Mina dreads today. She should be happy because she’s finally meeting Chaeyoung after a few days, but she just can’t find it in herself to be happy when she has news to tell the other girl, news that she would prefer to keep to herself to her grave. The doorbell rings and Mina hangs her head as she lets go of a deep breath. Composing herself, she gets up to open the door, schooling an empty expression on her face, masking her anxiety and happiness of seeing the other girl.

Chaeyoung’s mouth quirks up in a small smile, her dimple showing slightly as she walks past Mina to get to the kitchen. “I got pancake mix, we can have pancakes today.”

Mina resists the urge to just close the gap between them and engulf the other girl in a tight hug and never let go, but she knows she has lost the right to do even that. She watches the younger girl as she pours the pancake mix onto the pan, and she knows she shouldn’t drag this out any longer. It will only get harder to say if she hesitates any longer.

“I got a sugar daddy.”

--

The pan falls to the floor with a pang as Chaeyoung loses her grip on it. She feels the pancake mix flowing and burning her toes, but it doesn’t even hurt compared to the searing pain in her chest. She shuts her eyes tight. “Say it again.”

She turns around to face Mina as she leans against the table. “Say it again so I can apologize for hearing you wrongly.”

She sees Mina looking back at her with a stoic expression, eyes devoid of any feelings. “I got a sugar daddy. Do you want me to tell you his name?”

Chaeyoung throws the bowl nearest to her against the wall, but the anger inside her is still boiling, burning, and consuming her whole. She stares at Mina, wanting the other girl to take it all back, but the latter only looks back at her emotionlessly, as if telling her that’s her final decision. They barely made up a few days ago, and everything is burning in flames again. (But then again, gluing back a broken cup can never bring it back to its original state.)

Chaeyoung chuckles as she ducks her head. “And you say it like it’s nothing. We are breaking up. But just so you know, I love you so much. You will probably never find someone who loves you as much as I did. I’m just telling you so you can regret it when you have some time in the future.”

“How much can you possibly love me?” Mina asks, as if trying to challenge Chaeyoung’s words and Chaeyoung just chuckles bitterly. If I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t have waited for you outside the pub that day. If I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t have kissed you at the Han River that day. If I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t have broken up with my girlfriend; she thinks, but she doesn’t say. Chaeyoung suddenly regrets breaking up with Nayeon for this woman sitting in front of her, who she still finds pretty, who she still loves even when things between them are dwindling to an end.

I’m just looking at you

This is it for us

Chaeyoung takes one last look at Mina, just wanting to burn this face into her memory instead of trying to persuade her any longer. Chaeyoung picks up her bag and slips into her sneakers, not even bothering to wear it properly and storms out of Mina’s department.

Without a word

Now I know love

Now I learned heartbreak

Love you Love you

Always in my heart

Always in my heart

Chaeyoung stomps off onto the streets, wanting to laugh at the absurdity of it all. She ing loved that girl, she did, and she still does. The one time when she’s serious about it, it all turns into flames in front of her own eyes. This must be her karma for breaking all those hearts in the past. She kicks the dustbin as she walks off but it doesn’t do anything to soothe the anger and pain inside her chest. It hurts, it ing hurts. If Myoui Mina is not going to accept her heart, she would rather not have it back, rather than to have it back tattered and broken.

--

Mina watches Chaeyoung leave through the windows, sees the girl kick the dustbin as she walks off, seething. As Chaeyoung disappears around the bend, Mina also loses the strength in her legs, collapsing to the floor, hands over as she muffles her sobs. (There’s no need for that actually, because there’s no one to hear her cry anymore.) She tugs her knees to her chest, huddling herself. Who is she to covet for Chaeyoung’s love? She has mouths to feed back at home; she has no time to engage in the frivolous affairs of love.

But she has, and it was a mistake, a beautiful mistake that needs to be stopped before it gets too far. Mina has a goal, and Chaeyoung just doesn’t fit in that goal. The younger girl shouldn’t be tainted by Mina’s filthiness, shouldn’t be dragged down by Mina. So, she lets her go. But Chaeyoung doesn’t need to know that.

Be happy with someone who truly deserves you, Chaeyoung-ah.

--

Jungyeon is the one that manages to summon Chaeyoung out of the house for the first time in weeks. Chaeyoung really doesn’t want to get out of the house, preferring to mope around at home but Jungyeon said she had something important to tell them and she doesn’t want to worry her friends, so she decides to go and meet her idiotic friends. She gets off the bus, squinting at the sun’s rays that’s too glaring for someone who stayed at home for weeks.

