Ridiculous. 

That was the word to describe Areum. Did she have to resort to kissing that guy in front of him? When her lips met Jumin’s, an overwhelmingly indignant feeling clouded over Zen. He understood the implied meaning of words she left unsaid. Areum wanted him to stay away. Her shouts were loud and clear. She’s fine, she's always had Jumin by her side. In the brief moments when Areum had locked eyes with him, the voice inside Zen's head resurrected all the doubtful thoughts he had about himself in his relationship with Areum. 

Perhaps she was always meant to be besides Jumin. 

Zen had always sensed that Jumin had feelings for Areum. What Jumin didn’t seem to understand was that being in a relationship isn't only the choice of one side. If Areum didn’t want to be by his side, she wouldn’t be next to him. She could have left at any time. Despite the hardships she had to endure by being with him, Areum had decided to stick by him.  Areum had once offered to help him with her family background, but as soon as he refused, she understood and never made another offer. Instead, she had supported him with her own efforts.  She gave up her luxury and chose to work, and make a living besides him.  Zen was grateful towards Areum. She was  the first one to prove to him that there are people who would stand besides him; there are people who believe in him. She struggled alongside him as they both chased their dreams. So when he had  accidentally picked on the wrong kid and put Areum in danger, he knew he wasn’t worthy of being besides her. All the vexatious words Jumin said resonated in his head.

“If you can’t take care of Areum, then send her to me. You are barely able to support yourself, so how are you to support another? I understand that there are mutual feelings between the two of you, however, feelings alone won’t bring the necessities for living. If you actually care for her, then you should understand what’s best. You two are on different scales.You’ve already expressed your discontent with having her by my side, so the least you can do in your situation is accept my offers and sharpen your craft. Become someone worthy of being by Areum’s side. I won’t interfere with your relationship, but I won’t stand to see her struggling to live in discomfort.” 

Every time Jumin spoke, it infuriated Zen more. Firstly, Jumin had always reminded Zen of the bad memories associated with his older brother. Secondly, he knew that there was an undeniable truth to Jumin’s words. Still, he couldn’t bring himself to drop his pride. His being absolutely found it putrid to accept an offer from Jumin. Even if his life was more difficult this way, Zen wanted to prove Jumin wrong. He’d find a way to achieve his goals, as well as being able to support his woman. Zen wanted to prove to the world that his capabilities are more than what meets the eye. He was determined to. In the end, however, he was left resentful for not being enough. When he saw Areum laying on the hospital bed attached to all sorts of machinery, Zen was in despair. He couldn’t stand the sight of Jumin sitting besides Areum. It was like the world was reminding him that someone with no status would never compare to someone  with money and power. He was discouraged from approaching Areum again. He lost confidence in himself. Even after all the mishap, Areum chose to stay by his side. Maybe it was because she had no where else to go. After all, they were like one in the same. Both a bit lost, a little too prideful, and chasing after a big dream.  So when Jumin had told him the truth about Areum’s departure, Zen had lost all hope.

“Areum had asked me to send her  abroad. I hope you’ll be able to respect her decision.” 

“Seeing the surprise on your face, I guess you didn’t know they were together either…” 

Zen quietly shook his head. 

“To be honest, in the back of my mind, I already knew that the trustfund kid had liked Areum since we were together... I just never thought Areum would choose to be by that guy’s side. Just like me, she used to hate accepting money and positions from those in power… but never mind about them. Let’s just focus on us! We’re going on a date, MC!” 

He smiled a smile that projected his bittersweet defeat. MC could tell that it was a pain that could slowly scab over. MC held back her words, afraid that if she pushed him to speak any further than he's willing to speak, he'd hide himself away in a place she couldn’t reach. Even so, there were words to be spoken. She wanted to help him move on. She wanted him to have a peace of mind. She wanted to be the only person to remain in that significant space in his heart. 

