweater made her heart pound.  Without even thinking she was grinning.

 

“Were you watching me for awhile?”

 

Solar, whose eyes had dropped to the floor out of what must have been embarrassment, nodded.  She clenched her jaw once before looking up and Moonbyul felt her stomach churn at just how intense her eyes shone.  It was like she was seeing Moonbyul for the first time.

 

“I hadn’t seen you in awhile,” Solar simply said, her voice a little rough from disuse.  Moonbyul grinned again as she conjured up a steaming mug of tea, sliding it over with ease.

 

“So you missed me?”

 

Solar swallowed and god were her eyes shiny like she was about to cry.

 

“I missed you.”

 

Moonbyul’s smile faltered a bit but she tried to hide it as she gestured for the other girl to sit.  There was something unusually regal about Solar as she sat, back ramrod straight and hands clasped demurely in her lap.  She was more Yongsun than ever and it startled Moonbyul.

 

“Have you been well?”

 

Solar flinched and her eyes dropped to the table.  Moonbyul frowned as she watched Solar’s jaw twitch once.  The thoughts the other girl must be having scared Moonbyul.  The fear of the unknown was something she never could quite handle.  Even though she could no longer die.

 

“I think we should stop seeing each other.”

 

“Do you?”

 

“That’s why I didn’t contact you for so long.”

 

Moonbyul swallowed the tumultuous wave of complicated emotions that threatened to overwhelm her. 

 

“I see.”

 

Solar eyes slid up from the wooden table top and as they looked into each other’s eyes she felt something electric.  The other woman seemed to be looking at her as if she was trying to find something she had lost.

 

“You seem fine with this.”

 

“I was actually going to talk to you about our… relationship today.  I wanted to let you know that if you needed space, physical or emotional, that was fine by me.”

 

“So you wouldn’t mind if I never saw you again?”

 

Moonbyul’s mouth pulled downward.

 

“Well I wouldn’t go that far.  I… I would always want to see you.  It’s just more of a matter of if you want to see me.  And if you never wanted to see me again… then I would have to be fine with it.”

 

“Why? You clearly have feelings for me.  Why would you prioritize my feelings over yours?”

 

Moonbyul’s frown deepened at the strange needling persistence in Solar’s words.  It was like she was unsatisfied with whatever answer she provided. 

 

“Solar-ssi… are you looking for a particular answer from me? I want to do what makes you most comfortable, despite how it makes me feel.  That’s my priority.”

 

“You always do that!”

 

Moonbyul swallowed at the ferocity in the words.  She saw a few curious heads turn in their direction.  Worrying about getting the other woman any more angry, Moonbyul decided to not use her powers to create an orb of silence around them.

 

“What do you mean?” she asked, dropping her voice lower to try to temper the angry outburst.  But Solar’s eyes were shining with something and cajoling words didn’t seem like a cure to whatever it was.

 

“Don’t you have any pride? I’m pushing you away even though I can tell how much you want me.  Why don’t you fight me back? Why don’t you tell me how much you want me and chase after me?”

 

“Because that feeling of desire for you is outweighed by my respect for you, Solar-ssi. And if you feel that you want to stop seeing me then I will respect your wishes.”

 

Solar’s jaw twisted and Moonbyul’s breath caught as tears trickled down her face.

 

“Y-you idiot… you always just let me jerk you around whichever way I pleased…”

 

Finally Moonbyul put the world on pause with a snap of her wrist so that the everything was still.  It was just her and Solar in a coffee shop, cacooned by the intimacy of an artificial bubble of silence.  She rose from her seat and tentatively approached the other woman.  She knelt slowly at her side and looked up at Solar’s face, pulling a handkerchief from the pocket of her coat.  Solar looked down at her then and the usual spark crackled between the two of them and Moonbyul’s heart pounded. 

 

Solar’s eyes were tinged red and instead of grabbing the handkerchief she did something else.

 

It had been so long since Moonbyul had been kissed.  There had been other women after Yongsun of course.  Some she had enjoyed because of their intellect.  Some because they had looked like Yongsun.  She had even loved one, a sharp-tongued girl with a mischievous smile in the southern coast who had held her with simple comfort.  There was no thousand year history that pulled at Moonbyul’s heart with her and every touch felt fresh.

 

But this touch.  Her touch.  It was like the time Moonbyul had tried to die, letting her body drift aimlessly in a boat at sea during a storm.  The waves crashed against her and the thunder crackled above her, overwhelming her senses as perhaps the only human part of her clung onto a desperation to live.  As the little fishing boat nearly capsized every few minutes with the mighty waves of the sea and the fearsome winds of the heavens, Moonbyul had for the first and last time feared for her life.

