Covert Chapter 15

Song for this chapter// Just Cry by Lee Haeri 

“Your trembling hands and your angry heart

Makes me realize the words that you’ve been swallowing back

But you act like nothing’s wrong, hiding your aching heart

Have you forgotten how to cry?”

Flashback~

SoHyun~

“Good work everyone. Get some rest and you can all arrive late tomorrow.” Our Section Chief, DoHwan gave us a slight smirk, gauging the members’ excited expressions. We had just wrapped up a case with the help of the BEU, Biological Evaluations Unit, successfully without a mass terror case, so everyone was in good spirits. 

“SoHyun ah, let’s go clubbing. We need to let off some steam. Also, I need you to be my wingwoman. It’s already been six months since my breakup and I’m ready to date again.” SunBin announced, turning off her computer from the cubicle across mine. She was six years older than me, but eager for relationships. 

“I have some work to finish. Why don’t you go with YooJung? Have fun for me.” I cited work as an excuse, holding myself back. I couldn’t let my guard down. 

“We need to understand. SoHyun’s never been the type to have fun since our academy days. While the rest of us were dying to go out to get boyfriends, she spent her time training. That is how she became a BAU agent at only twenty-four. Come on, I’ll be your wingwoman.” YooJung piped up, standing up at the desk next to me with her shirt buttons undone and hair down. 

I leaned against my chair, listening to my teammates go on about what their plans were for the night. HyunWoo left, eager to binge watch the soccer matches he missed this week while BoGum’s dark circles and sleepy expression implied that he would be sleeping for as long as he could before work tomorrow. I waved at my team members as they all left one by one. Alone on the entire floor, I cracked my sore knuckles and reached for my phone. 

“Mom, did you finish tuning the piano?” It was a question I asked every call to make sure that she was safe. If she was safe, she would yes I did and if she wasn’t she was supposed to say no, I couldn’t. 

“Yes, I did,” I exhaled a soft sigh of relief. “SoHyun ah, I went to the market and this handsome man helped me with my groceries. Then he asked me out for coffee. Isn’t that so wonderful?” It awed me at times how despite the awful treatment she suffered at the hands of that man, she still believed herself to be a princess waiting for her knight in shining armor. She believed in romance and love like a naive young child believing in fairytales. At least she wasn’t embittered like me. 

“Mom, give me his name and date of birth.” 

“No! Why do you have to assume the worst in everyone! He was such a gentleman.” At times, I felt like I was the parent and my mom the daughter. 

“Mom, you know exactly why.” 

“Fine. Jang MinHo. August 5, 1969.” 

“Please do not go on that date until I get back to you.” But by the time I warned her, my mom had already hung up out of anger. 

I ed the top buttons of my pressed white shirt and rolled up the sleeves from how suffocating it felt. I typed the man’s information into the database, running a background check. He had two priors on his record for physical assault and acting drunken disorderly. I shut my eyes, gripping my hair. My mom was a magnet for abusive and possessive men. 

I sent her a text, telling her to be careful and to not meet that man before turning my phone off. I couldn’t bear to listen to her, crying and accusing me of spoiling her love life. Analyzing her from a profiler’s perspective, my mom was taught to rely on men from a young age with her timid personality enforced by her controlling CEO father who believed that women should be seen and not heard. After years of marriage to an egotistical doctor, she still had no choice to endure the beatings because of me and my flourishing piano career. I had some responsibility in how my mom acted. 

I unlocked the bottom drawer of my cabinet, taking out the transparent water bottle. Unscrewing the cap, I gulped it down halfway with the liquid skidding down my chest like a row of fire. Pressing down on my throat to feel my heartbeat, I lowered my focus onto the desk with my dark hair falling past me like a blackout curtain. While everyone else my age was eager to have fun and meet their significant others, I wasn’t keen on either. I hated going home to an empty cold apartment, so I usually trained at the gym or the firing range or worked until I felt like I needed sleep. Every single day was a repeat of work and me avoiding going home, but at least my mom was safe. 

“Agent SoHyun?” I tightened the bottle cap and locked it back into the drawer at the sound of an agent approaching. “Here’s the file the BEU analyzed for the pathogen’s composition.” 

Agent SungHoon handed me the file, accidentally clutching my fingers. A burst of warmth swept across my hand. I withdrew quickly and placed the folder down onto the desk. He was the BEU agent that DoHwan partnered me up with for the week. He was recruited as a med student and trained to join the newly established BEU. When his team came in for our joint briefing, something about him caught my eye and now I couldn’t get him off my mind. He also happened to be a year younger than me. But, I couldn’t afford any distractions. 

“You’re bleeding. Why didn’t you go with the ambulance to get it stitched?” I peered down at my collarbones to see that the cut had bled through my shirt. I touched the long wound. I wiped the blood onto my black jeans, bothered by the way it made my fingers sticky. The suspect was so adamant about having a knife fight. I had to stop myself from slitting his carotid artery and have him bleed out, for the intention was to maim not to kill. 

“I’m not exactly fond of ambulances or hospital visits.” I revealed. Every time an ambulance showed up at our penthouse, my mom was being carried inside with my dad pretending to fuss over his wife with worry when he was the one that inflicted her injuries. The sight of it sickened me. 

It puzzled as to why he kept making me want to open up to him. For the past ten years since I was fourteen, I’ve been successful at keeping everyone at an arm’s distance: making them believe that they were close to me when in fact I still couldn’t trust them yet. It was that way with my current team members. They were people I