Covert Chapter 17

Song for this chapter// I Am You by Jung SeungHwan

“I think I understand a little bit now that I didn’t understand anything at all. 

That’s right. No matter how hard we try, we’ll end up alone. 

Hug me tight, even if it’s for just a moment, it makes me feel alive. 

Stay with me just as you are now so I can feel you. 

Your warmth. 

Don’t disappear.“~ I Am You

SoHyun~

“I pity you.” I muttered with my lungs collapsing with every breath I exhaled. 

Jung IlHoon lowered the chains from the overhead shaft, relieving me from the painful position I was forced into. However, it was an act they never ordered him to do. His actions that opposed his boss’s order made it clear that he was sympathetic towards me. The head leader ordered him to provide me food and water, but just enough to keep me alive to prolong the torture. No matter what they threatened, they had no choice but to keep me alive. They needed me to find my mother. 

My tangled hair clung to the side of my face with dried blood, serving as a constant reminder of how I lacked control over my limbs to even wipe it off. I could barely move my legs, leaving me lying on the dusty ground of the warehouse. I choked on the sudden flow of water into my mouth, unable to drink much from the bottle and wasted it by spilling. My coarse chapped lips rubbed against each other as I bit down onto my lips. I trained my focus onto IlHoon, profiling him with the research I had done prior.

I resentfully accepted the undercover assignment to gather more intel on the gang suspected of murdering the politician. But once I got close, I recognized the gang leader as the man my biological bastard of a father paid to kidnap me. They were quick to recognize me and figure out that my identity was a cover and now I lost track of how many days I’ve been suspended from the ceiling and kept captive. I knew why they chose me to go undercover. The entire operation was already ruined and they knew that only my mom would worry about my disappearance. 

“You’re being nice to me because you have affection towards me. How sad. You’re so starved of kindness and affection that you cling to the first person that shows you any sliver of decency.” I sneered, staring right at him. 

“Maybe you’re right.” IlHoon whispered into my ear, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. The coldness of the thick rings on his fingers shocked me when they grazed my ear in passing. His gesture made me want to throw up, but I didn’t let my expression reveal my discomfort. Keeping my passive facade on, I began to negotiate relying on my profiling skills. 

“You’re not like them. You were forced into this. An insurmountable amount of debt forced you to work for this gang against your will. But debt isn’t the only reason you’re still here.” 

“How the hell do you know that?” IlHoon grimaced in shock. 

“You have a reason to stay. You need money to pay for your mom’s hospice bills. Being a high school dropout, you wouldn’t be able to make the money you do for working for this gang. But money is not the only reason you’re doing this. You’re responsible for someone. I know how crushing that can be. It would be easy to give up and let them know where my mom is, but the second they find out I won’t be able to protect her.” It was the first time I ever told my secret to someone I barely knew. The situation warranted it. I had to make it out alive to protect my mom.  

Footsteps grew louder and distinct, signalling the arrival of the boss. He stood up and rushed to elevate the chains to return me to my restricting position of having my arms pulled toward the ceiling with my legs chained together. Every movement of the chains stretched my limbs to their limits and my shoulder muscles were ripping apart. 

“Are you ready to talk or do we have to do another round of electroshock?” He narrowed his eyes, yanking on my hair. With the tip of his leather shoes, he kicked me into the pool of water. With my tied limbs, I struggled to breathe as my body sank underwater. The ice cold water stung the wounds they inflicted on me. My teeth and jaw rattled at the shocks coursing through intermittently. He stopped after every minute, yanking me up by the hair to retrieve the location of my mother. 

SungHoon was right after all. 

It is the people you love that keep you fighting. 

Flashback~

Every waking hour a hand clamped my skull so tightly to the point I questioned if the intent was to shatter. Fingertips clenched the top of my head, adding pressure to the point it felt like exploding but it never did. That grip never loosened. There was nothing I could do to free myself. At first they were debilitating and I wouldn’t be able to focus. But now I’ve grown so accustomed to the unrelenting pressure that I was able to function properly in spite of it. 

I came to the conclusion that it was my body’s way of alerting me how stressed I was. I knew why. The migraines were a direct result of me living in restlessness over the possibility of my abusive dad finding my mom and I. In some way it felt like that crushing constraint was my father’s dominance over me. Even after running away and living in hiding all these years, I still wasn’t free of his control. 

“I made breakfast. Come out and eat.” I lowered my hand from my throbbing temples at Sungjae’s voice. He stood in the kitchen wearing a striped apron, pouring soybean soup into a small bowl. He smiled at me over his shoulder when I sat down at the table. He was everything I wished I could be. 

“Thank you for this.” I smiled at him, lifting the spoon into the bowl of rice to eat my first bite of food for the day when my phone rang. 

“We have a case. Helicopter is going up in twenty minutes. Get here now.” SeoWoo urgently spoke, ending the call right away. 

“I have a case right now. Don’t overexert yourself. You’re still healing.” 

“I’ll be waiting.” Sungjae grinned, handing me my winter coat and squeezing my hand. I recoiled my fingers, needing to hurry to the BAU. 

Placing my black heels into my duffel bag, I slipped on a pair of sneakers and tightened the bullet proof vest around my waist. I made sure that my gun was right by my side before taking a seat on the private jet that the BAU often used during operations. HyunWoo waved at me from the screen with a soft smile that fell as he explained the grim details of the case. I listened, examining the photos within the case files on the victims while my teammates discussed a profile. 

“Clear!” My team members’ voices echoed. Piles of absolute clutter and miscellaneous objects reached the ceilings. I covered my nose with the sleeve of my shirt at the stench of garbage inside. Lu