 

That was what this felt like as Solar breathed warmly against , tangling urgent fingers into the curling hairs at the base of Moonbyul’s scalp, pulling her closer.

 

And gods, when she felt Solar’s tongue trace the curve of her bottom lip, time almost started again as she desperately pulled the other woman down toward her by the waist, pushing urgently upward.

 

Suddenly a hand pushed against her chest and Moonbyul stopped, almost falling onto her heels in a daze.  Solar was staring down at her, one hand still threaded in her hair.   was a little red and her lipstick was a little smeared.  For some reason the sight made Moonbyul smile.

 

But then those tears threatened to spill in Solar’s eyes again and Moonbyul couldn’t temper her reaction anymore.  She rose and pulled the other woman to her chest despite the awkwardness of Solar sitting and Moonbyul standing.  But the touch was reciprocated as she felt Solar’s head nuzzle against her stomach.  Moonbyul gently the crown of her head as she felt the other woman start to cry in earnest.

 

“Solar-ssi… Solar-ssi, you’re alright.  Right now we exist in a time and place that is only ours.  There is no past nor future.  We’re in a sliver of time that only is the present.”

 

Solar suddenly pulled back and she grabbed at Moonbyul’s coat, almost angrily looking up at her with her face still blotchily red from crying.

 

Letting out a shuddering breath Solar shook her head.  She stood and Moonbyul started to go cross-eyed as Solar leaned forward, still clutching at the lapels of her dark grey jacket.

 

They were so close now that they shared the same breath and to Moonbyul this was more sacred then any communion she had with heaven or hell.  Solar was her religion in this moment of frozen time and any caress was Moonbyul’s salvation.

 

“Byulyi-ah, did you ever gaze at the night sky and yearn for a time when we could share it together again?”

 

Moonbyul felt her body stiffen at the words.  Byulyi… but only Yongsun knew that name.

 

As if reading her mind, the other woman smiled and leaned back a little so Moonbyul could see Solar’s face more clearly.  A warm hand softly her cheek, affection tempered by hesitancy. 

 

Moonbyul let out a shaky breath and leaned into the warmth, not breaking eye contact with Solar.

 

“I couldn’t stop staring at you when I saw you again.  It felt like a thousand years passed by in an instant.”

 

Moonbyul’s breath caught in and she felt herself tremble. 

 

“Even though you dyed your hair and you no longer carried a sword… how could I have ever forgotten you?”  Yongsun swallowed and she smiled and Moonbyul was taken back to the time, now a little grey around the edges, when Yongsun had flashed her the same smile when General Moon had ridden through the gates of their home.  It was a welcoming smile.

 

“Y-yongsun…” Moonbyul whispered, trembling a little as she reached forward.  But Yongsun shook her head minutely as she took a step back, putting distance between the two of them.  The warm feeling in Moonbyul’s chest dissipated in an instant.

 

“But I did forget you didn’t I?  I was put on this earth with no memory and forced to be a grim reaper.  I was punished for hundreds of years by Heaven.  Did you ever wonder why?”

 

“Wasn’t it… wasn’t it because of me?”

 

Yongsun scoffed and her eyes seemed to be wet again.

 

“You always put all the blame on yourself.  I saw how you would look after those years of fighting the campaigns to the north.  Did you know you would sleep talk sometimes?  And you would talk about a boy trapped under a horse?  You didn’t tell me that’s why you barely slept but I knew you held guilt in your heart.  And even a thousand years later that part about you hasn’t changed.”

 

“Y-yongsun.”

 

“Heaven wasn’t punishing me because of you, Moon Byulyi.  Heaven was punishing you because of me.”

 

Moonbyul frowned and tilted her head slightly in confusion, trying to understand such a foreign concept.

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“We destroyed a dynasty together, you and I.  But didn’t you know that it was my fault that everything fell apart and you were just a chess piece on the board. I was maneuvering you and the king whichever way I pleased and you both just blindly swayed to my whims.”

 

“I don’t understand.”

 

Yongsun mouth twitched and she laughed a little, the sound bitter and cold.

 

“Of course you wouldn’t understand.  Because I fooled you for a thousand years.  I let you think you were the cause of my suffering for so long.  But Byulyi, didn’t you know? I was your downfall.”

 

“What are you talking about?”  Moonbyul cried out in frustration as dread chilled her.  There was something terrifying at the way Yongsun spoke in this moment of frozen time.  It was like they were both at an equilibrium with their present and past selves.  In this place Yongsun and Solar were together with Byulyi and Moonbyul.     

 

“I slept with the king.  Multiple times when you were away.  I did it because I wanted the power of being queen.  And I lied about it to you until the day I died.  And you had no idea! You trusted me like some loving idiot with absolutely no clue!”

