Me and him, we were childhood friends. We always did everything together. We would go to school together, we would study together, we would fool around together, we would get scolded together. People frequently mistook us as twins, and we didn't bother clearing up their misunderstanding, because we found it so funny that we would secretly laugh about it when we were alone. We really were a perfect match. But fate tore us apart as my father got a job offer abroad, in America, and it was decided that after finishing elementary school, me and my family would move to the states. 'We' were no longer 'me and him', now it was only 'me', that was left. With me moving away, we completely got out of contact and we grew up separately. I went to middle and high school, I had my first relationship with a boy, which didn't really last long, I had my first part time job, I went to prom and I got my degree. All without him. Over the years he came to be but a memory in my head, even though I never really stopped missing him in some way.

Come this autumn, I decided to move back to Korea without my parents, in order to study there. I had gotten an offer from one of the best universities in Seoul that I couldn't decline, even if I had wanted to. But in secret, I had longed for a return to my home country over all those years spent in the USA, not only because of him. But who is 'he'? I do not know what he is or looks like now, though I'm sure I will know him as soon as I see him. I only know that back then, he was always smaller than me, he had cute facial features, and he always loved moving his body. He was a nice boy, and he would only do bad things when he was with me. I wonder what he looks like now, as I assume his character hasn't changed since then. He was so pure after all. His name? Choi Junhong.

----------

In an attempt to find my way from the dorms I lived in to my university, I somewhat must have taken a wrong turn at some point, because now I'm finding myself in the middle of a maze of small side streets. I have little to no idea where I have to go to get out of there again, plus this area seems really fishy. I am getting a bad feeling about this, as I silently walk on. Fear arises within me, but I manage to control it - at least until I hear shooting. Real shooting. Gun shooting. My whole body stiffens up and my guts tell me not to move even an inch, while my head urges me to run. As always, I listen to the latter, but in the end I just stand there, because my feet just won't move. That's when I see them: A bunch of men dressed in black, running past me, ignoring me completely, while another six young men carrying all kinds of fire arms follow them. Frightenedly I look into their faces. Their eyes  seem full of hatred and determination, especially one person scares me, because unlike the others, I find a certain flash of lust in his eyes. A cold shiver runs down my back, before locking eyes with the last man. And that is when a name appears in my head.

Choi Junhong.

He seems to have recognized me as well, because he immediately comes to a halt, while the others run off. He calls my name questioningly.

"You... you're here?" he adds. I nod, not having been prepared for meeting him here, holding a gun at that.

"Junhong?" I ask, but he shakes his head.

"I am no longer Choi Junhong..." I tilt my head to signalize that I don't get what he's saying. "My name is now Zelo." He makes a pause. "I'll explain later. But I have to go now."

Before getting the chance of asking him about a way out of this neighborhood, he too runs off, after the others.

In the end, I just continued walking into one direction until I reached a bus stop, where I asked the driver of the next bus, that was passing by, where to go. He ended up taking me with him, since he was headed somewhere close to my university anyway. Upon arriving there, I took all the courses I hadn't already missed and I went straight home in the evening, this time without getting lost. The whole day I kept wondering how Junhong was planning on finding me, since he didn't know anything about my whereabouts.

Two days later, while returning from grocery shopping, I run into him.

"Junhong?" I ask, to which he replies, "Zelo. Let's talk."

With some hesitation I invite him to my room after double checking that he's not carrying a gun around this time. As soon as we have entered my dorm room, I can no longer hold back as questions burst out of my mouth.

"What happened here? Why are you like that? Why were you with those... men? Why do you have a gun? And why does it seem like you're part of the bad guys?!"

He places his hands on my shoulders to calm me down. It is a firm grip. One that I have never experienced him using. I also notice that he has grown quite a bit and he is now more than one head taller than me. But what flusters me above all else is the calm look in his eyes, that are directed towards the ground which makes it seem as if he's sad about something.

