"My heart won't come to the right place. I just keep crying like crazy. I guess I can't forget about you. I just want to die but I can't let go of our love. I live on," - Miss You ( SM The Ballad )

 

 

“ Don’t call me like that ! We’re not even friends !” I snorted at him. And at the same time I was trying hard to hold back tons of tears behind my eyes.


“ Please..,” he pleaded. Seriously, I hate it when he’s eyeing me with those stare, it makes me weak. Yeah, I’m weak in front of him.


“ Okay..5 minute…I don’t have much time, Kim Jonghyun-sshi,” I replied him.


“ It was my parents who told me to leave you..,” Jonghyun said. He hung his head low, listlessly.


“ You’re done ?” I replied him bitterly.


“ I had to leave, or else, they’ll find their own way to separate us. And I’m afraid that they’ll hurt you, Yoora-ah..,” he continued.


“ And then ?”


“ I’m—I’m sorry… I don’t even know how to tell you how sorry I am..,”


He grabbed my shoulder with his firm hand and tried to ensure me. And I was just speechlessly standing there. Not even a word slurred from my mouth, I was busy keeping my last sanity thread at the time. A part of me desperately want to be drown at his embrace and telling that I’m so longing this moment with him, but then another part of my head kept reminding me about Jinki, he’ll be tremenduosly hurt if he finds out about Jonghyun.


“ Don’t look at me like that, Jonghyun-ah,”


I uttered those line bitterly despite Jonghyun’s piercingly-warm gaze at me. It was deep and melancholic enough to melt any single ladies who saw that. But as for me, that gaze was just not more than a knife that’s ready to slash my chest open for once more.


“ Like what ?” said Jonghyun, slightly sonfused with my warning earlier.


“ Like I’m your girlfriend… because I’m not,”


I told him clearly and tried to shrug my body off his grip. Too bad he’s just too strong that I just ended up staying still at my earlier place even if I’m trying to shrug my body off him.


" I miss you," he whispered. Not in a seducing-type of whisper, but only his normal trademark whispery voice that never fails to send shivers to my whole body everytime it speared through my ear.


Then his hand started wandering around my cheek and he caressed it gently, the hair out of my face.


My heart started to pound faster. I felt like screaming and shoving him off my face, but I just can’t. For some so-called-selfish reasons, I can’t shove him off. Just like what I’ve explained earlier, a part of me is already longing for this moment like forever.


But then, again, another part of this head made its way to gain myself back to my sense. Thousand pictures of Jinki and how he already taken care of me flashed thoroughly at my head, and it automatically gives me way huger courage to shrug my body off Jonghyun’s touch.


" Let go of me," I started freaking out, telling him to loosen his grip and let me go.


Then I shoved his body off further from mine after he loosened his grip. Tried to be seen as composed as I can, though my heartbeat raced like hell and I feel like there's something fluttering at my stomach.


I've never felt this way ever since he left three years ago. And I know that this feeling signs that everything’s not gonna be okay. A rounded conclusion over this circumstance is : the fact that I’m not over him. And I can’t not over him, seriously.


What about Jinki and our marriage ?


" We're over, Kim Jonghyun,"


I made it clearly to be heard, with a slight hope that Jonghyun will retreat back and stop digging up our old stories. At least it’ll help me to erase him from my head if he do so.


“ I know..,” said Jonghyun simple.


“ Then why are you doing this ?” I asked him, halfyelling.


" Is there any proper explainable reason except from the fact that I love you..." He said desperately.


" We've been there, done that, Kim Jonghyun. You left, and I've dealt with that," sarcastically, those words uttered from my almost-trembled lips.


" But now I'm back, let's just start over,"


I sensed a sight of desperation through his eyes. But there's nothing we can do about us. I'm married, and that's marking our story's end clearly.


And although he had no idea about me who's already married to someone else, I don’t know why my heart still kept this mouth from telling it to him.

Seriously, you have to tell him, Kwon Yoora.