 

Moonbyul shoulders dropped and suddenly time started again.  She registered that people were suddenly bustling around.  Probably a few were staring at her and Yongsun in confusion but nosy people stared and didn’t intervene. 

 

Speechlessly Moonbyul swayed, putting out a hand and leaning heavily against the coffee table.  It was like she had been struck in the side by a sword.  She wheezed out a pained breath and glanced up at Yongsun who wordlessly watched her with an expression like stone. 

 

“I am not telling you this because I want to apologize or because I want your forgiveness.  I needed to tell you so you could truly know what kind of person you loved.”

 

Moonbyul tried to breathe as she looked down, her gaze falling to the tabletop and her pale hand balled up into an agonizingly tight fist.

 

She heard Yongsun start to move first and without thinking she reflexively grabbed for the other woman’s wrist.  Her grip was loose and if Yongsun had wanted to, she could have pulled free with the weakest of tugs.  But she stopped and their gazes met again.

 

“Then did you never love me?”

 

The words tasted pathetic on Moonbyul’s mouth, like some simpering dog begging for one last scrap. 

 

Yongsun sighed and seemed to contemplate something for a long moment. 

 

“The only honest thing I ever told you were the words I love you.”

 

And then she pulled away and the cafe bells jingled as Yongsun left in a hurried blur, leaving Moonbyul behind in a time moving painfully forward.

 

 

———————————

 

 

She wandered for hours afterward, trying to clear her head.  But she could see so clearly Moonbyul’s eyes shifting from unbearable pain to numbness in seconds.  And she had done that with a few sentences. 

 

It was the truth but it seemed to be a cage, trapping her in a painful loop of those five seconds.  Pain to apathy. 

 

She collapsed onto the bench and shakily exhaled, watched as tendrils of her warm breath curled in the frigid air.  The coldness hurt in a pleasant way she found as it prickled sharply against her face.  It reminded her of a time so long ago when Byulyi had held her from behind and breathed against the nape of her neck, cacooning them in warmth.

 

“I didn’t think you would be able to do it.”

 

Yongsun glanced up and saw a beautiful woman with bright red lipstick and hair styled in a classic black bob.  Her legs we tanned and bare, the only protection from the winter being a gauche fur coat that ended just above her knees. 

 

Samshin Grandmother in the flesh.

 

“I like you better in this outfit than the last one.”

 

“Really? I thought the 10th century Goryeo outfit was rather timeless.”

 

Yongsun tilted her head a little and curled bitterly.

 

“You really succeeded in manufacturing my perfect hell.  Making me fall in love with her again and then revealing to myself how much of a monster I am.  Is this your personal version of a soap opera?”

 

“You didn’t have to tell her.  You could have just continued being with her and had a fresh start.”

 

“But how could I even dream of doing that? How could I even think of lying to her face a second time?”

 

Samshin Grandmother shrugged. 

 

“There is a reason you are a grim reaper, Kim Yongsun.  Hell wasn’t enough for you.  It wouldn’t be a surprise for you to pull something like that.”

 

Even though it was the truth it stung and Yongsun’s eyes welled with tears.  She slumped forward as she crossed her arms over her chest.  If she held herself like this then maybe she could hold herself together, too.

 

“Why are you here? Do you enjoy tormenting me in my most painful moments?”

 

“I think you know why I am here.”

 

“Do I?”

 

Suddenly the world around them went grey, the sky black and the sun a dim white orb.  Samshin Grandmother stood before her in ornate robes of white and black silk, her hair now long and pulled into an ornate up-do.  In one hand she held a long pipe and in the other she held a simple slip of paper. 

 

“When you were in hell do you remember how you were punished?”

 

Yongsun looked down at her clothes and saw that she was wearing the clothes of a thousand years ago but they were sopping wet like she had just been thrown in a river.

 

“I was drowning but I could never die.  I suffocated to death a thousand times before I was pulled out of the water and asked to sign a contract.”  Yongsun’s eyes slid pointedly to the yellowed piece of parchment in Samshin Grandmother’s hand.  “After dying so many times like that anything was a better alternative.  Even damning my soul to eternity as a grim reaper.”

 

“Yes, being a grim reaper is your respite from Hell.”

 

“More like a hell by a different name.”

 

Samshin Grandmother just laughed and took a drag from her pipe, letting purple smoke escape from blood red lips.

 

“Regardless… you are aware that this is a contractual arrangement.  You lead the souls of the newly dead to their destinations and you don’t have to drown under the weight of your lies and falsehoods for all eternity.”

 

Yongsun merely flicked her wet sleeve with pointed emphasis.

 

“I am aware.”

