Chapter 4

“A word of command has made these silent figures our enemies; a word of command might transform them into our friends.” ~ All Quiet on the Western Front

Sungjae’s POV

“I can’t do this anymore.” I confessed, exhausted and drained by trying to maintain a relationship that has simply faded away.

“Okay.” Were the words SoHyun said to me. Boldly, she stared at me with her hands wrapped around her arm without any indication of what she was feeling. She was completely indifferent towards me, which didn’t come as a surprise unfortunately.

“That’s all you have to say? SoHyun! I’m calling our wedding off.” I asked, explaining to her what was going on in case she wasn’t processing this, yet she remained standing there with a poker face. Her ability to mask her emotions confounded and infuriated me perpetually.

“I thought long and hard about this, but I can’t marry you because I know that I deserve better. This is not on me, but you. You’re absent all the time, unaffectionate, and this whole time I’ve been blinded by my love for you that I couldn’t see our relationship from a different perspective.” I glanced up at her, wanting to see a reaction from her. I watched as she slid the ring off her finger and then placed it into my hand.

“I’ll leave.” SoHyun announced, walking past me. However I clutched her left wrist, because I wasn’t going to let her leave with the last word.

“Everything is so black and white for you isn’t it?” I asked, staring at her with complete astonishment at how detached she could be toward me.

“That’s what I should say about you. You catch the bad people and put them in jail! You save the vulnerable from harm! Our work defines us and your work says a lot about you Sungjae.” SoHyun’s demeanor shifted rapidly along with the topic, causing me to grow confounded.

“What are you talking about? Why are you bringing up our work into this?”

“Because our work is partially what drove us apart. But is also reflects on who you are. You’re simple and straightforward. You never overcomplicate situations and you always speak with accuracy. Even now you didn’t beat around the bush and ended our engagement.” My blood started to boil at her words. My hands wrapped around her shoulders and I shook her in a futile attempt to make her realize what she was doing.

“Don’t you see what you’re doing? You’re analyzing me! Stop that! Please! Tell me how you feel! What the hell do I have to do to get a reaction out of you? Why can’t you just tell me how you feel?” My voice was rising along with my frustration at SoHyun. For a second I saw a surprised expression glimmer across her features. SoHyun took a step back.

“You want to know how I feel? I feel relieved that you were the one to do it first. I’ve been thinking about it for a while now about ending this, but I just wasn’t sure how to.” I silently scoffed at the absurdity of the entire situation and at what SoHyun was confessing. “After all I still care about you. While you were recuperating, I realized how our relationship was impeding me from reaching my full potential. I do love you, but this isn’t where I want to be in my life right now.”

I was hurt, but couldn’t deny the logic behind her justification. Every individual has a plan for themselves and where they plan to be in their lives at certain ages. SoHyun saw herself focusing on her work, while I envisioned myself handling both work and a relationship. Maybe I was piling too much on my plate. After a couple seconds of silence I had something to ask.

“What were you thinking this whole time you were with me?”

“You were easier to love. That’s what I constantly thought about.” SoHyun’s answer was unprecedented.

“What?” My voice lowered as confusion struck me.

“You got your answer.” She said, walking out the door without looking back.

Once the door was shut, I slammed my fist down on the table as tears fell from my eyes indignantly. After I was shot I became scared and wanted to grasp onto the things in my life that were temporary. The proposal could have been an impulse decision after all… My relationship with SoHyun lasted for only one year. While I focused on my recovery and tended to my gunshot wound, I noticed how SoHyun acted. She was caring and gentle, yet it wasn’t love. She was aloof and distant often, which made me question if I made the right choice by proposing to her. And now all of my doubts were confirmed.

The next following days my wound was completely healed and I had already passed the physical examinations required to return to my position at the Bureau. I pulled on my blazer and grabbed my badge, which I kept in the safe I installed once SoHyun and I move