“ Jonghyun, I--,” I paused. Was about to tell him that I’m the other guy’s wife now, but I failed. I failed as soon as I saw his face.


He sighed, pleading an appropriate answer about the let’s-start-over thingy earlier from me, and spark of tears started wetting his whole eyes.
Thus, in second it poured down his cheeks.


He was about to hide those tears, but then absentmindedly my hands reached out to his cheek and brushed away his tears.


Seriously, what am I doing ?


Was trying to tell him that I’m married.


Was about to make up a lie and even told Jonghyun that I don't have any old flames burning for him anymore.


But foolishly I'm wiping away his tears ? What am I doing right now ?


Jonghyun then reached out for my both hands and grabbed it firmly with his hands. He lowered our hands position as leaned his body towards mine until our lips partly touched.


I was taken aback, never thought that I'll kiss him back, but seems like I can't control my body anymore. A part of this heart still beating for Jonghyun.
And I can't deny the fact that these shivering feelings which trailed over my spine caused me to kiss him even more.


" Jjong-ahh," I moaned. His lips are now tracing over my neck and collarbone.


" I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Yoora-ah..," he whispered.


"Jonghyun-ah, please...,"


I begged him to stop. My head definitely wanted to deny this sinful moments we shared, yet this heart just can't lie and fooled myself over the fact that Jonghyun is really the one I’m longing for so long.


‘Jinki-ah, I’m so sorry,’


Yeah I can’t lie, even Jinki never really could give me this kind of feelings and sparks everytime we kissed.


“ Jonghyun-ah, stop..stop..,”


This time I pushed him so hard so that we broke the kiss.


Tears streamed down my cheeks. Remembering the fact that I just betraying Jinki just now. And what makes it worse is the fact that I’m still not over Jonghyun.


Don’t even know what to do anymore, I paced my feet further from Jonghyun who still stood at his place dumbfoundedly and ran away from him. I ran and ran to whatever-random place that my feet led me to. I had to go anywhere but around Jonghyun now.


--Jonghyun’s POV—


I was shocked. She pushed me hard right at the chest and just ran away right after we kissed. Feels like holding her back and preventing her from leaving, I just ended up at my place, freezing like a dead. I don’t know why, but the feel of her lips trailing over mine still tracing over me and that’s truly freeze me to the neck.


It took like 5 minutes later for me to realize that I gotta go get her fast.


xoxoxo


“ Kwon Yoora !! Yoora-ah !!”


Lunged me out as my feet reached the rooftop of the building. I was startled a bit, this place just remained the same since the last time I went there years ago. But yet, I had no time to just staring to this place and reminiscing to my history because Yoora’s still out of my sight.


“ Kwon Yoora, I know you’re here, where are you ??”


That was me, who stil tried hard to catch my breath screamed again. This time louder than the earlier one because the storm’s sound seemed to be louder and huger than mine. I definitely believed that she must be here. Rooftop’s always been her favorite place for crying, and this extremely cold and fierce weather is not an exception for her.


Yeah, that night was snowy and stormy hard. Even my body which has already covered by an extremely thick jacket still could feel the freezing breeze chilling into my bones.


“ Aish, where the hell are you ?!” I cursed to myself.


I could feel tears stung behind his eyes. Even my chest felt a bit aching, fear of something might be happened to her started growing onto his neck.
Later, another idea came to my mind. Reaching out to my pocket, I took my cellphone out and dialed her number. The Yoora that I’ve known never really switched her phone off no matter how mad she is, and let’s just hope that time hasn’t changed her.


My eyes got widen when the line’s connected, vividly I could hear a ringtone ringing from other side of the rooftop. That’s her, yes, definitely that’s her. Oh thank God, she’s here.


Then I led my feet towards the voice’s direction. That place not that hard to be found though. I walked and walked nearer to that voice. But, as my eyes caught an unclear figure on the ground, these feet just paced even faster till I really stood in front of that figure.


“ Yoo—yoora ? Yoora-ah !!”