 

“So, would you mind telling me, Kim Yongsun, why you have ceased completing your duties as a grim reaper?”  Smoothly stuffing the contract into one sleeve, Samshin Grandmother snapped her now free fingers and at Yongsun’s feet were a pile of names. 

 

“A Grim Reaper cannot afford to be negligent even for a single second.  Let alone a week.”

 

“I am aware.”

 

Samshin Grandmother grit her teeth. 

 

“And yet here you are, Kim Yongsun.  Planning and plotting as usual.”

 

“Planning? I do not know what you-”

 

“You know what happens to Grim Reapers that neglect their duties.  We send them back to hell.  But of course another Grim Reaper cannot do that task.  No, it goes to one who is much like a god.  But still bound and damned like the lot of you.”

 

“A goblin?” Yongsun asks mirthlessly with a barely there smile.

 

“You are aware that Moon Byulyi will have to strike you down to hell with her sword if you do not comply with your contractual arrangement. Is that why you gave her a reason to hate you? Did you think that way she wouldn’t feel as reluctant to throw you back into your eternal punishment?”

 

She sighed and looked down at her soaked skirts.  Yongsun could recall the suffocating feeling of being unable to breath, her lungs filling with water as she drowned over and over and over again.

 

She had cried for anyone.  Buddha, the gods, her mother, her father, Byulyi.  Dying a thousand times over and over non-stop.  The pain being excruciating every single instance and being helpless to stop the loop. 

 

But that paled in comparison to the pain she felt when she saw Byulyi’s eyes fill with tears. 

 

“We both know that if I did not make her hate me she would never raise her sword against me.  And she would be damned right along with me.”

 

“You are making the same mistakes, Kim Yongsun.  Acting with what you think are the best intentions.  Getting yourself damned in the process.  You did it a thousand years ago and you do it here again.”

 

“Then it is my fate.  And it is something I will happily accept.”

 

“Why?” Samshin Grandmother asked, her normally composed voice trembling a little unnaturally.  “Why on earth would you continue to make these stupid decisions over and over again?”

 

“Moon Byulyi was the only good thing in my life.  She… she loved me and I loved her.  It is my life’s only truth.  I will always try to save her.  Even… even if it comes at a great cost.”

 

“You don’t even know if this is the best decision! You just act, you stupid girl! What if you bring another dynasty to its knees?”

 

“Do you just expect me to do nothing? To be some puppet whose strings are pulled by the gods?  I have had enough of being pulled and thrown from one agenda to another.”

 

Samshin Grandmother pressed her lips together, eyes narrowed dangerously. 

 

“So as long as she is safe the world could burn, hm?”

 

Yongsun shrugged, clutching at her arms and shivering a little at the chill as her wet clothes clung to her skin.  She had mulled this over for the past week in her little apartment.  Lying flat on her back and staring at the ceiling numbly for hours. 

 

Even when Wheein had dropped by and tried to talk sense into her, all Yongsun could think of was how Byulyi’s eyes would look as she drove a sword into her chest.  And her resolve had strengthened then. 

 

“Have you told her yet? That she has to drag me back to hell?”

 

Samshin Grandmother sighed.   

 

“Don’t you think Moon Byulyi has suffered enough? Can’t you just let her be in peace?”

 

“If I am no longer in her life she will finally be at peace.”

 

“You speak as if you have the knowledge of the gods, Kim Yongsun.”

 

“Am I wrong? Don’t you think she would still be tormented? Even if my memory was gone and I was Solar again, she would just long for me and a memory that wasn’t even true.”

 

Samshin Grandmother sighed loudly.

 

“You truly are something.”

 

“My mother did say if I had been born a boy, I would have been a king.”

 

“And then I would have to clean up your bloody mess yet again in that alternate universe.”

 

Yongsun smiled a little and suddenly the world had color again and they were both dressed in their respective costumes. A grim reaper and a god were just a sweet looking girl and a proud looking woman.

 

“Moon Byulyi will know of her mission shortly.  You should be ready for your departure at any time.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“Not quite the response I would expect from someone about to be sent to Hell.”

 

Yongsun stood then and gazed into Samshin Grandmother’s narrowed eyes.  And then she bowed low, her hair flipping forward.

 

“Good-bye, Samshin Grandmother.”

 

When she stood up the other woman was gone and all Yongsun had was the biting cold on her cheeks and the faint smell of ancient smoke.

 

———————————

 

Moonbyul slumped against the bar, idly examining the way the tumbler reflected the glass and the amber liquid.  She took a shot quickly with a hiss, smiling. 

 

“You trusted me like some loving idiot who had no idea!”

 

She laughed again into her hand, eyes narrowing.  She didn’t know how long it had been since she had heard those words.  All she remembered was planting herself down at a bar and not leaving.  Drinking shot after shot and feeling her numbness give way to artificial warmth.

