The broken-hearted

Ying Jie had always known how he was like. She knew him too well.

She had known him since she was 15. They had most of the same class together, and it was hard not to know each other. They became friends – very good friends, until she can’t help developing feelings for him. Their classmates always tease them about being so close together, and said that it was so obvious that they like each other in a romantic way. She was so happy when their classmates think that, but she always denies it because he doesn’t really show any actions that he likes her that way.

Their classmates were right.

A year later, when he asked her to be his girlfriend, she was so overwhelmed with happiness. The next day at school, they were seen walking to school together, holding hands. People in school weren’t even surprised, because they know they will be together sooner or later. She was so happy every second when she was with him. When they were not together, they will keep texting each other, where one text the other and the other replies back immediately. They were really close, and people thought that their relationship would last.

They were wrong.

3 months later, a transfer student came to their class. Their homeroom teacher assigned the transfer student to him, telling him to show her around the school and help her with anything she has problems with.

As the transfer student was having a hard time to catch up with some of the school work, he volunteered to help her in her studies. This causes them to have lesser time to spend together. She was very understanding. She doesn’t give him a hard time like other jealous girlfriends would do when their boyfriends told them that they were going to help another girl. Instead, she keeps encouraging him to help her since she has seen how the transfer student trying to cope with her studies.

And this became his daily routine.

They haven’t spent any time together for a month, and even when she texts him, he doesn’t respond like how he used to. His responses were all short and uninterested, and she knew he started to drift away. She has seen how he treated the transfer student in class. His attention was always focus on the transfer student, and when he needed something like a pen when he forgotten to bring it, he would asked the transfer student for one instead of asking her, his girlfriend. She knew his heart wasn’t with her anymore.

When they finally have the time to go for a date, they don’t talk like how they used to. He seemed uninterested in everything she said, everything she do. It’s like his mind were elsewhere. When his phone started ringing, he answered it immediately and told her that he had some important stuff to do and had to leave. Her heart shattered that moment. She forced out a smile and nod.

She knew it was the transfer student who called him. She saw the caller ID on his phone before he answered it. She knew he likes the transfer student, and based on how well she know him, he himself also knew that he likes the transfer student, but she doesn’t understand why he’s still together with her. It hurts so much that he likes someone else and still doesn’t break up with her.

She quietly shed her tears that moment.

That night, she made a decision. She texted him, telling him she wanted to break off their relationship. She knew it was a cowardly way to break up, but she doesn’t have the courage to tell him face to face. She knew she would cry if she did that, just like she was crying now. She cried harder when he responded with an ‘Ok’.

The next day, everyone knew that had broken up. She doesn’t know how the news had spread so fast, but she doesn’t care anymore. When her friends asked her how she was doing, she pretended to be okay with the break up. She told her friends that they were drifting apart, and it was wrong to continue the relationship when both of them become uninterested in each other.

But the truth was he was the one who was uninterested, not her. Her friends don’t need to know that.

And through this experience, she had locked away her heart.

They stopped talking to each other, even after they graduated from High School. She had never seen him after that. Until 3 years later, one of her friends invited both of them to a party.

She doesn’t know he was invited, as it was a small party that her friend organised and she only invited few friends whom she was close with. She doesn’t know that her friend was still in contact with him. When she confronted her friend, it was then she knew that they were in the same University, studying the same course. Her friend begged her not to let their awkwardness ruined her party, so when her friend pulled her to him, they started to make a conversation and their awkwardness started to fade away.

They became friends again. They started to hang out like what friends always do, even with her friends. Months later, he treated her differently as compared to how he treats her other friends. Sometimes he would surprise her outside her classes just to have dinner with her after her lessons. Sometimes he would appear outside her apartment and accompanies her when her parents are out of town. He would also take care of her when she was feeling unwell.

She doesn’t understand why he was treating her so well. It was like how he treated her before they were together years ago. His gestures had slowly cracked the walls that were protecting her heart. She can’t help but to fall in love with him again.

She doesn’t want to, as she was afraid her heart will be shattered by him once again, but she can’t control her feelings. All she can do was protect her heart.

Her friends knew how she was feeling, and they were positive that he has feelings for her too. He never treated her friends the same way he treated her. Her friends encouraged her to tell him about her feelings, as they think that he didn’t confess to her was because she was the one who initiated to break off their relationship in the past. Because of what her friends had told her, she decided to trust them and tell him about her feelings.

He asked her out to dinner, and she decided to tell him that night. Before she could tell him, he started to ask her questions that breaks all her confidence.

“Ying Jie, you’re my best friend, right?”

“Um… of course.”

“I really, really need your help. You see, there’s this girl that I like that I do not have the courage to ask her out. We recently became friends but I have this unexplainable attraction to her. Whenever I see her, I would feel really happy, and when I don’t, I will keep thinking about her. This has been driving me crazy for weeks! I wanted to ask her out, but whenever I tried to, my cowardly side took over and ended up not asking. What do you think I should do?”

She was so shocked at what he had said to her. He had feelings for someone else, not her. Her friends were wrong. She was wrong. Her heart had shattered, by him, once again.

“Ying Jie?”

“Huh?”

“Did you listen to what I just said?”

“Huh? Oh yes. Um…” She controlled her tears from coming out from her eyes. She doesn’t want to let him know that he had hurt her, that she had feelings for him, again.

“I think you should just tell her how you feel. If you wait very long to tell her, she might have found someone else and it will be too late for you to tell her your feelings.” Just like how she is now. It’s not that she’s too late, it’s just that she had feelings for the wrong person.

He sent her home, but she didn’t step into her house at all. Instead, she went to a nearby playground and sat on the swing. She felt so stupid, letting him play with her feelings again and again. She cried her heart out.

Is it really going to be this way? Is she unworthy of love?