Hurt and Confused

There was something about Suga that was off. It was the first day of school and Suga was still ignoring my texts and calls. Suga usually picks me up from school, but thankfully I got a last minute ride from Jennie. I was still hoping he would pick me up from school, so we can catch up and forget the wall that he built between us. I guess I was wrong.

Once I arrived at the front entrance, I could sense the excitement from the upperclassmen and smell the distinctive scent of fresh cut grass. Immediately, in the corner of my eye, I saw Suga with headphones standing by the front door. The serious expression was the only face that stood out to me, yet I wasn’t sure how to approach him. He could be angry at me for all I know. Nevertheless, I walked up to him waving my hand.

“Long time no see Suga,” I said with half smile. It was obvious that he looked more distracted than usual. He barely locked eye contact with me and was fixated towards the floor.

“Hey,” he said nonchalantly.

As we walked to class together the silence between us was deafening. I knew there was something on his mind, but I wasn’t going to get it out of him yet. This was the closest thing we had to a conversation in a while.

The rest of the morning went by like blur just like the summer vacation. The sweet memories of beach parties and going out to eat ramen were starting to already fade. This summer I decided to go to New York City to stay with my Aunt Chaerin to go sightseeing and explore the area. She even tried to convince me to apply to a university there, but I haven’t quite made up my mind yet. The idea of moving into a new country sounds daunting. Even though I was miles away from home, Suga never forgot to Skype me. Chaerin sometimes complained how much I actually skyped him during the week to tell him all about the fun I was having in New York.

“He must be really important to you Lalisa,” she commented one night when we went to the grand opening of Ichiran Ramen.

“We’ve known each other for so long I can’t imagine him being out of my life,” I said blushing. I spoke too soon.

It seems that whatever was bothering Suga was alarming, and I felt the urge to finally confront him on our way home. Jennie noticed his odd behavior during English class.

“I’m not really sure what’s up with Suga. He was all goofy and relaxed last week with the pool party we had in Gangnam,” Jennie said. All I could do is shrug because I had not clue what happened during the week that could shake him up. The fact that he refused It was only a surprise that Suga waited for me at the entrance earlier this morning. When the last bell was rung, I scurried to the front entrance to see if I could catch Suga. Thankfully, he was standing by the bus stop a block away.

“Suga let’s walk together,” I said.

“Okay,” he replied. I grabbed him by the wrist before he could change his mind. Sugar probably knew that I was taking him the long way, but this was the conversation we needed to have.

“Lisa, can’t you believe this is our last year of high school?” he suddenly asked. I said nothing in return. He couldn’t avoid this talk any longer.

“Suga what’s been up with you lately? You look like you have something on your mind.” I noted.

“I can’t really say there is much to think about right now,” he replied abruptly. He was intentionally keeping the conversation short and it only irked me even more.

“So you’re just going to keep on ignoring me?” I yelled furiously. At that moment I stopped walking and stood in front of him. My eyes were darted at him, hoping that he could budge from his avoidance. It hurt me just to see him like this. It was as if I was already losing his presence even though he was inches away from me. This was not the way our friendship was going to go. Not now.

“Look Lisa. Right now the best you can do for me is go home. You have no place to tell me how to live my life anymore,” he said. His words were cold and they shook like ice. The words that were coming from his mouth did not make sense.

“You didn’t even tell me why,” I said with the tears strolling down my cheek. At that moment I gave up and ran home as fast as I could without turning my face back. I heard someone yelling from a distance, but I kept going just so I wouldn’t give into the false hope that he still cares.