Moonbyul tilted her head and chuckled.  She should have known.  It had been so obvious but she hadn’t even noticed.  She had seen the way the king had looked at her wife but she had thought nothing of it.  Because Yongsun wasn’t looking at him.

 

She was always looking right at Byulyi.

 

rewind

 

The world’s edges were blurry as Byulyi stumbled back to the home.  One of her younger soldiers had helped carry her back, silently taking her good-natured chatter about how excited she was to see her wife and how beautiful she was. 

 

When the gates were opened she threw back her head.

 

“Kim Yongsun, come see your husband!”

 

She saw a candle in Yongsun’s chambers flicker as someone jumped.

 

“Wife!” she bellowed with a laugh, shoving the soldier away from her with a good-natured smile.  “Come greet me! I battled my fellow soldiers and came out victorious in a most fierce war.”

 

But when the door slid back it was the maid, not Yongsun, who greeted her.

 

“M-my Lady did not know you would return so early, My Lord.  She should return to you shortly.  My Lady is visiting her mother at the palace.”

 

Byulyi’s drunkenness hid from her the slight tremble of the servant girl’s hand. 

 

forward

 

“Were you really visiting your mother?” Moonbyul mused quietly as she gestured to the bartender for another drink. She gave an dark chuckle and tapped an expectant finger, waiting for her shot to arrive.  However when she looked at the hands in front of her she frowned.  There was no shot.

 

Glancing up she was greeted to see Wheein in a simple formal outfit of a pressed white button, down slacks, and a tie.

 

“Snuck here to disturb me?” Moonbyul observed bitterly.  She titled her head a little with a sly smile as Wheein rolled her eyes. 

 

“If you were human, you’d be dead by now.  The bartenders were starting to get suspicious.  Your server would have called the hospital if I hadn’t switched with her.”

 

“I could have just made her forget,” grumbled Moonbyul, grumpily resting her cheek on her fist.  She watched with a bored sigh as Wheein busied herself with meticulously polishing a shot glass, tongue peeking out in concentration.

 

“Why are you here, Wheein-ah?”

 

The other girl paused, not looking up from her busy work. 

 

“I… I was worried about you.”

 

“Worried? About me?” Moonbyul laughed loudly, ignoring the pointed stares she got from the high-class patrons.  She could buy off their glares for the rest of their lives.

 

“I know about what happened with Solar-unnie.  It isn’t a pretty sight when a grim reaper remembers.”

 

“Quite a messy thing to recall why you were damned to eternity.”

 

“It is.  It makes you want to go back to Hell.”

 

Moonbyul blinked owlishly, glancing up at Wheein who was looking right back at her.

 

“Have you ever remembered?”

 

Wheein smiled and suddenly time was slow.  Moonbyul glanced behind her and watched as a husband poured a glass of water for his wife and the water moved from the pitcher like syrup.

 

“Any reason for this?” Moonbyul asked, emphatically tapping an impatient nail against her empty glasses.

 

With a sigh, Wheein grabbed a brown bottle from under the counter and gave a liberal pour.

 

“Have you ever heard of the legend of Prince Hodong and the Princess of Nakrang?

 

Moonbyul smiled a little as she looked at the amber liquid in her glass.  She could feel her mind return to a time a little gray where Yongsun had been reading quietly at her desk, waiting for Byulyi to return from training.  During the days when she was back for longer than a few precious weeks.

 

“It’s a tale nearly a thousand years before my time,” Moonbyul remarked. 

 

“How stupid to die for someone who doesn’t love you,” Yongsun said.

 

How stupid indeed.  The whiskey burned as it slid down Moonbyul’s throat in one painful gulp.

 

“History doesn’t even remember the princess’ name.  All they remember is a stupid girl fell in love with a boy and her entire kingdom burned to the ground because of it.”

 

“Our country’s Romeo and Juliet,” Moonbyul observed with a sarcastic smile.

 

“Do you know what really happened?”

 

Moonbyul blinked owlishly.  She looked up at Wheein and for a moment the vague drunkenness she felt dissipated into sharp clarity.  It was Wheein’s eyes, sharp and pained with loss that seemed older than anything she had ever seen.

 

“What happened, Princess?” she asked quietly, watching the way Wheein’s eyes slowly close.

 

“My father… he knew the the kingdom of Koguryeo was eyeing our small country as a future conquest.  They were bigger than us and far more powerful.  And yet we had not yet fallen to another nation. Although we were small we were well-protected and we were very secure. And yet I…”

 

Moonbyul said nothing but just watched as Wheein’s face contorted.