“You know, Zen, sometimes the best way to protect someone is by letting them go. If you hold on too tightly, then they may disappear forever. There are people who come into your life just to teach you a lesson. Sometimes people aren't meant to stay by the other's side. Since Areum’s returned, and she’s by someone else’s side now, it’s probably best for you to just let it be. You already know of Jumin’s power and influence. She’ll be safe besides him. I hope you’ll be able to come to a truce with yourself soon. Over the actual need for you to protect Areum, I believe it’s your inability to let go of your guilt that’s haunting you. If there’s already someone protecting her, why don’t you back down? After all, a princess doesn’t need two knights.” 

Zen smiled adoringly at MC. He truly loved everything about this woman. Every time he's encompassed in the darkness of the devils inside him, she comes spreading her magic fairy dust upon him and puts all the shadows back behind him. She never fails to illuminate the path before him. 

“You may be my princess, but you’re also my knight. Thank you, MC for always being so understanding towards me. I don’t think you understand how much you continue to help me. My heart and soul are so in love with you, I don’t even know how to express it. Should I do this?” 

Zen pulled MC snugly in his arms and left a peck on MC’s forehead. 

“Or should I do this?” 

A small peck landed on MC’s nose. 

“Or maybe this?” 

He passionately kissed her lips, declaring every last bit of affection he had towards her. He cherished every little bit of her. 

“No, this isn’t enough. Should we just skip the date and head straight home? I’ll make you dinner after… Oh, no. I must be a gentleman for you... Where would you like to go tonight, my beautiful rose?” 

No matter what he did, he always seemed to rely on MC. From now on, he wanted her to rely on him too. He'd been taking too much from her in this relationship. It was time to give. He wanted to give her the whole universe if he could... but maybe even the universe couldn't amount to his love for her; it could only be the infinite of space. 

“Mr. Han, we have arrived.” Driver Kim announced to the two entangled in the back. Jumin cleared his throat at the surprise arrival. 

“I knew that you were skillful, Driver Kim, but that was by far the quickest ride to date. Oh, perhaps it was because I was accompanied by this fine lady. I will make note of this for the future.” Driver Kim held open the car door and ensured the two made it in safely before taking his leave. 

“W-wait, Jumin! I’m not ready. How can you just bring me here so suddenly and expect me to face your father? We don’t even have our story together.” Areum panicked after taking a step in Jumin’s penthouse. She didn’t even know when he had moved, how was she going to pass as his fiancé? She only knew of the past him, but at the moment, even those memories wouldn't come to mind. Her mind could only pull up hazy images of the feathery kisses that were just laid upon her. She could barely look the man straight in his eyes. 

Jumin brought his hand to meet Areum’s and tightly grasped onto it, ensuring her that she would be fine. 

“I will handle the talking. You need not worry. It will be fine as long as you are besides me.” 

His voice hummed with such a certainty, Areum found herself easing into him. The two assured one another of their readiness before they proceeded into the dining room where Jumin's father had been awaiting for their arrival. 

“Hello, father. I’m glad you could join us for dinner tonight.” Jumin and Areum walked in, hand in hand, with no trace of falsehood between them. The two made their skinship evidently clear to the elder Han. Their hands were clasped so tightly together, it shouted to their audience: we are one. 

“It’s wonderful to see you again, Mr. Han. It’s been years since we’ve last met, and it seems that your business has developed so much in that time, I’m envious! I'd like to apologize for not having this meeting earlier. We should have explained our relationship before things got to this point.” Jumin held out Areum's seat for her before seating himself in the chair besides her. His father said it all; he was displeased about the two’s sudden announcement of their relationship. He had worked hard in finding a suitable match for Jumin, and out of the blue, he received a call from Jumin, stating he already had someone he intended on marrying. Originally, he thought it was a joke, but seeing the two seated before him in such a manner, the situation was difficult to determine. Still, he was confused as to why Jumin hadn’t told him beforehand. If Jumin had just mentioned that he was seeing someone then he wouldn’t have pushed so hard. That reason alone made the couple before him unconvincing. 

“How long has it been since you two have began seeing one another with the interest in marriage?” 

