“Han… Areum…” Her name slipped from Zen’s lips as he sat down in the seat next to her. The way she smiled, her movements, her scent– scenes all too familiar even now. If only it were the two of them in that room, he would’ve reached out and embraced her. His attention was focused on her. For her, however, unless it was a part of the script, she didn’t spare him another glance. She couldn’t bear to. The whole time, she showed no trace of interest in him whatsoever. 

After a painstakingly slow two hours, the torturous script reading was finally over. From the looks of it though, the cast got along well, and the production seemed like it was going to be a hit. Everyone was excited for the production to take place. Everyone except the main leads. Their roles were filled with a passionate romance, but the actors behind them were cold.

“You know, both you and your girl are weirdos, no wonder you’re together.” The man reached a hand out to Areum’s face, and caressed her cheek. “She’s quite cute though” A lewd smile spread across the mans face as he ran a thumb across her quivering lips.
“H-hyun, just let me be. I don’t want you to ruin your future because of me. It’s fine if I die now, but you, you have a bright future ahead. Leave me, please…” Areum shouted across the room, voice shaking behind her tears. He could see the fear in her body and yet, here she was trying to protect him until the very end. Stupid.

“Han Areum…” Zen sighed deeply and covered his eyes with his left arm. He let his body slide down the couch, laying there limply. The more he thought about her the more his head hurt.

“Zen, I brought you some water,” MC held out a cup of water for him. “Thanks, babe,” he took the cup with a smile. She sat down next to him and stared at him in an attempt to read his face. “Babe, if you stare at me with that cute face of yours, I don’t think I’ll be able to hold back,” he turned to her and let out a chuckle. “Look, I know you’re worried and I haven’t been communicating to you about it, I’m sorry. I just need a little bit more time to sort things out before I tell you, okay? Please just wait a little bit longer.” She placed a soft kiss on his lips, reassuring him she would be by his side when he was ready to talk. He couldn’t help but feel apologetic towards MC. After all, a relationship is built on trust and right now, he was being suspicious. He wanted to eliminate any bad thoughts MC may have had about what was going on, but he didn’t know where to start.

As he called out her name again, my body grew weak. What started out as a joke, has it really become reality? There he was sitting in front of me, but he was deep in thought about another woman. About a week has passed and he still hasn’t told me what was bothering him. Even in his dreams, he had been calling out for her drenched in sweat. How could I not imagine the worst? But honestly, did I really want to know? It had only been a couple of months since we’ve been together but, has he already grown tired of me? I guess I’m no competition next to an idol after all. How do I even begin to compare to someone like Han Areum? Someone the world viewed so highly. Someone with so much potential. Someone whom many regarded as a treasure. I’m just another common person you’d see on the roadside. Someone you’d pass by and not give another thought. Someone who could disappear from this world and no one would even notice. Is it even reality that I’m here in front of Zen? Perhaps I’m the one dreaming of a sweet nightmare. Well I guess reality’s never any better. Maybe living in a nightmare would be better. At least I could wake up and dream again.

I handed him a cup of water in hopes it’d wake him up from his trance. Once again, he reassured me that he would soon explain his situation. I sat down next to him in hopes it would comfort him. Maybe I was hoping for too much. His hand laid on top of mine as his thumb traced circles on the top of my palms. Although his hands were warm, his touch was as cold as snow. Have we become distant? Or was it me who was pushing him away? I grabbed onto his arms and laid my head on his shoulder in hopes that I would catch a glimpse of the images running through his mind. Was I comforting him, or was he comforting me?

“Cut, cut!” The director yelled. “You two are supposed to be lovers. Why do you keep looking at him like he’s about to murder you? This is not a horror film, okay? This is already the te—" the director let out a deep sigh. The atmosphere in the studio was tense. No one could bear to look at one another in fear of causing another out-lash. “Let’s take a 10 minute break. Please look over the script again and figure out your character, Areum. I don’t care who you ask, or who you practice with, please just get the role down before you come back on set,” the director said before storming out of the room for a smoke.
“Yes, I apologize for my lack of understanding. I will have everything figured out before you come back in,” she said and bowed in apology. She couldn’t bring herself back up to face the staff. She was angry at herself. How unprofessional of her. She could hear mutters around the room criticizing her abilities, people talking about how she only got the role because of her popularity. She was embarrassed of herself. She knew she was the only one to blame. She was the only one who couldn’t control her emotions. She was the only who couldn’t get into character.

