We're all lying in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

Gary carried Jihyo to her bed and set her down nicely. He watched her for a long time. On his own mattress, Hyun stirs awake, and in turn, watches Gary.

In the end, Gary fell asleep, his hand holding Jihyo’s while his head leaned against the wall. Jihyo woke up to see Gary sleeping like that. She winced as she recalled the memory of Gary trying to talk to her. But seeing Gary’s hands in hers, her lips curled up a little. She sat up and woke Gary.

“Sleep properly,” she said softly. He woke up easily, but his hand immediately went up to his sore neck.

Jihyo noticed. She stood up behind him and helped him massage his neck. Gary opened his mouth to protest, but he missed her touch, so he shut his mouth.

“Did you sleep like this too, when you were volunteering?” she asked. He smiled, but doesn’t say anything. “You know your back isn’t well…” Jihyo mumbled as she moved on to massage his back. Gary flinched at the touch of her soft hands. He missed it so much. She used to massage him often, but in the past two years, he relied on his painkillers and poor self-massage.  

“Thank you,” Gary said, after she was done. He stretched his stiff back and neck. He turned to go back to sleep on the sofa. Jihyo opened , wanting to tell him to sleep here. But, not knowing how to phrase it, she let him go. She sighed as Gary closed the door after him.

Next morning, they had their breakfast together, all three of them. As expected, it was silent most of the time. Then, Gary spoke up.

“What time are we going shopping?” he asked, looking at Jihyo. Hyun paused from eating too, and looked at her.

Jihyo shrugged. “Anytime, I guess. We could go after breakfast, if you want.”

“I…” Gary started, but stopped. “Can we go in the afternoon?”

“Are you busy?” Jihyo asked. Hyun looked up to Gary, disappointment in his eyes.

“Uh… No, I just…” Gary paused. “I wanted to go to the columbarium…”

Jihyo fell silent. Hyun was confused. Gary spoke up again. “I haven’t visited since I left…”

Jihyo nodded. Gary hesitated, but eventually spoke up again. “Do you want to come along?”

Jihyo looked like she was going to cry. Hyun reached out to hold her hands. Gary watched, waiting and willing for her to answer. She nodded.

Gary turned to Hyun. “We’ll bring you to visit our son, is that okay?”

Hyun was confused. Wasn’t their son dead? He wanted to ask, but he looked at Jihyo, who was on the verge of tears and decided not to. He would ask Gary when they’re alone. But meanwhile, he nodded. After breakfast, Jihyo left to clear the dishes. Gary took the chance to explain to Hyun.

“When a person die,” he said. “We cremate them- that means burn them- and keep their ashes in a special place known as a columbarium.” Hyun nodded, but doesn’t say anything else.

In the car, Gary drove, with Jihyo beside him and Hyun behind them. Jihyo was still dazed. Gary held her hand with his free hand, while he drove with the other. Hyun watched them. The car ride was silent.

When they reached, Gary helped Hyun out. He pushed Hyun, while Jihyo lagged behind. 

Her eyes were getting wet with tears. Gary noticed. He slowed down until she caught up and walked beside her, but he doesn’t say anything. When they reached Taeyang’s niche, Jihyo’s hand started to tremble. Gary reached out to hold her hands. Gary bowed three times, and Jihyo followed suit. Hyun, who was in the wheelchair and in front of them, just stared at the tablet. It was easy to recognise, because his was the only one with a toddler photo.

Gary spoke. Calmly at first, but his voice started to quiver as he went on.

“Yangie, daddy’s here. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to visit you all this while… but you know that you were always on my mind, don’t you? Every time I look at the sky and see the Sun, I think of you. Every time I see the shining stars, I think of you… In the past two years, I have gone to many places… you’d like that, wouldn’t you? In those places, the night sky is really dark, and there would be a lot of stars. I… I wished you were there to see it with me. I miss you Yangie, I miss you so much. I hope you’re doing well and…” He paused to dry his tears. “I love you.”

He bowed again. Jihyo was crying and shaking. Gary pulled her close, putting his hand around her. Hyun heard her cries, and even though he himself wasn’t crying, his eyes were wet because she was sad. He didn’t like her to be sad. So, he turned around and asked, “Can I talk to Taeyang in private?”

Gary looked surprised, but nodded nonetheless. When he saw Hyun looking at Jihyo sadly, he realise that Hyun said it for Jihyo’s sake. Jihyo didn’t notice, but Gary mouthed to Hyun, “Thank you.” Hyun nodded, then turned around. Gary gently tugged Jihyo to a bench, where she sat and cried into Gary’s chest. Gary doesn’t say anything. They stayed like that for a long time.

Back in the columbarium, Hyun really had something to say to Taeyang, except that he said it in his mind.

This is our first time meeting, so… I