"This won't be easy to explain" he says after waiting for a while and saying my name, "but I feel like I have to tell you. First of all, I'm part of a small underground gang." Upon noticing the disturbed look in my eyes, he continues nervously, "I joined Himchan-hyung when I was still in high school. Back then I had a hard time and I wanted to belong somewhere. When I met Hyung and the others, I was excited to know what life was like for them."

"You don't seem happy with this at all..." I throw in as my eyebrows narrow in empathy. He just shakes his head. He doesn't even dare looking at my face.

"Back then I loved it. I really enjoyed being with my Hyungs! ...until our first mission. That was also the first time I wielded a gun. And it was the first time I..." He stops and looks around as if remembering something terrible. To be honest, I think I can already tell what he has meant to say. Surprised at myself, instead of screaming in terror and throwing him out, I pat his arm and try to comfort him.

"I'm sorry" he mumbles. "I said too much..."

"It's okay..." I reassure him.

"But... it amazes me how open I can be towards you after not talking to you for ten years." He finally lifts his head to look at me, adding "I missed you."

Me too...- I almost say it. Suddenly a phone rings. It turns out to be his and he picks up, speaking in a very different way than he talked to me.

"Sorry, looks like I have to go again." He apologizes, before bowing and leaving. I manage to get his new phone number, so that we could keep in touch. 

Now he's gone. I fall to my knees, my body starts shaking, feeling a wave of shock come over me. This person that I once knew is now... a criminal? I can't believe it. I do not want to believe it. But even now that I can imagine what bad things he must have already done, I am not scared of him. Maybe that's because I know - or at least I think I know - that he would never do something to me, or maybe my brain just hasn't comprehended yet, that this once so innocent boy turned into a bad man. Nevertheless, from now on we meet up regularly, without him mentioning any gang activities, so it's mostly just me doing the talking. I find that my trust in him is strengthend with ever hour we spend as two. Soon I also realize that there is not a trace left of our former childish friendship and that something else is growing between us instead - a more mature relationship.

"What are you spacing off for?" I ask Junhong after taking a sip of the coffee I ordered. This seems to happen a lot lately. He immediately turns back to me and smiles apologetically.

"Nothing, I'm just..." obviously not knowing how to finish this sentence, he ends it after a while of a bit too much thinking, "...tired." Usually I let this kind of excuse slip, but somehow today I'm in high spirits, so I decide to nag a bit.

"Tired? You look pretty awake. Also, we're having coffee right now."

"It's just not strong enough..."

"It's an espresso!"

He looks to the side, defeated and pouting.

"Okay, I'm wide awake..." he finally admits.

"Then what is it?" I dig deeper.

"It's... A new mission. With the gang." Neither of us has mentioned this matter since our meeting at the dorms. Therefore, I don't know what to say right off the bat, but then decide to try and take it as lightly as possible.

"A mission, huh?" I rest my head on my hands for a while. "What are you gonna do?"

He fidgets for a while, and it looks like he is uncomfortable with the topic. But he answers my question anyways.

"There's this one person. He is kind of a hindrance to us, so we... have to get rid of him" he explains, adding, "But I think I shouldn't tell you more about it."

"Why? Will I get in trouble if I know too much?" He nods and calls my name.

"I don't want you to get in danger" he tells me while firmly peering into my eyes. The look in them tells me that he means it. That he doesn't want to see me hurt. I smile.

"It's okay" I say. "I'll be fine. If you have something you want to talk about, please share it with me." He gives me a weak nod, making the expression as if he was struggling to figure out if he should talk more or not. Instead of any details about the mission, something else comes out of his mouth.

"Y/N. I love you."

I freeze up. At the same time, a tingly feeling arises in my stomach and soon takes over my whole body, where it spreads in warm, pleasant waves. In confusion as to why he says that now, I only reply in my head, but I don't manage to actually speak. Instead, he continues talking.

"That's why I don't want you to be in danger. I'm fine, Noona." He hasn't called me that in a long while. Technically I am older than him, but we were still born in the same year, so he doesn't have to address me like that. Still, his eyes somehow light up upon calling me Noona. "I'll work things out by myself, so don't worry. I'll get back safely." He stands up, wanting to leave. At the same time, I leap up from my chair, almost kicking it over, grabbing his hand.