 

“I was a girl.  I was a girl and I knew my brother would make an awful king.  All he did was look after women and chase their skirts.  I thought I was one the one who should have the throne. And Prince Hodong of Koguryeo knew this.  He tricked me, saying that if I helped open the gates he would kill my brother and lay my kingdom at my feet.  Prince Hodong did not bribe me with honeyed promises of love.  He promised me power and wealth.  And I believed him. Because I thought it was the best thing to do for Nakrang.”

 

“So you married him and your kingdom was burned to the ground.”

 

“History makes us off as some tragic love.  That I was torn when I received some letter from a conflicted Prince Hodong telling me of an impossible choice: my kingdom or his.  But things were not so romantic.  I married him with the full intention of murdering my father and opening the gates to my country for my husband.  And he repaid me with a knife to the back and the last thing I saw was everything I had ever known burning to the ground.”

 

Moonbyul said nothing as they stared at each other in silence.  For the first time she saw a flicker of the ancient Princess of Nakrang in her regal silk robes as a city burnt to ash behind her.

 

“When you remembered, what did you do?”

 

Wheein smiled.

 

“I went back to where my old city stood and laid in the grass for a day.  When I closed my eyes I could hear everyone like nothing had happened.  Like I was back with them.”

 

“I see.”

 

“I couldn’t even ask them to forgive me.  I just existed with my people for one last time because I think I just wanted them to know that if things could be different, I would have burned along with them.”

 

“Didn’t you? Weren’t you killed within your city’s gates?”

 

Wheein smiled and Moonbyul could not mistake the teary shine to the other girl’s eyes.

 

“Hodong dragged me outside the city limits so I could watch the city burn with a knife in my back.  I couldn’t even die as a disgraced princess with her people. I died outside of my country as a traitor with an unmarked grave.”

 

Moonbyul said nothing as she nodded thinking of her own burial.  Goryeo had not been kind to her either. Stabbed with her own sword ain a field to be carrion for the crows.  But at least she had died on the land she had spent so much of her life trying to protect. 

 

A small kindness.

 

Wheein let out a shaky laugh and the heaviness that had weighed on her slight shoulders seemed to dissipate.

 

“How did you die, General Moon?  Your name isn’t even in a history book.”

 

“Traitors who murder their mediocre kings do not get a prime spotlight in history, I’m afraid.  He made sure my name was purged along with seven generations of my family.”

 

Wheein on her teeth.

 

“What do you think Solar-unnie is doing right now?”

 

Moonbyul hummed, proud that she didn’t even flinch at the name.  But something felt heavy in her chest.  When she had been resurrected as a goblin with her sword in her chest and the cacophony of crows above her, she hadn’t really thought much of regret and sorrow.  All that burned in her heart had been revenge.

 

But what havoc could she create when she had already murdered the king and her country was thrown into political upheaval? All she could do was curse the gods for making her an immortal monster.   

 

If things had been different would she have wandered her old stomping grounds filled with a guilty heart, trying to clutch at a past that would never forgive her?

 

“It doesn’t matter.  She is free to do whatever she wishes.”

 

“No she isn’t.  She has to keep being a grim reaper and performing her duties.”

 

Moonbyul sighed at the familiar voice.  She noticed Wheein’s face redden at the sight of whoever was behind her and twisted a bit into a smile.  She glanced to her side and saw Samshin Grandmother in a tight black velvet gown.  Her hair was now long and slightly curled, pulled into an elaborate undo that was held elegantly at the base of her neck.  Moonbyul’s eyes flicked down to blood red lips that were strangely unsmiling.

 

“Is something the matter, Samshin Grandmother?”

 

Suddenly the entire bar was at regular speed and the familiar chatter of humans mingled with the tinkering of a bored pianist in the corner.

 

“You need to do something for me.”

 

Moonbyul eyes flicked to Wheein who was dutifully scrubbing at the counter with a contrite look on her face.  Samshin Grandmother was gazing at her with narrowed eyes, lips pursed as if she wanted to say something.

 

“Samshin, Grandmother, how can I be of service?

 

———————————

 

Yongsun sat down at the temple steps, ignoring the biting chill that nipped at her fingertips.  It had been hard to find any remnants of Goryeo that weren’t reconstructed or tampered with in some unrecognizable way.  But hilariously one of the old king’s temples he had made in his fit of madness still remained standing in relatively decent condition.  It had been a long bus ride but Yongsun hadn’t minded. As the cityscape of Seoul faded into tall trees and stars she felt like she was returning to a time that only existed in museums and yellowed pages of history books.

 

With her grim reaper hat, she was invisible as she walked up the temple steps of the small shrine, feeling a strange sense of comfort at the familiarity of the architecture.  For a moment she was encased in a time when she was Yongsun of Goryeo, only filled with thoughts of the present and future.  Not the unbearable weight of the past.