The elder Han curtly asked the two seated before him, eyeing for a possible slip up. Any trace of a lie and he would conclude this dinner. 

“I can’t exactly give you a pinpoint time, but I had taken a liking to her since we were young.” Jumin answered calmly in front of his father. 

“Areum, I see that you’ve chosen to become an entertainer. If you are indeed planning on marrying Jumin, how do you plan to support my son? Would you be willing to give up your career?” 

“Father! Areum is giving me enough support just being by my side. You wouldn’t have me choose between the company and her, so please do not pressure her into choosing between me and her career.” 

“Jumin, you rarely talk back to me. I’m surprised.” His father cleared his throat clearly taken aback from Jumin’s reply. 

“I apologize. She is someone as essential in my life as you are, father. I do not wish to burden her. I did not mean to raise my voice against you.” Jumin took a gulp from his wine glass to calm his mind. His father had always to remain calm and levelheaded and right now, his mind and mouth were in a tangled mess. 

“Umm..” Areum couldn’t stand to watch the two in silence any longer. She didn’t know if her words would do the situation any good, but she grew antsy having to sit back and watch. She agreed to this role, so she should play it wholeheartedly. "I apologize, but I could never give up on my career. I had chosen this profession for a reason, and I wish to continue on this path until I am unable to. However, I won’t disappoint you with what I have to offer. Seeing how your company has been progressing, I’m assuming it’s not too long before you expand your business overseas. My family can provide you with the land and buildings you would need to expand. As I am a public figure, I am also able to contribute to spreading awareness of your company’s goods and services. I am confident that I do not fall short in both a business marriage and one of devotion.” 

For the rest of dinner, the three continued shared their plans for the future. One impeccable lie after another spouted into a pile, and soon shaped itself into a castle, housing a princess and her knight. This castle was built so beautifully, the outside would have easily fooled anyone standing before it. Satisfied with what he has seen, Jumin's father didn't feel the need to take a step onto the castle grounds. He had left for the night and the two were in the clear. 

“Oh, Han Jumin! You should become an actor. I didn’t know you could lie so well. I think I almost fell for you during dinner.” Areum carelessly joked to Jumin, but those very words caused a twinge in his body. The knots inside him pulled so tightly together, it began suffocating him.

“Almost… that word must be the most tragic word in the dictionary, wouldn’t you agree? For instance, when you hear expressions like ‘He almost made it’, or ‘She almost fell in love’, isn’t quite tragic to think about? The goals were almost accomplished, and yet, the person reaching for it fell short and didn’t quite make it in the end. It’s a bit disheartening.” Those stoic grey eyes quietly stared at Areum. Maybe it was the alcohol taking affect, but she swore she saw a glimpse of a weeping boy hidden beneath the dark pools. 

“Jumin, I—“

“Please disregard what I’ve said tonight, Areum. I do not wish for you to see me in such a state where even I don’t understand the position I’m in myself. Driver Kim, please take Areum back to her apartment. I must go organize may thoughts. Please, excuse me.” 

Unable to face Areum any longer, Jumin quickly shuffled his way into his bedroom. With his eyes closed and his forehead pushed against the door before him, many scenarios of the past played in his mind. It wasn’t until he heard the elevator close before his could finally relax. He finally opened his eyes towards the mass rubbing against his leg. 

“Oh, when did you get in here, Elizabeth?” 

He lowered his body to pick up the only thing that he could find comfort in. A small coo left as he began petting her in his arms. 

“Thank you for being by my side, Elizabeth. You always have impeccable timing. As expected, you’re the only one who understands me.” 

As any other night, Elizabeth sat besides him as his solace. Tonight, however, Jumin’s mind couldn’t seem win the fight against his heart. No matter the excuse his mind used for attack, his heart found a counter against. A scowl came upon his lips as he knew it would be a long night ahead. 

I’m living such a good life, so why is it that no matter what I do, or who I love, it always seems that loneliness comes back to ask me:

are you truly happy at this moment?