"If you don't... then I won't forgive you!" I say, overwhelmed with feelings. He responds with a smile and pulls me into an embrace.

"I am definitely going to return to you. Please don't worry" he whispers, his mouth being so close to my ear that I can feel his breath on my skin. After only seconds, that I did not want to end, he lets go of me and runs off. I remain standing there, dumbfounded by the sudden parting, and still longing for only one more second with him. I have fallen in love with him at some point, but my feelings have never been so clear to me as they are right now.

"Junhong..." I murmur his name as I put my arms around my own body.

----------

The days after that were torture. We did not meet up again and I couldn't even get through when calling him. What's more is that he didn't even respond to my text messages. But on the fifth day after his sudden confession my worries exceeded everything I have ever felt before. I saw on the news that there was a group of gangsters who were found heavily injured in some sideway alley and they were taken to a police hospital outside of Seoul. From now on I couldn't concentrate anymore in any of my courses, so on the sixth day I decided to go and find out if they really did catch Junhong.

----------

In order to do my research, I stay home for today. I need to find out first where this hospital is located. With the help of the Internet I find the adress rather quickly and I immediately make my way there. At the front gates, a lady welcomes me and asks if I am visiting someone.

"I'd like to know if someone with the name..." I stop myself. If he is not here and I reveal his name, doesn't that mean the police will look for him? I have to get in differently.

"No, actually, can you just let me pass through here?" I request. The lady raises an eyebrow.

"I am sorry, but we can only let you visit a person whose name we know. So please tell me their name or leave." Her answer is cold. She seems to be used to dealing with such pleas, as she doesn't even get angry at me for saying something this stupid.

"Then... I'll leave..." I say, before making my way out of there, my heart fills with regret. I miss him. I miss him more than I have ever missed anyone in my entire life. That is when I think back to my past boyfriend in the USA. He was a handsome guy, tall, well trained, tanned, just everything the average American teenage girl could have asked for. Now I know why our relationship didn't work out so well back then. We barely shared any kind of skinship, let alone kiss or even get steamy. He would usually initiate an attempt at trying to do more, well, ual stuff, by pinning me down playfully or even just holding me tightly. And it was usually me who would free herself long before he even had the chance to go overboard. It is different when I think of Junhong. I want to touch him. I want to hug him and I want him to hug me back. And I secretly dream of him returning to me with no injuries and suddenly kissing me and confessing his love to me even more. When that thought runs through my head, I collapse onto the ground. I cannot stop the tears from escaping me any longer, that is how much I want to see him, how much I miss him. I know that I am not in the best place to do this, but instead of moving away, I just continue to bawl my eyes out, until they hurt.

After what feels like an eternity of ugly crying, I sense someone stepping in front of me. The person crouches down and softly touches my cheek. I lift my head just a little bit and the other person's hand wanders down to my chin, in order to make me look at their face.

Junhong, finally, you found me... I think to myself, hoping that he would hug me and just comfort me with those big, warm hands of his. But soon enough I realize that the hands touching me are neither as big as his, nor especially warm. And instead of looking into his eyes, there is a stranger's face peering into my soul, with a grin on his lips and a hint of amusement within his stare. I let out a disturbed screech, before slapping away the tattooed hand.

"Leave me alone!" I cry and stand up. As he gets up as well, he looks down on me.

"Don't scream like that, lady. Why are you crying? Is your boyfriend in there?" he asks me. I can't tell if he's being sincere or if he just acts as if he cared.

"It's none of your business." But he doesn't stop there.

"You know, I have a friend in there who seems to really miss a certain girl. And you fit his description perfectly. Shall I take you with me?" he offers and holds out his hand. Suspiciously, I ponder on how to react. I remember him to be one of the five people who were with Junhong when I first saw him after moving back here, but still... With the smug look he gives me, I can't help the distrust I feel towards him. In the end I decide to go with him and if he tried something stupid, I would just scream as loudly as I can. After all, we are in a police department...