 

She crossed her arms and tipped her head back a little as she stared upward at the curved eaves of the Buddhist temple.  Closing her eyes she could just hear the movements of monks and nuns in their respective places of lodging.  Yongsun had never been very religious, merely going to the temple when she had a wish she wanted granted.  The only time she had ever seriously prayed was when Byulyi had gone to war for the first time and the possibility of the girl never returning had terrified her.

 

Inhaling, she could smell incense and it reminded her of how Yongsun’s knees had ached with each painful bow in front of a burnished statue of Buddha.  Her thoughts had only been consumed with Byulyi.

 

It was an instant of awareness when she felt something rest against her shoulder.  When she glanced down to her right she realized that it was the polished edge of a sword.  Yongsun could have turned around and looked behind her but she decided to just stand there with the blade digging into her neck.

 

“You found me.”

 

“With the help of Samshin Grandmother.”

 

Yongsun smiled.

 

“That woman does love to meddle.”

 

“She told me something interesting today, though.”

 

“Oh?”

 

The sword blade shifted and she found herself being forced to turn around and look right at Moonbyul.  The dim light of the temple complex made her hair almost look black.  The sight of Moonbyul in front of her with a sword in hand made Yongsun nostalgic. 

 

“She said that I have to find you and bring you to her.  Because we apparently have to send you back to Hell for being a negligent grim reaper.  Would you like to explain?”

 

“Explain? It seems that you understand perfectly.”

 

Moonbyul lowered her head and the blade against Yongsun’s throat quivered.  Glancing down she saw tendrils of blue smoke twist around its edge.  It burned against her but she said nothing.

 

“So that’s it then. You try to end my love for you in a day and then have you erased from the world like it’s nothing.”

 

“That’s not-”

 

“Do you know? Do you know how selfish it is to just throw all of this at me and then leave me behind to suffer? Alone again?”

 

Yongsun swallowed as she watched Moonbyul, face contorted in pain and hand quivering with emotion.

 

“It is better if I am gone and did not exist anymore in this place.”

 

“For you maybe.  The blinding pain of hell could erase your memory of the sins you’ve committed on earth… Is that what you were hoping? “

 

“You were a good soldier till the very end! If you hadn’t killed the king and listened to me, you would be a grave I could visit now.  Some great General Moon who worked tirelessly for her country-”

 

“His country.  I was living a lie, Yongsun.  I was a boy who was a general and married to a woman who was unfaithful to me.  My whole life was a lie!”

 

Moonbyul threw the sword angrily from her hands and the blade clattered to the ground, burning with vivid blue flame.  Yongsun swallowed as she watched as the other woman drop her hands to her side, trembling.

 

“Did you laugh at me… Did you laugh at that stupid girl who was so in love with you that she would write you letters with callused hands? Did you laugh at the soldier who tried to learn poetry to make you smile, staying up late into the night instead of sleeping or memorizing battle strategy?”

 

Yongsun took a step forward and the sound made Byulyi’s head snap up and tears slipped down her face as she gazed at her like a wounded animal.

 

“You talk about yourself like you were some fool.”

 

“I was a fool! I was such a complete fool for you! How could you have made me love you for a thousand years and let me be a fool?”

 

“Because I was a fool in love with you, too.  We were fools in love with each other.”

 

“What you did to me was not what you would do to someone you love!” snarled Moonbyul, brown eyes flashing.  “How can you say you loved me with the same mouth that kissed the king in secret while I fought in wars for over ten years?”

 

Moonbyul strode forward until they were nearly chest to chest and the energy she could feel between the two of them made Yongsun tremble.

 

“My love for you was not good.  It was not pure.  It was absolutely not the kind of love that is remembered forever in beautiful songs or poems.  But, Moon Byulyi, the love that I had for you was mine and it was the only thing I could never doubt.  What I did for my mother, what I did with the king, what I did to Goryeo.  All those things were sometimes questioned and debated in my head so much that I couldn’t sleep at night.  But you… you were my resting place.”

 

Yongsun’s lips trembled as tears threatened to spill from her eyes and she swallowed as she looked up into Moonbyul’s face. 

 

“Why do I still love you?” whimpered Moonbyul.  The question made Yongsun’s chest ache and she couldn’t stop herself as she pressed against the other girl, burying her head into the crook of her neck.

 

“I wish you didn’t.  I wish you could stop.”

 

“But I can’t.  I drank so much to try to forget you and hate you.  But all I could think of was that time I brought you flowers pressed in a book you liked and you’d kissed me and said how much you missed me.  I can’t forget the pain you caused me but I can’t forget the happiness either.”

