Christmas is the season of giving and of secret santas as Joy said. Her members looked at her dumbly when she suggested that by they forego with it anyway and it was a success. Everyone was ecstatic on the gifts they kept on receiving everyday last week, Joy in particular as Wendy was her secret santa and the latter goes an extra mile for her (not that her Wendy unnie do it on regular days) but this week has been a total 180 degrees. Joy haven't receive any; well the cup of coffee she got the other day on the way to Trick and True doesn't count cause it wasn't even her favorite.

Joy rolls her eyes when she thinks of her secret, she's definitely won't go easy on her when they revealed it this coming Friday but sighs at the thought of it being Joohyun and she knows she can't do anything about it. But knowing Joohyun for so long she knows she won't be this sloppy. Seulgi got a free coupons from her favorite ramen shop last week when Joohyun was her secret santa so there's no way it was her that picked Joy this week. So its either Seulgi or Yerim, and Joy sighs again as there's a enormous chance that they forgot. She was about to barge in to her unnies' room when Seungwan, all dressed up, came out looking at her expectantly.

"I'm going to the store. Come with me?" Her unnie asks and as if she stole the sun again to put it on her smile. Joy have to look away as it was too bright for her liking because she was just sulking a few seconds away but the warmth radiating from the older girl feels so tangible that Joy wants more of it.

"Let me just get my coat." She said dismissing the idea of talking about Seulgi about the misfortune of her failed secret santa.

****

"So are you my secret Santa, Sooyoung?" Wendy asks half smiling half smirking and Joy can't help to smirk back at her.

"Why do you say so?" Joy raised an eyebrow at her unnie as she points to another carton of cereal she wants them to add on their already full cart.

"Well, for starter, you came here with me." Wendy examines the cereal box and nonchalantly puts it on their cart and wheels it away. Its not like Joy dislikes doing the groceries but everytime Wendy does it, Seulgi or Joohyun gears up to come with her. Sometimes the three of them go and she doesn't want to involve herself on this love triangle that seems to evolve dramatically overtime.

"Plus, you were drinking the same coffee with me just yesterday." Wendy added and Joy almost rolls her eyes at the thought. See even Wendy thought the strawberry latte was for her. If it wasn't for the green note that was plastered on Sooyoung's cup saying "hope you like this joy-ah" she would've thought of the same.

"I'm kind of surprised that you knew I like strawberry latte. I only told Yerim that I do." Wendy said matter of factly as she wheels the cart to a different aisle. Something clicks on Sooyoung's head and she can't help but pout at the thought.

"You're right unnie, I'm your secret santa. Do you want anything?" Joy lies (she's Seulgi's) and the grin she wears was a good disguise enough as her unnie warmly smiles back at her.

*****

Sooyoung plumps on her bed the soonest they arrived back from grocery. And she feels like her head is about to explode with all the things thats going in there.

"Are you okay?" Yerim looks at her worries clearly painted on her face. Sooyoung squints her eye to their maknae, the one of many reasons of her headache.

"Can you be honest with me?" Sooyoung sits up and asks Yerim sit beside her too. The younger girl was confused but she compiled still.

"When was I not honest?" Yerim grins trying to put a smile on her unnie's face.

"Right now." Sooyoung frowns and Yerim confusion multiplies ten fold.

"Ha?"

"Do you like someone Yerim?" Joy asked as if asking for a confession is easy as counting one to three. Yerim looks at her contemplating whether to answer truthfully or not but she knows that Joy knows. Nothing can escape the older anyway. 

"Do I?" Yerim answered with a small smile and Joy accepted it as it is.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked the younger again, sadness and worry coloring her tone. 

"Because it won't make any difference." Yerim answered truthfully and Joy understands.

"She loves Joohyun unnie the way I wanted her to love me. But even our fans look at me as if I'm their love child." Yerim shrugs as if the thought didn't bother. When did it even started, her falling for someone who already getting the same love for the person she wishes it get it from. What was she thinking? Why did she let her heart do this to her? Yerim sighs as if she the world decided to go against all her wishes.

"She loves you too you know." Joy said though it doesn't really help because Wendy already gave her heart to someone.

"It may not be the love you wish for but she loves you dearly." She continued as she Yerim tries to hide her tears away.

"And now I'm stuck at this best friend phase when I'm not even her real bestfriend." Yerim scoffs as she remember how many times Seulgi and Wendy promises a friendship that will last an eternity. She remembers how much Wendy adores Joy as if she's her real dongsaeng. But what was Yerim to her really? Yerim doesn't know and she doesn't want to know. She tells herself that no matter what it is enough (but no it will never be enough not when she longs for something more, something she'll never get).

"You're home." Joy answers Yerim's question even when she didn't hear it.

"She looks for you when you're not around. She ensures you have everything when you leave the dorm. Make time to make you lunch boxes, bakes for you and your friends. Not to mention she make sure we have pudding for you to indulge. She bought you all the Ariana Grande LP she can find. Translate the songs for you too. When you were pulling all nighters for you exam, she stayed up all night too. She loves you, not the way you wanted her too but she loves you nonetheless." Joy said and Yerim let her tears flow, it was the first time she did it and wishes it would be the last but she knows it not. Its hard to forget someone like her she reason especially not when she sees her everyday and see a new reason everyday to fall.

"And I love her too more than she knows." She cries while Joy holds her into one piece as her heart shatters.