I was stuttered a bit when seeing that figure sitting –no, lying on the ground. And I started panicking as I realized that my worst fear just confirmed to be a reality. That was Yoora, without any single piece of sweater or jacket lying soullessly-unconcious.


“ Yoo—yoora-ah…,”


I rushed my body to her side and took of this jacket of mine so I can put it on her body. Was trying to wake her up with a little shook, I could see her opened her eyes groggily. She was trembling hard, even the jacket I put on her couldn’t warm her.


“ I’m—I’m a little cold, Jjong-ah,” she was stuttered. And I was startled. I felt like there’s something in my stomach as I heard she called me with those words. Instead of ‘Jonghyun-sshi’, he called me ‘Jjong’, afterall, that’s proving that I’m still a part of her life.


“ Ne..ne..Let’s get out of here,”


Despite all the freezy-breeze and my almost-trembling hands, I gathered my last feet and strength to carry her in my arms. Surprisingly she’s not that heavy, but yet, I was finding a hard time carrying her back to my car as the snow got even fiercer.


“ Where are we going ?” she asked lowly when she rested her head comfortably at my shoulder.


“ I’ll drive you home…,” I replied her.


“ N..no.. Jinki..,” she paused


Jinki, that name left me puzzled when I heard Yoora lunged out that name. Who’s him ? I was about throw that question to her, but she seemed not in a condition when she can handle one.


“ Jinki..he cannot see me like this…,”


She was muttering and had her eyes closed, but that guy’s name just came out again. Not sure of what feeling it is, but hearing her saying out that name kinda lacerating my chest. Who’s him to her ?


As we reached my car, I placed her at the front passenger seat and safely put on the safety belt around her body. She looked definitely pale that I could even feel the pain all over my chest seeing her like this.


“ Just hang on, we’ll be arrived in a minute, Yoora-ah..,” I told her.


“ Where are we going ?”


Unclearly I could hear she mumbled under her ‘sleep’.


“ My place ? Since you don’t want me taking you home..,”


--Jinki’s POV—


My watch shown 9.47, and yet I’m still stucked at this traffic of Friday night. Friday’s traffic’s not usually this frantic, it must be the snow that caused everything. Since it’s snowing hard, I bet there were probably many accidents and crashes happened and which are leading me into this, almost an-hour waiting at this one line.


I was wondering what’s Yoora doing right now. Or maybe she’s already asleep ? Assuming from the fact that’s not even a single call from her came to my cell.


Curiousity rushing over my head, I plugged the headset right to my left ear and dialed her number. After approximately of 3 seconds silence, the line started being connected. After seconds of beeping, the line went dead itself because maybe Yoora’s already asleep that she can’t even pick my call.


two hours later..


Finally the madness was over. Safely I arrived at the penthouse and parked my car at the parking building. Then I took the elevator to the floor where Yoora and I lived.


As I arrived in front of the door, my hands instantly reaching for the password box and entered the pin number. I was caught at the moment when I realized that Yoora’s slipper still listlessly placed near mine.


“ She’s not home yet ?” quietly I asked to myself. My left hand started loosening the tie while the other one busy dialing for her number again.
Then my feet led me into the bedroom, in case she’s already home.


“ Yoora ?” I asked, but there’s not even an answer from her.


‘Where’s her ?’ I thought.


The weather then went worse in a count of several minutes. And at the same time, thoughts of something bad that might be happened to Yoora started haunting me.


“ Oh crap, where are you, Yoora-ah !”


I cursed to myself, again, right after another call that I made to her cell ended up unanswered.


Then I called my mom, in case she knows where Yoora is.


“ Umma..,”


“ Ne, Jinki-ah, wae ?”


“ Are Yoora there ?”


“ Yoora ? No, she’s not here.. W—why are you asking ? You guys fighting ?”


“ Ah, no of course not umma, I was just wondering why she hasn’t home yet.. I guess it’s because the traffic maybe..,”


I hung up the phone. Then tried to call Kibum and asked the same thing to him


“ Kibum-ah..,”


“ Ah, hyung..wae ?”


“ You know where Yoora is right now ?”