 

Yongsun swallowed as she whimpered against Moonbyul’s neck and she felt warm arms wrap around her.  They held each other and Yongsun couldn’t help but close her eyes and pretend that they were wrapped in a moment separate from the continuum of time.  That this embrace was just hers and Moonbyul’s.  No gods, monks, or grim reapers could peer into this fragile space.  All that existed was Byulyi and Yongsun.

 

They pulled back a little and their eyes met.  Yongsun found herself reaching up and wiping her Byulyi’s eyes with a smile and for a moment it was just them greeting each other after a long separation, a tearful reunion. 

 

“What do we do now?” Byulyi asked with wide frightened eyes, her voice trembling as Yongsun held her jaw with tentative hand.  Rubbing at the tears that trickled down the other woman’s cheeks, Yongsun cleared .

 

“We face whatever fate is ours… together.  For far too long I’ve done things thinking that they were the best decisions.  And I never thought to ask for what you thought or needed.”

 

“Yongsun-ah… we can never go back to who we used to be, can we?”

 

Yongsun smiled as she shook her head gently.  The hands at her waist tightened and Byulyi lowered her face until their foreheads touched.

 

“No we can’t. But isn’t it better that we face who we’ve become?”

 

Byulyi chuckled and nodded.  And they looked at each other one more time.

 

rewind

 

“Do you believe in reincarnation?”

 

Byulyi paused at Yongsun’s words.  They were sitting at the pavilion, reading.  It was the last day before she was to go for a campaign up north.  They had been together for eight years and yet the thought of leaving Yongsun still made her feel a deep loneliness she couldn’t shake since she had been a young girl of seventeen.

 

“Reincarnation? What else would there be?”

 

Yongsun smiled and placed her book in her lap, staring ahead at their garden. 

 

“Nothingness? Eternal peace.”

 

Byulyi chuckled and scooted a little closer to the other woman, gently reaching forward and grasping Yongsun’s hand. 

 

“I don’t think I’d be satisfied with a world that didn’t have you in it.”

 

Yongusun’s mouth tugged down a little and her eyes dropped to her lap. 

 

“In our next life… I hope that we could fall in love again. With no memory of the past.”

 

“I will always fall in love with you.  No matter what lifetime.  No matter who we are and what we become.”

 

Byulyi squeezed at Yongsun’s hand affectionately, watching curiously as the other girl stared intensely at the clasped hands in her lap.  She blinked slowly before meeting Byuly’s eyes.

 

“Do you promise?  Do you think you could find it in yourself to love me in every lifetime?”

 

forward

 

Yongsun tapped her foot impatiently as she glanced at her watch. Her flight was going to be taking off soon and if she wasn’t in the cabin in five minutes her boss was going to majorly chew her out for being late.  Yongsun had been a flight attendant for nearly three years but she still would make stupid decisions like decide to stop for coffee way too close to take-off.

 

“Hello,” she said with a smile at the barista who looked more like a puppy than a girl. 

 

“Hello! How can I help you?”

 

“One vanilla latte, please.”

 

“One vanilla latte coming up! Your order will be ready when your buzzer goes off!” The barista handed her a small disk and gave her another over-enthusiastic grin.

 

With a chuckle, Yongsun turned and sat nervously at a table, bouncing a leg and frantically sending a text to her co-worker.  Joohyun was totally going to chew her out after covering for her for the tenth time.

 

“Excuse me.”

 

Yongsun looked up and saw a woman with dark hair wearing a formal police officer uniform.  Glancing to the name tag she caught a bit of her name.  Moon-

 

“I think I left some papers on the seat?”

 

“Oh!” Yongsun jolted up and heard an unmistakable crunch of ruffled papers.  “Here, sorry about that.”

 

The officer smiled a bit, her nose crinkling with a grin.

 

“Thanks.” She smiled and waved the papers. “Have a safe flight!”

 

Yongsun returned the grin and watched the officer’s retreating back, confused about the fleeting moment of aching loneliness at the sight.  But when her buzzer went off she just shook off the feeling and stood to get her coffee.

 

“They just missed each other!” Wheein hissed to Samshin Grandmother who was leaning casually against the counter, sipping a sugary concoction with serious focus.

 

“They did.”

 

“I thought they were going to meet and fall and love and you know, have their happily ever after!”

 

“Maybe they just aren’t destined for it in this lifetime.  It was a mercy that we even allowed them to be reincarnated at all.”

 

Wheein pouted as she made a latte, getting the perfect ratio of frothy milk and espresso.

 

“You don’t think they deserve a happy ending?”

 

Samshin Grandmother smiled as she looked up, watching a police officer kneel down and help a flight attendant who had dropped her coffee on accident.

 

“Depends on who you ask.”