At the counter, the suspicious blue haired person asks the lady to meet Junhong. So he is in there... The lady gives me a confused look, but guides us to his room anyway. Arriving there, the man let's me go in first, while he claims to check on the others first. He walks off and I touch the door handle, but stop myself. I swallow and try to calm myself down. I don't know what kind of injuries Junhong has, so basically, I have to be prepared for everything, even him being half dead. With a strong inhale, I gather my courage and open the door. Entering the room, I only see a white bed and a person lying in there, covered with a white blanked up to the head. I soon make him out to be my childhood friend and start shaking. Maybe I wasn't so prepared after all. But there is no going back.

"Junhong...?" I ask, slowly making my way towards him.

"Zelo..." I hear him reply with a silent, but steady voice. Him correcting me makes the corners of my mouth shoot up for just a moment. But when I finally stand next to him, I can't help but feel concerned.

"Junhong, are you okay?" I ask, seeing how he is obviously not okay. But he nods and gives me a weak smile.

"I'm fine. Some of the other's must be feeling a lot worse..."

"But, your whole face is in bruises! I don't even want to know what the rest of your body looks like!" I protest. "So how can they feel worse?"

"Because I have you here..." He mouthed this cheesy line in hopes of cheering me up. But as always when he has that certain look in his eyes, I believe that he speaks of his sincere feelings. I fall onto the bed and the tears start coming out again. He pats my head with his left hand. On the respective arm, there is a cast covering the whole upper area.

"I'm glad you're here..." he says.

"Please... Leave this gang. I don't want you to get hurt like this!" I beg him through sobbing noises.

"I can't..."

"Why not?!" I am getting upset about this.

"Because my Hyungs depend on me! I can't just leave now..."

"But, Junhong, please...!" 

He lifts my chin up with the hand I'm not lying on and locks eyes with me.

"Let's make a promise" he proposes. I tilt my head a bit. "As long as you are with me, I will not get seriously injured ever again."

"Okay, but please leave the gang!" He shakes his head, then sits up. I try to stop him from moving, but he insists on it.

"I cannot leave them. They trust me, so I can't betray them. But I don't want to leave you either. So become my girlfriend and give me the strength I need to avoid getting hurt again!" I can't answer that right away. It seems like he is pressuring me to say yes, but it's not like I don't want to date him. I think about it and in his mind I obviously take too much time to do that, because he interrupts my thinking process after a while.

"What do you say? Or do you not want to be with me?"

"Of course I do!" This time, the answer comes immediately. "But... I can't stop worrying that it will happen again nonetheless..."

Now he grabs my face with both hands and touches my forehead with his.

"It will be alright. Please trust me. I may not be able to betray my Hyungs, but I also can't betray my girlfriend. So, let's make this promise?" Him being that near to me makes me get nervous. I start feeling tingly again and I must be blushing like a tomato by now. This time around, I can't answer because he is just so damn close to me. I take a thorough look at his face. His eyes, his nose, his cheeks, his mouth, his chin, just everything is...  beautiful. He calls my name and stops me from spacing off. I pull away.

"You're too close, I can't think like that..." I admit, at which a light chuckle leaves his mouth. Then he asks once again, "Do you want to be with me, Y/N?"

I nod and watch his expression light up on the spot. Then he spreads his arms.

"Then come here, Noona!"

"Won't I hurt you if I hug you now?" I ask.

"You're right... Then we'll have to do it differently, I guess."

Junhong touches my shoulders and pulls me towards him, as if he wanted to hug me, but instead our lips touch for just the blink of an eye. Now I stare at him blankly, taken by surprise.

"I'm sorry, did you not like that?" he wants to know and gives me a concerned look.

"No, I liked it" I state. "It was just... a bit short."

"You wanna try it again?" he asks.

"Yeah. Yes, I would love to try again" I say, as I lean in once more to dive into a warm kiss.

Sooooo, the first chapter is finished. Who am I going to do next...?

Anyway, please feel free to leave a comment if I made any mistakes or if you just want to fangirl xD Thanks for reading!