She spots Jungyeon with her short blonde bop hair easily in the crowd, and she sees Nayeon beside the girl. Wanting to creep up and scare the two of them, she tiptoes and inches closer to them, about to lay her hands on the two of them when the two interlaces their hands together, effectively stopping Chaeyoung in her tracks. Rooted in her tracks, Chaeyoung just stares at their entwined hands, blinking her eyes in disbelief.

“Yah, what are the two of them doing?” Dahyun asks beside Chaeyoung, the latter jumping a little in shock at the girl who appeared out of nowhere. “Aish, you scared me!”

Dahyun chuckles at Chaeyoung before calling out to their two other friends. “Yah Yoo Jungyeon! Are you feeling lonely recently? Why are you holding onto Nayeon-unnie’s hands?”

The two of them turn and look at the two behind them, letting go of their hands slowly. Jungyeon and Nayeon just stand there and look at the two younger girls, before Jungyeon takes a deep breath before grabbing and entwining Nayeon’s hand with hers. “We are dating.”

“So? Did you guys sleep together already?” Dahyun laughs at her own joke and nudges Chaeyoung, egging her to join in on the joke. She looks at the couple in front of her, before shifting her gaze to Chaeyoung and her laughter dies when she realizes it isn’t funny considering Chaeyoung and Nayeon’s past relationship.

Chaeyoung’s head hurts. Everything is just too much. She knows this is going to happen, foresees it coming but is still shocked when it’s presented to her. Those are the hands she had let go to reach for Myoui Mina’s, but she’s left grasping in the dark at nothing as Mina hangs her out to dry. She really feels happy for the two of them, but she doesn’t think she has the capacity and ability to give them her blessings when it just makes her feel like a bigger idiot than she already is. She turns to leave, but Dahyun grabs her by the shoulder.

“Where are you going?”

Chaeyoung shrugs off Dahyun’s hand harshly. “I have got my own personal issues to settle. I’m going.”

Chaeyoung demanded answers, and she wants them now. Seeing Jungyeon and Nayeon together just makes her even more pissed. She gave up so much to be with the girl, but she got played in the end and ended up with nothing. She doesn’t deserve to be thrown away, at least not without a valid reason.

--

Chaeyoung runs all the way to Mina’s house, banging on the door so hard she might just break it. A stranger opens the door and Chaeyoung is alarmed. “Where- where’s Mina?”

“Huh? I’m sorry but I don’t know-"

“The pretty girl with the mid length hair, almond eyes, blinding gummy smile?” Chaeyoung asks again and seeing the confused look on the stranger’s face, she pulls out her phone and presses the home button, the phone lighting up to show a photo of her and Mina as the background.

“Oh the previous tenant? She left.”

Left? No, Myoui Mina don’t do this to me please. Chaeyoung gulped. “Then do you know where she is now?”

“Oh erm… I’m not sure, I’m so sorry.” The woman replies and Chaeyoung is speechless. Chaeyoung doesn’t say anything more and just bows as she staggers away from the apartment. She leaves the building, and it starts to rain, pouring down relentlessly as if the skies are mocking her for giving up on Nayeon for Mina, and then giving up on her relationship with Mina so easily.

Heartbreak has come to me

This is it for us

I just stood there for a moment

Because it seemed like you’d come back

Now I know love

Now I learned heartbreak

Love you Love you

She dials Mina’s phone number hastily and as expected – The number you have called is unavailable. She throws her phone bitterly on the ground, watching it as it skits across the concrete floor. She’s too late. So this is what it must be like to have your heart broken and trampled on. Thank you for giving me my first heartbreak, Myoui Mina.

--

A car screeches to a stop in front of her and Jungyeon hastily steps out, stooping to Chaeyoung, who is sitting on the pavement beside the lamppost. She holds Chaeyoung by the shoulder and shakes her. “Are you crazy?! What are you doing in the rain! Get up!”

Chaeyoung raises her gaze to look at Jungyeon in the eyes, tears mixing with the pouring rain. “Unnie, someone has stolen my heart and ran away with it. Can you find it back for me?”

“Chaeyoung-ah…” Jungyeon calls out as Dahyun joins them with an umbrella sheltering them from the rain.

“Can you catch that , and give me back my heart? Can you?” Chaeyoung pleads, voice already breaking. “Please, it just hurts too much.”

Jungyeon doesn’t reply, but just pulls Chaeyoung into a hug. “I’m so sorry Chaeng…”

Chaeyoung doesn’t want an apology, she just wants Mina.

--

a/n: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VHX2ovsx6E

this is the song i used!! okay gtg fast bye /runs and hide in forest/