“ Eng, Yoora ? Nope, I don’t even talk with her ,”


“ Can you help me looking for her, Kibum-ah.. She started worrying me to death.. She’s not even answering any of my calls..,”


“ O—okay, hyung, I’ll try to call everyone, and ask about her..,”


“ Thanks Kibum-ah..I guess I’ll try to look for her at her boutique..,”


Just like that, as soon as I ended the call, I grabbed my jacket and went out. Going straight to her boutique.



--Yoora’s POV—


I opened my heavy eyelids, attempting hard to go back to my own sense, I found it’s surprising that I’m at a bed right now. Scanning around the whole room, this place looks quite unfamiliar, it’s not mine and Jinki’s.


‘Where am I ?’ I asked myself as I tried to get up from the bed.


I don’t know why but this room seemed to have lots of Jonghyun’s smell within.


Wait..wait, so I started remembering his smell now ? What the hell is happening with me.


--flashback—


“ Where are we going ?”


“ My place ? Since you don’t want me taking you home..,”


Vividly that moments flashed over my head and I started freaking out. I’m at his place then, and there’s no way that Jinki will be okay knowing me who’s not going home last night was actually staying at other guy’s place.


“Where’s my phone ?”


“Where’s it ?”


Desperate for not finding the cell and all of my stuffs, went outside the room and looking for the room’s owner, Kim Jonghyun.


“ Kim Jonghyun !” I called him loudly, but still I can’t find anyone at this house. I kept walking and walking through every single room at this place, but yet, Jonghyun’s still nowhere to find.


“ Kim Jonghyun !!” this time I yelled. I was freaking out, I needed to call Jinki as soon as possible and telling hime that I’m actually okay.


“ Jonghyun ?”


I stopped my feet when I caught a figure sitting at a little couch near the fireplace. It looks like him.


“ Wae ?” the guy turned his head, and yeah it’s Jonghyun.


“ Are you looking for this ?” he lifted out a phone from his pocket which is definitely mine.


But I was startled, it’s not my phone that caught the majority of my attention, it’s the bottle at his hand that caught my attention.


“ What are you doing ? Drinking ?” I asked him concernly.


“ Some shots of soju, to keep myself warm..,” he replied me, forcing a bitter smile.


“ It is morning, where in the world you're drinking at this time, Kim Jonghyun ? plus it’s not soju, it is scotch,” I tried to stop him and grabbed that bottle away from him.


“ It wouldn’t warm you, it will burn your throat, stop it, Jonghyun !”


I raised my voice when I saw him taking another shot of scotch from the other bottle he got at his table.


“ I’m used to it. Even if it burns me like hell, I’m used to it. I’m used to it ever since I left, you don’t have to be worried about me..,” he added.


"I'm not worried about you, I just--,"


“ Why are you doing this to me, Yoora-ah..,” he eyed me.


“ Doing what ?”


“ 103 missed calls and loads of text message from LEE JINKI,”


He looked to my cell’s screen and read the shown text that appeared with his half-drunken voice.


“ Who’s him, Kwon Yoora ? tell me ?” he asked me again. Sighing a deep breath, he buried his head to those pair of his hands.


“ Jinki..he—he’s,” I stopped. This tongue seemed unwillingly preventing me from spilling everything from Jonghyun.


“ You’re drunk, we shouldn’t do this conversation when you’re drunk…I’m going home, Kim Jonghyun,” I tried to make another excuse and took my cell from his hands before actually turned my back and left him at the couch.


“ Why don’t you wait for me ?” another question was slurred from his mouth and it was instantly stopped me from walking away.


“ You should’ve told me to wait..but you didn’t,” I replied lowly without even facing him. I was busy blinking away those tears blurring my vision.


“ You left… and now you’re talking as if I’m the one with the mistake…,” I added.


There was a silence, when I’m actually expecting an answer from him. I turned my head to see what is he doing.


“ Just get rid of me, and..just take care of your girlfriend,” I said.


“ Bye, Jonghyun-ah,”



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