“Don’t pay them any mind,” she heard Zen speak. “They don’t know anything. I might as well have been your murderer back then,” he pulled Areum over to the side and sat her down in a chair.
“Zen, have some water,” MC moved cautiously around the two, not knowing what was an appropriate action in this situation.
“Give this to Areum, I’ll go grab another bottle,” he said and moved swiftly out of the room. MC could tell he wanted to avoid the situation too. He was running away.
“Thank you,” Areum said and accepted the bottle with a smile. She eyed MC as she took a gulp of the water. MC stared back. Neither of them knew what to say.
“So you’re his manager… Isn’t he tough to handle?” Areum said with a small laugh. MC dropped her guard a bit and answered Areum while re-enacting some of his crazy moments.

It seems he hasn’t changed much. I’m glad. They seem happy so I should be happy too… right?… Areum was laughing with MC, but she knew that there was a selfish need inside her, kicking and screaming to be released. No, it’s not right to be selfish now. His happiness is already somewhere else. I’m no longer needed besides him. I’m no longer his light, nor his shadow. For now, Areum could only smile at the woman in front of her, as she is the one who provides him comfort. She is probably someone much better than I will ever be. I can’t ruin such happiness.

“What were you two laughing so passionately about while I was away?” Zen returned with the scent of Black Angel clinging onto his skin. The smell reeked of the nights out together with the gang, it was an odor she could never forget– for it brought back the memories of the best and worst times of her life. 

“Bunny Bunny, carrot carrot, bunny bunny, carrot—AHH!!! Hyun, drink!!!” Everyone was cheering because Zen lost for the third time that night. Everyone just wanted to gang up on him and take him out. It was the first time he was losing everything in one night.
“Areum! Stop pouring! Jeez, you’re really trying to mess me up aren’t you?” He took the shot, filled to the brim, in one gulp and slammed the glass back down on the table. “That won’t go without punishment, you know?” Zen pulled her in for a sloppy kiss and laughed as he released her. “And everyone too! How can you do this to your youngest member?! Aren’t you guys supposed to be taking care of me?!” he shot them an angry look , one by one, with slightly hooded eyes. His cheeks were flushed red and his words slurred, it was a rare sight for the gang as Zen was usually the one who was always fine at the end, while the rest were faced.
“It’s okay, you don’t get drunk easily, Hyun. Plus, you got your girl by your side to take care of you afterwards. That’s one more person than me!” one of seniors replied and filled Zen’s glass with another round of beer.
“Let’s all go out for a smoke!” another member yelled out and everyone scrambled out of their seats with loud cheers. The gang joked and laughed until dawn. Everyone messed with one another, as family would. Their laughs echoed on the empty streets, but not a worry ran across their minds when they were together. As always, the sweet smell of Black Angel enveloped their haven, it was the smell of home.

The scent of Black Angel which now lingered upon Zen’s skin was almost suffocating. Her mind must have lost control for a bit, because before she knew it she found cuffed between his hands, or maybe it was her heart that was placed there. As long as it was Zen, she’d let him suffocate her all he wanted, he could rip her heart out for all she cared. No one has shown her a death as beautiful and sweet as he had, and probably no one will again. She already knew it would be this way from the beginning, but she knew she had to break away. That was what would tear her apart. 

“CUT! That’s it! That’s the footage I was looking for! That was the last scene for today and tomorrow’s shoot will be starting at 8AM. See you all tomorrow!” the director yelled and everyone finally seemed relieved. A whole day spent in the studio and finally they were being released, although it’d be the same again the next day.
“Thank you! You’ve worked hard today!” all the actors and staff went around saying their proper farewells before leaving the set.

“Hello? Who is this?” It was well past 3AM but her phone was blowing up. An unexpected voice replied on the other end. Why was he looking for her so late at night? They had just seen one another on set an hour before.

“Areum… can we meet up?” His voice shook. 

She hung up before he could say anything else.

If you call me out like before, I’m afraid I’ll run straight back into you. I’m already used to the cold. I won’t freeze without you by my side. I’ve already learned how to survive the winters alone. So, please… just leave me alone.